Comparison is the Thief of Joy: So STOP IT, Moms

Listen ladies.

I don't really want this to end up being some long post but we'll see how it goes.

I just want to say (at the top of my lungs), STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. Sigh.

If only it were as easy as flipping off a switch in yourself. But unfortunately it isn't. I'm sure it takes practice. I am not perfect at this. And maybe it's just in my personality or DNA not to care what others think about me, but I've been getting good at it. Hence all my controversial posts that my good friend Anonymous likes to comment on and scold me for in front of the universe (well, the universe of my readers, which is quite small).

But really, you want to know something that bothers me? (If you don't, exit out of this tab now because here it comes...) Moms that compare themselves. Women in general that compare themselves. And people wonder why I wished for mostly sons...girl drama is insane! And utterly pointless. It seems like the whole world of girls is about competition. And it is, in a word, ANNOYING. I feel like the older lady in She's The Man who finds the girls fighting in the bathroom and says, "LADIES! STOP! Please!" If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the last 40 seconds of this clip.

But back to what I was saying--why oh why do so many moms waste time comparing themselves to other moms? I don't get it. Recently I've read so many blog posts about moms that feel embarrassed about their ragamuffin children when they see other perfectly groomed children out in public. They are annoyed or even angry at the moms that attempt the fun-looking Pinterest mommy projects. They think those moms always have perfect homes with perfect children. I'll tell you why this bothers me--because I want to be one of those moms. I LIKE cleaning and organization. I LIKE doing arts and crafts and making cute things for my husband and children. I WANT to be the best mom I can be and what's so wrong with that? My house isn't clean right now. If downloading photos on my computer didn't take so long, I'd show you the dishes in my sink, the clutter on our kitchen table and living room floor, the clothes on our bed, and the disaster area that is currently Tenley's room. But who cares about my efforts? What about your own! If you are trying in your own personal way to be the best mom you can be then you are succeeding! I hope I am not the first one to shout those words at you.

Here's what I want. To stop feeling guilt when I read about these "real" moms who have imperfect and chaotic lives. Maybe my life is that way, too. Maybe everyone's is. Maybe I don't brag about every time my daughter has a fit or a bad day. Maybe I focus on the good because to me, that's what matters. If I posted or blogged about all the crappy days I've had, or the times Tenley has freaked out, or the number of mistakes and messes I've made, I'd be angry and depressed all the time. As it is, I already get stressed when I think about the many things I need to do.

I need to pick up. 

I need to wash those dishes. 

But first I need to put away the dry ones. 

I need to make dinner (like RIGHT now)

I need to finish putting Dalin's shirts away. 

I need to work on my English classes. 

I need to finish a painting for a friend. 

I need to read my scriptures.

I need to stop going on Facebook and Pinterest and Yahoo and Gmail and whatever else I do to kill time. 

I need to feed Tenley. 

I need to shower. 

I need to figure out when Tenley's six month appointment is and whether I've scheduled it already or not. 

I need to be positive when my husband gets home and ask him about his day and let him know how much I love and missed him because I am his wife and I want to support him and uplift him. 

I don't think I need to go on.

Do you see what I'm saying though? Is it okay that some women (me included) feel the need/desire/whatever to brag about their accomplishments as a mom? Yes. Does it affect you? No. Does it matter that I tried (and failed miserably) to make homemade rice cereal for Tenley today? No. Does it matter that Tenley is asleep in our bed right now in nothing but a diaper? No. Does it matter that I don't know what I'm doing as a mother? No. It doesn't. I know I am trying my best. I don't care if you give your child fast food every single day. I wouldn't advise it, but it's not my choice. I don't care if you never do your child's hair. I don't have a sister. I never had anyone to practice doing hair on. So when Tenley gets hair long enough to style, I plan on trying it out. Maybe I will be horrible at it (I can't even french braid my own hair) or maybe she will look darling. But it doesn't help when there are other moms or women out there looking at my child and thinking to themselves, "Wow, what a showoff" or "I'm such a bad mom for not doing my own kid's hair." I'll say it again, it DOESN'T help. Do you really TRULY believe that that is a mom's intention? If it is, that is their own issue. But the beauty of it is it's none of your business.

