Guess What? It IS Okay

I just love being a mom. I cannot say it enough. I am still far from being the type of mother I'd like to become, but I'm learning and I'm very happy with how things are going right now. I feel confident in my mothering abilities and I know I will continue to learn and improve. I really feel like I have the best job ever and I can't wait to have even more wonderful babies.

A few months ago, I saw an article which essentially scolded parents for using the phrase, "It's okay!" to attempt to comfort their child when he or she gets hurt. It claimed that using this phrase belittles the child's feelings or pain. And for those who watched Juan Pablo's season of The Bachelor, we know how annoying "Ees okay" can be when used at the wrong time. But this phrase has been on my mind since I read the article. Every time Tenley tips over or bonks her head, I remember the article and though my natural instinct is to tell her that everything is okay, I instead would try to ask, "Are you alright, sweetheart?" even though of course she can't answer me yet. But while this has happened several times in the last few months as Tenley learns to sit up, reach, crawl, etc., my feelings about those words have started to change. I have started to realize that it is okay for her to get hurt. As much as I want to protect her from everything that could ever harm her, it's simply impossible and it's not meant to be that way. She needs to experience pain and sadness to know joy. That is why we are on this earth. That is why we have our agency. We are supposed to fail. And that is why we have been given and must rely on our Savior. Jesus Christ atoned for our sins so that we can return to live with our heavenly parents and family after we leave this life.

Now let's be clear--that does not mean Tenley's sorrows do not affect me. I am the biggest empathizer and any time she is hurt or sad, I feel hurt or sad too. When she cries, I want to cry with her because she's my precious baby and I want her to be healthy and happy always. But I have decided that it is fine to comfort her with "It's okay," because it is okay. She will be okay and it's okay for her to be a little sad sometimes. I'm still going to ask her if she is alright and see what I can do to help her get through her pains once she is able to convey that to me, but for now I will continue to remind her that things are okay. She is safe and her mother and father and her Father in Heaven love her so much.

I imagine how our Heavenly Father must feel when He sees any one of His precious sons or daughters hurt. I know that He values our feelings and because of that, I know that ultimately, it is okay to get hurt. It is okay to feel sad. It's part of having trials and testing our ability to get through struggles in this life. We have to be tested in order to become better. Those tests help us improve and teach us to become more polished and more like Jesus Christ.

Anyway, I've said it before and I'll say it again, being a mom rocks. It's so fun, so challenging, and so rewarding. It makes my heart happy and I can't wait to feel that love grow as our family does.

With lots and lots of love,

Pending Adventures and Spring

When I read popular blog names (or even unpopular ones) I can't help but feel like I'm in the Hunger Games and the Capitol is real. You know how some of their names are like Cashmere and Glimmer? Yeah, I always am seeing stuff like that for blog names. But I won't pick on any blog in particular, I just think it's funny. Everyone tries so hard to be original. Sometimes I wonder how humans have not run out of things to say. Hasn't everything already been said? Hasn't every possible song been written already? Nothing should be original anymore, yet somehow a new song comes on the radio and it is completely different from anything else. It's pretty remarkable really. Humans are pretty talented.

Today the weather was beautiful here in Provo, Utah. Tenley and I went for a walk outside to feel the sunshine after saying goodbye to Dalin for the evening as he left for work. He had brought me (us ;) some colorful flowers before leaving today. He always does that kind of thing at the most random times, which to me, is the very best time to do it. He also knows how much I love flowers--almost more than anything else. I have a bad habit of trying to dry out and save every flower he gives me though...I can't help it! They just bring me happy memories! Anyway, spring always makes me feel so hopeful and positive. I am so looking forward to the coming months. I think I sometimes really struggle with being fully satisfied with the present. I am always looking to the future. I'm kind of a dreamer in that way. But I do love my life right now!

I love the colors!!!

