Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 7

Comparison is the Thief of Joy: So STOP IT, Moms

Listen ladies.

I don't really want this to end up being some long post but we'll see how it goes.

I just want to say (at the top of my lungs), STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. Sigh.

If only it were as easy as flipping off a switch in yourself. But unfortunately it isn't. I'm sure it takes practice. I am not perfect at this. And maybe it's just in my personality or DNA not to care what others think about me, but I've been getting good at it. Hence all my controversial posts that my good friend Anonymous likes to comment on and scold me for in front of the universe (well, the universe of my readers, which is quite small).

But really, you want to know something that bothers me? (If you don't, exit out of this tab now because here it comes...) Moms that compare themselves. Women in general that compare themselves. And people wonder why I wished for mostly sons...girl drama is insane! And utterly pointless. It seems like the whole world of girls is about competition. And it is, in a word, ANNOYING. I feel like the older lady in She's The Man who finds the girls fighting in the bathroom and says, "LADIES! STOP! Please!" If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the last 40 seconds of this clip.
But back to what I was saying--why oh why do so many moms waste time comparing themselves to other moms? I don't get it. Recently I've read so many blog posts about moms that feel embarrassed about their ragamuffin children when they see other perfectly groomed children out in public. They are annoyed or even angry at the moms that attempt the fun-looking Pinterest mommy projects. They think those moms always have perfect homes with perfect children. I'll tell you why this bothers me--because I want to be one of those moms. I LIKE cleaning and organization. I LIKE doing arts and crafts and making cute things for my husband and children. I WANT to be the best mom I can be and what's so wrong with that? My house isn't clean right now. If downloading photos on my computer didn't take so long, I'd show you the dishes in my sink, the clutter on our kitchen table and living room floor, the clothes on our bed, and the disaster area that is currently Tenley's room. But who cares about my efforts? What about your own! If you are trying in your own personal way to be the best mom you can be then you are succeeding! I hope I am not the first one to shout those words at you.

Here's what I want. To stop feeling guilt when I read about these "real" moms who have imperfect and chaotic lives. Maybe my life is that way, too. Maybe everyone's is. Maybe I don't brag about every time my daughter has a fit or a bad day. Maybe I focus on the good because to me, that's what matters. If I posted or blogged about all the crappy days I've had, or the times Tenley has freaked out, or the number of mistakes and messes I've made, I'd be angry and depressed all the time. As it is, I already get stressed when I think about the many things I need to do.

I need to pick up. 
I need to wash those dishes. 
But first I need to put away the dry ones. 
I need to make dinner (like RIGHT now)
I need to finish putting Dalin's shirts away. 
I need to work on my English classes. 
I need to finish a painting for a friend. 
I need to read my scriptures.
I need to stop going on Facebook and Pinterest and Yahoo and Gmail and whatever else I do to kill time. 
I need to feed Tenley. 
I need to shower. 
I need to figure out when Tenley's six month appointment is and whether I've scheduled it already or not. 
I need to be positive when my husband gets home and ask him about his day and let him know how much I love and missed him because I am his wife and I want to support him and uplift him. 


I don't think I need to go on.

Do you see what I'm saying though? Is it okay that some women (me included) feel the need/desire/whatever to brag about their accomplishments as a mom? Yes. Does it affect you? No. Does it matter that I tried (and failed miserably) to make homemade rice cereal for Tenley today? No. Does it matter that Tenley is asleep in our bed right now in nothing but a diaper? No. Does it matter that I don't know what I'm doing as a mother? No. It doesn't. I know I am trying my best. I don't care if you give your child fast food every single day. I wouldn't advise it, but it's not my choice. I don't care if you never do your child's hair. I don't have a sister. I never had anyone to practice doing hair on. So when Tenley gets hair long enough to style, I plan on trying it out. Maybe I will be horrible at it (I can't even french braid my own hair) or maybe she will look darling. But it doesn't help when there are other moms or women out there looking at my child and thinking to themselves, "Wow, what a showoff" or "I'm such a bad mom for not doing my own kid's hair." I'll say it again, it DOESN'T help. Do you really TRULY believe that that is a mom's intention? If it is, that is their own issue. But the beauty of it is it's none of your business.

Please. Stop comparing your mothering skills. Everyone is a learning to be a mom. Even on your fifth, sixth, or tenth child, you are still learning. No one is out to get you. Be happy for someone else. Compliment their efforts. Maybe they need the approval or encouragement. If you are one of the "comparerers" then ask yourself who is better off? You, who chooses to feel guilty when you see another woman's good deed or accomplishment? Or her, who is out there actually doing it? If I were guessing, I'd say her.

Be kind. Have compassion. Be understanding. Be positive about your own accomplishments. Most importantly, stop comparing. You'll be happier, I promise.

Now pardon me while I brag about making a delicious dinner at 9:54pm. Because that's what I'm about to do. And after, maybe I'll even put Tenley in pajamas (but probably not).

Saturday, December 21

Tenley's 4 Month Updates

Thanks for the encouragement I received yesterday! No, I didn't complete everything for that class in the last 24 hours, but I did manage to complete two full lessons which was a small miracle. I'm hoping to finish the last three lessons tomorrow and perhaps begin my essay on Sunday. Monday I intend to call BYU and ask about taking the final on the 3rd when Dalin and I get back from Christmas break! So that's progress, right??

