On Being Awkward & Flirting

I am a really awkward person.

I don't know if I always have been or if it's only been since I was married. Prior to marrying Dalin, I learned the hard way that men and boys easily misconstrue friendliness for flirting. I try to be very friendly to people, which means I like to talk to them, get to know them, and I always try to smile because I know how much of a difference it makes when I'm on the receiving end of someone else's kindness. Unfortunately, young men would often take that to mean I was interested in them, which was usually not the case (if it was, I felt like my actual flirting made it clear). How I got the reputation as a flirt was always unclear to me, unless, by definition, being kind to someone equals flirting (which, some people believe apparently). But basically, since I've been married I think my awkwardness around men has increased tenfold. Most of my friends were male in high school and now that I'm married, our relationships have not only changed, but they've basically ceased. In some ways this saddens me, but mostly I see the necessity of it.

Unfortunately though, I no longer know how to interact with guys my age. Or girls, for that matter (I'm not sure why, other than the fact that I pretty much only hang out with Dalin or family nowadays). I do not want to be perceived as flirting and since there is such a fine line (in some people's minds anyway) I don't know how to be friendly without giving off the wrong impression. It's not like I'm dropping hints or doing anything at all other than having a simple, but completely awkward conversation.

I guess I felt like I needed to write this to excuse the awkwardness I'm sure I've produced in regular conversations with people I know. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I swear. It's just that I'm basically a recluse these days and have apparently forgotten how to have ordinary conversations with people. Just wanted to make that clear...

I'm also a much better writer (or typist technically) than I am a conversationist. I have always been interested in teaching (probably because I have three uncles, five aunts, and a grandpa who are all teachers of various levels) but I tend to think I would be horrible at it because I write much more easily than I speak, especially in front of groups. Or when people pay me a compliment. Seriously, it seems like any time someone compliments my blog to me in person, I'm suddenly speechless and all I can do is mutter, "Thank you, that's so nice." I really am touched by you telling me, so please just forgive my inability to gracefully accept a compliment.

I'm also super awkward at making friends. I totally love having people over and being able to talk about my geeky hobbies like reading and art or about my favorite shows (Downton Abbey, Modern Family, Parks & Rec., Survivor, The Bachelor (embarrassing, I know...)) or just about Harry Potter because it's my favorite book ever. Or The Hunger Games. Or the Divergent series. Because I love that stuff. And Star Wars. And Lord of the Rings. You get my point. I just have forgotten the art of making friends. It's like this pin:

So if you are interested in being my friend, please look past my initial awkwardness and feel free to invite yourself over to my apartment (there's a 50/50 chance it will be messy, forgive me) and know that the awkwardness fades the longer we talk. Just ask my visiting teachers. ;) But seriously, I am down for anything, especially if it involves talking about a book, watching a movie, eating, making food, talking about pregnancy/parenthood, or anything else.

And to you guys out there (and for your wife's/girlfriend's/whatever information) I totally am not flirting with you. Not at all. I love my husband a LOT and he is the only one I flirt with. I have zero interest in any man but him. If I'm being nice to you, it's because I'm nice. To me, flirting while married is just a few steps away from cheating. I don't even think about celebrities in that way. When I tell Dalin I think an actor is "hott" or "handsome" or "attractive" I'm making a realistic judgment based on appearance and he knows that. I'm not implying that I'm more attracted to that person than my husband because there's no way. And I know when I ask Dalin if he thinks an actress is pretty or beautiful that it doesn't mean he desires her. He's just making a truthful evaluation. After reading this article for a class at BYU-Idaho, I decided that I would be in control of my thoughts. So even before Dalin and I got married, I decided that thinking about a person other than my husband in a romantic way was almost as bad as cheating and that I would be careful to avoid it. We've all heard this scripture in Matthew 5: "Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman (or man) to lust after her/him hath committed adultery with her/him already in his/her heart" (stressed words added). So, anyway, all awkwardness aside--guard your thoughts. Actions start as thoughts. Be loyal in action and mind to your spouse.