Tenley and I are going on an adventure in the next few days. We are flying to meet up with my mom and brother--we had flying credit that had to be used up--who really just want to see Tenley, but I'm okay with that ;). I am excited, happy, nervous, and a little scared all at once. Nervous mainly because I've never been apart from Dalin for more than three days since we've been married. But I am doing my best to have faith because everything will be okay and no matter what, we will be together forever. I'm scared because I will be flying with Tenley alone which I have never done before but I have had many people reassure me that it will be great. Tenley is going to be an old pro at flying! By the time she is one, she will have flown to and from New Hampshire and Florida twice! Eight trips! She is a pretty wonderful little girl and I am so thankful to have her. I have been feeling so grateful for my life lately. Grateful for the promise of joy that comes with being a Latter-day Saint. I am thankful to have been raised a Mormon. It gives one such peace having a purpose. God has been so good to me and my family.

I am thankful that Dalin is so forgiving. I am so imperfect and he sees that more often than I'd like to admit. But he cares greatly about my happiness and I see how hard he works to support our little family and give us the very best. Ugh, it is going to kill me to leave him, but I know he will be right here for me when I return. And I'm going to give him a huge smooch so he knows that I really, really missed him haha. I already miss him and we haven't even left yet!

Anyway, wish Tenley and I luck with our travels and pray that this adventure goes smoothly. I so love adventures!:)

And thanks a million in advance!

Catching Up

Happy belated Valentine's Day! I love Valentine's Day because I love the color red and I love stuff with hearts and getting fresh flowers. But Dalin and I had a less traditional celebration because we were in Las Vegas for our good friends' Jason and Halie's wedding! The two got married on the 15th in the Las Vegas temple.

Anyway, the trip was awesome (and tiring) and included warm weather, last-minute hotels, visiting the strip, awesome food from a Las Vegas buffet, a temple sealing, a luncheon, a wedding reception, sleeping in our car overnight, long drives, and lots more craziness. Plus I almost got kicked out of several places for looking 16. One, I have a kid and two, I turn 23 this year, folks. But it's all good. (Also, I realize that saying I have a baby doesn't help since half the teenagers these days are getting pregnant but oh well). I will have to catch up with these stories later though because I am just so exhausted...it's been a long, long day. And I pretty much never want to get in the car again. 

Time to go snuggle my husband and baby girl (lucky her, she's been asleep the last couple hours already ;). 

Hope you all had an equally exciting Valentine's weekend! Here are some favorite pics, just to give you a sample...

I stinking love this girl.

Freaking precious for Valentine's :)

BFFs foreva'

What was your favorite part of Valentine's Day? 

Have you ever been to Vegas? What do you think of it?

Being Comfortable With Husbands

WE MADE IT TO ALL THREE HOURS OF CHURCH TODAY AND LAST WEEK.
Sorry but that deserved all caps because 8:30am church is cruel and we have a very hard time making it (at least on time) half the time. We were still late for the first hour, but hey, we made it.

I never regret going to church. But I do feel regret any time I miss it. Church just starts the week off right for me and every time I go, someone gives a message that seems like it was meant specifically for me. This week, that happened in Relief Society (third hour, when all the women gather for a class). I missed the first part of the lesson because I had taken Tenley in the mother's lounge to feed her. It would have been easy to stay in there, rocking in one of the many nice comfortable chairs, but I wanted to hear the message.

When I came into the Relief Society room, the lesson discussion seemed to be about husbands and dealing with marital trials. The woman speaking told of how she decided to try treating her husband as a guest in order to improve their relationship. I was so surprised to hear her say that because that was something I also had tried during the last few months to improve our relationship. And because it helped both of us, I decided to share my experience.

Photos from our dating days

I know I'm not alone after talking with several other wives about the subject, so I will try not to feel bad when I say that in the last few months I was not sure what was happening to my marriage. Things were not bad--nothing had really changed in our relationship, but things weren't GREAT. My attitude had changed. I grew repeatedly frustrated when I realized how different we were from the time we had gotten married more than two years before. Where was that lovey-dovey feeling from when we were dating? Where was the romance? Where was the passion when we kissed? Marriage changed that. Suddenly, we could do anything we wanted and because we could do it, there was less of a yearning for it. We could kiss whenever we wanted. We could do more than kiss. We didn't have to say goodbye ever. We stopped doing things for each other the way we had while dating and engaged. It was not like we never did things for each other, but they were less often and far between. And that angered me.