Anyhow, I just love Tenley. How I got such a happy, chill, pretty baby is beyond me. I'm pretty sure she takes after her daddy, especially in personality. She's so calm and I just am SO grateful for her joyful spirit! Updates on her life:

  • She is four months old as of the 12th! (I've lost track of how many weeks) Man, time has flown by. Whenever I look at her, I am still just amazed that: A) she came out of me, B) she's mine, and C) that she is getting rapidly closer to being half a year old! What the heck! Wasn't she just a newborn a week ago??
  • She is just so perfectly happy almost all the time. She has her moments, but what girls don't? 
  • We got Tenley's 4 month immunizations done today and she literally fussed for maybe five seconds. The two nurses were like, "Woah, she did really well!" I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck until they were over. Mothers. Now she has three little bandaids on her thighs which I am not looking forward to removing. Although come to think of it, she didn't even notice when I peeled them off last time. And she was asleep. 
  • She can get off her bouncer if I don't strap her in and if I let her cry for a few minutes. She just twists her tiny body until she's almost all the way on the floor. She's done it like three times, so I've finally decided I'd better strap her in from now on. 
  • We went to a luncheon for a boy from Dalin's work today and sat with a few of his co-workers. While there, I nursed Tenley at the table under my cover and a co-worker's wife said, "Are you nursing her with no hands right now?" I looked down to see what she meant. I had a butter knife in one hand and a roll in the other. "I guess I am," I said. She was really impressed, which was funny but I just told her that I am always trying to get things done while feeding her and that that was pretty normal. She thought that was cool. I never really thought about it, but Tenley is a trooper. I was just balancing her on my crossed legs. Yet she never acted like she was uncomfortable. 
  • She's back to going to bed easily. Last week we had a rough patch, but I'm pretty sure it was because I let her try mashed banana when she turned four months old. Since then, I've only given her graham cracker crumbs on two separate occasions, and a tiny, tiny bit of white rice from my dinner last night. She has been handling solids really well. If they weren't so messy (and didn't make changing diapers even less fun) then I'd probably give them to her more regularly. But probably for the next couple of months I'll just continue to give her samples. 
  • She thinks I'm hilarious. I love that. It makes me feel so good. Especially when it's only the two of us, she just laughs and smiles at everything I say to her. She loves my silly faces and it is the best thing in the world when I look at her and see that she's been smiling at me even without my noticing. Gahh! Motherhood is so awesome!!!!!
  • She adores her dad. When she's mad at her mama, daddy can always calm her down. The two of them just love napping and rocking together. And it cracks me up every time I look over at the two of them rocking and Tenley is just staring at Dalin's laptop screen with one eyebrow raised as if she's processing what she's seeing. They have such a sweet relationship. I'm so glad she knows and loves her dad!
  • She loves showering. I haven't given her a bath since she was probably one month old because I've found showering to be so much easier. We both appreciate the skin to skin contact and Tenley always has a big smile on her face when I lift her above my head into the stream of water. I've been teaching her that counting to three means we're putting our faces in the water. I say, "Okay Tenley, one, two, THREE!" and duck her under. She has never had a problem with it! I'm hoping that helps when we start swim lessons.
  • She definitely loves reading. I can tell because she'll be fussing and I'll get a book and she'll look right at it and listen while I read. She looks at the things I point out on the pages, especially in our Spanish First Words book. I am still not speaking as regularly as I'd like, but I definitely throw Spanglish sentences together on a regular basis so at least she'll have some exposure. 
  • I sign the alphabet to her (ASL) every time we say it--English or Spanish. She watches my hands so I'm hoping it's making an impact. I also sign "more," "hungry," and "I love you" (especially the latter) to her all the time. I'm almost certain she understands the sign for "I love you" because I've started to sign it without saying it occasionally and she gives me the biggest smile when she sees it. I also put her tiny fingers in the position for it so she can get a feel for it and once I saw her little hand signing "I love you" as she waved! I'm sure it was a fluke, but I freaked out because it was just so awesome, even if it was only a mistake. Soon enough she'll be able to do it for real. 
That's all I can think of for now. But she's doing really well and I just love her so much. I'm filled with joy when I look at her. Having her around me all the time is like having a snuggly little best friend I can hold and kiss and cuddle and talk to always. She makes us so crazy happy! If I had known how great she would be, I would have wanted to have her sooner!

Here are some photos of her for your enjoyment: 
One of those rare bad days, I mentioned
And happy again.

We love our sweet fourth-month old girl and are so glad she's ours forever! 

Tuesday, November 19

Dear Pregnant Ladies: Sharing 15 Facts

For all you pregnant ladies out there, here are some things for you to know about giving birth and post-partum info. I'm certainly no expert, but I read enough stuff to know what information is actually useful. You've all read about the sleepless nights and intensity of labor. But I want to share a more positive (but still realistic) perspective. I go into great detail in some areas, so this is more of a "women only" post. Unless your wife has already given birth, in which case, you'll probably understand.

1. First off, it's wonderful and possibly the best moment of your life. I loved giving birth, as you can read about right here, and would do it again in a heartbeat. It's so totally and completely worth it, no matter what you go through to get there. That first time you hold your little baby after he or she's out, you'll understand. Apart from my wedding day, I didn't know if I'd ever been happier. And it was a close call. So just know that what you go through is worth it. And if you're positive about it like I was, you might even love it.

2. You might just pee, poop, or throw up while giving birth. It stinks, but it can happen. But the good news is, it might not! None of those things happened to me. And like anyone, I had been fearing it tremendously. Throwing up usually happens because the epidural can make you feel pretty nauseous (not enough to scare me away from getting it again though!) but my nausea wasn't any worse than the morning sickness I'd experienced during my first trimester. As you'll hear a thousand times over, if any of these things should happen to you, don't worry--doctors have seen it all, and more good news: you might not even know if you do. I had to ask after because I had no idea what was happening down there, (and honestly, it sure felt like something happened) but apparently nothing did. And even more good news: I can almost 100% guarantee you won't give a crap if it does happen. You might, like me, even want it to happen (weird, I know). During my labor, the pressure on my rectum (sorry, gross word) was so intense that I felt like I was experiencing the worst constipation in my entire life and at the time, I just wanted to feel relieved from that pressure. You just get to the point where you accept that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and nothing matters but getting that baby out! So, basically, Hakuna Matata, right? No worries.

3. While in labor and for a while after giving birth, you might shake. Like a lot. I kind of looked like I was freezing to death. Or having a mini-seizure. But I felt fine--I just could not control my arms, hands, or my jaw! My teeth chattering was the most annoying thing because it affected my speaking. Everyone kept asking if I was cold, but I wasn't--I just couldn't stop. I think I heard someone call these "labor shakes" (makes sense) and other than being really annoying, they aren't a big deal. I believe they are caused by adrenaline and are really nothing to worry about. Just anticipate it because a lot of women get them.

