8 Reasons Why Modern Dating is the Worst

Ok, I realize this subject doesn't really apply to me since I'm a married girl, but the topic is still important to me. And yes I still date my husband and all that, but you'll see in a moment why this post no longer applies to me.

I am really glad that I met Dalin when we did. It seems like even in just the last few years, technology has erupted into everyone's daily life, and ever since, the dating world has changed. The world of romance has changed. I'm glad to say that it is not completely gone, but with the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if it continued to get worse. What do I mean? Here are some reasons why (in my opinion) modern dating is the worst:

1. Meeting people via technology is lame. What happened to meeting at a dance or social activity and falling in love? Or meeting someone in a college class or at work or at the checkout counter? I mean, obviously that can't happen to everyone, but I feel like meeting online is kind of lame. And I can say that because the first time my husband and I spoke was through Facebook. We were introduced through a mutual friend and she had us start talking through Facebook. Even I think that's lame. And by lame, I mostly mean unromantic. Obviously, that is just how it's going to be for some people nowadays (Dalin and I, for instance. First spoke online, and now still happily married with a baby three years later), but I think the majority of the online dating world is choosing this method out of laziness, desperation, and fear. These people just need to grit their teeth and courageously introduce themselves to people in person. Technology has made people increasingly reclusive and that is plain silly. Are you truly happier browsing the internet all day than interacting with human beings or enjoying the beauty of the world? If so, then you may be really, really painfully shy or a hermit. Either way, you probably could be happier.

2. Asking people on dates through text is the WORST. Interaction in person is by far the best choice, but even a phone call is better than getting a text that could be meant for anyone. Especially when it reads, "Wanna go out with me?" No. I'm going to teach my kids to tell their dates to try again if they get asked through text. It is incredibly impersonal and, as exciting as it is to get a cute text, getting a cute call is that much more exciting. Some people say, "But phone calls or person-to-person is awkward." Well sorry, but you're gonna have to get over that. Dating in general is kind of awkward and sometimes (usually), those moments of embarrassment and humility make the best memories later on. Take courage, Single People, and use your words, not your fingers to ask someone out.

3. Dating itself is so different. Gone are the days of courting and fun group dates. In their place are what people call "hook ups" and "NCMOs" or nic-mo's (non-committal make-outs). Half the fun of dating is the process. The nervousness and anxiety are what make it fun and exciting. It's still okay to go to the movies once in a while, but take the time to go somewhere and just talk, too. Read together at a park. Go on a hike or walk in the woods. Play tennis or try something new like golfing. Work on a meal together for yourselves or for someone else. Serve some old people you both know. There is little more attractive (in my mind at least) than seeing a man who loves to help other people. And I suspect many men would say the same about women. Most importantly, TALK. I'm just going to go ahead and say it--you do a lot more talking than kissing once you get married, so get really good at having a meaningful conversation.

4. What the heck happened to chivalry? Is it really almost dead? I know it's not completely dead--thankfully--as the men in my life are excellent at being chivalrous but I am hearing of fewer and fewer young men who are considerate toward women. This may in part be because some women refuse to accept the help of men, and that is sad to me, because respect for women in the form of chivalry does not mean that women are necessarily weaker. It just means that a man values femininity and womanhood and is attempting to be courteous. Ladies, stop taking offense or you're going to end up miserable and alone. Plus, it's super annoying and rude. Don't be that person. I am sure men will always come across some women who will not accept their help, but do not let those women create a standard for how to treat all women. I am pretty sure most women out there are still appreciative of polite gestures, such as opening doors, pulling out seats at the table, being offered a seat when chairs are scarce, among other small acts. Do not let chivalry die, men! Bring it back. Even if you're the only one doing it.

