Why Having A Daughter Is Awesome

Tenley and I had a girl's day out at the Ikea in Draper after dropping my dear mother and little brother at the Salt Lake airport. We had a blast and she was in such a good mood and it made my day. This is why having a daughter is my favorite thing ever (hint, watch her faces;):

Random photo of two folded decor boxes...Ikea claims that the bottom one is yellow. I used Ten's toy for comparison. It was quite clearly green. 

Mirror fun.

Back at home...

Getting so tired

Passed out

And...

She's out.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me a daughter. 

On Being Super Woman

After my last post, someone asked me how I have time to blog almost every day with a 6 month old. She (I am assuming it was a she) also asked if I was super woman. I actually thought that that was a really nice comment. But no, I am definitely not super woman, though that would be awesome and I'm sure I would get a lot more done if I was. I am responding with a full post because I was thinking a lot about how to respond to this question and there were too many things I wanted to say.

First off, I guess blogging is a small part of my priorities. I don't really think of it as particularly important, but it is something that I do enjoy and that I hope has helped some people a time or two. But I guess to answer your question in the most plain way, I have time to do it because I make time. I love to write and I think about blogging fairly often throughout my day. Now that I have a smart phone finally (I just got it a month ago as a gift from family--prior to then I had a Motorola Razr haha), taking photos is a lot easier. So when I am going about my day, thinking of ideas for posts, I usually choose to write things that align with my life at the time. Like when I wrote about my favorite cleaning product the other day, that was because I decided to do a fairly deep clean of the kitchen and our bedroom that day and I thought, why not? I had my camera handy and took a few photos during and after. I also plan out my posts a lot during the day. Like I was imagining what I would say for the post as I was cleaning the kitchen. Then, all I needed was for the baby to go down for a nap or play with daddy so I could take half an hour to upload photos and get down the many things I had been thinking about. I admit I am not a good revisionist whatsoever which is ironic because my intentions were are to become an editor. Probably if I were getting paid to blog, I would put in a little more effort, but for now, it's just a thing I like to do that helps motivate me to be better.

What do I mean by that? Well think about it. If I just didn't care about improving myself, I would probably be blogging about watching Netflix all day (which sometimes I do anyway...) because I would not care about accomplishing anything. Fortunately, I do care about becoming my best self and so I try to be that person every day. I fail a lot. Too many times. But blogging about my life has helped to motivate me a little more. I don't want to write about boring things, I want to focus on the joys in my life and on my love of being a wife and mother. So I guess in a sense, my life is fun and pleasantly busy because I make it that way. I want to blog about my accomplishments, so I accomplish things to blog about. Does that make sense?

You mentioned that you have a young infant and that he or she keeps you occupied. While Tenley is considered easy as far as babies go, she still cries and whines and wants to be with me almost all the time. I absolutely adore her and spend so much of my day on her that it does seem quite surprising that I ever have time for anything else. And while she is my world, the reason I have time to do other things (just like blogging) is because I make time.

My priorities in regards to my daughter each day are to make sure she eats enough, sleeps enough, gets read to, and that she has a lot of playtime. Playing is basically a baby's job and is the best way for a child to learn so I make independent time a priority. It is not always easy. Sometimes I put her in her little Bumbo chair or in her jumper/bouncer thing and she just fusses the whole time. But I let her fuss and get as many things done possible as I can before it escalates. Some days, I have to nurse her to sleep on our bed and then sneak away before she wakes up. But I do this and let her cry sometimes (though it always is hard) because I am trying to teach her to be independent. Sometimes, she is just making it impossible to accomplish anything, and then I strap on our baby carrier and take her with me. I've done dishes, laundry, all kinds of household tasks while wearing her. I have to pretend I'm working out because she gets heavy in that thing after a while. But basically, I make do every day and adapt to the situation.