4. At first, while pushing, you will probably feel like you CAN'T DO IT. That is how my mom felt, that is how I felt, and I'm positive that is how countless other women felt when they began pushing. It seems impossible. It is impossible. It makes no sense to me that an 8lb 3oz baby came out of such a small place. Even now, three months later, I occasionally find myself wondering how our baby came out of me. You'll find yourself, as I have, holding your son or daughter on your belly and wondering how he or she possibly could have fit inside you. It makes no logical sense, but somehow it's possible. It's a miracle. An infinite number of women have had and will continue to have babies. You can do it. When the doctor got a mirror while I was pushing and I saw how little of my daughter's head was visible when I was pushing at my very hardest, I thought, She is never coming out. I might have even said it aloud. After four hours, my doctor thought I might have to go with a C-section, she was so stuck. I didn't give up, and with the help of forceps, she finally came out--very cone-headed, but perfectly fine. When you are in that moment of despair, keep the thought in the back of your head that you can do it. You have to. That baby can't stay in there forever even though it seems like it. And if you end up having a C-section, don't worry and DON'T feel bad. Don't let anyone make you feel like your birth experience was less special or less right because you did it differently. That's what my doctor had to tell me when I was feeling frustrated that I wasn't going to have the natural, epidural-free birth I wanted. But you know what? Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe I'd have asked that we could try the forceps sooner than four hours...

5. Your baby will look like an alien when he or she comes out. So don't be freaked out. Some babies are gray, some are purple, some are pink, some are covered in blood, and ALL are soaking wet and not as sweet as you might have pictured. Tenley had the hugest cone-head from being in the birth canal for four hours. I didn't have time to process it at the time though because they immediately set her down to be measured, washed up, and swaddled. Then, when they did hand her to me, they had put a hat on her head which covered up the worst of it. When I saw her cone-head uncovered later that night, I'll admit I was a tad worried for her, but it went down significantly by the next day and even more so in the days that followed. At three months, Tenley's head looked completely normal to me. You, like me, might not think that most just-born babies are that pretty to look at, but I am certain that nothing will look more beautiful to you than your own baby. Only a mother's love, I tell you.

6. For a while, you will be VERY swollen down there. It is not pretty. In fact, it's really ugly. My swelling lasted maybe four days, which I think is longer than normal, but I also pushed REALLY HARD for four hours. And that isn't normal at all (my doctor told me he's never had anyone push as long as I did) so don't worry. But I'll tell you, the first time I went to the bathroom after giving birth--with the assistance of my nurses because I couldn't walk by myself--I looked down and was like WOAH. I seriously did not recognize myself. But the nurses assured me that swelling was normal, though mine was worse than most. I don't want to go into detail, but basically I was kind of really grossed out about how things looked for a few days. Luckily, I was encouraged to take lots of hot baths while at the hospital (and at home) which really helps. It also feels amazing. I took four or five baths at the hospital and was encouraged to take more while there but I just wanted to be with my husband and baby.

7. Going to the bathroom is different for a while. This I had not known at all! It makes sense, but my mind was in other places when I thought about birth. My experience will surely be unique from your own, but hopefully this will help prepare you. After the epidural wore off, the nurses removed the catheter (which is kind of cool but really weird--in case you don't know, it catches your pee and is like a little straw that they insert you-know-where, then they inflate a tiny bubble when it's in you so it stays there. I could feel when it was in--it didn't really hurt, but it was obvious that something was there. I could also feel it catching my pee. That sounds weird, but I couldn't control it, and it just kind of constantly flowed into a little bag until they removed it) and then escorted me to the bathroom. Note: I could hardly walk, A) because the epidural hadn't worn off 100%, B) I was exhausted, and C) I must have twisted my leg while pushing because one of the joints of my leg was hurting and it was really hard to walk on it, so the nurses basically dragged/carried/completely supported me while I walked limped like a zombie/bowlegged cowboy toward the bathroom. I kept apologizing to them, mostly because I felt bad and was embarrassed because I was dripping blood on the floor and because I felt completely weak and helpless, but they were so nice and understanding because it is of course their job to help you in this situation. The nurse even helps you um...clean yourself, after you use the bathroom. Mostly because it becomes a kind of complicated routine for the next week or two. They give you these horribly un-cute mesh undies to put on, and put the biggest sanitary pad you've ever seen in your life down on them. Then they put a glove filled with ice cubes into a sock and put that thing down on the pad, then they put little circular witch hazel pads down on the sock, then, once you've gone as much as you can (I peed a lot, and though it is scary to go number 2--especially if, like me, you received stitches--try to be brave and go if you can because you'll feel worse if you hold it in--and hopefully they've given you stool softener pills to take--I took some a few days prior to my scheduled induction because a friend wisely advised me to do so), they will fill a little squirt bottle for you with warm to hot water and you use that to clean yourself. I had no idea about this stuff until a few days beforehand, but the hot water feels amazingly soothing. I love that bottle thing. Once you've watered yourself down, you can use toilet paper to very gently pat dry (it's pointless to do so though because you're going to feel wet for a few days anyway) and then they spray you and your witch hazel pads with a numbing spray, (which I did not think numbed me that well, but oh well) and THEN you pull your underwear up with the pad, ice pack, and witch hazel pads in them and waddle (or limp if you're me) back to bed. So you see, using the bathroom becomes quite the process for a couple of weeks, but gradually you eliminate the ice pack and move to smaller pads, then stop using the spray and witch hazel pads until you're just using regular pads and (if you want to) using the spray bottle until your stitches have dissolved. This is not the rest of your life, so don't worry!

8. The bleeding might not be as bad as people say. For me, after the fourth day, my bleeding went down to less than the heaviest day of my period. I was kind of worried at first because everyone said the flow will be heavy for two weeks, but mine wasn't. In fact, it was hardly anything for the next few weeks. It did not go away completely until about five weeks, but it certainly was not what I'd been told to anticipate. A few times, the blood was brown or a chunk (sorry) would come out, but nurses reassured me that was all normal. The solid pieces that fall out are blood clots and small ones are normal. The only thing that is worrisome is if the bleeding increases or turns to gushing, or if you lose a clot the size of your fist (The size of your fist, you ask? Remember a whole baby came out of you). But everything else is pretty normal. It was kind of like having a long but light period for me. Everyone is different, but you might not bleed as much as you think.

