Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Friday, January 31

Turning 30 and Easy Green Bean & Tomato Side Dish

I realized something kind of depressing a while ago but just got reminded of it again today.

I turn 23 this year, my daughter turns one, and next Wednesday, my husband turns 24. 

That means in seven years, I turn 30. SEVEN YEARS. Maybe it's just me, but that is no time at all. And 30 sounds ancient (no offense to my family members and older readers...). So after thinking this, then I start to think, "Gee, I want to have seven kids...how am I going to do that in seven years?" I think the answer is clear--I can't. It's not possible. I'd have to have twins to make up some time, but after being pregnant with one regular eight-pound+ baby, I can't even imagine carrying twins (even though we do have the fraternal twin gene in my family, yikes!). So I'm thinking I'm going to have to re-think my Ultimate Life Plan (which is not an official document or anything, but it is an official idea...in my head). It looks as though I will have to have a kid or two after 30. Which honestly, is not that big a deal, I just wanted to be done by then. Also I'm scared of turning 30 because then I'm a real adult. Yeah, apparently I'm an adult right now at 22 but it doesn't really feel like it--even married with a baby--because I am still in love with Disney movies and Harry Potter and pretty much love all the same things I did when I was 16.

But let's put that aside for now because I have other important completely random things to discuss.

Two weeks ago (was it that long?!) Dalin, Tenley, and I went to a little get-together with three other married couples and had some delicious pumpkin chili/soup for dinner and then played a fun game and chatted afterward. We were asked to bring a side and so naturally I googled "side dish" and got
89 million results. Literally 89 million. So then I decided to narrow it down a little and typed in "green bean side dish." (Green beans seemed easy-ish to cook and also I wanted them.) That search got me 10 million results and that seemed manageable. I clicked on the first result and this came up. Well, actually a homepage came up, but after browsing just a tiny bit I saw the picture with those juicy cherry tomatoes in it and I was sold (I love cherry tomatoes. And regular tomatoes). So I ran to Macey's and filled a bag with green beans (Dalin was like, "Why can't you just used canned ones?" and I was like "Ha! YEAH RIGHT!" Good one, honey...), grabbed some cherry tomatoes, and a lemon (because I love adding lemon to stuff). I already had basil leftover from making my yummy bruschetta.

When I got home, the gathering was going to start in 25 minutes so I kind of panicked and forgot the original recipe--I just made it my own. I grabbed my biggest frying pan and hurriedly put some water in--about halfway. I turned the stove on and set the pan of water on it. I grabbed a cutting board and as efficiently as I could, chopped the stem ends off and then cut the green beans in half and tossed them in the pan. It took a while to chop them all so I figure the first in and the last ones were cooked quite differently though it did not seem to effect the dish. Once they were all in, I covered them with a lid to let them steam in the pan. I sliced a yellow onion next and chopped up a few garlic cloves and tossed them into a smaller frying pan with a little butter. Then I started slicing cherry tomatoes in half. I also started cutting up basil leaves (which was basically just slicing them into strips and calling it good). I grabbed my garlic salt and sprinkled it over the tomatoes to let it soak in to the juices. The green beans seemed done and I tossed them into a large serving bowl. I only wanted the tomatoes to be lightly cooked, so I saved them for the end. When the onion and garlic were about cooked, I dumped the cherry tomatoes and chopped basil in with them for just a minute and I put a little bit of sugar in with them. I think I read that a tablespoon would be good, but I was in a hurry and just scooped a little into my hand and sprinkled it on top and mixed it in. After a minute, I dumped everything in with the green beans and mixed it around. I peppered everything heavily and mixed it in, then, in last-minute inspiration, squeezed some lemon juice over it all. I had no idea if my dish was going to be a hit or a disaster. So we went to the dinner and all I can say is I got lucky because everyone loved the side dish. Everyone complimented me on it, especially the lemon taste. It was gone before I knew it (and I had filled a pretty large serving bowl). I was very pleased that it had been so well received and that it was so dang easy to make, which is why I decided to share it with everyone.

This does not belong to me but I had no time (or thought) to take a pic of my own until it was too late.

Easy Green Bean & Tomato Side Dish Recipe

Ingredients: 
fresh green beans (lots! depending on how many people you are feeding)
cherry tomatoes - one container will do
fresh basil leaves
1 yellow onion
a few garlic cloves
tsp. butter
garlic salt
pepper
1 Tbsp sugar*
1 lemon

Instructions:
1. Fill a large pan halfway and put on stove (which should be on medium to medium-high heat).
2. Chop stem ends off of green beans and slice in halves.
3. Put green beans in the pan with water on the stove and cover to let simmer (reduce heat).
4. Chop onion and garlic cloves and sauté in butter in a separate pan.
5. Slice cherry tomatoes in half and shred basil leaves.
6. Lightly sprinkle garlic salt over tomatoes.
7. When green beans are done (they should simmer about 10 minutes), scoop into a serving bowl.
8. Add cherry tomatoes and basil leaves to the onion and garlic mixture in the pan.
9. Sprinkle with about a tablespoon of sugar and mix pan ingredients.
10. Dump pan ingredients in with green beans and stir.
11. Pepper to taste, then squeeze lemon well over the entire dish.
12. Serve warm preferably.

*I eat pretty healthy (not because I really try, I just happen to like fresh foods more) and don't usually cook with sugar (I bake with sugar of course) but I truly believe this step was crucial to the dish's flavor.
Also not my photo, but still looks good! 
What is your easy go-to side dish for dinners or parties? 
Will you be trying this recipe with dinner or otherwise?
Do you feel like 30 is kind of old?

Saturday, January 18

Thankful for Daughters

I am so grateful for daughters. And husbands, but especially daughters right now.

It's been a long week of homework, attempting to clean our apartment, find health insurance, and several other boring things. I usually don't mind cleaning so much, but when it has been a week and little to no progress has been made, then it gets annoying.

Through this week, Tenley has had a stuffy and drippy nose and a really sad cough. Yet somehow she has been smiling through it. She has almost seemed happier than usual (and she's usually pretty happy!) and has been an inspiration for me. I was feeling a bit sad earlier in the week and Tenley could tell completely. She looked at me with concern and then gave me the biggest smile and it just repaired my heart. I love this little girl who is so wonderfully happy and cheerful 98% of the time. She is a light in my life and every day. I am so glad that she is ours!
I'll try to blog more soon, I just really need to focus on school these next couple months!

Hope you all had a pleasant week. It's nice that the sun has been melting some of the snow here in Provo. It gives me some hope that spring will be here soon. 

Sunday, January 12

There Is A Point To All This

I was thinking very seriously last night about why I write this blog. Why do I? It can't be just because I enjoy writing. The time it takes to think of decent topics and take specific photos for those topics and actually write a post requires more effort than I would care to put into something just for the sake of doing it.