What is happening to us? I would ask in my head over and over. Why can't things be the same as when we were dating? I even asked Dalin this a few times and he finally told me that it hurt his feelings when I asked him that. I realized that in saying that, I sounded as though I did not love him as much as I did then. But that wasn't true. I loved him more. So what changed?

The answer: our attitudes. Specifically mine, because mine is the only one I can actually fix anyway. Time changed our attitudes. I do not love Dalin any less than when we were engaged, but over time, I have grown used to feeling that love so constantly that I do not notice it as much. It doesn't seem as magical or exciting because it has become the norm. Other things have changed, too--we have a daughter obviously for one, and we are in different places in our lives than we were then. We don't buy each other candy or flowers or write notes as often anymore because sometimes it feels like we've done it all, and we've said it all. We have grown too comfortable with one another.

That was something that I also allowed to bother me--us being too comfortable. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't like that we were so comfortable with one another that farting/tooting (whatever you say) was no big deal. Just because we're married doesn't mean we should give up being polite in front of one another. Dalin did not like that I had no problem burping in front of him (though obviously burping is way less gross than tooting...;) so we made a pact. No burping or tooting around each other intentionally and if we fail, the other person gets a freebie. (We're weird. And gross).

But anyway the point is, that just because we've grown comfortable doesn't mean we can't do new things for each other. We can serve each other. I can treat Dalin like I would a guest. By that I mean I can offer him something to drink and ask him questions like I did when we were dating. I can get him a snack once in a while. I can treat him like a friend because that's what he is to me. Why is it that we would be more willing to serve a guest than our spouse sometimes? (Well, this applies to me anyway.) I think we need to work on that. I'm going to work on that. I'm not going to complain when my husband asks me for a favor (at least, I'm going to try and stop myself when I start to). I'm going to be more polite around him. I'm going to be loving especially when he gets home from work. I'm going to thank him more often. I'm going to compliment him more often.

Another thing we discussed that will help us strengthen our marriages is going to the temple as often as possible. You may feel like you are incredibly busy or even like you do not want to be around your spouse. If you get to that point, know you can change your relationship. You can fix it. It will take work, but if that desire is in your heart, you can turn your relationship around. This is where the temple comes in. When we put the Lord before ourselves, we often find that everything else in our busy lives somehow falls into place. (It's the same as the principle of tithing). Dedicate yourself more fully to your spouse. If you are not yet married, you can still serve your future spouse. That may sound weird, but I'm serious. You can pray for him or her. The thought of doing that did not occur to me until I was sitting in a lesson in Young Women's during high school. Pray for your future spouse. Pray that he will make good choices. Pray that he will be safe. Pray that he will be happy. Prayer works.

I guess the goal of this post is to encourage men and women especially to re-commit to their spouses. You may have been feeling out of tune with your spouse lately and if that's the case then fix it. Fix it now before it gets worse or it's too late.

I need feedback. 
How do you stay in love with your husband (or wife)? 
How do you encourage your spouse? 
What are some ideas you have for serving your spouse?

Why Marriage and Babies Are WORTH IT

I just read two bull crap articles from Huffington post that really angered me. They angered me so much, that I had to reply by blogging because that's just the way I am.

The first was this piece of crap. I mean honestly, I don't know if I've read a more bitter and stupid article with zero merit whatsoever. Then I read this ridiculous thing. It was also bitter and also stupid in my opinion. These two articles epitomize the brand of feminism that I despise. It's the type that discourages women from their ultimate potential as wives and mothers that also portrays women with these roles in a negative light. In addition, they are negative toward men. That just drives me crazy.

Mainly, I am writing to clear up a few things that I was dying to say to the ladies who wrote the articles.

First, they must have had sad, miserable childhoods to grow up so bitter, uncaring, and spiteful toward the two things that are God's greatest gifts to mankind. They were clearly raised with a distorted view of what true womanhood is and I feel sorry for them. Truly sorry, because they have no idea on the happiness they are missing out on. I doubt it was in their nature to believe so wrongly, (in fact, I know it wasn't because every woman is born with a divine nature) but the way they were brought up obviously influenced their views.

