My Thoughts on Feminism and Why I Don't Support What It Has Become

The essay “Feminist Influences on Mothers in the Home” states that the feminist movement over the last several decades has encouraged women to obtain education and find a career to be successful.  This has caused many women to focus on their work and leave the raising of their children to daycare and others, which has had a detrimental effect upon the traditional family. Feminism is not intentionally out to weaken the family unit. There has been a lot of good accomplished because of the feministic movement. The writer explains how there has been three different periods of helping women to become more respected. The first era was when a group of ladies stood up to have basic equal rights in marriage and not be considered their husband’s property. The second movement happened when women like Susan B. Anthony took a stand that females should have the right to vote being given political equality. These first two feministic movements have been very helpful for women to be more respected in America. However, the modern day feminism has become a bit extreme. Yes, it is good for women to gain an education and develop their talents. But have women gone too far?

I would have to say YES. When I say I don't like feminists, I'm not talking about those who belong in the first two categories. I agree with those women. If that is your personal definition of feminism then by golly, I'm a feminist. But when I refer to feminism and how I can't stand it, I'm talking about the man-haters and the women who intentionally are going over the top in their efforts to become just like men. We aren't men. We are women. If, like me, you believe in Adam and Eve, you believe we came from men. One man--Adam. With his rib, God formed woman. And if, like me, you believe this, then you also believe that women were created as a helpmeet for man. Ugh, don't even bother giving me backlash over use of this term. Look it up. It means "a helpful companion or partner" or "one's husband or wife." Men are created to be husbands. Women were created to be wives. Why so many women seem to take this to mean "servant" or "slave" I have no idea. If you do, I believe that is ignorance on your part. And if you take offense to that, that is your own problem. 

With the views today of feminism more and more women are thinking it is more important to have a career and less important to have children at all. For those who do have children, more mothers are leaving their children in daycare while they are out "fulfilling" themselves through their careers. In many cases, this is tremendous selfishness on the part of women who have a spouse that is able to financially support their family. And it is taking a toll on their children who learn values best when taught by their mothers. If your children aren't learning morals and values from you, then who are they learning them from? Do not misunderstand me--working and providing for a family is good. Earning a living for one's family is better. But staying with one's children, if realistically possible for your family situation, will always be the best choice. It is necessary that some women sacrifice to work in the world. I am so grateful to some of my female teachers growing up. They played an important role in my life. But like every decision, there is always a good, better, and best choice. Maybe the good, better, or best choice for them was to wait until their children were in school to pursue a career during the day. Another thing I need to add also is that everyone has a different "good, better, or best." We are not all at the same places in our lives and it is important that we recognize that one person's good might be another's best. While I can confidently assert that feminism has helped women over the years, I now feel that it is going too far by causing women forget their divine role as a Mother.  

My question is: when will it end? Will it end with shared restrooms? Will it end when women can stand at a urinal and pee like men because it's only "fair"? Will it end when women can waltz around any public place in as little clothing as they want for the sake of "freedom" (wait, they already do that...)? Will it end when children are left to be raised by men alone? Or will there even be any children? Will women think it beneath them to raise families? Or will they just wait until having a child is "convenient" for them after they've had a successful career and are in their late thirties or forties? Which, by the way, will increase the risks of downs syndrome, diabetes, genetic defects, high blood pressure, premature babies, miscarriage, increased stillbirth, labor complications, etc. (See here if you think I'm exaggerating). Will it end when women are competing in sporting competitions alongside men and for the most part losing because, like it or not, women are given different strengths and abilities than men? Or will men be given disadvantages or obstacles to increase the "fairness" of a competition? 

Will it ever end? No. It won't. Because we live in a wicked world that Satan--who is very real by the way--runs. He wants women to ignore their divine roles. He wants women to forfeit their right to motherhood (yes it is a right). He wants our children to be raised without a constant parent in the home. He wants us to dress immodestly and objectify ourselves, further decreasing the respect men have for us in the workplace and in general. He wants the family unit to fall apart. He wants us to be miserable like he is. He wants us to feel as though we are worthless, unappreciated, and smaller than men. He wants us to fail.