So I had to ask myself, is it just because I'm crazy passionate about what I believe in? That could play a role. In fact, it definitely does because I can't help but want to share the happiness the gospel of Jesus Christ brings me with others. As I've learned recently, not all of my readers believe in the same things I do. Why this was a revelation to me, you'll soon know. It seems like every time I post something even mildly controversial (and sometimes when I don't even intend for it to be controversial) I receive critical comments from readers who obviously disagree with me and feel the need to explain why I am wrong. Usually the first time I read these comments, it bugs me. As a human, I can't help but feel a tiny bit bothered that someone things I'm a hateful, ignorant, intolerant person because I think differently than they do. (This, by the way, is the very definition of intolerance--"unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behavior that differ from one's own.")

Thankfully, in the last few years, I've trained myself to not let these comments bother me. It's not at all that I don't care about what these people have to say, because I do. But I no longer allow their negativity, frustration, anger, etc. ruin my day or my life. I just can't afford to let that happen. It is my choice to take offense. It is my choice to be miserable. It is also my choice to be happy.

Once I made the mistake of commenting on some boy's status from my high school. He was bringing up the subject of gay marriage and I (stupidly, for I knew his political views) decided to give my two cents and wrote that I felt God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman, and made a suggestion that same-sex relationships be labeled civil unions instead so as not to alter the sacred nature and definition of marriage. The backlash I received for that simple comment was ridiculous. Everyone immediately attacked my views, calling me a "bigot" and a hater and some words I won't even say. NO one stood by me or even made an effort to understand my views. The comments that were made were plain cruel and completely out of line and basically the attacks got so bad that I had to delete the boy as a "friend." For some reason, I especially took offense to being called a bigot. A bigot?! I wanted to say. Every single person from my high school who knew ANYTHING about me, including that boy, knew I was about as far from a bigot as a person can be. In fact, many times I was told by classmates (who were not close to me at all) that I was the nicest person they'd ever met. People just liked me because I tried to be kind to everyone. I was not what I'd call "popular" because I didn't participate in many of the things that those particular classmates did, but I think that everyone liked me. When I finally realized how ridiculous that label was, (though it took me like a week to stop thinking about it, it bothered me so much) I made a conscious decision to not let people's words affect me. It wasn't like I was unaware that not everyone has the same beliefs as I do. But if they had a right to share their views, then so did I.

I may be a minority in the way I think, particularly as a Mormon. But in my mind, that makes my need even greater to share what I believe and stand firm in my values. So few people in modern day have the courage to share their convictions with others. I do not intend to be one of those people. I know in my heart what is right and I have to stand for it. In some ways, I have a responsibility to do so. This quote, for whatever reason, really resonates with me:

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” ~JFK referencing Dante's Inferno

It is more important than ever that people courageously stand for goodness. And I have to admit--even if someone is at the complete opposite end of the political spectrum than I am, if they truly believe in a cause and stand for it, that is preferable in my mind to bearing no opinion whatsoever for the sake of neutrality.

So again, why do I write? It is not just to promote my political views, my morals, my values, my religion. As already stated, I feel that is important. But I also write to be a tiny positive light in this dark world. I write to record my joys and encourage others to triumph. I write to help others become their best self. I write to make ordinary things in life worthy of notice and appreciation. Like the writer William Wordsworth (though I do not consider myself to be like him in most respects), I write to "refresh [man's] sense of wonder...in the everyday, the commonplace, the trivial." In other words, I am trying to help my readers appreciate the little things. I want to motivate people to find joy in their personal journey. I want others to be happy. That's why I share what I believe and why I'm so enthusiastic about it. I am happy, and I want to spread the joy I feel from merely existing in this world with everyone. The gospel of Jesus Christ makes me happy. Because of it, I know that families are eternal. I know death is not the end. We are here for a purpose and we can obtain even greater happiness if we do not waste this life. I know these things.

Many people today do not believe in God's existence. I feel responsible for showing these people that He does. This video is kind of cute:
There is still goodness in this world. This video shows it.

If you ever have a question about something I believe in, please don't hesitate to ask me. I am happy to have a discussion with you. I promise I won't belittle your opinion.

Thank you for reading my blog, too. It means that I'm accomplishing my goal in a small way.

Saturday, January 11

Fresh Bruschetta Recipe and My Day

I have an awesome appetizer/snack recipe for you today that I hadn't had in forever but this blog post by my friend Elisabeth reminded me of how simple and delicious it is. (She also did a variation with mint leaves, which is cool).

First though, someone commented on a post recently saying they feel like I don't let my real self shine through enough in my blog posts. What they really meant was that I don't always share the negative things in my life. Mostly, that's because I try to focus on the positive in my life. I don't like talking about my failures and mistakes (who does?). But they seemed to feel that I can be difficult to relate to when I only share the positive. So today was a perfect day to fix that.

I wouldn't call my day sucky, but some sucky things definitely happened today.

For example,

I woke up to my little girl coughing. It sounds like she has her first cough. I hope it isn't bad and she was smiling through it, but it's so sad to hear her little throat clogged up. I gave her her vitamin liquid and a tiny, tiny dose of grape baby medicine in case it helped her at all. I don't know what else I can do for her really, so hopefully it'll disappear quick.

I was not very nice to Dalin last night. I admit it because he knows it and I know it. I didn't talk to him all last night because I was being selfish. He didn't do anything wrong. I was mad at him for something that he didn't do and something that probably, being a guy, he didn't even think about doing. I told him I'm sorry before he went to work and in a minute I need to text him and tell him I appreciate him taking the trash out and picking up his things while I was at the grocery store. I also appreciate him helping me carry the laundry and groceries in before leaving for work.

Yesterday, I went to take a final for an Independent Study course at 4pm. I thought two hours would be plenty of time. By the time they got my test ready (and after sending me out to move my car closer, which was super obnoxious because I didn't really care where I was parked) it was 4:30pm. I started the stupid exam and got cut off at 6pm. They close then. I was so stressed about it. It was seriously the worst couple of essays I've ever written. And it was my FINAL. Ugh, I'm so glad it's over with though. I just hope I didn't fail.

At the grocery store today, Tenley spilled an entire container of blueberries in the checkout line. It was my own dumb fault for setting them right next to her in the stroller seat, but my first instinct was to blame her, which is stupid and makes no sense because she's five months old. Two other people helped me pick them all up and then I ended up buying them anyway because I figured I could wash them really well and, I don't know, I would have felt guilty wasting Macey's blueberries...

When I pulled our laundry out of the dryer I noticed that Dalin (again!!!!!) had left his chapstick in his pocket. I grabbed it from the bottom of the dryer and opened it to see how much was missing or what it looked like (I don't really know why I felt I had to open it) and hot waxy liquified chapstick flew everywhere, including on my hand (where it instantly solidified) and on some of the clothes I'd just finished washing. I was pretty ticked and threw the stupid chapstick at the laundry room wall (in the general direction of the trashcan) then proceeded to carry our big Ikea bag of laundry out in the snow to our car.

Tenley has thrown up all over me every single time I've fed her today. That is not normal at all. And it's gross. And smelly. And it makes me worry she's sick. We've gone through three burp rags which is a bummer since I just did laundry.