I realize those things may not be possible for your child because all babies are so different. One thing that motivates me is fiercely believing in my job as a mother. It really is hard work and I treat motherhood the way I would any other job (only I think I work even harder because it's a job that's truly important to me). I want to be the best mom. I doubt my children will always think that of me, but it is a personal goal for me to work toward achieving. I have always wanted a big family...somewhere around seven kids would be awesome (though I'll admit my husband is hoping I'll compromise) and that being the case, I have a mentality that one kid is a piece of cake, even though sometimes it isn't. I have to have that mentality if I could ever hope to fulfill my goal of becoming a mother of seven. I have to tell myself that I can do it or I don't think I would have sufficient motivation.

I actually believe that this mode of thinking is the primary reason that I had such a good birth experience. Everyone has always told me I would change my mind about having seven children after giving birth to my first. Because of that, I have kind of always been determined to prove those people wrong. Everyone treated my thirteen hours of labor (four of which were pushing) like I had done something insane or impossible. But to me, I was just doing what had to be done to get a baby out of me. Also, I know that having seven kids can't always be that easy, and so I remind myself that I haven't seen anything yet. I am confident that God does and will continue to help me if I rely on Him.

I firmly believe that our minds can be tools to help us become our best selves but you have to have the right attitude. That sounds super cheesy but I've realized this in my own life over and over as I have grown up and I know it is true. Tell yourself you can do it all. You can do hard things. And you will.

I am so far from being Super Woman that it's sad. But I like the person I am becoming. Try setting goals each day of things you hope to accomplish. If you even get one thing done, you are a success. That is what gets me through my days and I have high hopes that it will help you, too.

Dear friend, I hope this gave you some insight into my life. Thank you for your kind comment and know that it really made me think a lot. Thanks for that.

Best,

10 People Who Have Influenced Me

I decided not to put these in any specific order. I've been influenced by many other wonderful people, but these were the first that came to mind.

1. Tenley. I thought I was perfectly happy before we had her. I had no idea. I wouldn't know the joys of motherhood if it weren't for her. She motivates me to be the best I can be. She deserves to have a mother like that. I want to be her friend, her comforter, her advocate, and her teacher. As I see her perfection, she brings me closer to Christ.

2. Dalin. We're so alike. I love him with all my heart. He teaches by example. He is always quick to forgive me. He encourages me to be my best self. He makes me happy. Every minute I have with him is precious. He has taught me that it's okay to disagree on things. He keeps his feisty wife calm. He supports me always. I know he is on my side. I'm so thankful our marriage is forever.

3. Grandpa French. Losing my grandfather was one of the hardest things I've gone through. I actually cried more when my great grandmother passed away, but I think that's because I still have yet for his death to sink in. I wasn't in New Hampshire when he was rapidly deteriorating from liver cancer. And since I had seen him so little the past three years because of school, it still feels like he is home in New Hampshire. Making breakfast, and fishing, and taking pictures like always. My grandpa is an incredible example of so many things. You'll have to read this if you really want to understand why.

4. Dad. I love my dad. He is generous and caring and so much fun. He loves making his children laugh. He is very loyal and has strong values. He is the very best Home Teacher. I don't know if he's ever missed a month. His example of this tells me that he is obedient and willing to help others. He is an amazing example of service. I love that he cares for the elderly and is always happy to go out of his way to help family, friends, neighbors, and even those he doesn't know. I hope to be like him in many respects but particularly his example of service to others. Read more about my awesome dad here.

5. Mom. My mom does so much for me (huge understatement). She is incredibly giving. Like my dad, she can't help but give all that she has to her children. She is as loving and comforting as a mom can be. She is always the first person I want when I am hurt or sick. She has taught me what a joy being a mother can be and makes me want to be the best at it. Apart from that, she is talented and so creative and she has passed those genes off to me. She has helped me to love cooking. She is the best organizer I know. She sets a great example of obedience to the principles of the gospel. Her happiness and positivity is infectious and rubs off on others. I'm so thankful for her.

6. Nana French. She is so wonderful. She has taught me to love cooking. She is so nurturing and cheerful. She is understanding and always has advice to give. She loves her family. She dedicates so much time to her children and grandchildren. She stands for what she believes in and is not afraid to speak her mind. She is brave and tough and I hope I can always be like that, too.