5. Playing games is stupid. Plain and simple--it's the stupidest thing you can do if you want a relationship to last--especially if you want it to develop into a true and lasting marriage. This isn't to say that people haven't been playing games for a while, but I'm sure playing games was much less complicated when our grandparents were dating, and even our parents. For instance, they did not have texting to attempt to convey emotions or lack of them. They did not use emoticons to communicate sadness or frustration or flirtatiousness. I mean, think about it. Those are kind of stupid little faces that young adults use to express pretty deep emotions. (And no, I'm not anti-emoticons. I use them once in a while, but it's not the same thing). I really think that young people need to be a little more tactful in their use of texting. It's fine to write a quick message, send a reminder, or whatever. But be willing to call someone. Send more of these: "Hey, I miss you. Can I call you later?" and less of these: "I love you so much. You're so hott. I can't wait to see you again." This may sound like a harsh condemnation of texting, but I think if it is viewed too lightly, there will be long-term emotional consequences. Also, do not forget the art of writing! It's seriously vanishing from relationships even though it is such a meaningful way to convey emotion. Write love notes and love letters. Share thoughts, dreams, and plans with one another. I cherish everything my husband has ever written or drawn for me. I can't throw away a single note he writes to me, no matter how unromantic because for me, it's a little piece of him that I can hold onto and use as a reminder of him. Notes and letters last, texts can be deleted instantly. Write more.

6. Stop being rude. If someone asks you on a date, don't give them a maybe. Tell them straight up, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested" or "I actually like someone else" or "I am busy this week, but next week I would love to!" Don't be rude and ignore them completely either. Computer and cellphone technology allow people to be a lot more cowardly than the old ways did. Be honest, but try to be nice about it. Stop being flakey and canceling plans--especially if only because a better--a more "fun"--offer has come along. Here's a wake-up call for some people--that's RUDE. Stop wasting other people's time. You don't need to keep someone on their toes. You don't need to be liked be everyone. Trust me, it's never going to happen anyway.

7. Never EVER cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee, spouse, whomever. Just don't do it. And if you are cheated on, know that it is TEN TIMES more likely that that person will do it again. Social media provides ample opportunities to cheat on your spouse. Be careful with what message you convey through your actions on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Flirting while in a serious relationship or marriage is never okay. Never. Remember that "Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair." If you are entertaining thoughts or doing things that even might lead to cheating, stop them right away. It's better to be safe than sorry. Or alone forever.

8. Take a moment and ask yourself why you're dating. Why are you in a relationship at all? Because it is nice to be loved, comfortable to be cared for, and all-around convenient, right? Are you just dating to fool around? Or are you looking for marriage and life-long--or even eternal--commitment? Make sure you know what you are looking for and what your dates are looking for. I like Christopher Hudspeth's quote on this: "Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point." It's frighteningly true for some people and well worth considering. Are you wasting your partner's time because you know you never want to get married? If so, then do the decent thing and end it sooner rather than later. Too many people do not know what they want. The world tells you that's okay, but it isn't. The point of life is to make good decisions which will lead to happiness for you and others. Make up your dang mind and commit to it.

I wish I could knock some sense into the young, modern, and so-called "hip" people of today. I may be young, but I am proudly old-fashioned and it has always served me well. Maybe the old-fashioned ways need to again become the new-fashioned ways. Maybe then the world would be a little better.

Thoughts? 

And here are a few more pics from our "just us" dating days:

10 People Who Have Influenced Me

I decided not to put these in any specific order. I've been influenced by many other wonderful people, but these were the first that came to mind.

1. Tenley. I thought I was perfectly happy before we had her. I had no idea. I wouldn't know the joys of motherhood if it weren't for her. She motivates me to be the best I can be. She deserves to have a mother like that. I want to be her friend, her comforter, her advocate, and her teacher. As I see her perfection, she brings me closer to Christ.

2. Dalin. We're so alike. I love him with all my heart. He teaches by example. He is always quick to forgive me. He encourages me to be my best self. He makes me happy. Every minute I have with him is precious. He has taught me that it's okay to disagree on things. He keeps his feisty wife calm. He supports me always. I know he is on my side. I'm so thankful our marriage is forever.

3. Grandpa French. Losing my grandfather was one of the hardest things I've gone through. I actually cried more when my great grandmother passed away, but I think that's because I still have yet for his death to sink in. I wasn't in New Hampshire when he was rapidly deteriorating from liver cancer. And since I had seen him so little the past three years because of school, it still feels like he is home in New Hampshire. Making breakfast, and fishing, and taking pictures like always. My grandpa is an incredible example of so many things. You'll have to read this if you really want to understand why.

4. Dad. I love my dad. He is generous and caring and so much fun. He loves making his children laugh. He is very loyal and has strong values. He is the very best Home Teacher. I don't know if he's ever missed a month. His example of this tells me that he is obedient and willing to help others. He is an amazing example of service. I love that he cares for the elderly and is always happy to go out of his way to help family, friends, neighbors, and even those he doesn't know. I hope to be like him in many respects but particularly his example of service to others. Read more about my awesome dad here.