So, it's been a messy day so far. I'm not sure if these are the real-life details that people want to hear about my life but I'm trying to take your advice. My life is still good in spite of all the things that have happened in the last 24 hours. And hopefully, after I finish this post, it will get even better.
* * *
Now--all that aside--here is the recipe for fresh bruschetta (which is basically just Italian-style bread with olive oil and other deliciousness on it to make a fancy appetizer or snack).

Ingredients: 

fresh baguette or crostinis (sliced in about 1/2" to 1" pieces)
tomatoes--heirloom are my favorites (diced the best you can--I'm a bad dicer)
fresh basil leaves (can be chopped if you'd like)
Queso Fresco or goat cheese or some other similar substitution (sliced or crumbled)
lemon (or lemon juice)
olive oil
garlic salt
pepper

I poured olive oil over my baguette slices on a baking pan, then put them in the oven at 325 degrees for 7 minutes. Then, I flipped them over on the pan and put them in the oven for another 7 minutes.

Meanwhile, I sprinkled garlic salt lightly over my diced/chopped tomatoes. Once the bread was ready, I put sliced of Queso Fresco on the bread, put two basil leaves down per slice, then put a dollop of diced tomatoes on top. Last, I squeezed fresh lemon juice over it and peppered it.
Voila! The easiest, most delicious appetizer imaginable. I made them for myself because I've been craving them. And apparently it's so easy you can do it while holding a baby (though I wouldn't chop the bread and tomatoes with one in your hands).
Please let me know if you try this! It's seriously so good. I could hardly stop myself from consuming them all (but I did, don't worry...). Also, tell me if you think I need to share more real life experiences on here. I hope people who know me don't truly think I'm fake because I'm pretty sure I'm one of the most down-to-earth people I know...but maybe it gets tiresome hearing me be positive about everything all the time. Oh well. As I've learned many times already in my mere twenty-two years of living, you can't please everyone. Thankfully, I have a forgiving husband and daughter that look past my many flaws.
But seriously, comment.

Wednesday, December 18

Making Marriage

Marriage is awesome. If you aren't married yet, get excited. Like all things in life, it has its challenging moments, but they make the good ones even sweeter. And if you give at least 100% to your spouse, you'll always find that you get more out of it.

When you get married to your best friend, you look forward to being able to talk about anything and everything with your spouse at any given time. You want to teach each other and laugh together. You want to grow together. In some cases (particularly if you get married young like a lot of members of the LDS church), you grow up together. And if you want to stay best friends for a long, long time, you had better get really good at talking and listening to, serving, and thanking one another.

Talk. People always say that communication is most important in a relationship. While it is important that spouses can talk to one another, I don't think it's the most important thing. Still, most women do not  typically struggle with communicating to their husbands--that is, unless they're angry. For some reason, most women shut themselves up when they're angry. It's a pride thing. Women just want men to be able to read their minds or discern what they're thinking without help. It's unfair, but I've done it, too. It's something we need to get past. If we can look past our personal pride and just share what is bothering us, it can really help our husband's be able to work to change that thing. But they can't do it alone. We need to communicate our feelings better so our husband's aren't left in the dark. On any normal day, most women love to share their feelings about every subject under the sun. They love talking about every trivial detail that most men have never even thought about. They love analyzing other women and their habits and behavior. It's just something women do. Some men don't know how to handle that very well. That is where listening comes in.

Listen. This unfortunately seems to be a dying skill. People can hear just fine, but very few people are naturally good at listening. I think it's because of the electronic plague that everyone is infected with (I'm not hating on technology--but as I've mentioned in a previous post, I do think it's very addicting and should be moderated). Everyone (including me) is always so busy texting, gaming, blogging, typing, tweeting, etc. that they've lost the valuable ability to concentrate. That said, women want to be heard. So do husbands. Listen to your spouse. Ask them about their day, their troubles, their complaints, their victories, and then don't tune out their response. Learn to be a better listener. While listening to your spouse's response, think of a follow-up question to ask. Part of becoming a good listener is being able to respond. Sometimes this means stopping your current activity and giving your full attention. Women, if you're anything like me, you struggle with listening at times because you're so caught up with your own busy life and problems. There is a time to share the details of your day, but not when your husband is trying to share his.

Service. Seriously, if you serve your husband/wife, that will go a longggg way. I can tell you right now that even though I'm the one in our marriage staying home with our new baby and therefore technically in charge of taking care of our home (which is a job I love, but some wives do not) it means TONS when my husband takes three minutes and helps me with the dishes. Or when he takes two seconds and smooths out the bed. Or when he takes fifteen minutes and cleans the bathroom. It may not sound romantic, but that is one of the hottest thing a husband can do for his wife. This service goes beyond actual chores. Clean up after yourself. Pick up your socks. Offer to make dinner. Just serve her. Wives, you are always serving your husbands, and they often do notice whether they say something or not. They may not always express their gratitude, but they do see your service. Despite all that you do, it is important to sometimes go the extra mile. Leave a note on his pillow or the bathroom mirror reminding him how much he means to you. Buy his favorite candy or dessert and surprise him with it when he gets home. Do something random, like line up some balloons with a message written across them. Just make the effort to do something extra once in a while.

Express gratitude. I am thankful for a husband who is really good at this. Maybe I've not appreciated this quality in him as much as I should have until we began doing our Gratitude Journals. But since we've made this a daily habit, I've also picked up more on the gratitude he expresses for me in our family prayers at night. He shares that he is thankful for me taking care of Tenley and thankful that I clean the apartment, and sometimes he even thanks me for the small things, like making the bed and doing the laundry (which, admittedly is never a small thing in our house since I procrastinate doing it for way too long). He probably doesn't realize how much I appreciate his gratitude for those often mundane things I am responsible for. We need to show our spouses gratitude more often so they see that we do in fact recognize their many sacrifices and acts of love. Write a thank-you note every once in a while. Express sincere thankfulness in person. Say "I love you" more. All of these things, require virtually almost no effort but mean a great deal to the recipient.

Doing little things goes a long way. Love your spouse. Learn their love language and act on it. Be your best self and it will help them to do the same.

How do you love your spouse?
What ways do you make your marriage great?

Saturday, December 14

Ten Pet Peeves

As part of my 30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me series, I'm supposed to share ten of my pet peeves. Some come to mind immediately but it will take some work to think of ten. So here I go:

1. Things that stick to/ catch on my fingernails. I hate fabrics that do this. It doesn't bother him when his finger or toenails aren't cut perfectly rounded so they don't catch on things. I can't stand it though!

2. Dry Skin. I have never used so much lotion in my entire life as I have in the last three years since I've lived out west. Hate on humidity all you want, but I love what it does to my hair (it gives it a wave and some curl which is infinitely better than boring and flat) and I definitely prefer my skin moist and smooth. I would rather feel moist than be drying up like a prune.

3. Drama. Ugh, I can't stand it. Not even the word. I don't think I ever wished for sisters growing up because I just can't tolerate catty girl drama. There was enough drama just between my girl friends, which is probably why I had far more male friends than female. I always wanted to have just one daughter so I wouldn't have to endure the drama girls seem to love creating. (Now that I have one already, I would love more girls, but I can assure you that I will not allow drama in our house.)

