There Is A Point To All This

I was thinking very seriously last night about why I write this blog. Why do I? It can't be just because I enjoy writing. The time it takes to think of decent topics and take specific photos for those topics and actually write a post requires more effort than I would care to put into something just for the sake of doing it.

So I had to ask myself, is it just because I'm crazy passionate about what I believe in? That could play a role. In fact, it definitely does because I can't help but want to share the happiness the gospel of Jesus Christ brings me with others. As I've learned recently, not all of my readers believe in the same things I do. Why this was a revelation to me, you'll soon know. It seems like every time I post something even mildly controversial (and sometimes when I don't even intend for it to be controversial) I receive critical comments from readers who obviously disagree with me and feel the need to explain why I am wrong. Usually the first time I read these comments, it bugs me. As a human, I can't help but feel a tiny bit bothered that someone things I'm a hateful, ignorant, intolerant person because I think differently than they do. (This, by the way, is the very definition of intolerance--"unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behavior that differ from one's own.")

Thankfully, in the last few years, I've trained myself to not let these comments bother me. It's not at all that I don't care about what these people have to say, because I do. But I no longer allow their negativity, frustration, anger, etc. ruin my day or my life. I just can't afford to let that happen. It is my choice to take offense. It is my choice to be miserable. It is also my choice to be happy.

Once I made the mistake of commenting on some boy's status from my high school. He was bringing up the subject of gay marriage and I (stupidly, for I knew his political views) decided to give my two cents and wrote that I felt God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman, and made a suggestion that same-sex relationships be labeled civil unions instead so as not to alter the sacred nature and definition of marriage. The backlash I received for that simple comment was ridiculous. Everyone immediately attacked my views, calling me a "bigot" and a hater and some words I won't even say. NO one stood by me or even made an effort to understand my views. The comments that were made were plain cruel and completely out of line and basically the attacks got so bad that I had to delete the boy as a "friend." For some reason, I especially took offense to being called a bigot. A bigot?! I wanted to say. Every single person from my high school who knew ANYTHING about me, including that boy, knew I was about as far from a bigot as a person can be. In fact, many times I was told by classmates (who were not close to me at all) that I was the nicest person they'd ever met. People just liked me because I tried to be kind to everyone. I was not what I'd call "popular" because I didn't participate in many of the things that those particular classmates did, but I think that everyone liked me. When I finally realized how ridiculous that label was, (though it took me like a week to stop thinking about it, it bothered me so much) I made a conscious decision to not let people's words affect me. It wasn't like I was unaware that not everyone has the same beliefs as I do. But if they had a right to share their views, then so did I.

I may be a minority in the way I think, particularly as a Mormon. But in my mind, that makes my need even greater to share what I believe and stand firm in my values. So few people in modern day have the courage to share their convictions with others. I do not intend to be one of those people. I know in my heart what is right and I have to stand for it. In some ways, I have a responsibility to do so. This quote, for whatever reason, really resonates with me:

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” ~JFK referencing Dante's Inferno

It is more important than ever that people courageously stand for goodness. And I have to admit--even if someone is at the complete opposite end of the political spectrum than I am, if they truly believe in a cause and stand for it, that is preferable in my mind to bearing no opinion whatsoever for the sake of neutrality.

So again, why do I write? It is not just to promote my political views, my morals, my values, my religion. As already stated, I feel that is important. But I also write to be a tiny positive light in this dark world. I write to record my joys and encourage others to triumph. I write to help others become their best self. I write to make ordinary things in life worthy of notice and appreciation. Like the writer William Wordsworth (though I do not consider myself to be like him in most respects), I write to "refresh [man's] sense of wonder...in the everyday, the commonplace, the trivial." In other words, I am trying to help my readers appreciate the little things. I want to motivate people to find joy in their personal journey. I want others to be happy. That's why I share what I believe and why I'm so enthusiastic about it. I am happy, and I want to spread the joy I feel from merely existing in this world with everyone. The gospel of Jesus Christ makes me happy. Because of it, I know that families are eternal. I know death is not the end. We are here for a purpose and we can obtain even greater happiness if we do not waste this life. I know these things.