Showing off my nerdiness with my hott husband :)

Us being gross ;)

On a completely separate note, for those who were dismayed or angered by my post about feminism a few days ago, you should really read this. This woman puts it so much better than I ever could (and did). She is LDS and a feminist. She definitely was blessed with the talent of eloquence.

Do you still have friends of the opposite gender those of you who are married?
How do you maintain appropriate boundaries?
Do you think it's okay to have male friends if you're female and married? (Or vice versa)

There Is A Point To All This

I was thinking very seriously last night about why I write this blog. Why do I? It can't be just because I enjoy writing. The time it takes to think of decent topics and take specific photos for those topics and actually write a post requires more effort than I would care to put into something just for the sake of doing it.

So I had to ask myself, is it just because I'm crazy passionate about what I believe in? That could play a role. In fact, it definitely does because I can't help but want to share the happiness the gospel of Jesus Christ brings me with others. As I've learned recently, not all of my readers believe in the same things I do. Why this was a revelation to me, you'll soon know. It seems like every time I post something even mildly controversial (and sometimes when I don't even intend for it to be controversial) I receive critical comments from readers who obviously disagree with me and feel the need to explain why I am wrong. Usually the first time I read these comments, it bugs me. As a human, I can't help but feel a tiny bit bothered that someone things I'm a hateful, ignorant, intolerant person because I think differently than they do. (This, by the way, is the very definition of intolerance--"unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behavior that differ from one's own.")

Thankfully, in the last few years, I've trained myself to not let these comments bother me. It's not at all that I don't care about what these people have to say, because I do. But I no longer allow their negativity, frustration, anger, etc. ruin my day or my life. I just can't afford to let that happen. It is my choice to take offense. It is my choice to be miserable. It is also my choice to be happy.

Once I made the mistake of commenting on some boy's status from my high school. He was bringing up the subject of gay marriage and I (stupidly, for I knew his political views) decided to give my two cents and wrote that I felt God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman, and made a suggestion that same-sex relationships be labeled civil unions instead so as not to alter the sacred nature and definition of marriage. The backlash I received for that simple comment was ridiculous. Everyone immediately attacked my views, calling me a "bigot" and a hater and some words I won't even say. NO one stood by me or even made an effort to understand my views. The comments that were made were plain cruel and completely out of line and basically the attacks got so bad that I had to delete the boy as a "friend." For some reason, I especially took offense to being called a bigot. A bigot?! I wanted to say. Every single person from my high school who knew ANYTHING about me, including that boy, knew I was about as far from a bigot as a person can be. In fact, many times I was told by classmates (who were not close to me at all) that I was the nicest person they'd ever met. People just liked me because I tried to be kind to everyone. I was not what I'd call "popular" because I didn't participate in many of the things that those particular classmates did, but I think that everyone liked me. When I finally realized how ridiculous that label was, (though it took me like a week to stop thinking about it, it bothered me so much) I made a conscious decision to not let people's words affect me. It wasn't like I was unaware that not everyone has the same beliefs as I do. But if they had a right to share their views, then so did I.

I may be a minority in the way I think, particularly as a Mormon. But in my mind, that makes my need even greater to share what I believe and stand firm in my values. So few people in modern day have the courage to share their convictions with others. I do not intend to be one of those people. I know in my heart what is right and I have to stand for it. In some ways, I have a responsibility to do so. This quote, for whatever reason, really resonates with me:

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” ~JFK referencing Dante's Inferno

It is more important than ever that people courageously stand for goodness. And I have to admit--even if someone is at the complete opposite end of the political spectrum than I am, if they truly believe in a cause and stand for it, that is preferable in my mind to bearing no opinion whatsoever for the sake of neutrality.