5. Mom. My mom does so much for me (huge understatement). She is incredibly giving. Like my dad, she can't help but give all that she has to her children. She is as loving and comforting as a mom can be. She is always the first person I want when I am hurt or sick. She has taught me what a joy being a mother can be and makes me want to be the best at it. Apart from that, she is talented and so creative and she has passed those genes off to me. She has helped me to love cooking. She is the best organizer I know. She sets a great example of obedience to the principles of the gospel. Her happiness and positivity is infectious and rubs off on others. I'm so thankful for her.

6. Nana French. She is so wonderful. She has taught me to love cooking. She is so nurturing and cheerful. She is understanding and always has advice to give. She loves her family. She dedicates so much time to her children and grandchildren. She stands for what she believes in and is not afraid to speak her mind. She is brave and tough and I hope I can always be like that, too.

7. Whitney. I always wanted to be like my cousin Whitney growing up. She is one of the most Christ-like people that I know. She loves serving others. She is kind, sweet, and womanly. She is confident in herself. She is honest and true to her faith. She is the epitome of a righteous woman and is going to make the most amazing and dedicated wife and mother. She is a light to others. She lives her life with patience and humility. I want to be that way.

8. Sarah. Sarah is one of my two very best friends (besides Dalin and Tenley). She is one of the happiest and most positive people I know. She brings so much joy to everyone around her and everyone loves her because of her happiness and sense of humor. She always strives to do the right thing and is courageous in her willingness to stand for truth and righteousness. She is fun to be around and she shares her joy with everyone. I want to spread that same happiness to everyone.

9. Megan. One of the most caring and sensitive people out there. She is extremely intelligent but still so humble. She is the best listener I know. She is thoughtful and kind to everyone. She is creative and talented at many things. She takes care of herself. She has so many friends because she makes a wonderful one. She is understanding and as sweet as can be. I want to have as patient and mild a temperament as she does. She is a true friend to those around her.

10. Jesus Christ. My Savior, Redeemer, Friend, and Advocate. He has done so much for me and is the primary reason I have so my joy in this life. He is real. He lives. He is our Brother and He loves every one of us, even in our imperfection. He died for us and I know we can live with Him again if we try, try, try our best to be like Him. I want to be like Him.

Who has been the greatest influence in your life and why?

The Random Act of Kindness

I may need to revise my highlight of the day even though I still love that Dalin got to stay home today and that we got to spend the day Tenley. This new highlight was more of a random act of kindness that made my whole week. It's good to know there are still kind people out there. So anyway, I was at the checkout at Walmart, waiting to pay with Tenley in my front carrier pouch, when a former resident of King Henry apartments where I last worked saw me and came over to say hi and congrats on the new baby. We were just talking when, before I knew what was happening, he had pulled out his card, reached past me, and swiped it at the register, paying for almost $70 of stuff. Feeling shocked, embarrassed, and gratified at the same time, I thanked him profusely then he proceeded to help me get the items into my cart and out to my car where he loaded my trunk for me while I buckled Tenley in. I thanked him again and he told me no sweat and took my cart away.

That is an outstanding young man, I thought when I got in the driver's seat before I started my car. I wish I could do something to repay him for his kindness...Well, if you are single and looking for a great guy (I think he goes to UVU and lives near King Henry), I'll give you his name so you can track him down. ;) Anyway, his deed caught me off guard--so much so that I almost cried before I left the Walmart parking lot. I was really touched. I had hardly ever interacted with him at King Henry, I just recognized his face and knew his name. Immediately I wanted to "pay it forward" by doing something for someone else. I got my chance pretty quick. There was a homeless man sitting by the Walmart exit. I never know if the homeless people that gather there are legit or not, but every once in a while, I give something if I have it in case they are. I still had my $15 Walmart gift card in my hand because I hadn't had to use it, so when I reached the man, I rolled down my window and waved him over to me. "There's fifteen dollars on there," I told him. He thanked me sounding very sincere and I drove off hoping I really was helping someone.

I tell this story not to brag about my tiny act of kindness (which was mainly initiated only because of someone else's) but to make a quick point: It is always much easier to do a random act for someone when you've been on the receiving end of one yourself. I re-learned an important lesson today. I had forgotten about my resolve to live the Scout motto "Do a good turn daily." That young man helped me get back on track and I'm going to do my best to keep that motto in my heart, starting today.

