If I Had Three Wishes...

If I had three wishes (and I wasn't allowed to wish for more of course) I think I'd wish for the following:

1. A free ticket to the Celestial Kingdom with my family, all-inclusive. Okay, we're going to assume that is against the rules, too, and at any rate, I wouldn't want to cheat my way in--I'd want to earn it of course. So my real number one is: 

1. A comfortable home on the lake or ocean with enough space for my six or seven children and for guests. And if it can be included in the same wish, a car and a boat that fit all of us. All I want is to be surrounded by family in a place I love. The very idea fills me with happiness!

2. The ability to apparate/disapparate. This would be really convenient so that I could live where I want but pop in on family members at their request. Obviously I'd also be able to side-along apparate so Dalin and Tenley can come with me. We could have breakfast with my family in New Hampshire then apparate to Idaho for dinner with my in-laws. Plus, plane tickets and long car-rides for vacations and visits would be a thing of the past. Darn, why can't this be real?

3. Money sufficient for our needs (and that of others). I know it is selfish of me to wish that we didn't have to work, but I would like nothing more than to spend all day with Dalin and our children. Sorry that going to work gets in the way of that...but the only other reason I would wish for money is because I would love to have the means to secretly help families and people in need. I would want to do it all in secret so people wouldn't specifically only be thankful to us but to God. Also, people wouldn't try to mooch off of us. Still, we would be very generous. Nobody has ever gotten poor from giving too much. 

As nice as some of these things would be, I'm incredibly grateful for what I have now and wouldn't give it up under any circumstances. 

What is something you would wish for? (I want to hear your personal wishes, not world peace and whatnot, though that of course would be wonderful.)

10 Things I Would Tell My 16-Year Old Self

Watching lacrosse with my bff, Sarah (who is currently serving a mission in Ecuador)

My two best friends and myself at EFY

At the ocean with my bff, Megan (who is currently attending Gordon in Massachusetts) 

Girls' Camp YCLs (Sarah and I wanted to be the funnest ones ;)

I was a pretty average teenage girl. Minus the drama. I think I was surprisingly successful at avoiding drama. Mainly because I had very few close girl friends (there were only two I was really close to). I never had an exclusive boyfriend, but I had a lot of boy friends. They kept me out of the typical teenage girl drama. Still, if I could somehow go back and talk to my 16-year old self, there are definitely some things I would change.

First, I would tell myself: Don't be such a pushover. I still am in some ways, but since I've become a mom, standing up for myself hasn't really been an issue. When I was 16, I was even worse at saying no to people. Face to face, (key phrase here) I am very non-confrontational. I hate disappointing anyone. I like to be liked, and I don't like being the one to tell someone they're out of line. I wish I hadn't been such a coward though--I should have just told people straight up what I thought of them.

Second, I would tell myself to get better at taking criticism. I want to be a writer and an editor and criticism comes with the territory. Plus, being as outspoken as I am about my beliefs as a Latter-day Saint and as a conservative, it's just something I need to be good at. I would also tell myself that if I can't take criticism, not to write a blog because negative feedback and mean comments are a part of the domain. And really, who cares what other people think? (Even Jesus was criticized!)

Third, I would tell myself not to transfer from BYU-Idaho. I can't really say I regret the decision now because I did enjoy the classes I took through BYU (the ones I took on campus anyway), but I would be all done with my English major (plus I would have been able to do both a Professional Writing and a Spanish minor) if I had stayed with BYU-Idaho and just finished with online classes. But, I believe that everything happens for a reason and therefore know that everything will work out as it should. Even if things were a little harder for me than I think necessary.

Fourth, I would tell myself not have so many expectations for the "ideal" time to marry someone or have children. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and there's a good chance their opinion will vary from your own, particularly on this matter. You can't please everyone, so as long as you're making a prayerfully made decision--don't worry.

Fifth: Read more. And I don't mean just Harry Potter.