7. Whitney. I always wanted to be like my cousin Whitney growing up. She is one of the most Christ-like people that I know. She loves serving others. She is kind, sweet, and womanly. She is confident in herself. She is honest and true to her faith. She is the epitome of a righteous woman and is going to make the most amazing and dedicated wife and mother. She is a light to others. She lives her life with patience and humility. I want to be that way.

8. Sarah. Sarah is one of my two very best friends (besides Dalin and Tenley). She is one of the happiest and most positive people I know. She brings so much joy to everyone around her and everyone loves her because of her happiness and sense of humor. She always strives to do the right thing and is courageous in her willingness to stand for truth and righteousness. She is fun to be around and she shares her joy with everyone. I want to spread that same happiness to everyone.

9. Megan. One of the most caring and sensitive people out there. She is extremely intelligent but still so humble. She is the best listener I know. She is thoughtful and kind to everyone. She is creative and talented at many things. She takes care of herself. She has so many friends because she makes a wonderful one. She is understanding and as sweet as can be. I want to have as patient and mild a temperament as she does. She is a true friend to those around her.

10. Jesus Christ. My Savior, Redeemer, Friend, and Advocate. He has done so much for me and is the primary reason I have so my joy in this life. He is real. He lives. He is our Brother and He loves every one of us, even in our imperfection. He died for us and I know we can live with Him again if we try, try, try our best to be like Him. I want to be like Him.

Who has been the greatest influence in your life and why?

Bragging: My Super Successful Week

I need to brag for a minute. Very rarely do I say this (in fact, I'm not sure I've ever actually said it...), but I am proud of myself this week. I got so much accomplished and it feels really good:

My mom and I cleaned the apartment, 

I had a much-needed teeth cleaning at the dentist (I promise I brush and floss!), 

We had our car serviced, washed, and cleaned (tire rotation, oil change, vacuumed, etc.), 

I got a doctor's appointment out of the way, 

I completed our Medicaid application, 

Tenley and I went to our first WIC appointment,
Drove through Nebo Loop and took family pictures,

I wrote an essay for English, 

I went to the temple with Dalin (which made me SO happy!),

& I spent time with my mom, husband, daughter, and brother and sister-in-law! 

I would say it's been a successful week! I'm pretty glad that it's over though...a lot of stressful things (and some fun) all combined into six days. Still, I think next year I will do the same and plan one get-everything-done week. None of it would have been possible without my mom being here though. I'm so grateful she was able to watch Tenley and motivate me to accomplish all that I was able to. I guess she'll just have to do the same next year, too! ;)

Have you ever taken a week and gotten a bunch of stressful things out of the way?
If not, you should try it!

Six Weeks Young

This picture is from our sweetheart's first fishing trip at 7am. Starting her early... ;)

Tenley is six weeks as of yesterday! Everyone tells you over and over that time flies, but they really mean it when it comes to one's kids. I can't even believe I gave birth to her over a month ago. It seems like it just happened but--here comes the cliché--at the same time it feels like we've had our baby girl here forever. I can't picture life without Tenley anymore. Personally, I do not think she has "interfered" with our life at all; on the contrary--she has enhanced it and made it more meaningful than ever. Sure we have to do things a little differently (and a little slower) with her here, but we do more fun activities as a family and I feel the happiest I've ever been having her in my life. Being her mom and playing with and caring for her each day is like having a little best friend by my side. Tenley started smiling fairly regularly a few days ago, too, which is a very happy thing. She smiles at me several times throughout the day, and now at Dalin, too. Today when Dalin came home between work and class, he went into our room where Tenley was napping on the bed, and when she woke up and saw him, she gave her daddy the biggest smile. It was so cute I could have died...and unfortunately there was no camera nearby. Her smiles are still so fleeting that they are almost impossible to catch on camera anyway though.