What random acts of kindness have you given to others? 
What is one that you've received that meant a lot to you?

Kindness Weighs More Than Fat

I just read this article on Yahoo called "My Girlfriend Weighs More Than Me. So What?" and I have to say I thought it was fantastic. I think my favorite part was Ali's description of why he and Gloria connect so well: 

The fact is Gloria and I have so much in common. We feel the same way about our families - they are the most important people in our lives. Our parents taught us the value of hard work and good morals, and how we should conduct ourselves and treat other people. We also share an idiosyncratic sense of humor —we find things funny that other people don't.

I honestly loved this article and I am completely disgusted with some of the comments that people made to be cruel. I'll be honest, I have a lot of overweight family members, but that didn't even cross my mind as I read this. All I thought was that this sweet girl is a human being and she is probably nicer than most skinny people. I don't know that for sure, but I can tell by Ali's description of her that she is a gem. 

I truthfully do not care about the size of someone or their body. I love big people. More often than not, they seem to have a better nature and sense of humor than most thin people. Obviously it is preferable to be healthy but there are plenty of larger men and women who simply come from large stock and are still very healthy despite their stature. I know that Heavenly Father does not judge us based on our physical characteristics but on the intent of our heart so I ask: what gives us the right to judge others on their physical appearance? There are things I don't like about my own body and appearance but I hope more than anything that most people see past those things to the person I am inside. I hate when I hear someone make a comment about how a person looks or dresses because I know that that person is a child of God and that they are probably doing the best they can with the life they have. 

I think we (as humans) need to consider these quotes a little more seriously: 

"When I grow frustrated with someone I think, 'Watch yourself, that's a child of God.'" 

~Maya Angelou

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

~Author Unknown

"There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater, you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent." 

~Dave Barry

Surely I am not the only one who feels this way--I like a person so much the better when I find they have a kind, positive personality. I have met dozens of people who I initially thought were incredibly beautiful or attractive, but as soon as they began to speak they started to look less so because it became clear they had a very shallow and insincere persona. It works the other way, too. There are those who seem plain or ordinary upon first meeting them, but when I truly get to know them, their attractiveness increases dramatically. This happens more often than I would like to admit. Does that mean that my first impressions of people are often wrong? Or maybe it means that in my heart, I do slightly judge or stereotype others based on their appearance until I get to know them as a person. I think it is impossible to look at someone's outward appearance and not form an initial impression of them. The difference is looking at them thereafter with an open heart, and willing yourself to see the good in them if they have it. Every kind person I have met has an indefinable quality about them that makes them more attractive in my eyes because of who they are. I try to see the good in others because that is how I want people to see me. I personally do not want people to only notice my physical imperfections and decide on the type of person that I am based on those alone. 

For those of you who are extremely attractive and have a good heart, I think you are just extra blessed. Perhaps you are particularly beautiful because your genuine inner beauty radiates outward. For those of you who are extremely attractive, but cruel and judgmental inside, just ask yourself this: "What's the point of being pretty on the outside [if] you're so ugly on the inside?" (Jess C. Scott). (Also, I might add that I think pretty people look ugly the more I look at them and come to know their true character.)

I think the whole human race needs to resolve to be a little kinder to those around them. I personally will do so as well. Be kind, and remember that God looks at our hearts. 

This is the couple from the article. How cute are they?

What are your thoughts on this subject? Does outward appearance matter?
How did you like the article I referenced?

Kindness by Small and Simple Means

If you are struggling today, here is a little motivation for you:

I love this quote from The Hobbit (which you do not need to be familiar with to like it, too), as said by Gandalf the Grey: "Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love." 

Such true words! I love that quote because it reminds me of a similar one by poet, William Wordsworth: "The best portion of a good man's life; his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." 

It is a good idea to try going about our day seeking to help people. We may not feel like we can do much, but "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6). Very often, the kind things we do go unnoticed by others. It can be frustrating to feel unappreciated, but we must remember that God sees every act we perform and He knows the true intent of our hearts. Honest acts of kindness seek no reward. 

Do not be discouraged when the good things you do for others go unnoticed. The most important person of all notices them and He will bless you for your efforts when repayment is not your goal. 

I really enjoy this motivating quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley--it has helped motivate me to action when I feel lazy or unenthusiastic about something: "Think about your particular assignment at this time in your life...our assignments are varied and they change from time to time. Don't take them lightly. Give them your full heart and energy. Do them with enthusiasm. Do whatever you have to do this week with your whole heart and soul. To do less than this will leave you with an empty feeling." 