But ignore all this and keep doing what you're doing, feminists. Because it really seems to be making the world a better place. 

The Sanctity of Human Life

This article appeared on my Yahoo newsfeed yesterday. It really sickens me that this is even something society has to deal with but that's where we are. 

I feel strongly that abortion is wrong. Many people--say, about half the planet--disagree with me. I truly cannot fathom how some people can justify the preservation of trout eggs and other animals such as these and ignore the need to preserve human life. Maybe they think there is some need for population control (which is not true at all--we humans do not even have a sufficient replacement rate for the population as it is, as partially described in this article about demographics) or maybe it is their need to feel like they have complete control over their lives that makes them feel this way. Maybe they have never felt their unborn child's heartbeat or felt their baby's first movements because I certainly cannot see how someone could experience either of these miracles and still claim that a fetus or embryo is not "living." Why is it that when one's heart ceases to beat, they are medically considered "dead" but when a heart begins beating as early as four or five weeks, a fetus is not considered "living." What is the point of having a heartbeat if it does not give us life?

The claim that an unborn baby is "not living" is one of the biggest fallacies and absolute untruths of our time. And somehow people tell themselves this lie and accept it. This is justification, people. Humans are constantly trying to justify their actions and behaviors, and if telling themselves that a fetus with a beating heart is not alive, then it is sad and embarrassing that they could be so easily convinced that there is no sanctity in human life. 

Another argument I find ridiculous is when humans suggest that these girls "aren't ready" or "mature enough" to be parents. To those who suggest this, I would agree with you. But if they believe they are mature enough to participate in sexual behaviors, then they better be willing to accept the consequences associated with that choice. I realize that the article I am responding to did not directly or fully address the subject of abortion, but I am doing so because my opinion on birth control comes down to this: If you believe that you are "old enough" or "mature enough" to be sexually active, then you must be what we grown-ups call "accountable" for your actions. If you break the law, you might be arrested. If you cheat on a test, you will likely fail. If you break a promise, you very often lose someone's trust. If you murder another human being, you go to prison. These are consequences. Say you somehow avoid getting arrested, or avoid failing the test because no one catches you. Does that make your decision any better or any more right? It is the same with sexual activity. If, due to careless behavior, you get pregnant, you have the choice to accept the consequences, take responsibility, and raise yourself or even give away the child that you have actively--if not willfully--created. You can also attempt to hide what you did and cover it up with an abortion because you aren't ready to have a child, or it was just a one-time thing. Just because others do not know about it, does not make it acceptable. 

It reminds of this scripture in 2 Nephi 28: 8-9 (if you don't believe in the scriptures, feel free to pass over this part):

"And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, nevertheless, fear God--he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God. Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark."

Many feminists and pro-choice activists argue that women should have "absolute control" over their own bodies. They do. Women have the ability to choose if they will be sexually active and the ability to choose how they prevent pregnancy. But why would a loving God (or anyone with a human heart) find terminating an unwanted pregnancy justifiable? Women have the power to create life. If they abuse it, just like anything else in life, they should be required to accept the consequences. I often see people protest to this with pointless questions such as, "If they don't want the baby, isn't it better that the baby is terminated than raised by unready or unwilling parents?" No sir, I don't believe in children being raised properly by loving parents. OF COURSE I DO. How idiotic a question is that? But taking that unborn baby's life is NOT a proportionate response! Adoption by loving parents is always a viable option but then those same people always insist, "There are already too many children being put up for adoption and too many who never get adopted." To this I respond with, yes, that is unfortunately true. Too many people have already made the choice to put their child up for adoption, whatever the reason. But how can you argue that those babies would have been better off dead, or rather "terminated," than allowed to live? Please tell me that the majority of those people on this list of orphans as well as the thousands of others that have lived on this earth believe they would have been better off having never existed than growing up an orphan. I highly doubt you would receive sizable positive acclamation or agreement. 