Sixth: Memorize more scriptures. I was always good at scripture mastery, but there were only a half a dozen that I've committed to long-term memory. I wish I could remember more as it would come in handy when giving talks and teaching my children.

Seventh: STOP comparing yourself to others. It is pointless. You will never be them and they are not better than you just because you think so. Remember that everyone is a child of God, whether they know it or not. Treat everyone with a little more kindness than necessary--you don't know how much it might mean to them.

Eighth, I would remind myself to be nicer to my mom. Someday, I will better appreciate why she did the things that she did.

Ninth: Make more girl friends. Yes, you're really awkward at making new friends, but remember when you invest time in others, they often return the favor. Someday you'll be married and your two closest friends won't be around and you'll wish you had made more girl friends to talk to (and it will be weird to talk to your old guy friends even when they get married so don't waste so much of your time).

And tenth, I would tell my 16-year old self: Believe in yourself. You are never going to be perfect in this life, but you know you are trying your hardest and that is all you can do. Don't forget this quote by our childhood friend, Winnie the Pooh (better known as A. A. Milne):

Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

What things would you tell your 16-year old self, huh? I really want to know!

My Relationship With Your Dad

This post is for Tenley and for our future children who have not yet entered this world. But I can assure you (future children) that I'm already thinking of you daily and that I already know some of your names. For the rest of you, we'll have to wait to know your names until Dad and I come to an agreement.

Your dad and I met under weird circumstances. At least, that's what I think. It is not the type of romantic story I'd imagined for myself while growing up. I thought I would marry a boy from one of my college classes or maybe from my church ward. I thought we would meet at some activity like Stadium Singing or a group movie night with friends from my apartment complex. Thanks to Disney, I even thought I might meet him in the woods (which sounds kind of sketchy, but really--how many Disney princesses met their princes in the woods? Like all of them.). I never imagined that your dad and I would be set up by someone or that our first conversation would take place through Facebook. I mean, really...Facebook? I know it's modern day, but the internet is just not romantic to me--period.

But we did, and now I think it's cool that we met and immediately liked one another just by talking to each other. We just get each other--it's hard to explain. We talked for a week, met after that week, started dating at the end of the second week, and got engaged two months later. I guess it's true what they say, "When you know, you know." Your dad was my first and only real boyfriend. While we were dating during those two months I was praying hard every day to know if I should marry your dad. I liked him that much right away. Every Friday morning, my roommates and I would go to the Rexburg temple to do some baptisms. And every Friday morning, while we waited in the chapel, I would pray for confirmation that marrying your dad was right and would write about what I was feeling in my journal.
On Friday, April 22, 2011, I wrote the following in my journal:

Reasons I know: [that we're meant to be]
Dalin sincerely tells me he love me
We have quirky things in common
We share most interests and opinions
Dalin treats me like a royal daughter of God
He makes me want to be my best self
He is my best friend. Already
He is not superficial or shallow
The Spirit remains around the two of us when we are together
Dalin has a testimony and is an example to me and others
Dalin is understanding
He is patient with my imperfections
He is willing to wait as long as it takes [to get married]
He and I can talk of gospel topics and sacred things
We share many similar perspectives
He loves me for who I am now
He is willing to make changes/sacrifices for me
He is not worried about my family, though I sure as heck am [this was in response to our wanting to get married after knowing each other for so short a time]
He and I both feel we don't deserve each other
He does not hinder my future goals but encourages them and wants to be a part of them
He is an Eagle Scout
He served a faithful mission
He wants children (however many I want! :)
He is flexible about the future and where we will live
He believes in me, more than I do myself
He is temple worthy and wants a temple marriage
He is what I want and more from a spouse
He is willing to try new things
He is frugal and cautious about money--but not when it comes to me
Dalin is honest--even with me when I make mistakes
He is trusting and forgiving
He has goals of his own
He wants to serve a senior mission (with me)
He wants to travel (with me)
He is good at compromising
He always wears his seatbelt (and makes me wear mine)
He is concerned for my welfare and safety