Many people today do not believe in God's existence. I feel responsible for showing these people that He does. This video is kind of cute:

There is still goodness in this world. This video shows it.

If you ever have a question about something I believe in, please don't hesitate to ask me. I am happy to have a discussion with you. I promise I won't belittle your opinion.

Thank you for reading my blog, too. It means that I'm accomplishing my goal in a small way.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy: So STOP IT, Moms

Listen ladies.

I don't really want this to end up being some long post but we'll see how it goes.

I just want to say (at the top of my lungs), STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. Sigh.

If only it were as easy as flipping off a switch in yourself. But unfortunately it isn't. I'm sure it takes practice. I am not perfect at this. And maybe it's just in my personality or DNA not to care what others think about me, but I've been getting good at it. Hence all my controversial posts that my good friend Anonymous likes to comment on and scold me for in front of the universe (well, the universe of my readers, which is quite small).

But really, you want to know something that bothers me? (If you don't, exit out of this tab now because here it comes...) Moms that compare themselves. Women in general that compare themselves. And people wonder why I wished for mostly sons...girl drama is insane! And utterly pointless. It seems like the whole world of girls is about competition. And it is, in a word, ANNOYING. I feel like the older lady in She's The Man who finds the girls fighting in the bathroom and says, "LADIES! STOP! Please!" If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the last 40 seconds of this clip.

But back to what I was saying--why oh why do so many moms waste time comparing themselves to other moms? I don't get it. Recently I've read so many blog posts about moms that feel embarrassed about their ragamuffin children when they see other perfectly groomed children out in public. They are annoyed or even angry at the moms that attempt the fun-looking Pinterest mommy projects. They think those moms always have perfect homes with perfect children. I'll tell you why this bothers me--because I want to be one of those moms. I LIKE cleaning and organization. I LIKE doing arts and crafts and making cute things for my husband and children. I WANT to be the best mom I can be and what's so wrong with that? My house isn't clean right now. If downloading photos on my computer didn't take so long, I'd show you the dishes in my sink, the clutter on our kitchen table and living room floor, the clothes on our bed, and the disaster area that is currently Tenley's room. But who cares about my efforts? What about your own! If you are trying in your own personal way to be the best mom you can be then you are succeeding! I hope I am not the first one to shout those words at you.

Here's what I want. To stop feeling guilt when I read about these "real" moms who have imperfect and chaotic lives. Maybe my life is that way, too. Maybe everyone's is. Maybe I don't brag about every time my daughter has a fit or a bad day. Maybe I focus on the good because to me, that's what matters. If I posted or blogged about all the crappy days I've had, or the times Tenley has freaked out, or the number of mistakes and messes I've made, I'd be angry and depressed all the time. As it is, I already get stressed when I think about the many things I need to do.

I need to pick up. 

I need to wash those dishes. 

But first I need to put away the dry ones. 

I need to make dinner (like RIGHT now)

I need to finish putting Dalin's shirts away. 

I need to work on my English classes. 

I need to finish a painting for a friend. 

I need to read my scriptures.

I need to stop going on Facebook and Pinterest and Yahoo and Gmail and whatever else I do to kill time. 

I need to feed Tenley. 

I need to shower. 

I need to figure out when Tenley's six month appointment is and whether I've scheduled it already or not. 

I need to be positive when my husband gets home and ask him about his day and let him know how much I love and missed him because I am his wife and I want to support him and uplift him. 

I don't think I need to go on.