When a woman chooses to have an abortion, she is generally met with sympathy and understanding. What about the little life that will never be because of her decision? An embryo--and even a birthed baby--is not given the choice to live. It depends entirely on its parents, and in particular, its mother to keep it alive. Why would he or she not be given the same rights as any other human being? Does age matter? The life of a human suddenly matters when it is born at 40 weeks, but not beforehand? What about those born as prematurely as 23 weeks? They are not a fully developed baby until 40 weeks, so that baby should not matter as much, right? Because a fetus is not as much a human at 8 weeks than a still-developing baby at 20? "As much" as you try to justify it, the argument stands that those who support abortion do not seem to value human life as much or at least do not respect it enough to preserve it. 

Sexual intimacy is sacred. It is God-given. It is not only for creating life, but for expressing love and creating oneness. But I believe it is most powerful and most meaningful within marriage. The world disagrees? No kidding. Sexuality is a common joke in the eyes of most. It is purely physical and recreational. This quote by Billy Graham best portrays the brief version of what Mormons or Latter-day Saints believe in this regard: 

"The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be 'one flesh' was as important as his command to 'be fruitful and multiply.'" 

The long version, if you're truly curious, is explained well in this article. Those who mistakenly are under the impression that Mormons and other Christians believe that the only purpose for sexuality is to have children are completely wrong. That aspect of sexuality is very important, too, but in its own time. 

I am not naive enough to believe that most people will stop having sex before marriage just because it might result in an unwanted pregnancy. Humans are too selfish and too concerned that their own needs are satisfied for this to be the case. But if you consider yourself old enough to be sexually active, I would hope you would be willing to consider the consequences should your contraceptive methods fail. 

I will share that I chose to be on a birth control pill for the first year of our marriage. This decision was partially because I suffer from major cramps during my period and the pill helped relieve them, partially because my period was irregular and it helped regulate it, and partially because I wanted to have some time with my husband so we could adjust to one another before starting a family. That was a choice we prayerfully made as a couple. Had we still gotten pregnant before anticipated, we would have been elated and would have understood that obviously God's timing was different from our own. After one year and two months, we decided we wanted to stop using the pill and leave it up to Him because at that point, we were starting to get very baby hungry. Sure enough, after just one month, we discovered we were pregnant.

Human life is special. Our Heavenly Father loves every one of us and I imagine that it saddens him tremendously to see so many of His children aborting the growing embryos or fetuses they actively created. I have heard some cruelly and disdainfully suggest that an embryo is nothing more than "a sac of cells." To that I say it is then a growing sac of cells with a heartbeat and the potential to become a human baby. You can justify its supposed unimportance as much as you want, but I will never be convinced that the baby now nearly fully formed inside me was ever just "a sac of cells" to our Heavenly Father.

I write this post not to argue or to convince (as that rarely seems to be effective with any sort of argument) but to inform. You may disagree with every single thing I have written thus far, but I assure you that you cannot disagree with this basic fact: You were born. The efforts of a man and a woman together gave you life. No one got in the way of that. You sadly may wish you had never been born, but I do not believe that gives you or anyone else the right to choose who should be able to live and who should not.

"The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government."

~Thomas Jefferson

My precious growing daughter. She was just at 16 weeks here, but already incredibly active and very much alive. 

Controversy: A Woman's Role

I am responding today to a powerful article entitled: "How my mother's fanatical feminist views tore us apart." As I read, I found myself sympathizing with the author and wanting to reach out to her and tell her I'm proud of her for the choices she has made in her personal life. Her mother is very apparently a poor example of what a woman should be: tender, caring, full of love, willing to serve others, kind toward children--she  has not truly developed any of these qualities though she may make impressions otherwise. 