9. Your belly will still be much larger than you'd think afterward. It's unfortunate, and I kept hoping that wouldn't be the case for me, but it was. Your belly will feel really weird, too. It weirded me out to push on the flabby thing that it had become because it feels kind of like jello. Or like one of those memory foam mattresses because when you push on it, it slowly fills in again. Thankfully, it's very temporary and the first week or two are by far the worst. Which brings me to my next point--

10. Breastfeeding can be a miraculous weight-loss exercise (for some people). Lots of people say so, but I didn't know how true it was until I was at a month post-partum and (much to my surprise) was feeling close to my normal self without having done virtually ANY other exercises. If you can breastfeed, DO IT. I know it is hard for many women for various reasons, but be persistent for a few weeks and if it gets easier (like it should for most women), keep going! I am definitely not anti-formula, but I am pro-breastfeeding. It's good for your baby and for you and it's free. Also, I am not sure how common it is for nurses to offer this (mine did), but I would not hesitate to ask for a nipple shield. It's a thin, clear plastic thing that protects your sensitive areola skin and it made nursing a bazillion times easier for me (with both babies). I think the shield is only intended to be used for a few weeks until the baby gets used to nursing, but I used mine for four months with Tenley and two months with my second, Declan. With the shield, I never had soreness or dryness or any of those things you read about and I attribute it to this amazing invention, which you can view here (I believe they're $9 at Wal-Mart. Worth it a million times over). And though lanolin cream is amazing, I haven't ever actually needed to use it because of the shield.

Quick update: I will tell you that I have received many comments from people who say that the nipple shield ruined their experience, but I have two other friends who, like me, felt that the shield saved their breastfeeding experience. I think it may depend also on how long you choose to use it. For me personally, and two of my friends, we used the shield quite a bit past the suggested time. I used mine for about 4 months until I decided I wanted to get my baby to adapt without it. The week transitioning was rough--not for Tenley, who thankfully figured it out quickly (and by then, my nipples were not so flat or inverted)--but for me and my nipples. Suddenly I understood the pain people were talking about. It took about a week for my skin to toughen up, and in the meantime, my nipples were more sore than usual, but I persevered and now I hope I can avoid using the shield with future pregnancies. In the end, I am just thankful that I was able to do it because (especially now 11 months later) I truly believe in the benefits of breast milk and nursing!

More about breastfeeding (if you are interested): as you are probably aware if you've read any books, the stuff your baby gets from you the first several days is a fatty substance called colostrum (or first milk). I know for me, I worried my baby wasn't getting enough to eat because the stuff doesn't exactly flow out like milk. But that's normal. Around day four or five post-partum, my milk came in. And then I KNEW it. I had been wondering the days before if the change in colostrum was milk. But when it happened, it was very obvious (and very white). It seriously happened overnight. I woke up and my breasts were HUGE. Like so big, I was disgusted (I do not personally care for big boobs, especially on me). And it wasn't long before the leaking began. Yes, you leak. If you're like me, you'll leak a lot. That was the worst thing for me for a while. I woke up a few nights in a huge puddle of milk. It felt like I'd wet my bra and shirt. But after a couple of weeks, my body regulated itself and things got a lot easier and a lot less wet. Also, in case you didn't know (because I know I didn't), when you nurse on one side, you leak on the other side. That's where these babies come in handy. If you intend to breastfeed, I personally think these breast cups are must-haves for a few reasons. If you're wondering what you do with them, it's pretty simple. While you nurse on one side, you put a cup over your nipple on the other side to catch the leaking milk. During my first two weeks or so, I would fill the other cup (they would actually overflow) with milk, which I decided to save in a sanitized bottle to store for later. I truly don't know how moms even want to breastfeed without these things. They save you from tons of messes and from spending tons of money on nursing pads which get expensive! By the way, if and when you do get nursing pads, I strongly advise getting Johnson's. I hated all of the other types I tried (and I tried like four other types because ladies gave me some). Another useful tool while breastfeeding is a nursing pillow. I've heard great things about the "Boppy" pillow, but I got mine for FREE (other than shipping!) by signing up for a free account at Motherhood Maternity (they sent me home with tons of amazing coupons include a code to get a free nursing pillow!). Here is the link to the site where I got mine (I have the red Starry Night one). I could spend an entire post on breastfeeding but the point is, there are tons of great tools and resources out there to make breastfeeding a lot easier for you. The hospital will likely offer you the chance to visit with a lactation specialist and give you plenty of pamphlets on places you can go to get help with breastfeeding. Plus the people at WIC are really pro-breastfeeding and have lots of free resources to help new moms. You can do it! It can be hard, but it's worth it.

Update: I just want to clarify that I am not anti-formula at all! Formula is truly amazing these days. But it's very expensive. And it doesn't go through babies as easily as breastmilk (which is also FREE!). Regardless, I don't want anyone to feel bad AT ALL if they choose to use formula (I was given formula myself as a baby for about six months)--you do what you can for your baby and yourself. I just personally really love nursing and want to encourage other moms to go for it if they can! (It's also something that is not worth stressing about because in the long-run, it won't matter to you, so don't feel bad either way).

11. The first two weeks are the worst. It gets better. I remember feeling so discouraged about my body and thinking I'd never be the same again. I was swollen and lumpy and did not feel very cute. But like I mentioned, by one month postpartum, I couldn't believe how much better I felt. I was almost back to normal--or at least, feeling normal. Going to the bathroom was less complicated. I began to have hope that I would be able to reach my pre-pregnancy weight sooner than I'd anticipated. My stitches had finally dissolved completely. Just plan for those first two weeks to be hard. Expect it. But remember that they will be over before you know it and you'll feel SO much better. You will be able to wipe again normally! You can get through it! And in the meantime, let people take care of you. This is your chance to ask your husband, family members, friends, ward members, and neighbors for lots of help. Ask for meals to be brought to you. If you need something from the store, let someone do it for you. You need the service and you're providing an opportunity for someone else's life to be blessed by offering their service to you. Win-win.

