On Being Open-Minded

I think society has a major problem. And it revolves primarily around the incorrect use of language, and more specifically around use of certain terms like "open-minded" and "tolerance." Those of you who believe you are open-minded or tolerant raise your hand. I bet most of you mentally thought, "Yeah, I'm pretty open-minded." Believe it or not, I even thought that I was open-minded for a brief minute. Some of you are scoffing at the idea that I, a blatantly conservative young woman, could be open-minded. Then I thought about those people in society who call themselves open-minded. We all know who I'm referring to. One political party more than the other tends to associate themselves with this term. And with it, they label their stances on major political issues. 

Well it's not accurate. Not how "we" use it, not how "they" use it.

Open-minded (adj.) Receptive to new and different ideas or the opinions of others; having a mind receptive to new ideas, arguments, etc.; unprejudiced.
Tolerant (adj.) Showing willingness to allow the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

Now please tell me how receptive you are to the different opinions of others. Tell me how you never trample on the perspectives of others especially those you find disagreeable. (And while you're at it, please tell my anonymous blog critics to stop being so overwhelmingly open-minded toward my personal beliefs and ideas (despite this being my personal blog and me not forcing them to read or react to it)). Seriously, I can't take their tolerance.*

There are very few people who are open-minded or tolerant. And I am not one of them. I do not tolerate views that I believe to be wrong or immoral. I do not tolerate people who judge me and call me judgmental. It's part of being human to judge and learn to make righteous judgments. 

Judgement (noun) The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

I know a few people who actually are open-minded. They align themselves with one party or one type of people but willingly listen and learn from the opinions of those with opposite views. They are information gatherers, and they are the truly tolerant among us. One reader of mine in particular fits this description. She forms her opinions about others based on a number of factors, accounting for cultural differences, upbringing, and environment. She may disagree with the majority of my views, but her willingness to learn about them and her efforts to understand them prior to forming judgments make her truly tolerant.

I've come to the sensible conclusion that many, many people are not as open-minded or tolerant as they proclaim. They must learn that these two principles are two-way behaviors. I have not mastered them. And I can assure you that I am fully aware that society has not done so either, regardless of political party. If you are going to use one of those terms, please learn to do so correctly, or you are wasting my close-minded time. Better yet, take an English course or read a Dictionary and a Thesaurus and then come anonymously insult me with your tolerance. 

I've learned that I am judgmental. But I judge based on my conservative upbringing, my religious background, my personal opinions developed in my mere twenty-two years of public education, and especially by my intuition because I believe that everyone has an inner moral compass whether they believe the same or choose to follow it or not. I follow mine. And there's where all this stuff that I put in this blog comes from. Blame my nature and my upbringing if you want.

Now stop being so close-minded and accept my beliefs already. (That, like much of this post by the way, was sarcasm. Sarcasm (noun) The use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny...I think I accomplished all three of those things). 

Also, just to clarify...Close-minded (adj.) Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas. 

I'm not asking for comments on this one because, let's be honest, I don't really want to hear them unless they're compliments.**
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*Note: My husband Dalin is wonderfully supportive of me, but he and I do not necessarily agree on every subject that I choose to discuss on this blog. He is very much more open-minded than I am about nearly every subject and is a much better person than I on many levels. He thought that I was going too far with my sarcasm in this paragraph and admittedly it was written in mild rage annoyance, but I am (evidently) a very disagreeable person who likes conflict so I thought it most appropriate to leave it in. I'll try to tone it down in the future though, and that is one thing I am serious about. ;)

**Believe it or not, I wrote this post with the intention of being informative rather than argumentative. I clearly failed at conveying that but all the same, I do not mean to dictate how I think "all people should behave" (by my private definition) but I do write to share my views and inform. 

Three Fears and How They Came to Be

I'm (gradually) doing this list from another woman's blog, so that explains the topic.