In other news, I am almost back to my pre-birth size (haha, don't judge that based on this photo). I weigh about 110 right now, so if I lose about 10 lbs I'll be back to my pre-baby body, which will be nice, mainly because I'll be able to fit into my normal jeans again (assuming my hips aren't permanently widened which I've heard can happen...they sure were wide right after Tenley was born). Thankfully I fit into all my skirts and stretchy jeans though so that's progress (especially the pants part)! It is unbelievable how fast my body has recovered from giving birth. I'm not the exercising type either so I was really worried I'd look pregnant forever. Breastfeeding has been a lifesaver for that reason. It really is a miracle that the weight has just fallen off from nursing. Heavenly Father had that planned out perfectly. Based on what several women told me, I was not really expecting to feel so back to normal yet. Nothing has been as bad as anyone told me it would be after for that matter, for which I am grateful. But it's pretty great (though a little sad) and weird not to have my big baby belly anymore. It's weird to be able to see my feet and legs when I look down. In a way I miss being pregnant because I loved being close to my baby, but I am a billion times happier to have her out. I love holding Tenley and kissing her (which I do all the time--much to her dismay when she's crying) and talking to her all the time. I love the way she snuggles against me and falls asleep when my face is close to hers. I love when she stares up at me out of the corner of her big blue eyes when I'm nursing her and makes me feel so needed and loved. I love how she is asleep laying across my lap right now as I type this. As I've been promised, I have so much joy in motherhood. And Dalin has so much joy in being a father. He is always so sweet and tender with Tenley and it fills my heart with happiness seeing the bond they already share as father and daughter.

Yeah, we both love this girl. Quite a lot. It is the best thing ever being her mom. 

How long did it take you to get back to your pre-birth size? Not that it really matters (it's not a competition) but I am curious!

The Perfect Gap

Dalin and I have been thinking. Well, let's be honest--I've been thinking. Thinking about our family. Now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I have very different priorities. Feeding the baby comes before everything--seriously, everything. Even before eating myself. I'm so busy taking care of Tenley half the time that I forget to eat. One night, it was almost midnight and I was in bed when all of a sudden I realized I hadn't had breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Just lots to drink (which I realize is something I constantly want since I'm nursing) and a few snacks. I hadn't even felt hungry, I was so distracted. Anyway, my priorities have changed which is what one would naturally expect when having a baby, but I didn't realize how much of my day would be filled with taking care of that baby. Only during her many brief naps do I get the chance to try and get schoolwork done, wash dishes, pick up the apartment, or gather laundry together. I'm lucky if I can sneak in a shower somewhere in my day. And more often than not, the only things that I get accomplished some days are feeding and changing Tenley.

As a stay-at-home mom, I consider this my job. It truly is a job, much more than I thought it would be. Not that it's really particularly hard, but it certainly is time-consuming. Instead of working 40 hours a week, I now work 24 hours a day. I work the night shift and the day shift, and am basically on-call 100% of the time. In addition, I am the maid, maintenance, interior decorator, planner, chef, and driver. With all these jobs, the payments I receive are joy, satisfaction, and eternal rewards, which is more than enough for me; however I do think some financial reimbursement would be nice especially considering that I am now one of the (rare) few women that stay home with their children and ensure that they are being cared for adequately and being taught to have faith, morals, and values, but unfortunately the world isn't really at a place where it rewards people for those things. Apparently they aren't that important to mankind anymore. I didn't mean to sound bitter in this post (though I was mostly just being sarcastic) so let me get back on track.

If you know me at all, you know I have always wanted a big family. Twelve used to be the magic number because I wanted to have a "Cheaper by the Dozen" family (the book version mostly--though the movie version is still fun). I thought that having that many siblings would be a blast and family reunions would be even more fun. I still think a family of twelve would be awesome, but over the years I eventually settled on seven children. Seven would be the perfect number. Yeah, for the world today, seven is still a lot. But I want my own version of the Weasley family (Harry Potter reference) and I always thought six boys and one girl would be a blast. At this rate, I am doubting whether I will get my six boys I originally wanted, but I love having a daughter so much now that I'm fine with that. The big question is, when should we have our next child? I'm truthfully on board for sooner rather than later. That's why I discussed my being a stay-at-home mom above. That is now my job and I'm going to do my best to succeed at it. So why wait? If that's what I am doing, then I may as well have my other children here, too. Maybe that reasoning is weird, but I have had so much joy with Tenley already that I cannot even wait to meet my other children. Anyhow, I'm not talking about having a baby nine months from now, but I am wondering what the "ideal" age gap is between children. I loved being a year apart from Payson (not that I want something that close) but what do you think? One year? One and a half? Two? Four? We probably will be praying for this answer on our own, but I am truly curious about what you think.