12. Stretch marks can appear after you've had the baby. It stinks, but it happened to me. I had only a few small stretch marks on my butt and hips before Tenley was born. But after, I got them on the upper part of the back of my thighs, bigger ones on my butt and hips, and even under my breasts, which I was not expecting. When you gain or lose a lot of weight really quickly, that's what happens. It doesn't happen to everyone--my sister-in-law I'm pretty sure only got a few on her butt--and some lucky ladies don't get any, but try to think of them as little marks of proof that you've created a miracle. Fortunately for most LDS women, they're usually in places that no one but your husband will ever see anyway. And they do fade quite a bit within a year. Mine kind of look like tiger claw marks. Even though it may be hard at first (truthfully, it was for me), embrace those purply-pink stripes because if you want more kids, you'll more than likely get them. And to me, if a few marks are the cost of creating a human being, they're totally worth it.

Update: I actually have grown to like the stretch marks on my thighs and sides now (not so much the ones under my bellybutton which came with my second baby because I look kind of wrinkly, but oh well;)! They marks are kind of silvery and faded and I like that they show I am a mother (especially because people rarely think I look my age).

13. You're going to be given a lot of  advice about raising your child. Some good, some awful. For some reason, when people see children, they can't help but speak their opinion--wanted or not--about how they should be raised. I'm sure many of these people mean well, but what was best for their sister's child or their neighbor's or their own child is NOT necessarily the best for yours. I suggest you plan how you will handle the unwanted suggestions before it happens to you otherwise you might be caught off guard by the outrageousness or rudeness. Personally, I think being kind is the best choice, so I just say, "Oh thank you for telling me your opinion," and let them think they gave me some life-changing advice. Motherhood also comes with a lot of judgment. I could speak volumes on this subject, but simply put, do your own thing. Forget what other moms are saying they're doing. You're going to do just fine and you know what is best for your children. Which brings us to this:

14. YOU know your own child best. You and no one else. Even better than your husband. It's true. Moms just spend so much time around their child that they cannot help but learn their signals and even their cries. My husband will often say, "Dear, she's hungry!" about our daughter, and I'll reply, "No honey, she's just tired." You really can tell. Sometimes--possibly more often than you'd like--you will feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying. Tenley hardly cried compares to most babies and I still felt (and feel) overwhelmed at times. Declan's behavior as a baby has been more average, but his crying doesn't stress me out so much. I think maybe I'm just used to it. But sometimes, babies just cry, and no amount of feeding, burping, walking, or rocking will soothe them. Just remember that it will end. They can't cry forever. If they sense that you're upset or frustrated, it only gets worse. So set your baby down in a safe spot for a few minutes, walk away, cry yourself, calm your nerves down so your baby will sense the change in your body language, check on her, pick her up and hold her close, and say a prayer. Remember that God loves that precious daughter of His and he will help you. To give an example, during one such episode of crying, I felt my frustration and dismay increasing to the point where I wanted to cry myself. Suddenly, I thought, She's Heavenly Father's daughter, too, and He cares about her happiness as much as I do. Then, while still walking around, bouncing Tenley in my arms, I prayed aloud: "Heavenly Father, please help Tenley feel happy. Please let her know she is loved and if she is feeling sick, please help me to know what to do so I can help her." As soon as I'd finished my plea, Tenley stopped crying. Like, right away. I couldn't believe it had happened so immediately, but I thanked Heavenly Father for choosing to answer my prayer directly at that time.

15. It really will feel like it flew by when you look back on it. Everyone says that, but I can't even believe how time has passed for me. Seriously, cherish every moment. Take a video at least once a week--you'll miss the newborn sounds and cries when your baby's voice changes. Take a photo every day. I'm serious. No one has ever regretted taking too many pictures of their child. Take baby footprints. And baby handprints. Snuggle your child. Keep a perspective. Think about how much you love those tender moments with your little one and remember that they won't always be as readily available. Memorize her face and the fragrant smell of her hair and skin. Kiss your child until your lips are chapped. There's no such thing as loving your baby too much. And they change SO fast! You won't even believe it.


Because this post has been so popular, I wrote this one on my additional thoughts as a second-time mom! Once again, my experience was wonderful (even better than the first time!) so I hope you'll read this if you are interested.

If you want to read more about pregnancy/giving birth, check out my official birth story, here!

What are some other tips pregnant ladies should know before going into labor? Postpartum?
If you had a different (but still positive) experience than me, please share! 

Monday, November 11

Post-Partum Weirdness: Reflecting on My First Pregnancy

I have a confession. And it will surely weird some people out. But I want to talk about it, so here it is:

Not only did I love being pregnant, but I loved giving birth. 

K, now feel free to call me odd, but even with four hours of pushing a little human person (with a huge head!) out of a place that does not quite seem big enough to do so, in a very weird--possibly sadistic--way, I enjoyed it. I can already hear some of you: What is she smoking? Well, trust me--I'm not smoking anything and I'd like to think I'm quite sound of mind, but it's true. Hear me out--

I had a very easy first pregnancy. I mean, complaints from previous posts aside, I look back and think, "Geez, that was nothing." And really, they weren't. If occasional discomfort is the trade for growing a little person that can make you happier than you ever dreamed, you'd think so too. I never threw up or had anything out-of-the-ordinary happen, and my doctor basically confirmed each visit that my pregnancy was what the medical world would label completely average. I had all the typical worries of a first-time mom, including (but not limited to) fear of miscarriage, fear of labor, and fear of being a crappy mom--but I got to the point where I realized that worrying did me NO good. Finally, I told myself that whatever is supposed to happen, will happen, and as long as I'm doing the best I can, it'll work out. If my child is supposed to live, she will. Take a deep breath and have faith.

Giving birth was hard. Like, the hardest thing I've ever done. But it felt like a kind of challenge--a good one. Having a baby (like actually giving birth) was, in a weird way, a high for me that I've never experienced before (obviously, but you know what I mean). It was invigorating. My feelings about this weren't instant...but it wasn't very long after having Tenley that I felt energized in an unexpected way. And it wasn't just adrenaline (because that does kick in when one is essentially trying to push a bowling ball out of a gum-ball machine). It was more than that--I felt like I had accomplished my potential as a woman. I did something that fewer than half of people alive today can do. I made a person! Not single-handedly, but let's be honest, I did most of the work in that respect.

I am no feminist, but if I were, I can tell you that more than anything else, having a baby helped me feel the measure of my creation. In other words, I'm glad I'm a woman. I'm glad God chose us to carry and deliver and raise his most precious beings.