When I think of my top fears, the first thing that comes to mind is the dark. That can't really be your top fear, you're thinking, but considering it more, I suppose it is more a fear of the unknown that makes this a legitimate concern. I hate dark parking lots. The Wymount parking lot is so dark. At least, in the corner where our parking space is. Sometimes when I would go out at 11pm to pick Dalin up from work, the lights wouldn't even be on yet. (Not that it matters--even when they are on it's still pitch black along the sidewalk to our car). On my way to the car, I get my car keys out and hold them like little knives, ready to jab someone in the eye if they should pop out behind a bush or tree and attack me. I know that sounds super paranoid (especially to any men who might read this) but when you're a small, defenseless woman you have to worry about these things unfortunately because the world is full of messed-up people who would take advantage of a woman because they can. Anyway, I try not to run because I swear running to the car makes it ten times scarier. Because then all of a sudden you're being chased (in your mind) by a creep like on those zillions of crime shows you've seen and the only thing you can do is jump in your car and hit the locks as fast as you can. Having Tenley has helped slightly with this fear--only because I know that I am not going to let ANYTHING happen to my baby girl, so if someone were to attack us, they'd better watch out. I think most women are hard-wired to be scared--or at least wary--of threats to their safety which is why the dark can be so scary. You just don't know who or what could be out there. As a child, I always ran from the bathroom back to my room in the middle of the night and dove onto my bed so nothing could get me. And going down into our basement to get something was always an awful task. While I was downstairs, I would make someone in my family listen to me talk (from upstairs) and reply back so they would know if something happened to me. Yeah. Now I think I've made my little brother paranoid because he hates going down into the basement, too. These pins from Pinterest describe me pretty well.

Yeah, so that is kind of two fears--the dark and bad people, so I'll just give you my third.

It's so cliché but I'm afraid of spiders. Maybe I should make this broader--I'm scared of being bitten by poisonous things (so poisonous snakes, insects, and scorpions, too). I never thought of myself as afraid of these things until I left New Hampshire. I used to hold daddy long-leg spiders in my hands when I was a kid growing up there (though the idea grosses me out now). New Hampshire has no poisonous spiders or snakes that I have ever seen. I did do some research though and learned that we have one poisonous spider (the Northern Black Widow) which has reportedly "never been seen in the wild," and the only reason we have it is because of produce transported from other states (mainly California grapes). We also have one venomous snake in the mountains (called a Timber Rattlesnake) but it is very rare and protected by the state because there are so few of them. No one I know has ever seen a black widow or a rattlesnake in all their time living in New Hampshire. We have no scorpions--it's too cold in the winter. What we do have are ticks, some of which carry Lyme Disease. Those are pretty gross little parasites and I can't say they aren't disgusting, but they have to be attached to a host for at least 36 hours for the disease to be transmitted, and my mom, her sister, and a few of my cousins have gotten Lyme Disease from ticks and live normal lives because they've been treated. Anyway, the point is, when I moved west, I became extremely afraid of poisonous spiders and snakes in particular. It was probably those stinking documentaries I watched on Discovery Channel about the desert with its rattlers and scorpions that made me so wary. If I hadn't seen any, I might not be so freaked out. While hiking with Dalin in Provo Canyon the day he proposed to me, we saw three huge snakes and while in Arizona we saw little poisonous scorpions and my fear unfortunately has not lessened since. Our apartment here in Provo has some disgustingly huge spiders living around it. The other day I say the freakiest, hugest spider I've seen since living here on the outside of Tenley's window. All I could do was make sure the window was shut tight and hope it doesn't get in somehow. This baby was over our bed one morning.

So there you have it. Those are my fears. I wish I could say that I didn't have any more, but I do--these are just my top three. I'm also afraid of drowning (I'm not a confident swimmer), my family dying from something other than old age, and of dying in a drawn out, painful way. Phew, I'm glad this post is over. Hopefully none of these will ever happen to me or you. Or anyone.

What are your greatest fears and why? 
Do you have any irrational fears?