4. Money. Why do we even need this stuff? I just hate it because I feel like way too much time is spent getting it just so it can be used, very often for pointless STUFF. I hate stressing about it and I hate how hard it is to feel secure unless you have it. To me, the primary benefit of having a lot of money would be that I could feel financially secure and as though we weren't going to lose everything just because we don't have enough paper. Money is paper. And far too many people think that it is the purpose of this life.

5. People that don't like the east. I'm an east coast girl through and through and when people complain about the east it takes all my self control not to get worked up. I don't know if I would feel the same if I were born elsewhere, but all I know is I think about New Hampshire every single day, missing the babbling brooks and rivers, still ponds, numerous blue lakes, and soft-sanded ocean beaches. I miss the color green, the tree-covered mountains, and clean air. I miss the dark, starry nights and rainy days and colorful falls. I didn't mean to get all poetic, but I'm kind of in love with the world over there and don't believe that anywhere else really compares.

6. Mean People. Why can't everyone just be kind to other people? I can't stand it when people feel the need to be mean to others for no reason. If someone is fat or unattractive why do we have to talk about it? We don't know their circumstances. Maybe it isn't their fault and they're a really great person. I just want people to be nice to others. 

7. Winter. Snow is pretty the first time it falls. And on Christmas. But (sorry to my skier brother, Donovan) I hate it. I hate being cold. January is my least favorite of all the months. Because Christmas is over and all we're left with is cold, gray, dirty snow, wind, and ice. Maybe I wouldn't mind it so much if winter was just one month long and temperatures never dropped below 32 degrees. But it isn't, and unfortunately Global Warming isn't real (if it were, then I want to know why it has been 1 degree outside the last two weeks...) so I'll just have to do as I always do and hibernate for three months and hope spring comes early.

8. People who are anti-Mormon. I mean, really, have you even met any Mormons? This is a fake statistic, but seriously 99 out of 100 Mormons are really nice! Maybe even annoyingly so. If you want to say something bad about my church, that just makes anyone who actually knows a Mormon think you must be really stupid. Mormons in general are happy, friendly, and glad to serve others. We stick to our beliefs. We dress modestly to show respect for our bodies and for God. We don't drink alcohol, coffee, or most teas because, frankly, they're bad for you. We don't do drugs, we don't swear, we don't view pornography, and we don't practice polygamy. We do believe in a modern day prophet named Thomas S. Monson who is probably one of the nicest men on this earth. Most importantly, we believe in Jesus Christ (and are therefore Christians) and try to be like Him. There's a saying that I've heard a few times that goes, "The Church is perfect, the people aren't." I definitely know that to be the case. If one member of the church offends you, you can't claim the whole church is bad. That would be pointless. Truly, we are just like everyone else, just doing our best in this life so we can be with our families forever. That is our primary goal.

9. When people leave a handful of cereal or snacks in a box, or just an ounce of juice and don't finish it or throw it away. Someone told me this is a western thing because everyone wants to be nice and not take the last bit for themselves. I think it's probably an all-America thing for the most part, but if there are two Oreos left, for heaven's sake, just TAKE THEM! No one wants to have that small a serving of that delicious cookie anyway! And same with drinks--you think anyone wants that last sip of backwash for themselves? No one will call you selfish if you finish something you were already eating. Seriously. Just finish things or throw them away.

10. The toilet paper goes OVER the roll not under. Why is this even a question?? Why would anyone even want it the other way? Thankfully, this was only a problem living at home or visiting the occasional friend's house because Dalin and I agree it goes over the roll, and more often than not, we don't take the time to put it on the roller anyway.

What are your pet peeves?
Do you have any of the same ones as me?

Tuesday, November 19

Dear Pregnant Ladies: Sharing 15 Facts

For all you pregnant ladies out there, here are some things for you to know about giving birth and post-partum info. I'm certainly no expert, but I read enough stuff to know what information is actually useful. You've all read about the sleepless nights and intensity of labor. But I want to share a more positive (but still realistic) perspective. I go into great detail in some areas, so this is more of a "women only" post. Unless your wife has already given birth, in which case, you'll probably understand.

1. First off, it's wonderful and possibly the best moment of your life. I loved giving birth, as you can read about right here, and would do it again in a heartbeat. It's so totally and completely worth it, no matter what you go through to get there. That first time you hold your little baby after he or she's out, you'll understand. Apart from my wedding day, I didn't know if I'd ever been happier. And it was a close call. So just know that what you go through is worth it. And if you're positive about it like I was, you might even love it.

2. You might just pee, poop, or throw up while giving birth. It stinks, but it can happen. But the good news is, it might not! None of those things happened to me. And like anyone, I had been fearing it tremendously. Throwing up usually happens because the epidural can make you feel pretty nauseous (not enough to scare me away from getting it again though!) but my nausea wasn't any worse than the morning sickness I'd experienced during my first trimester. As you'll hear a thousand times over, if any of these things should happen to you, don't worry--doctors have seen it all, and more good news: you might not even know if you do. I had to ask after because I had no idea what was happening down there, (and honestly, it sure felt like something happened) but apparently nothing did. And even more good news: I can almost 100% guarantee you won't give a crap if it does happen. You might, like me, even want it to happen (weird, I know). During my labor, the pressure on my rectum (sorry, gross word) was so intense that I felt like I was experiencing the worst constipation in my entire life and at the time, I just wanted to feel relieved from that pressure. You just get to the point where you accept that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and nothing matters but getting that baby out! So, basically, Hakuna Matata, right? No worries.

3. While in labor and for a while after giving birth, you might shake. Like a lot. I kind of looked like I was freezing to death. Or having a mini-seizure. But I felt fine--I just could not control my arms, hands, or my jaw! My teeth chattering was the most annoying thing because it affected my speaking. Everyone kept asking if I was cold, but I wasn't--I just couldn't stop. I think I heard someone call these "labor shakes" (makes sense) and other than being really annoying, they aren't a big deal. I believe they are caused by adrenaline and are really nothing to worry about. Just anticipate it because a lot of women get them.

4. At first, while pushing, you will probably feel like you CAN'T DO IT. That is how my mom felt, that is how I felt, and I'm positive that is how countless other women felt when they began pushing. It seems impossible. It is impossible. It makes no sense to me that an 8lb 3oz baby came out of such a small place. Even now, three months later, I occasionally find myself wondering how our baby came out of me. You'll find yourself, as I have, holding your son or daughter on your belly and wondering how he or she possibly could have fit inside you. It makes no logical sense, but somehow it's possible. It's a miracle. An infinite number of women have had and will continue to have babies. You can do it. When the doctor got a mirror while I was pushing and I saw how little of my daughter's head was visible when I was pushing at my very hardest, I thought, She is never coming out. I might have even said it aloud. After four hours, my doctor thought I might have to go with a C-section, she was so stuck. I didn't give up, and with the help of forceps, she finally came out--very cone-headed, but perfectly fine. When you are in that moment of despair, keep the thought in the back of your head that you can do it. You have to. That baby can't stay in there forever even though it seems like it. And if you end up having a C-section, don't worry and DON'T feel bad. Don't let anyone make you feel like your birth experience was less special or less right because you did it differently. That's what my doctor had to tell me when I was feeling frustrated that I wasn't going to have the natural, epidural-free birth I wanted. But you know what? Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe I'd have asked that we could try the forceps sooner than four hours...