Last, I liked a story that our bishop of the BYU Married 4th Ward (Bishop Call) told us a couple of Sundays ago at church. It has a message similar to Marjorie Hinckley's quote. There is no way my version will do it justice, but I'll try. Basically, he told us of a married couple that went to this restaurant that was rumored to have amazing steak. As the couple ordered, their waiter replied with "Done!" after each item. He not question the couple's order, he just responded enthusiastically, "Done!" When the food arrived, it was delicious and exactly what the couple had ordered. Very pleased with this experience, the husband decided to implement the waiter's willing attitude at home with his children. The children joke that this waiter ruined their lives because their father expected them to respond to their responsibilities and jobs with a "done" attitude. If they were given a task, their father wanted them to get up and do it, not wait or complain or postpone the work. After a few years, the family wanted to return to the restaurant so that they could once again see the waiter who had "ruined" the kids' lives. Once there, they requested the waiter, describing what he had done the previous time. The host said he thought he knew who they were referring to, and seated them. Sure enough, the same waiter came to wait on them. Only this time, when the family ordered, the waiter responded after each item: "Happily." The father was a little disappointed that the waiter had changed the phrase, but upon pondering further he realized that "happily" was an upgrade! He didn't just intend to get things done but to do so willingly and happily. 

I like this story because it encourages us to do the things we must do with joyful willingness. We should not complain or procrastinate or do a job halfheartedly. When you have a task, do it HAPPILY!

It has been a long, warm day here in Provo and I am more than ready for Dalin to come home from work so I can spend some much-needed time with him. My father-in-law sent out an email to the family today with a link to some beautifully restored historic pictures (most are from the early 1900s). I love history and I thought I would share the link with anyone who is interested, so here it is: 
http://photosilke.blogspot.com/2013/03/historic-pictures-restored.html.  The photos are very clear and detailed, and personally give me a sense of curiosity and interest in our country's history when I look at them. I hope someone else enjoys them as much as I did! Here are a few of my favorite ones from the link:

Look how many people! And look at their swimsuits in 1904! Crazy. 

1921 Home Economics Class. Look at how cute all the girls are.

Dramatic change in swimwear in 1922. 

St. Paul, 1908. So interesting!

P.S. I think it would be really cool if someone took the time to re-visit the places in the photos and take a new picture from the precise location to compare it 100 years later! Someone who has the time, means, and talent should really go do that... ;)

If you have any thoughts to add, share them with me by commenting below!

Real Role Models For Little Girls

I read this: http://www.jaimemoorephotography.com/2013/05/09/not-just-a-girl/

And this is what I thought: I agree with this mom that there is nothing wrong with loving Disney princesses. Nearly every child loves to dream about that stuff. I still do in fact, though I am not technically a child. But it is definitely a good idea to give children real role models as well--especially in case they eventually grow out of the Disney phase (which hopefully no child of mine will ever do...). I agree with her choices of good role models...Susan B. Anthony, Coco Chanel, Helen Keller, Amelia Earhart, and Jane Goodall. There are probably several women I could add, but for the sake of time, I will add just a few for now.

Madam Marie Curie. She won two Nobel Prizes in physics and chemistry, discovered elements radium and polonium, and coined the term "radioactivity." She also opened the doors for women in the sciences. She said, "Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained."

Rosa Parks. She had the courage to stand (well, sit...) for what she knew was right. She was a well-known civil rights activist because of her actions. She shows women that simple acts can lead to great things. Rosa Parks said, "I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." She also said, "Each person must live their life as a model for others." What a great example she set.

Marjorie Pay Hinckley. A wonderful wife, mother, and role model for women, particularly those of the LDS faith. She encouraged youth to seek higher education. She was an excellent example of service to others. She tells us simply to, "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I love that she is reminding us to humanize people rather than objectifying them, and that she reminds us to avoid making judgements about others. Another great quote from Marjorie: "We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."

There are many, many other women who could and should be added to this list. Maybe I will find the time to add to it. But for now, I just want to say that I am thankful for those women who recognized their individual worth and divine natures and did not let the ways of the world discourage them. They found the inner strength to go on and set positive examples for many generations to come. Thank goodness for good women. "May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them."

What other women have been great role models to you or someone else?