So help me out. What do *you* think the perfect age gap is between children?

Love watching her snuggle with her dad. She loves him so much already!

The AMAZING Quilts My Mother Made

My mom is extremely talented at a lot of things. Apparently sewing is among those many talents. She would deny this, but the evidence speaks for itself.

While I was in my last couple months of pregnancy, my mom and I spent a lot of time on the phone, searching the internet together, looking for fun fabrics to incorporate into two special quilts. The first one was for her very first granddaughter, Tenley, and the second, was for her oldest and only daughter--me--who begged her to make one for Dalin and me, too.

For whatever reason, I really love patriotic colors. Maybe it's because being from the east, I have a strong interest in American heritage and values. I just love what this country stands for. Anyway, when my mom and I were discussing ideas for our quilt, it became obvious that I wanted to incorporate the ocean and ocean-themed things, and I wanted it to be kind of manly so Dalin would like it. After weeks of ordering fabrics and a long week of sewing for my mom, it was finished! And my mom brought it out to Utah with her for my birthday present! Here is the final result:

Notice the many elements? I love this thing so much. My mom used a denim comforter--formerly used for my bed when I lived at home--for the backing of the quilt. In the quilt itself, we have beach houses, lighthouses, crabs, lobsters (of course;), anchors, starfish, baseballs (for Dalin), bunting banners, patriotic stars and stripes, hearts, and more. 

She also included a fabric I found at JoAnn's with various American states on it. The best part (I thought) about that fabric was that Idaho and New Hampshire were printed almost next to each other, so she was able to get several patches of both states on there! Our two home states. My mom also included patches from old clothes. The plaid ones are from my old favorite pair of pajamas. The denim patches are from pairs of old jeans, including ones from my mom, my dad, Donovan, Payson, Dalin, and my old overalls (which used to be the only thing I wore in elementary school). So it has pieces of all of us in it, which makes it really special. 

My mom also heeded my request that somewhere on it, she incorporate something representing Boston or the Red Sox. As you can see, she did that! She also put lots of denim pocket patches on the quilt so we can stick things in them, like little love notes to each other. And so Dalin can keep his chapstick nearby...haha.

Oh, and one other thing about the quilt. She made it so it can double as a picnic blanket! As you can see, we have already used it for that (on our anniversary picnic lunch). 

The quilt my mom made for Tenley = gorgeous. The colors are bright and pretty, but not so girly that I couldn't use it for other children.

Possible pattern...

Finished product!

Tenley under the quilt Nana Searle made her :) On our quilt...

Everyone who has seen them, loves the quilts. My Nana, Aunt Pam, Donovan, and many other people have complimented my mom on our quilt especially, and have asked her to make them one! It was a very time-consuming project for her, but I am grateful she finished it and gave it to us (and that she didn't keep it for herself because I know after all the work she kind of wanted to and who can blame her? ;). 

Looking pretty happy :)

Isn't my mother so talented?
Which quilt is your favorite? 

My First Birthing Experience

Because we had a scheduled induction, the night before was exceedingly long. The best way I can think to describe it is like the most intense Christmas Eve ever. After going to bed much later than planned (because, ya know, you're supposed to get some sleep and all...), Dalin and I lay in bed trying not to talk to each other so we could fall asleep. But it was SO hard. All you can think about is "I'm having a baby tomorrow! I'm having a baby TOMORROW!" I could hear Dalin awake almost the whole night so I know he was going through the same thing. We woke up quite early...I felt like I'd only just closed my eyes when our alarm went off at 5am. We hurried to get ready, never so happy to go to the hospital. I felt a little nervous and even sad because I really had not wanted to have to be induced, but mostly I felt excited and ready to finally meet my daughter! Dalin cut up some strawberries and sprinkled them with sugar for my breakfast, then we also stopped at Einstein Bros Bagels for a sesame bagel and an OJ for me. You're supposed to eat before you get to the hospital because most hospitals don't want you to eat once you're there (which stinks. You can have water and ice chips and, if you beg, jello. I didn't even throw up so it was a rip off, especially because I was SO tired by the time I was pushing! The first meal after was a blur, I was so ravenous). 