So yeah, that was a pretty extensive list and I am sure there would have been more but I ran out of time. Almost exactly a month later on Monday, May 23rd, Dalin called my dad and in an eleven-minute conversation, asked for my dad's permission to marry me, which was both brave and wonderful of him. I remember pacing the living room of my apartment, anxiously awaiting Dalin's phone call. I even called my mom and tried to get her to tell me what they were talking about but she wasn't very helpful at relaying that information. After, Dalin called and told me my dad said yes and in response, I jumped for joy (and thanked Heavenly Father because, quite frankly, it felt like a miracle that my dad had given his permission). A week later, I was down in Provo with Dalin when he proposed in the woods (bonus point for him ;) and I told him yes. It felt funny because we already had known we were going to get married. Asking me was more of just a formality than a confirmation.

Your dad and I were sealed--not just for our time on earth--but for time and all eternity in the Boston Temple on August 19, 2011. It was the happiest day of my life. I truly mean that. I loved my wedding day. My mother in particular made sure that it was so special for me. Yes, I wish I had been able to have more of our delicious wedding cake and more time dancing with Dalin and taking in the atmosphere of the reception, but the short and simple and perfect ceremony at the temple gave me the comfort of knowing that your dad and I were sealed together forever. And because of our choice to marry in the temple, you guys--our children--are sealed to us forever, too, automatically. It is a beautiful and amazing thing that the gospel of Jesus Christ makes this a possibility for us.

Your dad is my best friend for a lot of reasons. For one, he is a great listener. And I'm a great talker (as you already know by now), which makes our partnership perfect. When I'm worried or can't stop thinking about something, I can tell him and he'll offer his opinion or give me advice or, if I ask him to, tell me to quit worrying and help me see a new perspective. He doesn't make me feel silly for being a dreamer, and his realistic approach to life anchors me a little. He appreciates my creativity and tells me so, which makes me happy. We both love reading and especially during our first two years of marriage alone, we did a lot of reading together. We would swap books on the Kindle or tell the other if a book wasn't worth reading. I would tease him for liking some of the nerdy books that he does, and he would tease me for reading the same books and watching the same movies over and over again. He tolerates my incessant comments about how I miss New Hampshire and why I love New England so much. He has never complained about it. Besides those things, he also is a really, really good man. He works hard for our family and is doing his best to make sure that we are financially secure. When I was worried about the cost of things after Tenley was born, he reassured me that everything would work out and reminded me that it was worth it. He is very faithful. He is the leader of our home (though I still feel that I get a fair amount of say).

When we have an argument, we either resolve it or we save it for later. And usually we forget about it. We never yell at each other, and we consider the D-word (the D-word is divorce) to be a swear and never EVER use it because, quite simply, it isn't an option for us. We're not doing that because we chose to be sealed forever. Sometimes, we do go to bed angry with one another, but I think that it has been a good thing because by morning, the problem seems significantly smaller and much less important. We also both feel much more forgiving toward one another. And sometimes, the problem was only created because one or both of us was tired and not thinking clearly--or not behaving as nicely as we should have been. We always apologize to one another. Sometimes we both know one of us was more at fault than the other, but we say sorry anyway and promise to try harder. We are not perfect. Especially me. But we are trying our best at being great spouses to one another and the best parents to you. Every day, we try a little harder to be a little better.

Your dad is my best friend. We are family because we chose one another. And that choice was an eternal one.

Read more about our love story here.

Can you think of anything from our relationship that I should have added?
What would you want your children to know about you and your spouse's relationship?

20 Random Facts to Tell The Kids

Here are some things my children should know about me. Many of these things you can figure out on your own just from getting to know me, but I don't think I've written them down anywhere in my thirty journals and I should probably record it. For posterity. Some are serious, some are just for fun.