And I want to do it again. 
See?? Look how happy I look! Of course this was also right after I'd gotten the epidural, but...
True happiness is holding your new baby.
Being a new mom has been amazing. Tenley has been really easy on me so far. She cries and wakes me up and poops a LOT like every baby, but based on the complaints I hear some mothers making, I have it super easy. My body, at three months post-partum, is almost completely back to what it was before I got pregnant, which I certainly never expected (and which I know is NOT the experience for most women--breastfeeding was the key for me if you're wondering! If you can do it, DO!). I've finally established some form of a normal routine again. But most important of all: I'm happy. She's happy. Husband's happy. Life is good--to put it mildly. And this happiness I've never felt is so great that I want to share it. And feed it. By adding more humans to our family.


And while I'm thinking about it--right here, right now, I'm vowing NOT to look at useless advice on the Internet for child #2. Seriously, 92.5% of what I read was--there's no other way to say it--complete CRAP, at least for me. It didn't apply to me or my situation, and nothing that the millions of ladies on the motherhood/pregnancy chats said, happened to me. My personal situation was unique. If you're a woman, your personal situation will be unique. Or your wife's will be. If and when the time comes, trust your instincts and motherly intuition, and more than anything TRUST GOD. He loves you. He cares about you and your worries. Like this pin says:


Does anyone feel the same way? 
In a weird way did you like giving birth?
Anyone disagree?


Saturday, November 9

Bragging: My Super Successful Week

I need to brag for a minute. Very rarely do I say this (in fact, I'm not sure I've ever actually said it...), but I am proud of myself this week. I got so much accomplished and it feels really good:

My mom and I cleaned the apartment, 
I had a much-needed teeth cleaning at the dentist (I promise I brush and floss!), 
We had our car serviced, washed, and cleaned (tire rotation, oil change, vacuumed, etc.), 
I got a doctor's appointment out of the way, 
I completed our Medicaid application, 
Tenley and I went to our first WIC appointment,
Drove through Nebo Loop and took family pictures,
I wrote an essay for English, 
I went to the temple with Dalin (which made me SO happy!),
& I spent time with my mom, husband, daughter, and brother and sister-in-law! 

I would say it's been a successful week! I'm pretty glad that it's over though...a lot of stressful things (and some fun) all combined into six days. Still, I think next year I will do the same and plan one get-everything-done week. None of it would have been possible without my mom being here though. I'm so grateful she was able to watch Tenley and motivate me to accomplish all that I was able to. I guess she'll just have to do the same next year, too! ;)

Have you ever taken a week and gotten a bunch of stressful things out of the way?
If not, you should try it!

Wednesday, October 30

Things to do in Fall

Remember this post with our list of "Fall Assignments"?

Well I think Dalin and I have been pretty successful so far and we still have over a month to go until fall is over. Did you know that the first day of winter this year is December 21st? What the heck! In my book, as soon as Thanksgiving is over, it's basically winter and I don't leave my house except for food haha. Anyway, here's our success so far (and some photos to prove it!):


1. Bake an apple pie. Bonus: Do it with apples we picked ourselves. Done and done. 
Pre-crust. Loved these apples for this pie. See recipe below!
Finished product to be eaten with vanilla ice cream! Recipe found here!
2. Eat a candy apple. Not done yet...but we did eat an apple pie one from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory! It's too hard to find a candy apple place anywhere!

3. Find some fresh apple cider and also some hot apple cider.
No this isn't mine...I wish mine had looked this good. But it sure tasted good.
4. Watch some corny Halloween movies. I watched the Addams' Family and Hocus Pocus which are both corny Halloween classics. 
5. Go to a Halloween party. We went last weekend (not this past weekend, the one before) and even won the costume contest like we'd meant to. The theme was board games and video games. Were we surprised that our Call of Duty costumes won? A little. Especially because we spent very little on putting them together! Thank you, Savers and Dollar Store...
6. Decorate for Halloween and then for Thanksgiving. 
I painted these signs the first fall we were married
Pretty fall leaves my mom sent from New Hampshire
I painted this that same year!
This is actually from Halloween past but I haven't taken pics of this year's yet!
Homemade (double-sided!) "Give Thanks" banner. So glad I made this! (I'll have to take a pic of the "Trick or Treat" side!)
7. Find a place to serve people on Thanksgiving. Still need to see if this is a possibility! It is one of my favorite memories from spending Thanksgiving with my family.

8. Own at Fantasy Football. Check! No but seriously, thank goodness for Drew Brees and Calvin Johnson. My goal is to at least come in second. It is just really important that I beat Dalin's team this week and Layton's when we go against each other again. Then I'll have a chance!!!

9. Go through a corn maze or on a hay ride. I'm not sure why I gave myself two options here, but I did go on a hay ride to the pumpkin patch, so success! It was really fun with all my wonderful in-laws. 
This was after, but I like the picture better. I don't have any of me looking at the camera while on the hay ride which is kind of lame...
I love how serious all of their faces are--including Maddox!
10. See more of our family! We loved visiting Boise to celebrate Halloween (plus all the married couples played Kick the Can and Capture the Flag until late at night, which was tons of fun--and also happened to be my idea ;). Also, my mom is coming to visit for ten days this Friday! I'm so happy! Plus Dalin's family may come down again in a weekend or two and then we'll be heading back to Boise for Thanksgiving! Yes! 

11. Roast pumpkin seeds. Did this while in Boise after Shaina and Dalin carved their pumpkins. I tried a new technique for cooking them and I liked how they came out much better! Briefly, here's what we did: 
We set the oven at 400 degrees. After rinsing the seeds in a strainer, we boiled them, then let them simmer for ten minutes on the stove. (We put a Tbsp of salt in the water to boil but it didn't help much). After, we drained the seeds, then spread them out on a baking sheet drizzled with olive oil. Once the seeds were spread in the oil, we sprinkled *well* with salt (we had to salt them four times for it to be enough). Then we stuck it in the oven for 20-25 minutes. We checked them a number of times--you want some of the seeds to be turning a light brown. You can take them out at twenty minutes, test one, then put them back if the texture isn't right. That's what we did. They were soooo dang good after. Everyone wanted some. I don't know if/why boiling makes a difference, but it sure seemed to!
12. Go to the Farmer's Market as much as possible. Got my favorite kettle corn from the Yodeling Moose people almost every week! Well worth it! 