Please. Stop comparing your mothering skills. Everyone is a learning to be a mom. Even on your fifth, sixth, or tenth child, you are still learning. No one is out to get you. Be happy for someone else. Compliment their efforts. Maybe they need the approval or encouragement. If you are one of the "comparerers" then ask yourself who is better off? You, who chooses to feel guilty when you see another woman's good deed or accomplishment? Or her, who is out there actually doing it? If I were guessing, I'd say her.

Be kind. Have compassion. Be understanding. Be positive about your own accomplishments. Most importantly, stop comparing. You'll be happier, I promise.

Now pardon me while I brag about making a delicious dinner at 9:54pm. Because that's what I'm about to do. And after, maybe I'll even put Tenley in pajamas (but probably not).

Controversy: A Woman's Role

I am responding today to a powerful article entitled: "How my mother's fanatical feminist views tore us apart." As I read, I found myself sympathizing with the author and wanting to reach out to her and tell her I'm proud of her for the choices she has made in her personal life. Her mother is very apparently a poor example of what a woman should be: tender, caring, full of love, willing to serve others, kind toward children--she  has not truly developed any of these qualities though she may make impressions otherwise. 

The fact that Walker neglected her own daughter shows she lacks good character and, to be frank, good sense. How can she support the view that children enslave women? Does she not care about raising the next generation to be one that honors women? How does she lack the foresight to recognize that children are going to be born no matter what and that without strong, willing mothers, they will be raised just as poorly as today's generation? 

As someone who is strongly anti-abortion, I feel very sorry that Rebecca had that heartbreaking experience at the age of 14. It makes me sad that she was put in that position as a youth and that her mother displayed no interest in her daughter's situation at the time. Her mother's lack of approval was a selfish act, meant only to hurt her daughter who obviously tried very hard to please her mother regardless of their differing views. This quote regarding her mother's attitude toward her lifestyle sickens me: "But she wouldn't back down. Instead, she wrote me a letter saying that our relationship had been inconsequential for years and that she was no longer interested in being my mother." How utterly despicable and hateful Walker has been toward her daughter. It is a miracle that Rebecca has been able to look past her mother's faulted ideas and cultivate an entirely new set of beliefs on her own. 

Rebecca's views on feminism align well with my own. I consider myself the complete opposite of a feminist--at least the opposite of the extremists. I am aware that it has had its merits. Feminism has given women opportunities. It has opened doors to higher education, better workplace conditions, and involvement in politics. But in my mind it has gone much too far and is essentially destroying the most important and crucial unit in society: the family. 

I liked this quote of Rebecca's:

"Feminism has betrayed an entire generation of women into childlessness. It is devastating."

It is very devastating. How sad for those women who selfishly deny themselves the power to create and support life. It is the one power we possess that men do not and our divine responsibility as women. Yet so many turn away from that role and later find that they have missed out on a great happiness. This particularly saddens me when I think of how many women abort the life they have created, while so many women suffer from loneliness--many are single and unable to have the family they dream of, many are barren but yearn to be a mother more than anything else, and many have had tragedies befall them or their children leaving them in what must feel like a perpetual state of helplessness. 

Rebecca sums up her mother's greatest fault with this quote. "But, while she has taken care of daughters all over the world and is hugely revered for her public work and service, my childhood tells a very different story. I came very low down in her priorities--after work, political integrity, self-fulfillment, friendships, spiritual life, fame and travel." Selfishness is evident in Alice Walker's every deed. She may have incorrectly believed that she was living a life of freedom and independence, but in actuality she behaved for her own good and no one else's. 

The greatest point Rebecca makes in her article is how her experience as a mother has been more freeing than she thought possible: "The other day I was vacuuming when my son came bounding into the room. 'Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, let me help,' he cried. His little hands were grabbing me around the knees and his huge brown eyes were looking up at me. I was overwhelmed by a huge surge of happiness. I love the way his head nestles in the crook of my neck. I love the way his face falls into a mask of eager concentration when I help him learn the alphabet. But most of all, I simply love hearing his little voice calling: 'Mummy, Mummy.' It reminds me of just how blessed I am. The truth is that I very nearly missed out on becoming a mother  -  thanks to being brought up by a rabid feminist who thought motherhood was about the worst thing that could happen to a woman. You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale. In fact, having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Far from 'enslaving' me, three-and-a-half-year-old Tenzin has opened my world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so late  -  I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far with no luck." 

I am grateful for Rebecca Walker's courageous example. She has taught me that there is more to be gained as a woman through motherhood than anything else. She emphasizes that the truest source of happiness has been her family. She recognizes her mother's many errors of thinking and has developed her own set of principles to live by. She is someone that I personally look up to for her faith and commitment to her family. 