1. I am stubborn when it comes to my political and religious beliefs. I know what I know and I do not like to be told that I'm wrong. I will always defend my beliefs in these respective areas. It is an inherent and obstinate part of my personality.

2. I rarely exercise and I wear only a little makeup. I'm too lazy to exercise, truthfully, but I would do it if I thought it would improve my health. My body is surprisingly almost completely back to my pre-pregnancy body at 8 weeks [today] though (go breastfeeding!), and as long as I'm eating well, I do not see that it is entirely necessary. I won't deny that exercise does greatly improve my mood so perhaps that is reason enough to do it. As for makeup, as long as I have mascara and eyeliner, I don't care about anything else. I want to look like myself and I do not care for the caked on look. And neither does Dalin thankfully. I'm all for enhancing one's natural beauty.

3. I've made it my goal to not buy any clothes for myself or Dalin for a year (see here). So far it hasn't been that difficult (I literally haven't been to a clothing store since I set the goal which has helped) but I am sure sooner or later I will be tempted and my resolve to follow through will be tested. But I have a feeling I can do it and that I'll be better for it. It is one way that I'm making a sincere effort to be more grateful for all that I already have been given by a loving Father.

4. Sometimes--very often more recently--I just want to give up with school. It is very hard to have perspective when I don't see myself working necessarily and when the end feels so far off (though it really isn't). Plus, Independent Study stinks. But I know the end result will be worth it someday. "Eternal perspective," I tell myself repeatedly.

5. My primary love language is physical touch (9), followed by quality time (7), acts of service (6),  words of affirmation (5), and then receiving gifts (3). Find out your love language right here. (Okay, can I just add that Dalin's love language is the complete opposite of mine?? His is: words of affirmation (9), quality time (8), acts of service (8), receiving gifts (4), and physical touch (a freaking 1! Are you kidding me?!?!). But we're still married ;)

6. Being a mother is an incredible joy. It's better than I ever imagined it would be as a little girl who wanted a "Cheaper-By-The-Dozen"-sized family. I love holding my daughter as she snuggles into me. I love hearing her talk and coo at me. I love watching her smile in her sleep and her reactions to us smiling at her. I love the way she looks right into my eyes and gazes at me with so much love and wonder. I love seeing her with her daddy. I love that stage between wake and asleep and all her grunts and yawns and stretches. I love smelling her, touching her, nursing her, and feeling that she is all mine. I love that she makes me feel needed and wanted. I even love when she cries (I'm terrible--I usually start laughing because the things that babies cry about seem ridiculous to me) and when she scratches my chest with her sharp little claws. All the other moments make up for it. She makes me excited to meet my other children who aren't born yet.

7. I have an adventurous spirit. I frequently daydream about the future. I imagine our future home (and all the Pinterest projects I have lined up...) and sometimes I dream about what it would be like to get off the grid and be on our own for a while. I like the woods. I like my family. God is always with us. What more do I need, really? Then I remember that I love the rest of my family, too. And that I would miss them if we were just on our own. But still, it is fun to daydream.

8. I truly love my role as a Latter-day Saint woman. If you need convincing that the Mormon church properly honors and respects women, take a look at this right here. I think you will find that we are given a lot of credit for our divine role. I do not buy into modern society's view of what "true womanhood" is.

9. I feel like I am much smarter now than I have ever been at any other point in my life (especially thanks to the General Conference messages we just heard the last few days). Yeah, we all learn new things every day so this seems fairly obvious. But looking back through the years, there are a lot of things I wish I had known about life and about myself. I'm still naive about a lot of things, but some people call that "positivity" and it's a good quality. In some ways, I'm a realist (for example, I know the world is becoming increasingly evil), but I try to use the knowledge gained from that mindset to enhance my positive outlook. Being positive is a choice. It's hard, but it's worth it.