13. Make more blackberry smoothies. I guess we need to hang out with Layton and Shaina more! 

14. Make squash. Real squash. Thanksgiving is a month away!

15. Read and watch Harry Potter. Watched the movies with Tenley and Dalin, and I've been reading book two with Tenley when I get the chance. She loves it of course ;)

16. Drink Butterbeer. ...Not yet :/

17. Visit Provo Canyon. We did go fishing there the last time the family was here but we missed the leaves changing. 

18. Paint pumpkins. Haven't done this year's yet...we just kept our little ones this time around. I hate how the big ones rot and ooze pumpkin slime.

19. Make fried dough or scones. I forgot about this, but it still sounds delicious!

20. Take lots of photos. Obviously, I have done so. I love recording Tenley's life!

Friday, October 25

My Relationship With Your Dad

This post is for Tenley and for our future children who have not yet entered this world. But I can assure you (future children) that I'm already thinking of you daily and that I already know some of your names. For the rest of you, we'll have to wait to know your names until Dad and I come to an agreement.

Your dad and I met under weird circumstances. At least, that's what I think. It is not the type of romantic story I'd imagined for myself while growing up. I thought I would marry a boy from one of my college classes or maybe from my church ward. I thought we would meet at some activity like Stadium Singing or a group movie night with friends from my apartment complex. Thanks to Disney, I even thought I might meet him in the woods (which sounds kind of sketchy, but really--how many Disney princesses met their princes in the woods? Like all of them.). I never imagined that your dad and I would be set up by someone or that our first conversation would take place through Facebook. I mean, really...Facebook? I know it's modern day, but the internet is just not romantic to me--period.

But we did, and now I think it's cool that we met and immediately liked one another just by talking to each other. We just get each other--it's hard to explain. We talked for a week, met after that week, started dating at the end of the second week, and got engaged two months later. I guess it's true what they say, "When you know, you know." Your dad was my first and only real boyfriend. While we were dating during those two months I was praying hard every day to know if I should marry your dad. I liked him that much right away. Every Friday morning, my roommates and I would go to the Rexburg temple to do some baptisms. And every Friday morning, while we waited in the chapel, I would pray for confirmation that marrying your dad was right and would write about what I was feeling in my journal.
On Friday, April 22, 2011, I wrote the following in my journal:

Reasons I know: [that we're meant to be]
Dalin sincerely tells me he love me
We have quirky things in common
We share most interests and opinions
Dalin treats me like a royal daughter of God
He makes me want to be my best self
He is my best friend. Already
He is not superficial or shallow
The Spirit remains around the two of us when we are together
Dalin has a testimony and is an example to me and others
Dalin is understanding
He is patient with my imperfections
He is willing to wait as long as it takes [to get married]
He and I can talk of gospel topics and sacred things
We share many similar perspectives
He loves me for who I am now
He is willing to make changes/sacrifices for me
He is not worried about my family, though I sure as heck am [this was in response to our wanting to get married after knowing each other for so short a time]
He and I both feel we don't deserve each other
He does not hinder my future goals but encourages them and wants to be a part of them
He is an Eagle Scout
He served a faithful mission
He wants children (however many I want! :)
He is flexible about the future and where we will live
He believes in me, more than I do myself
He is temple worthy and wants a temple marriage
He is what I want and more from a spouse
He is willing to try new things
He is frugal and cautious about money--but not when it comes to me
Dalin is honest--even with me when I make mistakes
He is trusting and forgiving
He has goals of his own
He wants to serve a senior mission (with me)
He wants to travel (with me)
He is good at compromising
He always wears his seatbelt (and makes me wear mine)
He is concerned for my welfare and safety

So yeah, that was a pretty extensive list and I am sure there would have been more but I ran out of time. Almost exactly a month later on Monday, May 23rd, Dalin called my dad and in an eleven-minute conversation, asked for my dad's permission to marry me, which was both brave and wonderful of him. I remember pacing the living room of my apartment, anxiously awaiting Dalin's phone call. I even called my mom and tried to get her to tell me what they were talking about but she wasn't very helpful at relaying that information. After, Dalin called and told me my dad said yes and in response, I jumped for joy (and thanked Heavenly Father because, quite frankly, it felt like a miracle that my dad had given his permission). A week later, I was down in Provo with Dalin when he proposed in the woods (bonus point for him ;) and I told him yes. It felt funny because we already had known we were going to get married. Asking me was more of just a formality than a confirmation.
Your dad and I were sealed--not just for our time on earth--but for time and all eternity in the Boston Temple on August 19, 2011. It was the happiest day of my life. I truly mean that. I loved my wedding day. My mother in particular made sure that it was so special for me. Yes, I wish I had been able to have more of our delicious wedding cake and more time dancing with Dalin and taking in the atmosphere of the reception, but the short and simple and perfect ceremony at the temple gave me the comfort of knowing that your dad and I were sealed together forever. And because of our choice to marry in the temple, you guys--our children--are sealed to us forever, too, automatically. It is a beautiful and amazing thing that the gospel of Jesus Christ makes this a possibility for us.

Your dad is my best friend for a lot of reasons. For one, he is a great listener. And I'm a great talker (as you already know by now), which makes our partnership perfect. When I'm worried or can't stop thinking about something, I can tell him and he'll offer his opinion or give me advice or, if I ask him to, tell me to quit worrying and help me see a new perspective. He doesn't make me feel silly for being a dreamer, and his realistic approach to life anchors me a little. He appreciates my creativity and tells me so, which makes me happy. We both love reading and especially during our first two years of marriage alone, we did a lot of reading together. We would swap books on the Kindle or tell the other if a book wasn't worth reading. I would tease him for liking some of the nerdy books that he does, and he would tease me for reading the same books and watching the same movies over and over again. He tolerates my incessant comments about how I miss New Hampshire and why I love New England so much. He has never complained about it. Besides those things, he also is a really, really good man. He works hard for our family and is doing his best to make sure that we are financially secure. When I was worried about the cost of things after Tenley was born, he reassured me that everything would work out and reminded me that it was worth it. He is very faithful. He is the leader of our home (though I still feel that I get a fair amount of say).