The fact that Walker neglected her own daughter shows she lacks good character and, to be frank, good sense. How can she support the view that children enslave women? Does she not care about raising the next generation to be one that honors women? How does she lack the foresight to recognize that children are going to be born no matter what and that without strong, willing mothers, they will be raised just as poorly as today's generation? 

As someone who is strongly anti-abortion, I feel very sorry that Rebecca had that heartbreaking experience at the age of 14. It makes me sad that she was put in that position as a youth and that her mother displayed no interest in her daughter's situation at the time. Her mother's lack of approval was a selfish act, meant only to hurt her daughter who obviously tried very hard to please her mother regardless of their differing views. This quote regarding her mother's attitude toward her lifestyle sickens me: "But she wouldn't back down. Instead, she wrote me a letter saying that our relationship had been inconsequential for years and that she was no longer interested in being my mother." How utterly despicable and hateful Walker has been toward her daughter. It is a miracle that Rebecca has been able to look past her mother's faulted ideas and cultivate an entirely new set of beliefs on her own. 

Rebecca's views on feminism align well with my own. I consider myself the complete opposite of a feminist--at least the opposite of the extremists. I am aware that it has had its merits. Feminism has given women opportunities. It has opened doors to higher education, better workplace conditions, and involvement in politics. But in my mind it has gone much too far and is essentially destroying the most important and crucial unit in society: the family. 

I liked this quote of Rebecca's:

"Feminism has betrayed an entire generation of women into childlessness. It is devastating."

It is very devastating. How sad for those women who selfishly deny themselves the power to create and support life. It is the one power we possess that men do not and our divine responsibility as women. Yet so many turn away from that role and later find that they have missed out on a great happiness. This particularly saddens me when I think of how many women abort the life they have created, while so many women suffer from loneliness--many are single and unable to have the family they dream of, many are barren but yearn to be a mother more than anything else, and many have had tragedies befall them or their children leaving them in what must feel like a perpetual state of helplessness. 

Rebecca sums up her mother's greatest fault with this quote. "But, while she has taken care of daughters all over the world and is hugely revered for her public work and service, my childhood tells a very different story. I came very low down in her priorities--after work, political integrity, self-fulfillment, friendships, spiritual life, fame and travel." Selfishness is evident in Alice Walker's every deed. She may have incorrectly believed that she was living a life of freedom and independence, but in actuality she behaved for her own good and no one else's. 

The greatest point Rebecca makes in her article is how her experience as a mother has been more freeing than she thought possible: "The other day I was vacuuming when my son came bounding into the room. 'Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, let me help,' he cried. His little hands were grabbing me around the knees and his huge brown eyes were looking up at me. I was overwhelmed by a huge surge of happiness. I love the way his head nestles in the crook of my neck. I love the way his face falls into a mask of eager concentration when I help him learn the alphabet. But most of all, I simply love hearing his little voice calling: 'Mummy, Mummy.' It reminds me of just how blessed I am. The truth is that I very nearly missed out on becoming a mother  -  thanks to being brought up by a rabid feminist who thought motherhood was about the worst thing that could happen to a woman. You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale. In fact, having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Far from 'enslaving' me, three-and-a-half-year-old Tenzin has opened my world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so late  -  I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far with no luck." 

I am grateful for Rebecca Walker's courageous example. She has taught me that there is more to be gained as a woman through motherhood than anything else. She emphasizes that the truest source of happiness has been her family. She recognizes her mother's many errors of thinking and has developed her own set of principles to live by. She is someone that I personally look up to for her faith and commitment to her family. 

Now I want to hear your thoughts and feelings. 
What did you think of her article? 
Do you agree with her like I do or disagree and why? 
What joy, in your mind, could possibly be greater or more important than having a loving family? 

Sister Frances B. Monson: Home-Maker Supreme

Until today, I knew very little about the wife of our beloved prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Upon learning that she passed away today at the age of 85, I immediately felt sad for President Monson and his children. I proceeded to look up Frances Monson and read about her life. I love reading the life stories of others, and particularly of those who were raised in a different, and well (what I consider), a better time. I have learned so much about what a wonderful example of Christ-like love and service Frances was, as well as how delightful a mother and friend she proved to be. 