Now I want to hear your thoughts and feelings. 
What did you think of her article? 
Do you agree with her like I do or disagree and why? 
What joy, in your mind, could possibly be greater or more important than having a loving family? 

Sister Frances B. Monson: Home-Maker Supreme

Until today, I knew very little about the wife of our beloved prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Upon learning that she passed away today at the age of 85, I immediately felt sad for President Monson and his children. I proceeded to look up Frances Monson and read about her life. I love reading the life stories of others, and particularly of those who were raised in a different, and well (what I consider), a better time. I have learned so much about what a wonderful example of Christ-like love and service Frances was, as well as how delightful a mother and friend she proved to be. 

She studied hard in school and excelled in math and science. After marrying Thomas, the couple had three children and quite the variety of family pets. She practiced good bookkeeping and budgeting, applying Church principles of thrift and self-reliance. She was an excellent bargain shopper. Whenever there were things to fix or assemble in the home, Frances was the one to do it. She served well in the Church and supported her husband in every calling he was given. About this, her husband says, “But never once has she complained. Never once. Not in our entire married life has she done anything to keep me from any aspect of my service. I have never received anything but support and encouragement from Frances.” She was hardworking both in and out of the home and enjoyed serving others. She took care of her mother for many years. She lived with a sense of humor that brought her family joy. "She also delighted in being a mother, continually teaching her children the importance of sacrifice and serving the Lord." She "radiated patience and compassion when serving others" (Church Newsroom).

“My mother is unlike many of the women of today’s generation. Instead of looking for the recognition of the world, she has always received her acknowledgment of worth from such things as the happy smile of a son or the outstretched hand of a grandchild. President Wilford Woodruff once said that the mother has greater influence over her posterity than any other person can have, and her influence is felt through time and eternity. I am grateful to my mother, thankful for her influence and pray that I might always be worthy of her love. As I reflect upon the many blessings which I have received as the daughter of an apostle of the Lord, the one which means the most to me is the gift and blessing of the woman he married, my mother.” 

~Ann Monson Dibb

Such a beautiful woman.

Frances with her husband, Thomas, and three children.

What a happy couple they are! So sweet.

 

So much tender love and happiness in this photo of the two.

If you are interested in learning more about this terrific woman, read this article from the Church newsroom. 
You can also read this excellent article from lds.org about the Monson's wonderful marriage and life together, entitled "I Knew I'd Found the Right One."

Because of who she was during her life, I am confident that Frances Monson's reunion with her husband will be a very joyful one. I would be filled with happiness to know I would be remembered in the way that she will be.

Have you ever met Sister Monson? What stood out to you about her? What principles from her life are you trying to develop in your own home?

Day Three: Dear Friends

 I am blessed with the most marvelous and most beautiful (inside and out) friends. 

I could not ask for better. And though I feel that I have true friends far and wide, there is nothing like having a small group of intimate best friends whom you know you can absolutely rely on.

Here are some of my favorite quotes on friendship:

"A friend is more concerned about helping people than getting credit. 
A friend cares. A friend loves. A friend listens. And a friend reaches out." 

~President Thomas S. Monson

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
~C.S. Lewis

"We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided...We can fight [enmity] only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." 

~Albus Dumbledore

Just before leaving for the summer--everyone going back to school :(

Completely gorgeous & adorable

Gonna be an AMAZING/very hott mama

The very best of the best friends :D

From our old bff Christmas photos

I love her!

How gorgeous is this girl?? And her hair?

She is so adorable!

This about sums her up: being hott, reading, and cats ;)

That time we went to see Harry Potter in the middle of the day and were the only ones dressed up ;)

After a Church dance :]

Visiting Sarah at BYU! Best buds reunited!

One of my best birthdays with my dearest friends at Fort Stark!

Eating lobster at my house this past summer!

And here are some pics with our other wonderful friends. We are so blessed to have such terrific relationships with these people!

Two of my best friends ;)

Jason and Derek are awesome friends of Dalin (and me too!)

Anthony and Lauren -- we love doubling with them!

Wesley (friends since we became teenagers) and Payson (our wonderful brother)

Fun over Thanksgiving with out friends and cousins in Arizona!

Our awesome Boise friends :)

With my boys at Canobe Lake Park! My brothers are some of my best friends--love them all.