When we have an argument, we either resolve it or we save it for later. And usually we forget about it. We never yell at each other, and we consider the D-word (the D-word is divorce) to be a swear and never EVER use it because, quite simply, it isn't an option for us. We're not doing that because we chose to be sealed forever. Sometimes, we do go to bed angry with one another, but I think that it has been a good thing because by morning, the problem seems significantly smaller and much less important. We also both feel much more forgiving toward one another. And sometimes, the problem was only created because one or both of us was tired and not thinking clearly--or not behaving as nicely as we should have been. We always apologize to one another. Sometimes we both know one of us was more at fault than the other, but we say sorry anyway and promise to try harder. We are not perfect. Especially me. But we are trying our best at being great spouses to one another and the best parents to you. Every day, we try a little harder to be a little better.

Your dad is my best friend. We are family because we chose one another. And that choice was an eternal one.

Read more about our love story here.

Can you think of anything from our relationship that I should have added?
What would you want your children to know about you and your spouse's relationship?

Friday, October 4

Optimizing October

It took me a good five minutes to find a good "o" verb for this post title.

Dalin and I are off to a great start celebrating autumn.

Things we have done so far:

We bought some pumpkin chocolate chip cookies at Macey's...
Which were so good, we bought some pumpkin chocolate chip bread at Harvest Bread Co. 
We stopped by Allred's Orchard and got a bag of apples for me to make an apple pie for General Conference with.
We bought chocolate frogs (Harry Potter style) to share (word to the wise--don't buy them--they're gross.)
I drank a gallon of apple cider. Seriously. Just me. Hey, I've got to feed a baby.
We bought some peanut butter chocolate fudge. 
(Why are these all about food??...)
We watched all the Harry Potter movies (except the first...we lent it out and never got it back).
I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to Tenley and started on Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
We stopped by Bath & BodyWorks and smelled every single new pumpkin candle scent for fall. (This is one of Dalin's favorite things to do...)
We bought four awesome new fall hand soaps from Bath & BodyWorks (or, as we like to call it, Bed, Bath, & BodyWorks). They are so awesome that I have all four out by our kitchen sink. I couldn't choose just one. The ones we bought are New England Autumn Bouquet, Apsen Autumn Day, Fresh-Picked Heirloom Pear, and Montana Mountain Air. They are all great!
I decorated the apartment for fall and Halloween a few weeks ago! (I might have been early, but fall is so fleeting :/)
Dalin brought me home some lovely orange (very fallish) roses randomly one night (randomly is my favorite way to get them :)

I'm sure I'm missing something, but I think we've been off to a great start! In two weeks, we head to Boise for a Halloween party at Dalin's parents' house, where we plan to win the costume contest (haha, well we'll see...it's going to be hard with baby Tenley). While there, we would like to visit a pumpkin patch to pick our own pumpkins like we do in New Hampshire...not out of a box at the grocery store (something about that just feels like a rip-off to me). I'm sure we'll do many other fun fall things along the way. 

What have you done so far for fall?
Any suggestions for things for us to try?

Thursday, September 26

The Firsts


We moved out of our first apartment in March 2013, shortly after our sister Shaina married our brother-in-law, Layton. Our address used to be 300 Wymount Terrace. It is now 268 Wymount Terrace (we didn't move that far). The apartment was on the third floor of 5C. It had four tiny rooms--three, if you count the living room and kitchen as one. We had a lot of firsts in that apartment, so even though we frequently complained about its size and other areas where it was lacking, it still holds a tiny portion of our hearts and our history.

The Firsts

It was our first home as a married couple.
It was the first place we established a habit of scripture study and family prayer.
It was the first place we had friends over to play board games and watch movies and eat desserts.
It was the place where we had our first sleepover, which entailed making a bed out of pillows and our comforter placed by the open front porch door because we had no A/C and our apartment was blistering hot our first night there.
It was where I first discovered life without a dishwasher or air conditioning.
It was where I first learned that Dalin hates doing laundry.
It was where I first learned to cook well okay. For real.
It was where we first mapped out our future together and shared our deepest secrets.
It was where I returned to alone, sobbing, after flying home from Arizona on our first Thanksgiving together because I had to work at Dillard's on Black Friday.
It was the place where we had our first Christmas with just the two of us.
It was where I decorated its tiny rooms for every season and holiday for the first time.
It was the place where we lived when we started leasing our first new car.
It was the first place we returned to late at night after long drives to Boise to visit Dalin's family for weekend trips and holidays. 
It was the first place we came home to after much-too-short summer visits to New Hampshire.
It was the place where I began the first job I've ever truly enjoyed.
It was where I first received my Associate's degree from BYU-Idaho.
It was where I first got called as Primary President and where Dalin got called as Sunday School President.
It was where we first began our family.
It was the place where we first discovered I was pregnant with our darling Tenley.
It was where I did my first ever semester at BYU.
It was where we bought our first TV.
It was where we had our first ever couch from Uncle Cash and Aunt Marisa.
It was where we had our first antique kitchen table and where I painted our first kitchen chairs mustard, aqua, and mint green.
It was where I first started to detest Dalin's noisy and filthy old rocking chair that he adores so much.
It was where I first started to feel like that rocking chair was an old friend, noisy or not.
It was where Dalin broke our first camera when he accidentally pushed it behind the stairs of our stairwell while we were taking pictures.
It was where we first learned about how hard marriage can be.
It was where we first learned how wonderful and amazing and sacred marriage can be.
It was where we first learned of each other's faults.
It was where we first learned to forgive each other.
It was where we had our first fight. 
It was where we cared for each other when the other was ill for the first time.
It was where we celebrated the first year of our eternal marriage.
First TV...lovely
One of my first decent meals
There are a lot of others and I could go on, but I'll let you imagine the rest.

Even though we (especially me I'm sorry to admit) complained about that old apartment (and still complain about the one we're in now because the only difference is a spare bedroom and that we're now on the second floor), it holds a lot of memories for us and I know that one day, looking back we'll miss that tiny place and cherish the firsts we had together there.