5. Your baby will look like an alien when he or she comes out. So don't be freaked out. Some babies are gray, some are purple, some are pink, some are covered in blood, and ALL are soaking wet and not as sweet as you might have pictured. Tenley had the hugest cone-head from being in the birth canal for four hours. I didn't have time to process it at the time though because they immediately set her down to be measured, washed up, and swaddled. Then, when they did hand her to me, they had put a hat on her head which covered up the worst of it. When I saw her cone-head uncovered later that night, I'll admit I was a tad worried for her, but it went down significantly by the next day and even more so in the days that followed. At three months, Tenley's head looked completely normal to me. You, like me, might not think that most just-born babies are that pretty to look at, but I am certain that nothing will look more beautiful to you than your own baby. Only a mother's love, I tell you.

6. For a while, you will be VERY swollen down there. It is not pretty. In fact, it's really ugly. My swelling lasted maybe four days, which I think is longer than normal, but I also pushed REALLY HARD for four hours. And that isn't normal at all (my doctor told me he's never had anyone push as long as I did) so don't worry. But I'll tell you, the first time I went to the bathroom after giving birth--with the assistance of my nurses because I couldn't walk by myself--I looked down and was like WOAH. I seriously did not recognize myself. But the nurses assured me that swelling was normal, though mine was worse than most. I don't want to go into detail, but basically I was kind of really grossed out about how things looked for a few days. Luckily, I was encouraged to take lots of hot baths while at the hospital (and at home) which really helps. It also feels amazing. I took four or five baths at the hospital and was encouraged to take more while there but I just wanted to be with my husband and baby.

7. Going to the bathroom is different for a while. This I had not known at all! It makes sense, but my mind was in other places when I thought about birth. My experience will surely be unique from your own, but hopefully this will help prepare you. After the epidural wore off, the nurses removed the catheter (which is kind of cool but really weird--in case you don't know, it catches your pee and is like a little straw that they insert you-know-where, then they inflate a tiny bubble when it's in you so it stays there. I could feel when it was in--it didn't really hurt, but it was obvious that something was there. I could also feel it catching my pee. That sounds weird, but I couldn't control it, and it just kind of constantly flowed into a little bag until they removed it) and then escorted me to the bathroom. Note: I could hardly walk, A) because the epidural hadn't worn off 100%, B) I was exhausted, and C) I must have twisted my leg while pushing because one of the joints of my leg was hurting and it was really hard to walk on it, so the nurses basically dragged/carried/completely supported me while I walked limped like a zombie/bowlegged cowboy toward the bathroom. I kept apologizing to them, mostly because I felt bad and was embarrassed because I was dripping blood on the floor and because I felt completely weak and helpless, but they were so nice and understanding because it is of course their job to help you in this situation. The nurse even helps you um...clean yourself, after you use the bathroom. Mostly because it becomes a kind of complicated routine for the next week or two. They give you these horribly un-cute mesh undies to put on, and put the biggest sanitary pad you've ever seen in your life down on them. Then they put a glove filled with ice cubes into a sock and put that thing down on the pad, then they put little circular witch hazel pads down on the sock, then, once you've gone as much as you can (I peed a lot, and though it is scary to go number 2--especially if, like me, you received stitches--try to be brave and go if you can because you'll feel worse if you hold it in--and hopefully they've given you stool softener pills to take--I took some a few days prior to my scheduled induction because a friend wisely advised me to do so), they will fill a little squirt bottle for you with warm to hot water and you use that to clean yourself. I had no idea about this stuff until a few days beforehand, but the hot water feels amazingly soothing. I love that bottle thing. Once you've watered yourself down, you can use toilet paper to very gently pat dry (it's pointless to do so though because you're going to feel wet for a few days anyway) and then they spray you and your witch hazel pads with a numbing spray, (which I did not think numbed me that well, but oh well) and THEN you pull your underwear up with the pad, ice pack, and witch hazel pads in them and waddle (or limp if you're me) back to bed. So you see, using the bathroom becomes quite the process for a couple of weeks, but gradually you eliminate the ice pack and move to smaller pads, then stop using the spray and witch hazel pads until you're just using regular pads and (if you want to) using the spray bottle until your stitches have dissolved. This is not the rest of your life, so don't worry!

8. The bleeding might not be as bad as people say. For me, after the fourth day, my bleeding went down to less than the heaviest day of my period. I was kind of worried at first because everyone said the flow will be heavy for two weeks, but mine wasn't. In fact, it was hardly anything for the next few weeks. It did not go away completely until about five weeks, but it certainly was not what I'd been told to anticipate. A few times, the blood was brown or a chunk (sorry) would come out, but nurses reassured me that was all normal. The solid pieces that fall out are blood clots and small ones are normal. The only thing that is worrisome is if the bleeding increases or turns to gushing, or if you lose a clot the size of your fist (The size of your fist, you ask? Remember a whole baby came out of you). But everything else is pretty normal. It was kind of like having a long but light period for me. Everyone is different, but you might not bleed as much as you think.

9. Your belly will still be much larger than you'd think afterward. It's unfortunate, and I kept hoping that wouldn't be the case for me, but it was. Your belly will feel really weird, too. It weirded me out to push on the flabby thing that it had become because it feels kind of like jello. Or like one of those memory foam mattresses because when you push on it, it slowly fills in again. Thankfully, it's very temporary and the first week or two are by far the worst. Which brings me to my next point--

10. Breastfeeding can be a miraculous weight-loss exercise (for some people). Lots of people say so, but I didn't know how true it was until I was at a month post-partum and (much to my surprise) was feeling close to my normal self without having done virtually ANY other exercises. If you can breastfeed, DO IT. I know it is hard for many women for various reasons, but be persistent for a few weeks and if it gets easier (like it should for most women), keep going! I am definitely not anti-formula, but I am pro-breastfeeding. It's good for your baby and for you and it's free. Also, I am not sure how common it is for nurses to offer this (mine did), but I would not hesitate to ask for a nipple shield. It's a thin, clear plastic thing that protects your sensitive areola skin and it made nursing a bazillion times easier for me (with both babies). I think the shield is only intended to be used for a few weeks until the baby gets used to nursing, but I used mine for four months with Tenley and two months with my second, Declan. With the shield, I never had soreness or dryness or any of those things you read about and I attribute it to this amazing invention, which you can view here (I believe they're $9 at Wal-Mart. Worth it a million times over). And though lanolin cream is amazing, I haven't ever actually needed to use it because of the shield.