When we arrived at Orem Community Hospital, (which is only 15 minutes away from us) we took a few "last moments pregnant" photos.

Got my "Just Do It" t-shirt on...looking chubby. Being pregnant in August heat is no joke, people.

The last pic of us as a family of two! 

As mentioned in my last post (well, last real one) written a month ago, thanks to whoever I spoke with on the phone when "scheduling" our induction, I was anxious about getting an unfriendly nurse who would ruin my experience. But in the Women's Center, the lady at reception was extremely kind and after being brought to our room, we were introduced to two nurses who were equally pleasant--Denise and Ashlee. I really liked them both. I was hooked up to an IV, which was one of my least favorite parts of the entire thing. The stupid tape was pulling on the little hairs on my arm and that bothered me more than anything else for the first couple of hours! (Side note: With my second, whenever a nurse asked what my pain rating was, I kept answering, "Like a one or a zero...the I/V is pretty annoying." Haha). 

Right away, I was started on the oxytocin drip and after a few hours the contractions started to build. During those hours, Dalin and I watched TV, listened to my Hypnobabies Relaxation CD, talked excitedly, and tried to rest. It was impossible though because all I wanted was to hurry up and hold our baby girl already! My mom had gone to a few stores because not much was happening and I didn't want her to be bored so I encouraged her to go. I assured her I'd call her if anything happened. The contractions weren't so bad at first. They felt like strong period cramps, but there was also the grinding pressure of the baby's head on my pelvis. That started to feel worse and worse. Especially after my water broke, which it thankfully did on its own. I had been a little worried about how that would feel but it just felt like a tiny pop. My doctor had said it would feel like a water balloon popping but it didn't even feel that dramatic. More like a tiny bubblegum bubble popping. I wasn't even sure whether that was what happened right away because I was lying down and no water gushed out at first, but after calling the nurse in to check me, I moved and felt a lot of warm liquid coming out. I couldn't tell where it was coming from but I knew I couldn't control it. My nurse Ashlee confirmed that my water had broken by doing a simple pH test (at least, she did the same thing as you would for a pH test with a little strip of paper to sample the fluid). After that, we watched the contraction monitor and Dalin and Ashlee both tried applying counter pressure (by pushing against my feet) when I could feel one coming to help me get through them. I was checked a few times and was informed that I was at a steady 6+cm. It was around that time that I began to think, I am going to need that epidural. I called my mom to let her know and she hurried back to the hospital so she could be there with me.

The epidural guy was my hero. He did a terrific job and even though I was nervous, he talked me through everything he did. He basically said, "Ok, it's going to feel like a bee sting then you're going to feel warmth spreading through your back." I had never been stung by a bee before so I wasn't sure what to expect, but compared with the contractions and pressure on my pelvis, the epidural shot was nothing. And it felt exactly like he said so there were no surprises. Plus I had Dalin holding me still and my mom rubbing my head and I knew relief was coming so I felt grateful knowing that. It's probably a good thing I did not see the needle though...apparently it's pretty long. Anyhow, they rolled me on my right side, then after ten or fifteen minutes, they flipped me over to my left side. I didn't know this until then, but apparently the epidural only goes to the lowest point in your body so they had to make sure it got spread around by changing my position often. I was relieved pretty quickly. And I was happy that I could still feel from about my knees down and my chest up. I had been concerned I'd feel completely paralyzed! One thing I had not known about the epidural is that it does not remove the pressure. It kind of takes the edge off, but I was feeling a lot of pressure from the baby's head and it continued to build as I dilated further. Those lucky ladies who don't have to feel that! 

Another thing that I experienced (that I had never heard about) before and after the epidural was intense shaking. My family kept asking me if I was cold but I felt perfect--I just couldn't stop shaking. My arms, hands, and chattering teeth were kind of out of control for a little while. It was really annoying as I tried to speak and my jaw just kept shivering. It was weird but the nurses said it was a normal (though annoying) side effect that lots of pregnant ladies experience.