20 Random Facts to Tell The Kids

Here are some things my children should know about me. Many of these things you can figure out on your own just from getting to know me, but I don't think I've written them down anywhere in my thirty journals and I should probably record it. For posterity. Some are serious, some are just for fun.

1. I am stubborn when it comes to my political and religious beliefs. I know what I know and I do not like to be told that I'm wrong. I will always defend my beliefs in these respective areas. It is an inherent and obstinate part of my personality.

2. I rarely exercise and I wear only a little makeup. I'm too lazy to exercise, truthfully, but I would do it if I thought it would improve my health. My body is surprisingly almost completely back to my pre-pregnancy body at 8 weeks [today] though (go breastfeeding!), and as long as I'm eating well, I do not see that it is entirely necessary. I won't deny that exercise does greatly improve my mood so perhaps that is reason enough to do it. As for makeup, as long as I have mascara and eyeliner, I don't care about anything else. I want to look like myself and I do not care for the caked on look. And neither does Dalin thankfully. I'm all for enhancing one's natural beauty.

3. I've made it my goal to not buy any clothes for myself or Dalin for a year (see here). So far it hasn't been that difficult (I literally haven't been to a clothing store since I set the goal which has helped) but I am sure sooner or later I will be tempted and my resolve to follow through will be tested. But I have a feeling I can do it and that I'll be better for it. It is one way that I'm making a sincere effort to be more grateful for all that I already have been given by a loving Father.

4. Sometimes--very often more recently--I just want to give up with school. It is very hard to have perspective when I don't see myself working necessarily and when the end feels so far off (though it really isn't). Plus, Independent Study stinks. But I know the end result will be worth it someday. "Eternal perspective," I tell myself repeatedly.

5. My primary love language is physical touch (9), followed by quality time (7), acts of service (6),  words of affirmation (5), and then receiving gifts (3). Find out your love language right here. (Okay, can I just add that Dalin's love language is the complete opposite of mine?? His is: words of affirmation (9), quality time (8), acts of service (8), receiving gifts (4), and physical touch (a freaking 1! Are you kidding me?!?!). But we're still married ;)

6. Being a mother is an incredible joy. It's better than I ever imagined it would be as a little girl who wanted a "Cheaper-By-The-Dozen"-sized family. I love holding my daughter as she snuggles into me. I love hearing her talk and coo at me. I love watching her smile in her sleep and her reactions to us smiling at her. I love the way she looks right into my eyes and gazes at me with so much love and wonder. I love seeing her with her daddy. I love that stage between wake and asleep and all her grunts and yawns and stretches. I love smelling her, touching her, nursing her, and feeling that she is all mine. I love that she makes me feel needed and wanted. I even love when she cries (I'm terrible--I usually start laughing because the things that babies cry about seem ridiculous to me) and when she scratches my chest with her sharp little claws. All the other moments make up for it. She makes me excited to meet my other children who aren't born yet.

7. I have an adventurous spirit. I frequently daydream about the future. I imagine our future home (and all the Pinterest projects I have lined up...) and sometimes I dream about what it would be like to get off the grid and be on our own for a while. I like the woods. I like my family. God is always with us. What more do I need, really? Then I remember that I love the rest of my family, too. And that I would miss them if we were just on our own. But still, it is fun to daydream.

8. I truly love my role as a Latter-day Saint woman. If you need convincing that the Mormon church properly honors and respects women, take a look at this right here. I think you will find that we are given a lot of credit for our divine role. I do not buy into modern society's view of what "true womanhood" is.

9. I feel like I am much smarter now than I have ever been at any other point in my life (especially thanks to the General Conference messages we just heard the last few days). Yeah, we all learn new things every day so this seems fairly obvious. But looking back through the years, there are a lot of things I wish I had known about life and about myself. I'm still naive about a lot of things, but some people call that "positivity" and it's a good quality. In some ways, I'm a realist (for example, I know the world is becoming increasingly evil), but I try to use the knowledge gained from that mindset to enhance my positive outlook. Being positive is a choice. It's hard, but it's worth it.