Quick update: I will tell you that I have received many comments from people who say that the nipple shield ruined their experience, but I have two other friends who, like me, felt that the shield saved their breastfeeding experience. I think it may depend also on how long you choose to use it. For me personally, and two of my friends, we used the shield quite a bit past the suggested time. I used mine for about 4 months until I decided I wanted to get my baby to adapt without it. The week transitioning was rough--not for Tenley, who thankfully figured it out quickly (and by then, my nipples were not so flat or inverted)--but for me and my nipples. Suddenly I understood the pain people were talking about. It took about a week for my skin to toughen up, and in the meantime, my nipples were more sore than usual, but I persevered and now I hope I can avoid using the shield with future pregnancies. In the end, I am just thankful that I was able to do it because (especially now 11 months later) I truly believe in the benefits of breast milk and nursing!

More about breastfeeding (if you are interested): as you are probably aware if you've read any books, the stuff your baby gets from you the first several days is a fatty substance called colostrum (or first milk). I know for me, I worried my baby wasn't getting enough to eat because the stuff doesn't exactly flow out like milk. But that's normal. Around day four or five post-partum, my milk came in. And then I KNEW it. I had been wondering the days before if the change in colostrum was milk. But when it happened, it was very obvious (and very white). It seriously happened overnight. I woke up and my breasts were HUGE. Like so big, I was disgusted (I do not personally care for big boobs, especially on me). And it wasn't long before the leaking began. Yes, you leak. If you're like me, you'll leak a lot. That was the worst thing for me for a while. I woke up a few nights in a huge puddle of milk. It felt like I'd wet my bra and shirt. But after a couple of weeks, my body regulated itself and things got a lot easier and a lot less wet. Also, in case you didn't know (because I know I didn't), when you nurse on one side, you leak on the other side. That's where these babies come in handy. If you intend to breastfeed, I personally think these breast cups are must-haves for a few reasons. If you're wondering what you do with them, it's pretty simple. While you nurse on one side, you put a cup over your nipple on the other side to catch the leaking milk. During my first two weeks or so, I would fill the other cup (they would actually overflow) with milk, which I decided to save in a sanitized bottle to store for later. I truly don't know how moms even want to breastfeed without these things. They save you from tons of messes and from spending tons of money on nursing pads which get expensive! By the way, if and when you do get nursing pads, I strongly advise getting Johnson's. I hated all of the other types I tried (and I tried like four other types because ladies gave me some). Another useful tool while breastfeeding is a nursing pillow. I've heard great things about the "Boppy" pillow, but I got mine for FREE (other than shipping!) by signing up for a free account at Motherhood Maternity (they sent me home with tons of amazing coupons include a code to get a free nursing pillow!). Here is the link to the site where I got mine (I have the red Starry Night one). I could spend an entire post on breastfeeding but the point is, there are tons of great tools and resources out there to make breastfeeding a lot easier for you. The hospital will likely offer you the chance to visit with a lactation specialist and give you plenty of pamphlets on places you can go to get help with breastfeeding. Plus the people at WIC are really pro-breastfeeding and have lots of free resources to help new moms. You can do it! It can be hard, but it's worth it.

Update: I just want to clarify that I am not anti-formula at all! Formula is truly amazing these days. But it's very expensive. And it doesn't go through babies as easily as breastmilk (which is also FREE!). Regardless, I don't want anyone to feel bad AT ALL if they choose to use formula (I was given formula myself as a baby for about six months)--you do what you can for your baby and yourself. I just personally really love nursing and want to encourage other moms to go for it if they can! (It's also something that is not worth stressing about because in the long-run, it won't matter to you, so don't feel bad either way).

11. The first two weeks are the worst. It gets better. I remember feeling so discouraged about my body and thinking I'd never be the same again. I was swollen and lumpy and did not feel very cute. But like I mentioned, by one month postpartum, I couldn't believe how much better I felt. I was almost back to normal--or at least, feeling normal. Going to the bathroom was less complicated. I began to have hope that I would be able to reach my pre-pregnancy weight sooner than I'd anticipated. My stitches had finally dissolved completely. Just plan for those first two weeks to be hard. Expect it. But remember that they will be over before you know it and you'll feel SO much better. You will be able to wipe again normally! You can get through it! And in the meantime, let people take care of you. This is your chance to ask your husband, family members, friends, ward members, and neighbors for lots of help. Ask for meals to be brought to you. If you need something from the store, let someone do it for you. You need the service and you're providing an opportunity for someone else's life to be blessed by offering their service to you. Win-win.

12. Stretch marks can appear after you've had the baby. It stinks, but it happened to me. I had only a few small stretch marks on my butt and hips before Tenley was born. But after, I got them on the upper part of the back of my thighs, bigger ones on my butt and hips, and even under my breasts, which I was not expecting. When you gain or lose a lot of weight really quickly, that's what happens. It doesn't happen to everyone--my sister-in-law I'm pretty sure only got a few on her butt--and some lucky ladies don't get any, but try to think of them as little marks of proof that you've created a miracle. Fortunately for most LDS women, they're usually in places that no one but your husband will ever see anyway. And they do fade quite a bit within a year. Mine kind of look like tiger claw marks. Even though it may be hard at first (truthfully, it was for me), embrace those purply-pink stripes because if you want more kids, you'll more than likely get them. And to me, if a few marks are the cost of creating a human being, they're totally worth it.

Update: I actually have grown to like the stretch marks on my thighs and sides now (not so much the ones under my bellybutton which came with my second baby because I look kind of wrinkly, but oh well;)! They marks are kind of silvery and faded and I like that they show I am a mother (especially because people rarely think I look my age).

13. You're going to be given a lot of  advice about raising your child. Some good, some awful. For some reason, when people see children, they can't help but speak their opinion--wanted or not--about how they should be raised. I'm sure many of these people mean well, but what was best for their sister's child or their neighbor's or their own child is NOT necessarily the best for yours. I suggest you plan how you will handle the unwanted suggestions before it happens to you otherwise you might be caught off guard by the outrageousness or rudeness. Personally, I think being kind is the best choice, so I just say, "Oh thank you for telling me your opinion," and let them think they gave me some life-changing advice. Motherhood also comes with a lot of judgment. I could speak volumes on this subject, but simply put, do your own thing. Forget what other moms are saying they're doing. You're going to do just fine and you know what is best for your children. Which brings us to this:

14. YOU know your own child best. You and no one else. Even better than your husband. It's true. Moms just spend so much time around their child that they cannot help but learn their signals and even their cries. My husband will often say, "Dear, she's hungry!" about our daughter, and I'll reply, "No honey, she's just tired." You really can tell. Sometimes--possibly more often than you'd like--you will feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying. Tenley hardly cried compares to most babies and I still felt (and feel) overwhelmed at times. Declan's behavior as a baby has been more average, but his crying doesn't stress me out so much. I think maybe I'm just used to it. But sometimes, babies just cry, and no amount of feeding, burping, walking, or rocking will soothe them. Just remember that it will end. They can't cry forever. If they sense that you're upset or frustrated, it only gets worse. So set your baby down in a safe spot for a few minutes, walk away, cry yourself, calm your nerves down so your baby will sense the change in your body language, check on her, pick her up and hold her close, and say a prayer. Remember that God loves that precious daughter of His and he will help you. To give an example, during one such episode of crying, I felt my frustration and dismay increasing to the point where I wanted to cry myself. Suddenly, I thought, She's Heavenly Father's daughter, too, and He cares about her happiness as much as I do. Then, while still walking around, bouncing Tenley in my arms, I prayed aloud: "Heavenly Father, please help Tenley feel happy. Please let her know she is loved and if she is feeling sick, please help me to know what to do so I can help her." As soon as I'd finished my plea, Tenley stopped crying. Like, right away. I couldn't believe it had happened so immediately, but I thanked Heavenly Father for choosing to answer my prayer directly at that time.