Thank you for giving me great friends with great morals. I am thankful for friends I can rely on and who lift me up. They bring me so much joy, happiness, laughter, and peace to my life. 

"No friendship is an accident." 

~O. Henry

“A faithful friend is a strong defense;
And he that hath found him hath found a treasure.”  

~Louisa May Alcott

“It is important to know when you feel down that many others do also and that their circumstances are generally much worse than yours. And it’s important to know that when one of us is down it becomes the obligation of his friends to give him a lift. I hope that each of us will cultivate a sensitivity toward the feelings of others and when encouragement is needed make an effort to extend it. 
Be a friend and you will have a friend. God be thanked for wonderful friends.” 

~Gordon B. Hinckley

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways

Thank you, Elizabeth Barrett Browning for writing this sonnet. Thank you, because I am going to use your inspiration to share the ways which I myself love my husband of one year and one month.

"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach[!]...I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."

Dalin, I love you. 

I love...

that you sacrifice sleeping in to come to my early classes with me

the way you kiss me tenderly and savoringly 

when you twist my hair around your fingers

when you stroke my arms and back because you know I love it

how strong you are--mentally, spiritually, and physically

when your shirt is off

your adorable haircut

your innocent and sincere smile

when we say things at the same time and in the same tone

when I know exactly what you are going to say and beat you to it

when we start laughing at the same time

that we are so alike in many ways

that you are so much more patient than I am

that you speak Spanish fluently

that you want lots of children

that you are so motivated in your pursuit to be a dentist

that you love your family and are so dedicated to them

how you are always so kind to your sisters

that you get along so well with my brothers

that you come to work with me when I need you

that you are frugal and cautious with money

how patient you are with me

how you sing hymns and happy tunes all the time

our secret whistle for finding each other in crowds

when you use our secret sign language to tell me you love me most of all

how you give me massages when I am feeling stressed or sad

knowing that our children will be little replicas of their dad

imagining our life once we have finished school

that you are true to what you stand for

that you always buckle up

you for always obeying the law

the example you set for me

that we are so down to earth and real as a couple

how you kiss my forehead after our nighttime couple's prayer

that you are so supportive of my desire to teach our children Spanish

when we hold hands while we sleep

when I can crawl on the couch with you while you rest there

that you defend me

the way we run to church holding hands when we're late

when you do the dishes for me after I toiled over a meal

that you surprise me with wonderful gifts...even though I hate surprises

when you hug me for a long time and don't say anything

our fake kisses

how you call me "little dear"

when you write notes to me and leave them somewhere I'll find them

that you love my art

how you are so sports-savvy 

when you wear glasses...it's hott

when you send me a text that i can lock on my phone

being with you--all the time

when we make up after an argument

when you wipe my tears away

when you rest your head on mine at church

when you tell me you like my prayers

when we rub our noses and smile

when you put up with me

when you tell me I'm the best cook ever

that you're really good at teaching the gospel (hence why you're Sunday School President)

the way you messily paint my toes, trying your best

that you love to read--so much that you sometimes hog the kindle fire...

that you are extremely talented at picking our gifts I will like from Good Morning America

when we daydream about the things we want to do someday

when you bring me to the temple

how you always call me tiny and small

watching you with babies and little children

the way you are my very best friend--no matter what

that we found each other in this life

most of all, that we are sealed to one another for all eternity

i <3 you

The Pre-mortal and Mortal Savior (John 1:1-14, John 17:1-5)

This semester at BYU-Idaho (online of course--we still live in Provo), I am taking two religion courses. Yes, two. I begin at BYU in the fall and both religion courses transfer. My first is FDREL 211, or the first part of the New Testament. The other is FDREL 121, or the first part of the Book of Mormon. I have already taken part two. For an assignment, I was encouraged to ponder the doctrinal connections and determine five truths from the Savior's Pre-mortal life, and five from mortality.

John 1: 1-14

 1 ^aIn the ^bbeginning was the Word, and the ^cWord was with God, and the ^dWord was ^eGod.

 2 The same was in the ^abeginning with God.

 3 All things were ^amade by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.

 4 In him was ^alife; and the life was the ^blight of men.

 5 And the ^alight shineth in ^bdarkness; and the darkness^c comprehended it not.

 6 ¶There was a man sent from God, whose name was ^aJohn.

 7 The same came for a ^awitness, to bear ^bwitness of the Light, that all men through him might ^cbelieve.

 8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light.