Do you see what I'm saying though? Is it okay that some women (me included) feel the need/desire/whatever to brag about their accomplishments as a mom? Yes. Does it affect you? No. Does it matter that I tried (and failed miserably) to make homemade rice cereal for Tenley today? No. Does it matter that Tenley is asleep in our bed right now in nothing but a diaper? No. Does it matter that I don't know what I'm doing as a mother? No. It doesn't. I know I am trying my best. I don't care if you give your child fast food every single day. I wouldn't advise it, but it's not my choice. I don't care if you never do your child's hair. I don't have a sister. I never had anyone to practice doing hair on. So when Tenley gets hair long enough to style, I plan on trying it out. Maybe I will be horrible at it (I can't even french braid my own hair) or maybe she will look darling. But it doesn't help when there are other moms or women out there looking at my child and thinking to themselves, "Wow, what a showoff" or "I'm such a bad mom for not doing my own kid's hair." I'll say it again, it DOESN'T help. Do you really TRULY believe that that is a mom's intention? If it is, that is their own issue. But the beauty of it is it's none of your business.

Please. Stop comparing your mothering skills. Everyone is a learning to be a mom. Even on your fifth, sixth, or tenth child, you are still learning. No one is out to get you. Be happy for someone else. Compliment their efforts. Maybe they need the approval or encouragement. If you are one of the "comparerers" then ask yourself who is better off? You, who chooses to feel guilty when you see another woman's good deed or accomplishment? Or her, who is out there actually doing it? If I were guessing, I'd say her.

Be kind. Have compassion. Be understanding. Be positive about your own accomplishments. Most importantly, stop comparing. You'll be happier, I promise.

Now pardon me while I brag about making a delicious dinner at 9:54pm. Because that's what I'm about to do. And after, maybe I'll even put Tenley in pajamas (but probably not).

41 Weeks Pregnant (Blah!)

I'm a little miffed to say I did not think I would get to this point but here I am. The part that is slightly relieving (and slightly stressful) is that I've been scheduled to be induced for tomorrow Monday morning apparently at 6:30am! Umm, we were told to call and pick a time...obviously we would have chosen a more reasonable hour like 8 or 9am or something, but oh well. I guess she'll be here sooner than we thought! I'm slightly stressed because I did not want to be induced and it makes me anxious that we now know when we are going to the hospital and that after that we will have our baby girl here, but I am excited, too. I haven't been scared about the giving birth part for a while, but I am scared about being put on Pitocin since that is most likely what they'll do, and it bothers me knowing that almost everyone who is put on Pitocin needs an epidural because it brings the contractions on so suddenly and intensely. I really don't want one. I am not opposed to epidurals, but I do not want to pay for one. So my plan has been to try and go natural this whole time but I feel like that dream is slipping out the window. I'm really frustrated about that but I can't let myself get stressed out or I'll probably get emotional. My doctor told me I'd be in charge but the lady on the phone from the hospital didn't make it sound like she was taking requests. If I had it my way, I would have them first try using just Cervidil to see if that was enough to push me over from a 3 to a 4cm (it worked for my friend), and if that didn't work, put me on Pitocin for a short while--just enough to get me going.

I just learned that my mom was on Pitocin the whole time when she was induced with me and she still didn't get an epidural so I guess it's not impossible. That's slightly relieving. I hate that I'm getting induced because I hate that I have time to attempt to plan and worry about the situation. If I had just gone into labor in the middle of the night I would just be worried about getting the baby out, not about all the stupid drugs everyone is trying to give me. So frustrating.

Well I'm trying to stay positive and have courage because I am really excited for our little girl to be here. More likely than not, we'll have her by tomorrow!!!!! So unreal. She has been very much anticipated for practically a year. (I can't believe I've been pregnant for 41 out of the last 52 weeks of a year...that's such a long time!) Week 40 went by a little faster than week 39 because I took everyone's advice and kept as busy as possible. When I get the time, I will share what's been going on lately. It's been awesome having my mom here and I can't believe she leaves in 10 days. We have plans to go to New Hampshire in 15 days! Our little girl will be two weeks old! I guess August has kind of flown by even though I didn't think so the last two weeks. 