15. It really will feel like it flew by when you look back on it. Everyone says that, but I can't even believe how time has passed for me. Seriously, cherish every moment. Take a video at least once a week--you'll miss the newborn sounds and cries when your baby's voice changes. Take a photo every day. I'm serious. No one has ever regretted taking too many pictures of their child. Take baby footprints. And baby handprints. Snuggle your child. Keep a perspective. Think about how much you love those tender moments with your little one and remember that they won't always be as readily available. Memorize her face and the fragrant smell of her hair and skin. Kiss your child until your lips are chapped. There's no such thing as loving your baby too much. And they change SO fast! You won't even believe it.


Because this post has been so popular, I wrote this one on my additional thoughts as a second-time mom! Once again, my experience was wonderful (even better than the first time!) so I hope you'll read this if you are interested.

If you want to read more about pregnancy/giving birth, check out my official birth story, here!

What are some other tips pregnant ladies should know before going into labor? Postpartum?
If you had a different (but still positive) experience than me, please share! 

Sunday, October 27

10 Things I Would Tell My 16-Year Old Self

Watching lacrosse with my bff, Sarah (who is currently serving a mission in Ecuador)
My two best friends and myself at EFY
At the ocean with my bff, Megan (who is currently attending Gordon in Massachusetts) 
Girls' Camp YCLs (Sarah and I wanted to be the funnest ones ;)
I was a pretty average teenage girl. Minus the drama. I think I was surprisingly successful at avoiding drama. Mainly because I had very few close girl friends (there were only two I was really close to). I never had an exclusive boyfriend, but I had a lot of boy friends. They kept me out of the typical teenage girl drama. Still, if I could somehow go back and talk to my 16-year old self, there are definitely some things I would change.

First, I would tell myself: Don't be such a pushover. I still am in some ways, but since I've become a mom, standing up for myself hasn't really been an issue. When I was 16, I was even worse at saying no to people. Face to face, (key phrase here) I am very non-confrontational. I hate disappointing anyone. I like to be liked, and I don't like being the one to tell someone they're out of line. I wish I hadn't been such a coward though--I should have just told people straight up what I thought of them.

Second, I would tell myself to get better at taking criticism. I want to be a writer and an editor and criticism comes with the territory. Plus, being as outspoken as I am about my beliefs as a Latter-day Saint and as a conservative, it's just something I need to be good at. I would also tell myself that if I can't take criticism, not to write a blog because negative feedback and mean comments are a part of the domain. And really, who cares what other people think? (Even Jesus was criticized!)

Third, I would tell myself not to transfer from BYU-Idaho. I can't really say I regret the decision now because I did enjoy the classes I took through BYU (the ones I took on campus anyway), but I would be all done with my English major (plus I would have been able to do both a Professional Writing and a Spanish minor) if I had stayed with BYU-Idaho and just finished with online classes. But, I believe that everything happens for a reason and therefore know that everything will work out as it should. Even if things were a little harder for me than I think necessary.

Fourth, I would tell myself not have so many expectations for the "ideal" time to marry someone or have children. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and there's a good chance their opinion will vary from your own, particularly on this matter. You can't please everyone, so as long as you're making a prayerfully made decision--don't worry.

Fifth: Read more. And I don't mean just Harry Potter.

Sixth: Memorize more scriptures. I was always good at scripture mastery, but there were only a half a dozen that I've committed to long-term memory. I wish I could remember more as it would come in handy when giving talks and teaching my children.

Seventh: STOP comparing yourself to others. It is pointless. You will never be them and they are not better than you just because you think so. Remember that everyone is a child of God, whether they know it or not. Treat everyone with a little more kindness than necessary--you don't know how much it might mean to them.

Eighth, I would remind myself to be nicer to my mom. Someday, I will better appreciate why she did the things that she did.

Ninth: Make more girl friends. Yes, you're really awkward at making new friends, but remember when you invest time in others, they often return the favor. Someday you'll be married and your two closest friends won't be around and you'll wish you had made more girl friends to talk to (and it will be weird to talk to your old guy friends even when they get married so don't waste so much of your time).

And tenth, I would tell my 16-year old self: Believe in yourself. You are never going to be perfect in this life, but you know you are trying your hardest and that is all you can do. Don't forget this quote by our childhood friend, Winnie the Pooh (better known as A. A. Milne):

What things would you tell your 16-year old self, huh? I really want to know!

Monday, October 14

Three Fears and How They Came to Be

I'm (gradually) doing this list from another woman's blog, so that explains the topic.

When I think of my top fears, the first thing that comes to mind is the dark. That can't really be your top fear, you're thinking, but considering it more, I suppose it is more a fear of the unknown that makes this a legitimate concern. I hate dark parking lots. The Wymount parking lot is so dark. At least, in the corner where our parking space is. Sometimes when I would go out at 11pm to pick Dalin up from work, the lights wouldn't even be on yet. (Not that it matters--even when they are on it's still pitch black along the sidewalk to our car). On my way to the car, I get my car keys out and hold them like little knives, ready to jab someone in the eye if they should pop out behind a bush or tree and attack me. I know that sounds super paranoid (especially to any men who might read this) but when you're a small, defenseless woman you have to worry about these things unfortunately because the world is full of messed-up people who would take advantage of a woman because they can. Anyway, I try not to run because I swear running to the car makes it ten times scarier. Because then all of a sudden you're being chased (in your mind) by a creep like on those zillions of crime shows you've seen and the only thing you can do is jump in your car and hit the locks as fast as you can. Having Tenley has helped slightly with this fear--only because I know that I am not going to let ANYTHING happen to my baby girl, so if someone were to attack us, they'd better watch out. I think most women are hard-wired to be scared--or at least wary--of threats to their safety which is why the dark can be so scary. You just don't know who or what could be out there. As a child, I always ran from the bathroom back to my room in the middle of the night and dove onto my bed so nothing could get me. And going down into our basement to get something was always an awful task. While I was downstairs, I would make someone in my family listen to me talk (from upstairs) and reply back so they would know if something happened to me. Yeah. Now I think I've made my little brother paranoid because he hates going down into the basement, too. These pins from Pinterest describe me pretty well.

Yeah, so that is kind of two fears--the dark and bad people, so I'll just give you my third.