Second, not all marriages are miserable and end in divorce. Clearly. There are circumstances that occur in some marriages that no one can predict. I am not justifying divorce, but I am admitting that there are times when it is necessary. For Dalin and I, we determined as boyfriend and girlfriend (even before we became engaged!) that the word divorce would not be in our vocabulary. It's simply not an option. That is how you must go into marriage if you want it to last. It reminds me of that ecard I've seen on Pinterest--this one:

I find it ironic that the same people who declare marriage should be available for everyone would at the same time mention that most marriages end in divorce. While it is unfortunately a fact that approximately half of marriages fail in present day, I have to ask, if so many marriages result in separation or divorce, then why fight so hard for it at all? Why fight for any couple of humans to be able to marry if it might just be a waste of time? The answer is because marriage is important. Whether you believe it is intended for one man and one woman as I do or whether you believe it is for any two humans, it is inherently important to the human race. Marriage is sacred, which is why it must be honored and defended.

The one--ONE--thing I agreed with the second writer on was that far too much money is spent on weddings. To each his own, but we spent very little on our wedding. My aunt made my wedding cake for me. Another aunt arranged my flowers and made the bouquets and boutonnieres. An aunt and uncle photographed everything for me. My mom got a deal on our reception place. Instead of doing a full dinner, we did a variety of fruit, cheese, crackers, punch. My mom talked the price of my wedding dress down to around $400. Instead of getting a DJ, I put together a playlist for the reception on my laptop which my brother ran for me. My mom had found a ton of mason jars at a yard sale which she cleaned out and filled with ocean sand and added a candle for my tables. She also collected antique bottles from sales for decoration. I loved how simple and inexpensive these were. And after it ended, I had zero regrets. My parents didn't lose a nonexistent fortune, and Dalin and I had money to put toward our rent and things for our home. We were frugal. We didn't spend more than a couple thousand on the wedding, if that. And I loved my wedding. Everything about it. It was easily the happiest day of my life and well worth celebrating. Her point about people divorcing as a result of their wedding is irrelevant. If a couple divorces over that, then they should not have been marrying in the first place. Those people who are in it for the free stuff and for the attention are not marrying for the correct reason. They may blindly believe this to be the case because they are so caught up with plans to celebrate themselves. But those people cannot be lumped in with the rest of us--the ones who are truly committed and don't toss around the term "marriage" like it's a trip through a drive-thru. It's not. It is something intended to be eternal. Not just until death, but forever and ever. That is my testimony of marriage.

Just because I have this view of marriage does not make it a cake walk. It's not easy. Dalin and I argue. We stress over money. We disagree on things like how to raise our children and where we want to end up. But the difference is we do not let those things block our ultimate goal of being a family forever. Nothing brings more happiness than being a part of a loving family. Nothing.

Back to the articles--one writer complains that she had to pay an excessive amount to be a part of three different weddings. (Um, may I point out that she could have said no if she was aware they were going to cost that much, which she must have been after the first one.) She then uses this as an excuse as to why celebrating a wedding is pointless and "brags" how she married with only one witness present and then celebrated her marriage a year later with a $15,000 celebration. Glad she has taught the world the "right" way to do things. Except she is clueless. As mentioned before, I hardly spent anything on my reception. I spent as much on the entire day as some women spend on their wedding dress alone. On our wedding day, our family and friends were celebrating, with us, the day that we made an eternal commitment--a sacred promise--to devote ourselves to God and one another for eternity. To me that's worth celebrating.