She studied hard in school and excelled in math and science. After marrying Thomas, the couple had three children and quite the variety of family pets. She practiced good bookkeeping and budgeting, applying Church principles of thrift and self-reliance. She was an excellent bargain shopper. Whenever there were things to fix or assemble in the home, Frances was the one to do it. She served well in the Church and supported her husband in every calling he was given. About this, her husband says, “But never once has she complained. Never once. Not in our entire married life has she done anything to keep me from any aspect of my service. I have never received anything but support and encouragement from Frances.” She was hardworking both in and out of the home and enjoyed serving others. She took care of her mother for many years. She lived with a sense of humor that brought her family joy. "She also delighted in being a mother, continually teaching her children the importance of sacrifice and serving the Lord." She "radiated patience and compassion when serving others" (Church Newsroom).

“My mother is unlike many of the women of today’s generation. Instead of looking for the recognition of the world, she has always received her acknowledgment of worth from such things as the happy smile of a son or the outstretched hand of a grandchild. President Wilford Woodruff once said that the mother has greater influence over her posterity than any other person can have, and her influence is felt through time and eternity. I am grateful to my mother, thankful for her influence and pray that I might always be worthy of her love. As I reflect upon the many blessings which I have received as the daughter of an apostle of the Lord, the one which means the most to me is the gift and blessing of the woman he married, my mother.” 

~Ann Monson Dibb

Such a beautiful woman.

Frances with her husband, Thomas, and three children.

What a happy couple they are! So sweet.

 

So much tender love and happiness in this photo of the two.

If you are interested in learning more about this terrific woman, read this article from the Church newsroom. 
You can also read this excellent article from lds.org about the Monson's wonderful marriage and life together, entitled "I Knew I'd Found the Right One."

Because of who she was during her life, I am confident that Frances Monson's reunion with her husband will be a very joyful one. I would be filled with happiness to know I would be remembered in the way that she will be.

Have you ever met Sister Monson? What stood out to you about her? What principles from her life are you trying to develop in your own home?

Real Role Models For Little Girls

I read this: http://www.jaimemoorephotography.com/2013/05/09/not-just-a-girl/

And this is what I thought: I agree with this mom that there is nothing wrong with loving Disney princesses. Nearly every child loves to dream about that stuff. I still do in fact, though I am not technically a child. But it is definitely a good idea to give children real role models as well--especially in case they eventually grow out of the Disney phase (which hopefully no child of mine will ever do...). I agree with her choices of good role models...Susan B. Anthony, Coco Chanel, Helen Keller, Amelia Earhart, and Jane Goodall. There are probably several women I could add, but for the sake of time, I will add just a few for now.

Madam Marie Curie. She won two Nobel Prizes in physics and chemistry, discovered elements radium and polonium, and coined the term "radioactivity." She also opened the doors for women in the sciences. She said, "Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained."

Rosa Parks. She had the courage to stand (well, sit...) for what she knew was right. She was a well-known civil rights activist because of her actions. She shows women that simple acts can lead to great things. Rosa Parks said, "I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." She also said, "Each person must live their life as a model for others." What a great example she set.

Marjorie Pay Hinckley. A wonderful wife, mother, and role model for women, particularly those of the LDS faith. She encouraged youth to seek higher education. She was an excellent example of service to others. She tells us simply to, "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I love that she is reminding us to humanize people rather than objectifying them, and that she reminds us to avoid making judgements about others. Another great quote from Marjorie: "We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."

There are many, many other women who could and should be added to this list. Maybe I will find the time to add to it. But for now, I just want to say that I am thankful for those women who recognized their individual worth and divine natures and did not let the ways of the world discourage them. They found the inner strength to go on and set positive examples for many generations to come. Thank goodness for good women. "May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them."

What other women have been great role models to you or someone else?