It's so cliché but I'm afraid of spiders. Maybe I should make this broader--I'm scared of being bitten by poisonous things (so poisonous snakes, insects, and scorpions, too). I never thought of myself as afraid of these things until I left New Hampshire. I used to hold daddy long-leg spiders in my hands when I was a kid growing up there (though the idea grosses me out now). New Hampshire has no poisonous spiders or snakes that I have ever seen. I did do some research though and learned that we have one poisonous spider (the Northern Black Widow) which has reportedly "never been seen in the wild," and the only reason we have it is because of produce transported from other states (mainly California grapes). We also have one venomous snake in the mountains (called a Timber Rattlesnake) but it is very rare and protected by the state because there are so few of them. No one I know has ever seen a black widow or a rattlesnake in all their time living in New Hampshire. We have no scorpions--it's too cold in the winter. What we do have are ticks, some of which carry Lyme Disease. Those are pretty gross little parasites and I can't say they aren't disgusting, but they have to be attached to a host for at least 36 hours for the disease to be transmitted, and my mom, her sister, and a few of my cousins have gotten Lyme Disease from ticks and live normal lives because they've been treated. Anyway, the point is, when I moved west, I became extremely afraid of poisonous spiders and snakes in particular. It was probably those stinking documentaries I watched on Discovery Channel about the desert with its rattlers and scorpions that made me so wary. If I hadn't seen any, I might not be so freaked out. While hiking with Dalin in Provo Canyon the day he proposed to me, we saw three huge snakes and while in Arizona we saw little poisonous scorpions and my fear unfortunately has not lessened since. Our apartment here in Provo has some disgustingly huge spiders living around it. The other day I say the freakiest, hugest spider I've seen since living here on the outside of Tenley's window. All I could do was make sure the window was shut tight and hope it doesn't get in somehow. This baby was over our bed one morning.

So there you have it. Those are my fears. I wish I could say that I didn't have any more, but I do--these are just my top three. I'm also afraid of drowning (I'm not a confident swimmer), my family dying from something other than old age, and of dying in a drawn out, painful way. Phew, I'm glad this post is over. Hopefully none of these will ever happen to me or you. Or anyone.

What are your greatest fears and why? 

Do you have any irrational fears?

Thursday, October 10

2 Months Old!

As I've shared before (many times already), I love motherhood. I laugh every day at my sweetest daughter, and I've lost track of her now frequent smiles and adorable talking--she talks a lot now (like her mom, ha ha). She is absolutely perfect (all babies are :) and I have been so blessed with how calm and mild-mannered she is. Tenley will be two months old on Saturday, the 12th. She still wakes up only once a night, but despite this--much to my dismay--I'm now constantly exhausted. My tiredness has caught up with me. I will note that this is likely in part due to poor choices on Dalin's and my part, like staying up until past 1AM watching episodes of 24 (which we had been so good about not doing until now...). Sigh. We need to start being responsible parents and following the advice in the book "On Becoming BabyWise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep" which Dr. Randall Pace gave to us when Tenley was born. I tried...for a day...to establish a feeding schedule, but it is harder than you would think to stay on track! Well, it was easy for one day. Anyway, I've been kind of an "on-demand" feeder for the most part but that isn't always convenient (though fortunately Tenley is quite patient when we're out of the house). Anyway, I can't complain--she's a pretty great baby! (All babies are great though...some are just a little trickier than others...)

Dalin and I got the flu shot this morning to hopefully prevent Tenley from getting sick. I'll let you know right now that if you are sick, we will be keeping her away from you. We can't afford to let her be exposed to anything as I'm sure you understand (she's still an infant so sickness can be quite dangerous). Our left arms feel like they've been punched from the shot (I swear the soreness after is much worse than the shot itself) but it'll be worth it if it keeps Ten healthy.

Tomorrow we take her to get her immunizations...I feel like crying just thinking about it. It'll be worth it if it keeps her healthy though. Oh, and her pediatrician says she looks very healthy and that she has a strong neck. She currently weighs 11 lbs, 1 oz. and is 22" long. Such a big girl! We sure love her. 


Thursday, September 26

The Firsts


We moved out of our first apartment in March 2013, shortly after our sister Shaina married our brother-in-law, Layton. Our address used to be 300 Wymount Terrace. It is now 268 Wymount Terrace (we didn't move that far). The apartment was on the third floor of 5C. It had four tiny rooms--three, if you count the living room and kitchen as one. We had a lot of firsts in that apartment, so even though we frequently complained about its size and other areas where it was lacking, it still holds a tiny portion of our hearts and our history.

The Firsts

It was our first home as a married couple.
It was the first place we established a habit of scripture study and family prayer.
It was the first place we had friends over to play board games and watch movies and eat desserts.
It was the place where we had our first sleepover, which entailed making a bed out of pillows and our comforter placed by the open front porch door because we had no A/C and our apartment was blistering hot our first night there.
It was where I first discovered life without a dishwasher or air conditioning.
It was where I first learned that Dalin hates doing laundry.
It was where I first learned to cook well okay. For real.
It was where we first mapped out our future together and shared our deepest secrets.
It was where I returned to alone, sobbing, after flying home from Arizona on our first Thanksgiving together because I had to work at Dillard's on Black Friday.
It was the place where we had our first Christmas with just the two of us.
It was where I decorated its tiny rooms for every season and holiday for the first time.
It was the place where we lived when we started leasing our first new car.
It was the first place we returned to late at night after long drives to Boise to visit Dalin's family for weekend trips and holidays. 
It was the first place we came home to after much-too-short summer visits to New Hampshire.
It was the place where I began the first job I've ever truly enjoyed.
It was where I first received my Associate's degree from BYU-Idaho.
It was where I first got called as Primary President and where Dalin got called as Sunday School President.
It was where we first began our family.
It was the place where we first discovered I was pregnant with our darling Tenley.
It was where I did my first ever semester at BYU.
It was where we bought our first TV.
It was where we had our first ever couch from Uncle Cash and Aunt Marisa.
It was where we had our first antique kitchen table and where I painted our first kitchen chairs mustard, aqua, and mint green.
It was where I first started to detest Dalin's noisy and filthy old rocking chair that he adores so much.
It was where I first started to feel like that rocking chair was an old friend, noisy or not.
It was where Dalin broke our first camera when he accidentally pushed it behind the stairs of our stairwell while we were taking pictures.
It was where we first learned about how hard marriage can be.
It was where we first learned how wonderful and amazing and sacred marriage can be.
It was where we first learned of each other's faults.
It was where we first learned to forgive each other.
It was where we had our first fight. 
It was where we cared for each other when the other was ill for the first time.
It was where we celebrated the first year of our eternal marriage.
First TV...lovely
One of my first decent meals
There are a lot of others and I could go on, but I'll let you imagine the rest.

Even though we (especially me I'm sorry to admit) complained about that old apartment (and still complain about the one we're in now because the only difference is a spare bedroom and that we're now on the second floor), it holds a lot of memories for us and I know that one day, looking back we'll miss that tiny place and cherish the firsts we had together there.