Dalin is so ready for her to be here. I catch him in her room pretending to change her diaper and sitting in the chair in there. He tells me he is going to just hang out in there while she's sleeping and watch her and read to her. He always gets so happy when we talk about her being here. I'm convinced he's going to be the cutest dad of all time (I'm sure every wife thinks that, but I know it's true for him:). I can also tell he's going to be the nicer parent of the two of us, but we'll talk about that another time...

Wish me luck for tomorrow! Thankfully I have Dalin who can give me a blessing beforehand. I'm so blessed to have him! 

One of the last times it will be just the two of us! I love our family! 

Kindness by Small and Simple Means

If you are struggling today, here is a little motivation for you:

I love this quote from The Hobbit (which you do not need to be familiar with to like it, too), as said by Gandalf the Grey: "Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love." 

Such true words! I love that quote because it reminds me of a similar one by poet, William Wordsworth: "The best portion of a good man's life; his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." 

It is a good idea to try going about our day seeking to help people. We may not feel like we can do much, but "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6). Very often, the kind things we do go unnoticed by others. It can be frustrating to feel unappreciated, but we must remember that God sees every act we perform and He knows the true intent of our hearts. Honest acts of kindness seek no reward. 

Do not be discouraged when the good things you do for others go unnoticed. The most important person of all notices them and He will bless you for your efforts when repayment is not your goal. 

I really enjoy this motivating quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley--it has helped motivate me to action when I feel lazy or unenthusiastic about something: "Think about your particular assignment at this time in your life...our assignments are varied and they change from time to time. Don't take them lightly. Give them your full heart and energy. Do them with enthusiasm. Do whatever you have to do this week with your whole heart and soul. To do less than this will leave you with an empty feeling." 

Last, I liked a story that our bishop of the BYU Married 4th Ward (Bishop Call) told us a couple of Sundays ago at church. It has a message similar to Marjorie Hinckley's quote. There is no way my version will do it justice, but I'll try. Basically, he told us of a married couple that went to this restaurant that was rumored to have amazing steak. As the couple ordered, their waiter replied with "Done!" after each item. He not question the couple's order, he just responded enthusiastically, "Done!" When the food arrived, it was delicious and exactly what the couple had ordered. Very pleased with this experience, the husband decided to implement the waiter's willing attitude at home with his children. The children joke that this waiter ruined their lives because their father expected them to respond to their responsibilities and jobs with a "done" attitude. If they were given a task, their father wanted them to get up and do it, not wait or complain or postpone the work. After a few years, the family wanted to return to the restaurant so that they could once again see the waiter who had "ruined" the kids' lives. Once there, they requested the waiter, describing what he had done the previous time. The host said he thought he knew who they were referring to, and seated them. Sure enough, the same waiter came to wait on them. Only this time, when the family ordered, the waiter responded after each item: "Happily." The father was a little disappointed that the waiter had changed the phrase, but upon pondering further he realized that "happily" was an upgrade! He didn't just intend to get things done but to do so willingly and happily. 

I like this story because it encourages us to do the things we must do with joyful willingness. We should not complain or procrastinate or do a job halfheartedly. When you have a task, do it HAPPILY!

It has been a long, warm day here in Provo and I am more than ready for Dalin to come home from work so I can spend some much-needed time with him. My father-in-law sent out an email to the family today with a link to some beautifully restored historic pictures (most are from the early 1900s). I love history and I thought I would share the link with anyone who is interested, so here it is: 
http://photosilke.blogspot.com/2013/03/historic-pictures-restored.html.  The photos are very clear and detailed, and personally give me a sense of curiosity and interest in our country's history when I look at them. I hope someone else enjoys them as much as I did! Here are a few of my favorite ones from the link:

Look how many people! And look at their swimsuits in 1904! Crazy. 

1921 Home Economics Class. Look at how cute all the girls are.

Dramatic change in swimwear in 1922. 

St. Paul, 1908. So interesting!