I was pretty satisfied with the epidural. Also, looking pretty swollen from the summer heat here. Sheesh.

My sister-in-law Shaina showed up around one and my cousin Whitney arrived a short time later. Though I had initially thought I would not want anyone with me during my labor, in the heat of the moment, I didn't give a darn who was there. I just wanted the baby out and nothing else mattered to me. Looking back, I am so very thankful they were both there. Shaina took turns with the nurses holding one of my legs while I pushed and continuously gave me words of encouragement to motivate me. Whitney served as our photographer after the baby was born and gave me sips of water every few pushes. My mom also held my leg and rubbed my hair and offered encouragement. Dalin held my leg much of the time and was constantly whispering that I was doing so well and that we were almost there. It felt wonderful to know he believed in me. Having a great support team is so important! I would even tell my spouse or other family members beforehand what would be most helpful to you. I was being offered cold water, chapstick, and words of encouragement the whole time and it made everything so much better for me. 

We had been at the hospital about nine hours when they told me I was at 9+cm. Dr. Pace had been in to check on me at one and told me he'd be back around four or five o'clock. When he said that, we all looked at each other and thought, "Uhh, it isn't going to take that long if I'm almost to 10cm already." Well the joke was on us because I started pushing around four and continued for four straight hours. (Note to pregnant ladies: That is NOT a normal experience! My doctor said he had never seen anyone push as long as me. Usually it takes an hour or less! My baby was just really comfy in there.) 

My contractions were about a minute apart the entire time and I pushed EXTREMELY hard. The nurses told me that most women can't figure out how to push right away when they have an epidural and typically reach around a 60 on the contraction chart with their hardest pushes, but mine were all well over 100 consistently. I was pushing with all my might to get our baby girl out, not just because I wanted her to be here already, but also because I felt an overwhelming urge to push because of the immense pressure of her head grinding on my pelvis. Honestly, it felt like the worst constipation of my life. I couldn't describe it any other way. I've never even really experienced constipation before but that was exactly what my labor felt like. A few months into my pregnancy I learned that it is not uncommon for women to um, well, go to the bathroom while giving birth (I also didn't know that a lot of women throw up from the epidural--fortunately I did neither). Naturally, this idea was a tremendous source of anxiety and embarrassment for me because no one wants to do that in front of anyone, let alone a crowd...but truth be told, at the point where I was at in my labor, I could not have cared less if that happened. Actually, I felt like I wanted it to happen because I thought it might bring some relief to the intense pressure. Amazingly, it never did end up happening--I know because I asked after--which surprised me because you can't really tell what's going on down there but it kind of felt like I did when my daughter came out. (But even if it had, you reach a point where you just don't care). 

Anyhow, when Dr. Pace returned to see me again, he was optimistic that everything was going well. Baby girl's heart-rate was very healthy and consistent--it only dropped once for a moment and that was after I had pushed the button on the epidural thing to give me some more drugs. I am not sure how she did so well being pressed against my pelvic bone for such a long time, but I am so thankful she was okay for that long. It was during my fourth hour of pushing that my doctor started to get very quiet. He mentioned that he thought it was starting to look like I might have to go with a C-section. At this point, I was completely exhausted. I could not even open my eyes due to exhaustion and it actually took me a while to realize that I hadn't opened my eyes in a long time. I was feeling very sweaty and very out of it. They put me in an oxygen mask which was a big pain. I did not like wearing it but I was too tired to argue. 

Anyway, back to the action-- They called the obstetrician (Dr. Broberg) in to take a look and discuss the options with me. They were: to try using the vacuum (which was a risk at this point because baby girl's head had been in the birth canal for so long she surely had a gnarly cone head and the vacuum can actually separate the scalp) which sounded horrifying; to try using forceps (which also sound terrible and make me picture metal salad tongs); or to perform a C-section (which I was strongly opposed to because I want a big family and was worried I'd be limited by the number of C-sectins I could have in the future). So the best option to me sounded like the forceps even though I was worried about them hurting my daughter's head. Honestly, I don't even remember making that decision though--I was a little occupied with pushing. 