So again, why do I write? It is not just to promote my political views, my morals, my values, my religion. As already stated, I feel that is important. But I also write to be a tiny positive light in this dark world. I write to record my joys and encourage others to triumph. I write to help others become their best self. I write to make ordinary things in life worthy of notice and appreciation. Like the writer William Wordsworth (though I do not consider myself to be like him in most respects), I write to "refresh [man's] sense of wonder...in the everyday, the commonplace, the trivial." In other words, I am trying to help my readers appreciate the little things. I want to motivate people to find joy in their personal journey. I want others to be happy. That's why I share what I believe and why I'm so enthusiastic about it. I am happy, and I want to spread the joy I feel from merely existing in this world with everyone. The gospel of Jesus Christ makes me happy. Because of it, I know that families are eternal. I know death is not the end. We are here for a purpose and we can obtain even greater happiness if we do not waste this life. I know these things.

Many people today do not believe in God's existence. I feel responsible for showing these people that He does. This video is kind of cute:

There is still goodness in this world. This video shows it.

If you ever have a question about something I believe in, please don't hesitate to ask me. I am happy to have a discussion with you. I promise I won't belittle your opinion.

Thank you for reading my blog, too. It means that I'm accomplishing my goal in a small way.

Kindness Weighs More Than Fat

I just read this article on Yahoo called "My Girlfriend Weighs More Than Me. So What?" and I have to say I thought it was fantastic. I think my favorite part was Ali's description of why he and Gloria connect so well: 

The fact is Gloria and I have so much in common. We feel the same way about our families - they are the most important people in our lives. Our parents taught us the value of hard work and good morals, and how we should conduct ourselves and treat other people. We also share an idiosyncratic sense of humor —we find things funny that other people don't.

I honestly loved this article and I am completely disgusted with some of the comments that people made to be cruel. I'll be honest, I have a lot of overweight family members, but that didn't even cross my mind as I read this. All I thought was that this sweet girl is a human being and she is probably nicer than most skinny people. I don't know that for sure, but I can tell by Ali's description of her that she is a gem. 

I truthfully do not care about the size of someone or their body. I love big people. More often than not, they seem to have a better nature and sense of humor than most thin people. Obviously it is preferable to be healthy but there are plenty of larger men and women who simply come from large stock and are still very healthy despite their stature. I know that Heavenly Father does not judge us based on our physical characteristics but on the intent of our heart so I ask: what gives us the right to judge others on their physical appearance? There are things I don't like about my own body and appearance but I hope more than anything that most people see past those things to the person I am inside. I hate when I hear someone make a comment about how a person looks or dresses because I know that that person is a child of God and that they are probably doing the best they can with the life they have. 

I think we (as humans) need to consider these quotes a little more seriously: 

"When I grow frustrated with someone I think, 'Watch yourself, that's a child of God.'" 

~Maya Angelou

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

~Author Unknown

"There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater, you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent." 

~Dave Barry

Surely I am not the only one who feels this way--I like a person so much the better when I find they have a kind, positive personality. I have met dozens of people who I initially thought were incredibly beautiful or attractive, but as soon as they began to speak they started to look less so because it became clear they had a very shallow and insincere persona. It works the other way, too. There are those who seem plain or ordinary upon first meeting them, but when I truly get to know them, their attractiveness increases dramatically. This happens more often than I would like to admit. Does that mean that my first impressions of people are often wrong? Or maybe it means that in my heart, I do slightly judge or stereotype others based on their appearance until I get to know them as a person. I think it is impossible to look at someone's outward appearance and not form an initial impression of them. The difference is looking at them thereafter with an open heart, and willing yourself to see the good in them if they have it. Every kind person I have met has an indefinable quality about them that makes them more attractive in my eyes because of who they are. I try to see the good in others because that is how I want people to see me. I personally do not want people to only notice my physical imperfections and decide on the type of person that I am based on those alone. 

For those of you who are extremely attractive and have a good heart, I think you are just extra blessed. Perhaps you are particularly beautiful because your genuine inner beauty radiates outward. For those of you who are extremely attractive, but cruel and judgmental inside, just ask yourself this: "What's the point of being pretty on the outside [if] you're so ugly on the inside?" (Jess C. Scott). (Also, I might add that I think pretty people look ugly the more I look at them and come to know their true character.)