10. I'm happy (not just right now...like, I'm a happy person) because of my Latter-day Saint background to know that death is not the end. Because of our Savior Jesus Christ, I know we will live again. I am happy because I know (and believe with all my being) that families are forever. I'm happy because I know that Heavenly Father loves me. I am His child and so are you. Even if you don't believe it, too late. You can never change that you are a son or daughter of God.

11. I write in my journal every single day (and have since I was 13, hence the thirty-one journals I've filled) because I was asked to. The leaders of the Church encouraged me (and every other young person) to keep a journal. And so I do because I want to be obedient. Is it more for posterity or myself?--I couldn't say. Most likely it is for both of us. Do I feel like a moron when I read my old journals most of the time? Yes. Because I was silly. And I keep learning from the past. And I change every day.

12. I feel that I have good intuition. What does that mean, exactly? (See definition below) I have an innate sense about things in general. I think that I read people well. I can interpret and predict people's behavior, attitudes, and even how they are thinking based on their actions or body language. I get people--I understand how and why they think. On another note, I often feel like I know what is about to happen and then it does. I understand Tenley's needs. The last one is probably just mother's intuition, which is real, (and all mother's have it whether they heed it or not). How do I account for these intuent feelings? Probably very often it is the Spirit inspiring me. But I do believe that Heavenly Father gives us each certain unique gifts and talents and that my ability to discern people and my acute perception are a few of mine.

13. Sometimes (this kind of relates back to number 7) I wish that Dalin didn't have to work (in other words, that we were millionaires) and that we could live in a nice humble abode by the lake (with at least five bedrooms for us and our imaginary seven children) or the ocean, and that we could hang out and play together all the time without having to worry about finances ever. Money is dumb. And we can live off the land and provide for ourselves. And we can fly. (Just kidding about the last part though everything else is basically just as unrealistic).

14. I want my children to know that after Heavenly Father, I love their dad more than anything that has ever existed. And then them. And I hope that someday they will say the same thing about their Father in Heaven and their spouse.

15. What you see is what you get. I am far from perfect. I make mistakes every day though I try to improve myself. But I am real. I am down to earth. This is my first time being a mom. I never took a class or had a practice kid (though being the first child, Tenley is kind of in that position), I'm just figuring it out as I go along. I hope I don't stink as a mother, but if I mess up, remember that this is my first time and hopefully I'll get wiser as time goes on.

And a few more (not necessarily as important):
16. I want more babies. Lots of them. Everyone knows this about me. I love being a mom! Best kind of work ever.

17. I developed photos (because of Tenley) for the first time in years last week. So sad. Facebook and the internet have destroyed the need to develop pics. Probably when our kids are grown that won't be an option anymore. All picture frames will be digital. I hope not.

18. I am currently addicted to Cranberry-Lemonade (it took me a few glasses to get used to it) and to dark chocolate coconut almonds (thanks, Emily!). The best part about these two things? (and no they don't go together). Cranberries and almonds are good for you! Score. My kids probably won't care about this information, but I'll just throw in that I love juice and nuts in any form.

19. Someday, I want to get a dog. I think. (Sometimes I remember how much work they are and start to reconsider). If I were to get a dog, I'd want a dachshund (that's what my parents have and he is the best) or a beagle (or a mix of the two) because Snoopy is a beagle and I love Snoopy. So much. And all the Peanuts. But that's besides the point.

20. I love receiving flowers (of all kinds!) on any given day for any reason. Who doesn't? I have a bad habit though of saving them all...I dry them out then hang them places. I'm a little too sentimental when it comes to flowers I guess;)

Just being a mom. Love Tenley's sleep smile. 

Our family is forever. Period.