What's more, the writer suggests that baby showers are a waste of time as they "send the message that getting pregnant is the pinnacle of achievement, as opposed to the beginning of 18 years of hard labor...ignoring the fact that the endeavor she is embarking on will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and stunt her career opportunities for the rest of her life, not to mention the devastating impact on her social life." (How obnoxious is this lady? If I didn't feel sorry for her, I'd want to slap her across the face.) Then the other idiot writes, "We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it's a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren't accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them." First, many people--decent people--get pregnant because they want families. Most couples want children because they bring joy. Not everyone is like, "Shoot, we got pregnant and now our lives are over." Most people are excited because having your own children is awesome. What about the couples that struggled to get pregnant? Literally anyone can "get knocked up" so why can't they? Why celebrate their achievement "act" of getting pregnant, perhaps after years of trying? Because it's a miracle. A wonder and a miracle to be able to create life. In addition, I'd like to point out that the point of baby showers, apart from congratulating a couple on successfully making a human, is to help them acquire the things they need to get started. It's not about showing off and getting expensive things for everyone. I didn't get expensive things and I'm not complaining. And does the second woman really think that getting married can be done by "literally anyone"? If that were true, then why are there MILLIONS of people using dating sites to find the one person they want to spend forever with? Probably because many, many people want to get married but have not found someone yet.

I have many more thoughts on these two articles and their cynical-minded writers, but it is 2:30am (way past the time I intended to stay up) and I'm done for the night.

Please share your opinion on these articles with me. Or on my thoughts. Vent to me if you like. I'll respond--I'm a good venter as you may have noticed ;)

Family Florida Trip

Well I was a complete slacker during the two weeks of Christmas break, but honestly, having such a long break from technology was AMAZING. It was freeing. I should do it more often. I wouldn't have gone on the computer at all if Dalin hadn't shown me a few articles during our trip.

What trip you ask?

For those of you who didn't hear, Dalin, Tenley, and I flew to Florida to spend Christmas with my parents, brothers, and cousins from both sides of the family. It was probably the best trip Dalin and I have ever taken together in my opinion. I didn't even bring my laptop or Kindle because I just wanted to be able to focus completely on being with my family and taking in our experiences.

I have lots of fun photos to share, but there are so many I'll have to go through them and pick my favorites.

But about our trip:

December 23:
We flew to Orlando--which is the dumbest airport I've even been in as far as quality goes (it's super huge and really cool inside with its own hotel, indoor trees, Disney and SeaWorld stores, etc. inside) but they have serious crowd control and customer service issues. They lost Tenley's car seat and stroller (and tons of other people's luggage from our flight) which was ridiculous, but then it was going to be okay because they told us they replace lost ones, so we went through the process of acquiring new stuff when, almost two hours after we'd landed, they suddenly found them. Sheesh. But at least we got them back.

My parents picked us up in their car which they had driven down over the last 48 hours (it's a 24-hour drive, but they decided to break it up) and we met up with my brothers at the Hilton Orlando, which is a really cool hotel. My parents booked a hotel for a few nights just around Christmas because we didn't want to impose on our family for the holidays (though I know they wouldn't have minded). Our rooms were connected and the hotel had an amazing pool, water slide, lazy river, basketball and tennis courts, fire pits, etc. It had several other things too that we didn't even use. We went to Ihop for a late-night dinner then stayed up in the hotel room talking and catching up with my brothers.

Christmas Eve:
We went to SeaWorld (like two minutes from our hotel) and enjoyed the dolphins, rides, and particularly the new ride called Manta which is amongst our top favorite coasters now. We also went to a special Christmas-themed Shamu show which was especially awesome because they actually included Christ in the music and message. Afterward, the boys played on the basketball court while my mom, Tenley, and I roasted marshmallows and relaxed. Well, Tenley just relaxed ;)

Christmas Day:
We opened our stockings while listening to Christmas music in our hotel room, then we spent the majority of the day down by the pool. We "tanned" (ha ha, except I'm still snow white) and played in the lazy river, then played doubles on the tennis court. We ate some very good homemade pizzas at the hotel restaurant and had tropical drinks. It was definitely the most unique Christmas we'd ever had. We wouldn't trade the experience, but it was very weird having no snow, Christmas tree, or Nativity (we left all those at home). Still, I don't think anyone wanted to trade it.

The next several days were a blur a fun and tiring activities. We tried to fill every moment and truthfully over-planned a little. Or a lot. But it was awesome and I'm so glad we took advantage of every day! Here are some more highlights from our trip (December 26-January 3):

Payson taught Tenley to grab her feet which she now does frequently. She also loves sucking on her tiny toes. It's precious. (This is a milestone for babies so it's a big deal ;)

He also taught her to roll over but she can't get completely over by herself yet. She's so close though!