P.S. I think it would be really cool if someone took the time to re-visit the places in the photos and take a new picture from the precise location to compare it 100 years later! Someone who has the time, means, and talent should really go do that... ;)

If you have any thoughts to add, share them with me by commenting below!

Mini Breakdown: Pregnancy Stress

Last night, out of nowhere, I had a mini breakdown. 

Normally that isn't something I would want to admit but I felt I had a good reason. 

After reading some stupid article on a pregnancy website, I started to panic about giving birth. Not being a mom per se, but actually having the baby. Obviously I knew it was inevitable these whole six months and I guess I had seemed okay with it before, but that stupid article got me to start over-thinking things and I freaked out. I called my home, my dad answered, and when I began crying he handed the phone off to mom. 

Luckily, my mom comforted me a million times over. She reminded me that billions of women have done it and many didn't even have any type of epidural or good medical help. She reminded me about those moms that have lots and lots of kids and said that they wouldn't do it if it wasn't worth it. She said that every single woman gets scared at some point beforehand and it's completely normal to be worried. She also told me that her contractions were like really bad menstrual cramps except instead of being continual, they only last about 15 seconds and you have breaks in between. Since I can relate to that, that was very comforting to me. She told me I will probably have an advantage over a lot of girls because I have had such bad cramps before (bad enough that I had to miss school and other things because I was curled up in a ball) and they aren't much different than that. She also reminded me that the end result makes it all worth it--at least you have a sweet and new little baby in the end! 

My mom also reminded me that while still in the hospital after having me, she said, "I could do that again." I guess it must be worth it if she could say that not too long after having a baby. 

As we were talking, I kept asking Mom things like, "Which was worse, breaking a bone or having a baby?" She said breaking a bone. I guess that was kind of a pointless question since I have never broken a bone before and can't relate to that kind of pain, but it definitely comforted me because that sounds SUPER painful to me. We talked for a long time and when I finally stopped crying, I felt much better. 

Today I am feeling much more positive about things. My mom suggested I find a birthing class to sign up for and begin attending classes asap. She told me I could get a blessing beforehand if I was scared. And on my own, I've decided I am not going to read so many pregnancy articles...especially any that are negative or scary. They just bring a lot of unnecessary stress.

Finally, when I spoke on the phone with my grandmother this morning, she reminded me that God doesn't give us more than we can handle and that I will be just fine. I just need to have faith. 

What was your biggest apprehension about giving birth? How did you get over it?

If you had a surprisingly positive experience, will you tell me about it? (I don't really want to hear any scary parts...for obvious reasons)

Valuable Lesson and Random Thoughts

Well, I learned a lesson today. And that is, do NOT delay prayer. Make it your first resort rather than your last. I have been looking for two completely random and unrelated items for a while now and pridefully thought I could rely on myself to find them. Finally, I said a prayer and then somehow found both things within ten minutes. I feel very foolish. So save yourself some time and embarrassment and PRAY FIRST!

By the way, the items were a TJMaxx giftcard and the plug to an electric skillet. Totally random, but I really needed them both! I need to thank Heavenly Father for teaching me that lesson.

Also (unrelated) I am craving corned beef and cabbage right now. Not like recently but right now. Luckily Dalin will be home from work soon and he is bringing me some Olive Garden...guess that'll have to do... ;) I am so pumped. Baby girl must be, too, because she is pushing her feet (or some body part) against me a lot right now. By against me, I really mean against the inside of my uterus. She might just be stretching out, but I would not be surprised if she is as hungry as I am.

I'm hoping this week flies by! I can't wait for the weekend...first Saturday off in three weeks...woohoo!

 

This is me with my first ever (self-done) sock bun. I actually think it looks a lot better in person than it does here...my wonderfully honest 13-year old brother called me after seeing these pictures and asked me what that "muffin thing" was on my head. Then he said it looks stupid and that I should take it down. Love that kid. 

I hope everyone is having a fabulous week!