 9 That was the true ^aLight, which ^blighteth ^cevery man that cometh into the world.

 10 He was in the ^aworld, and the ^bworld was ^cmade by him, and the world ^dknew him not.

 11 He came unto his own, and his own ^areceived him not.

 12 But as many as ^areceived him, to them gave he ^bpower to become the ^csons of God, even to them that believe on his ^dname:

 13 Which were ^aborn, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

 14 And the Word was made ^aflesh, and ^bdwelt among us, (and we^c beheld his ^dglory, the glory as of the ^eonly ^fbegotten of the Father,) full of ^ggrace and truth.

Before He came to this earth, the Savior was "the Word," and the Word was both with God and the same as God Himself. This teaches us that Christ's plan was perfectly aligned our Heavenly Father's in the pre-existence. The word of God and His love is demonstrated through the Savior's actions and His atonement. 

He created us. Before "the world was," Jesus worked with the Father and "without Him was not anything made that was made." As God's first-born son, Jesus was given the power to create the earth with the help of Michael. Commanded by Heavenly Father, He developed light and darkness, the sun, moon, and stars, the earth, the plants and animals on it, and then last, man and woman. I have a strong testimony of the creation. Using the power of God, Jesus obeyed His Father and created the earth. With God's help we can accomplish remarkable things. 

Jesus is known as the "Light" and hope of the world. He "shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not." The cousin of Christ, John, was sent by God "to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe." John was sent to teach of Christ and help men to believe in Him. Before the world began, the Savior was a Light to us, for He presented the Plan to the Father which would give us choice and accountability, and allow us to choose to return to Him. Not only did Christ create light, but He represented the goodness in the world and bore witness, with His life, of our Father's love. 

The Savior was given power over the flesh. Because of His resurrection, we can be made whole and live again. The Father chose Jesus in the Great Council in Heaven because He was God's first son, and He knew that Christ would be the only one who could fill the Atonement. The Father loves us so much that He sent His only begotten son to atone for our sins so we could return to Him someday and reside with our families for eternity. 

Last, in the pre-mortal realm, the Savior accepted the Father's plan and offered to be the one to complete the Atonement for us, His brothers and sisters. Like the Savior, we should accept the callings we are given and work to fulfill them to the best of our ability with the help of God. 

Christ is our advocate

John 17:1-5 

 1 These words spake Jesus, and lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, Father, the hour is come; glorify thy ^aSon, that thy Son also may ^bglorify thee:

 2 As thou hast given him ^apower over all flesh, that he should give^beternal life to as many as thou hast ^cgiven him.

 3 And this is ^alife ^beternal, that they might ^cknow thee the only true ^dGod, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast ^esent.

 4 I have ^aglorified thee on the earth: I have ^bfinished the work which thou gavest me to do.

 5 And now, O Father, glorify thou me with thine own self with the^aglory which I had with thee ^bbefore the world was.

Upon His arrival to the earth, the Savior continued to glorify His father. He obeyed Him and completed the work that was required of Him. We must strive our best to follow the Savior's example by keeping the statutes and commandments of God. 

On the earth, "He came unto His own, but His own received Him not." Despite His love and service given as the Savior, Jesus was not recognized by those who believed themselves followers of God. They did not recognize Him. We must get to know and learn of the Savior in this life, that we may recognize Him upon His return. We should know Him personally. 


For those who did receive Him, Jesus gave these men power "to become sons of God." All those who believed in Him were blessed for their recognition of and faith in Him. In order for us to obtain the power of the blessings of God, we must be prepared to recognize and know the Savior.


The Savior "dwelt among" us and we (the people of earth) beheld His glory as "the only begotten of the Father." Because of this, we saw He was full of grace and truth, and were able to witness the miracles He performed while among us. Those who lost faith were never true believers and those who did not know Him will someday. We must use Jesus's example in this life and follow it. Our hearts should be filled with love and compassion for our fellow men. 


The Savior was in the world but the world did not know Him. Another truth that comes from this is that of His behavior and ultimate example of perfection given for us to follow. Jesus was, as I said, in the world, but He was far from of the world. He did not allow the world to influence or corrupt Him. We, like the Savior did, must stay on the straight and narrow path and, though we live in a tumultuous world, we should not allow ourselves to be influenced by it. We too should be a light and a standard for the earth. Only by doing this can we return to our Heavenly Father forever.