I think the whole human race needs to resolve to be a little kinder to those around them. I personally will do so as well. Be kind, and remember that God looks at our hearts. 

This is the couple from the article. How cute are they?

What are your thoughts on this subject? Does outward appearance matter?
How did you like the article I referenced?

Thoughts of a Conservative (and a Mormon)

I do not understand some people in America. I really don't. I do not understand how some of them can justly call themselves "American" and harbor the misconceptions that they do.

Fact: America was founded on religious principles. It was settled by pilgrims seeking religious freedom from an oppressive king. As much as some try to deny it (if you do, see here), this country was formed as a nation under God.

If you know anything about me, it's that I consider myself very conservative.  I found this great quote which reflects the views of The Social Science Encyclopedia: "Conservatism is a condition found among the mature, who have discovered what it is in life they most value." I would say that sounds about right. I will tell you the five things I most value: God; my husband and family; my religion (which goes along with my belief in God); freedom; children/life. When people suggest that my religion or conservative values are "outdated," I think to myself that their beliefs, in contrast, are unrealistic and ideological. I look at the world and see a lot of good people but also a lot of evil. Those on the opposite side of the fence see only the best of human nature. They think everyone deserves to live exactly how they want to live and, if given the freedom to do so, will choose to live responsibly. Their unrealistic expectations of the world and their ideas relating to this are attractive to those who similarly believe in the potential for an ideal society. They are also attractive to those who are "victimized" in actual society because it gives them a false sense of hope for a better future. The point is, these beliefs are unrealistic and ultimately impossible.

As a Latter-day Saint, I believe in agency. Before coming to earth, God gave us the ability to choose right or wrong for ourselves. Before choosing this, Lucifer (Satan) presented the plan that those who come to earth would have virtually no agency. They would only be able to "choose" goodness, which we realize is no choice at all. Lucifer's plan was rejected because God loves us so much He wanted us to be able to choose our own fate in this life--whether that meant returning to Him or choosing another path. I feel like those who believe in some kind of ideological world do not see the flaw in their thinking. Because people have agency, there always have been and always will be people who choose evil. This is one of our Heavenly Father's greatest gifts to mankind. I'm sure it makes Him very sad when one of His sons or daughters chooses this path but He loves us enough to allow us to choose for ourselves.

GUNS
I will just be scratching the surface in sharing some thoughts on this subject. To start, do people honestly believe that banning guns would eliminate gun violence? I will put my two cents in (since this is my blog and the First Amendment is still operative)--No, I do not believe that military grade weapons need to be in the hands of average citizens. Sure, it's a good idea to perform background checks before guns are sold to the public. Do we need semi-automatic guns in regular society? No. Do I think guns are bad? NO! I eat meat and I'm completely okay with hunting for the purpose of feeding one's family. I'm also okay with guns used for recreational purposes. But back to the original rhetorical question (do people honestly believe that banning guns would eliminate gun violence?), the "answer" is clear. There are always evil people out there. There are always those who are selfish and willing to hurt others to achieve their ends. Were there murderers and crimes committed before guns existed? Obviously. The point is, stricter regulations on guns does very little. Look at Mexico, which does not allow citizens to own anything larger than a .22 caliber weapon. Evidently, this law isn't very effective based on the fact that drug lords and criminals still find a way to make or purchase larger weapons. I've already discussed how eliminating guns entirely would never be effective. As proven by Australia, complete eradication of guns always results in greater violence, more crimes, and ultimately, public outcry. Criminals prey on the defenseless. I do not intend to foolishly leave my family vulnerable against an armed criminal. If someone does not share my views about this and can explain their thinking in a realistic way, I'd love to hear it.

I intended to go on into other subjects, but lucky for some of you, I am very tired and both physically and emotionally drained from the day. Don't worry though, I'll undoubtedly be sharing some more of my "old-fashioned" ideas in the future.

If you would like to read my views regarding abortion (another touchy subject), you can do so by clicking here. You can read about my opinion that the family unit is sacred right here.