Did any of these surprise you? If so, which one(s)?
Is there anything that you think I need to add to this list?

iWant

I'm not particularly in the mood to write a long, interesting post, but I need to distract myself from wanting to meet (so badly) this sweet little girl inside me. So I thought I would share what I want for the future of the little Gunnell family:

First off, I want more kids. Our first isn't quite here but already I feel more excited to become a mom than anything. I have wanted to be a mother all my life and I am so thankful that I will be able to start this exciting and fun journey with Dalin really soon (I hope!!). I bet many of you are thinking, isn't it a little premature to be thinking about baby #2 already? I don't feel like it is. Anyone who grew up with me knows I have always wanted a larger family (six or seven children to be more specific), and if I am to achieve that goal I need to get a move on! ;) But seriously, I am extremely grateful for how easy I have had it so far. My pregnancy has been long but wonderful. Particularly when I hear about the experiences of other women, I realize I have nothing to complain about. I am so looking forward to giving birth. In Spanish, the phrase for "giving birth" is dar a luz. I love that because directly translated it means, "to give a light." Children of Heavenly Father are lights when they come to this earth and I cannot wait to meet our sweet little daughter of God. 

Second, I want our daughter (and our other children, too) to learn Spanish. I am not sure why this is so important to me, but it always has been. I really want my children to be bilingual so that they might have many options available to them in the future. I'm not too concerned about her learning English. I am sure I will speak to her in English more often than I would like and everyone around her will be speaking English, too. The thing is, I love Spanish, and my latin friends tell me I'm pretty good at speaking it... But I certainly am not fluent. Dalin knows Spanish from his mission in San Diego and I've been informed by several of his mission friends that he is amazing at it. So together we should be able to be successful, right? It obviously isn't my first language and it will be a challenge to tell myself to speak to her in Spanish, but it is important to me that my children learn as much as they can.

Third, I want to organize our home--on several levels. I want our home to be a place of peace and welcoming. I want others to feel the Spirit when they enter our home. I want it to be clean and organized, and I want to de-clutter our lives and learn to focus on establishing gospel principles in our home. Hopefully we can take President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's words to heart: "It is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials." As Elder Dallin H. Oaks once taught, "We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families." The gospel is our priority. Returning to our Father in Heaven is our ultimate goal. I want to be with my family forever.

Fourth, I want to save for our future home. I am not positive where our family will end up, (though I have some ideas) but I know that I want a humble home that I feel I can maintain and work on and beautify. I want to have a modest-sized home (despite our supposedly large family) because I want to be able to afford to do things. I want to travel with Dalin and our children. I want to be able to visit family whenever we want. I want to be able to bring our kids to places and teach them to value experiences and lessons over possessions. I would much rather go places as a family than have lots of things. I love Elder Dallin H. Oaks' quote: "In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best." Quality family time is much more important than having a lot of new things. "The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives." (Elder Oaks). 

Fifth, I want to finish school and work toward developing a part-time career that I can do in our home with my children. I think it is important that I contribute to our income in whatever way possible, though my first priority is raising our children in the gospel. Whether I contribute by selling my artwork, teaching art classes, writing a fantastic blog (ha ha), or editing or even writing books (like I ultimately would like to), I want to feel as though I am helping our family in that small way. I enjoy doing projects and creating things and I hope I will be able to cultivate those talents and interests in my children's own lives. 

Sixth, I want to raise our children with a firm foundation in the gospel of Jesus Christ. They will have their agency and they may choose to take a route that strays from our faith, but I hope by establishing a good base, they will ultimately choose for themselves the way of the gospel. I know it brings the truest happiness and is the only means by which we can live with our families forever.

What are your family or personal goals? 

He Lives, All Glory to His Name

I know He lives. He saved us and I want to be like Him. I love Him and am grateful for His love for me despite my endless imperfections. I know He is our advocate with the Father. We can be forgiven because of His sacrifice for all mankind. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. 

Happy Easter! Do not forget the true reason for this day--Jesus Christ's love for us. Because of Him we can all live again. 

How do you remind yourself of the true meaning of Easter?