We also taught her to sign "I love you" back to us in ASL. I'll post a video if I ever catch it!

We went to Islands of Adventure and spent the majority of our time at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter which is amazing (but SO busy during Christmastime!)

We rode Dragon Challenge and the Forbidden Journey.

We ate authentic British food supposedly--delicious fish and chips (fries)--in the Three Broomsticks.

We also tried Butterbeer both in slush form and regular (I preferred the slush).

We visited Honeyduke's, Zonko's, Ollivander's, and Dervish and Banges (obviously we had to go in every Harry Potter store...)

We also rode the Hulk, Spiderman, Jurassic Park, and plenty of other rides at Islands of Adventure.

We took Tenley around Dr. Seuss world (too bad she won't remember it...)

Uncle Payson held Tenley like 50% of the trip. She just LOVED him.

We were fed numerous amazing and authentic Swedish dinners from my Swedish cousin, Arielle and my aunt Nina.

On Sunday, we went to Church with our Swedish cousins.

We visited with a lot of wonderful family members from each side of my parents' family.

We ate at the Black Hammock and Payson and I shared gator, catfish, and frog legs for dinner. 

We also held Max, a small gator.

After, we took flashlights and went gator hunting in the dark by the lake (so freaky when you see their eyes glowing in the distance).

We visited Blue Springs and watched wild manatees swimming down the clear blue and green river.

We drove to Tampa to Busch Gardens and rode the water rides and best of all, Shiekra. We also liked Cheetah Chase and the Sky Ride which took us right over the animals.

We got free Quick Queue passes at Sea World just because a worker saw my dad's Red Sox shirt!(meaning we got to skip the regular lines).

We caught dozens of joeys (that's our name for those little lizards that are everywhere)--especially while waiting in line for rides.

We rode Manta, Kraken, and Journey to Atlantis at Sea World.

We spent more quarters (and more money) squirting people on the water rides with my dad than probably anything else at every park we visited.

We ate way too many turkey legs.

We learned that Florida drinking water is awful no matter how many times you try it.

As a result, I drank more soda during the trip than I have since I married Dalin (who doesn't drink soda and it rubbed off on me).

We loved the Men in Black ride, Transformers, E.T., and the Mummy ride at Universal Studios.

We started collecting magnets from the places we'd been on this trip.

We roasted marshmallows on New Year's Eve, watched the ball drop, played Bananagrams, and cheered 2014 with Sparkling Grape Juice (no one in our family drinks alcohol).

We went to an awesome outlet mall and my mom bought Tenley some rad little Nikes.

We got a tour of the University of Central Florida from our cousin, Nathan, and checked out the Psychology building for Dalin.

We watched a Knight's game with family and ate the most delicious filet mignon you could ever imagine (courtesy of Uncle Brad ;).

We canoed/kayaked down a crystal clear and winding river through Florida's swampy woods at dusk (it felt like we were in the amazon or somewhere crazy and was one of the coolest parts of our trip).

We got rained and poured on (unusual for us when we've visited Florida).

We laughed so much with all of our family.

We dreaded leaving...

So we extended our trip another 24 hours and looked into extending it further (but all the flights were sold out).

We decided we should probably go back soon.

Prepare for a photo overload. Seriously, it was so hard to pick just a few.

My parents surprised us with these cute plates. #Favorite grandchild ;)

Christmas morning in pajamas!

The water slide leading into a very small part of the humongous pool at our hotel

Flaring her nostrils at me. Can't handle the cuteness!

Slightly excited to be at Harry Potter world

A joey.

Realistic reaction to getting mauled by a T-Rex.

Wild manatees (a mom and two babies!) at Blue Springs!

My brother, Donovan, holding Max the baby gator

Grandma Searle and our sweetheart, Tenley

This was so cute of Tenley and my brother, Payson, how could I NOT put it?!

Canoeing down the Amazon...jk, but it felt like it!

Looking much happier than I felt to be leaving Florida :(

What did you do for Christmas and New Years?

Have you ever been to Florida before?

What about Orlando? 

Is there something you love/would love to do there?