During the four hours, the nurses told me several times to just take a fifteen minute break from pushing or to try and rest. But every time they suggested that, I thought, Are you kidding me? I'm not stopping until she is OUT. The pressure was so intense that it was far more comfortable to push than to just sit still. So I would push on my own until they were ready to help hold my legs and count with me again. I completely exhausted the staff, which isn't funny, but as I look back, I can't imagine what they were thinking. I think everyone was dying for a break at that point, haha.
Dr. Broberg and Dr. Pace readied themselves with the forceps, while I simply continued to push with all my might, hoping I could somehow deliver her without any help. One nurse brought a mirror in to "help" me. I didn't think I'd care to see but I couldn't argue at that point. I was so tired that everyone had to tell me repeatedly to open my eyes. When I finally did, it was not a pretty sight--I was very swollen--and I was discouraged to find that even with my hardest push, I could only see about a golfball-sized view of her head, which looked grayish purple with dark hair. My thought then was, She is never getting out because I am pushing as hard as humanly possible. Dr. Pace seemed to be thinking along those same lines as far as I could tell in the brief moments I was able to pick up on his body language. The next time I glimpsed her head, everyone said, "She has so much hair!" and I, in frustration yelled, "Can't you just pull her out by the hair?!" That got a laugh from everyone in the room. I was half kidding...but I was also half serious. I was desperate! When the forceps were ready and in place, I knew it was in my daughter's best interest that I get her out fast, so I prepared myself to push with all my might. They counted and in two pushes I felt her head was out and everyone was cheering. They told me to give one more big push and I felt a weird wet/sliminess as her shoulders and body came out. 

Immediately, I began crying because I was so relieved it was over and so, SO happy she came out. The next several minutes were a blur as Dalin cut our beautiful baby's umbilical cord then she was immediately handed off to some nurses because she hadn't cried when she came out. It wasn't long though before I heard her lovely voice and I waited impatiently for them to bring her to me. Meanwhile, they had me push the placenta out (which was a piece of cake after a baby...) and then stitched me up which seemed to take forever even though I supposedly didn't tear too badly (I had been very concerned about the tearing beforehand but because of the epidural I didn't notice that part at all). I was too distracted trying to see my baby during the whole process that it really didn't affect me. Dalin held her first and the look on his face as he looked at her made me sob. It was even more emotional when they handed her to me. I felt a little hysterical but after four hours of non-stop pushing, it seemed justified. They had me try breastfeeding and (just like in my dream I'd had a month beforehand!) it seemed to come naturally to both of us. It was much easier than I had expected (and much easier than I'd been told.) She was beautiful--I could see that right away--and such a calm baby. She obviously had Dalin's personality. She looked at me with her darling eyes and I fell completely in love with her. It was the most amazing feeling in the world to know that she was mine and Dalin's. We had created this perfect little being and now she is ours for eternity.

I knew then what my mom had meant when she had said shortly after giving birth to me that she would do it again in a heartbeat. I felt the same way. Especially because I knew the first birth is usually the longest and most difficult so anything by comparison would be more manageable. Later that night when everyone else had left, I said to Dalin, "That was the second best day ever." (The first being my marriage to my sweet husband for all eternity). He looked at me and said, "Are you kidding? That was the most stressful day ever!" I laughed because I knew it had been so for him, seeing me in so much discomfort and in a state of complete frustration when she wasn't coming out, and of course worrying about our daughter. 

She was (and still is) perfection. I love this girl more than I ever imagined I would.

But I really and truly loved my experience. When I read back, I realize that sounds crazy. But I had a harder than normal birth and it was still amazing.

Update: 
Now that I've had my second, (and it was significantly easier) I can still say that I love giving birth. I love the insane adrenaline rush and the immense flow of love that I feel when I see the baby my husband and I created. I feel like a birth junkie. I absolutely love it. It's hard, and sometimes painful, and a little bit gross (okay a lot, depending who you ask), but it is AMAZING and I can't wait to have another. If you are looking for more comfort, here's a post I wrote called: 15 Things You Should Know About Giving Birth. 

Feel free to ask me any questions about my experience. I would be happy to answer them for you!