10. I'm happy (not just right now...like, I'm a happy person) because of my Latter-day Saint background to know that death is not the end. Because of our Savior Jesus Christ, I know we will live again. I am happy because I know (and believe with all my being) that families are forever. I'm happy because I know that Heavenly Father loves me. I am His child and so are you. Even if you don't believe it, too late. You can never change that you are a son or daughter of God.

11. I write in my journal every single day (and have since I was 13, hence the thirty-one journals I've filled) because I was asked to. The leaders of the Church encouraged me (and every other young person) to keep a journal. And so I do because I want to be obedient. Is it more for posterity or myself?--I couldn't say. Most likely it is for both of us. Do I feel like a moron when I read my old journals most of the time? Yes. Because I was silly. And I keep learning from the past. And I change every day.

12. I feel that I have good intuition. What does that mean, exactly? (See definition below) I have an innate sense about things in general. I think that I read people well. I can interpret and predict people's behavior, attitudes, and even how they are thinking based on their actions or body language. I get people--I understand how and why they think. On another note, I often feel like I know what is about to happen and then it does. I understand Tenley's needs. The last one is probably just mother's intuition, which is real, (and all mother's have it whether they heed it or not). How do I account for these intuent feelings? Probably very often it is the Spirit inspiring me. But I do believe that Heavenly Father gives us each certain unique gifts and talents and that my ability to discern people and my acute perception are a few of mine.

13. Sometimes (this kind of relates back to number 7) I wish that Dalin didn't have to work (in other words, that we were millionaires) and that we could live in a nice humble abode by the lake (with at least five bedrooms for us and our imaginary seven children) or the ocean, and that we could hang out and play together all the time without having to worry about finances ever. Money is dumb. And we can live off the land and provide for ourselves. And we can fly. (Just kidding about the last part though everything else is basically just as unrealistic).

14. I want my children to know that after Heavenly Father, I love their dad more than anything that has ever existed. And then them. And I hope that someday they will say the same thing about their Father in Heaven and their spouse.

15. What you see is what you get. I am far from perfect. I make mistakes every day though I try to improve myself. But I am real. I am down to earth. This is my first time being a mom. I never took a class or had a practice kid (though being the first child, Tenley is kind of in that position), I'm just figuring it out as I go along. I hope I don't stink as a mother, but if I mess up, remember that this is my first time and hopefully I'll get wiser as time goes on.

And a few more (not necessarily as important):
16. I want more babies. Lots of them. Everyone knows this about me. I love being a mom! Best kind of work ever.

17. I developed photos (because of Tenley) for the first time in years last week. So sad. Facebook and the internet have destroyed the need to develop pics. Probably when our kids are grown that won't be an option anymore. All picture frames will be digital. I hope not.

18. I am currently addicted to Cranberry-Lemonade (it took me a few glasses to get used to it) and to dark chocolate coconut almonds (thanks, Emily!). The best part about these two things? (and no they don't go together). Cranberries and almonds are good for you! Score. My kids probably won't care about this information, but I'll just throw in that I love juice and nuts in any form.

19. Someday, I want to get a dog. I think. (Sometimes I remember how much work they are and start to reconsider). If I were to get a dog, I'd want a dachshund (that's what my parents have and he is the best) or a beagle (or a mix of the two) because Snoopy is a beagle and I love Snoopy. So much. And all the Peanuts. But that's besides the point.

20. I love receiving flowers (of all kinds!) on any given day for any reason. Who doesn't? I have a bad habit though of saving them all...I dry them out then hang them places. I'm a little too sentimental when it comes to flowers I guess;)

Just being a mom. Love Tenley's sleep smile. 

Our family is forever. Period.

Did any of these surprise you? If so, which one(s)?
Is there anything that you think I need to add to this list?

Baby Lessons

Holding up her head! She did this for like ten minutes.

Ever since I watched little Shelby Howard do pull-ups for gym class in elementary school, I have wanted my kids to do gymnastics. I don't particularly care about gymnastics themselves except that they encourage strength training and increase flexibility and balance. I am not flexible AT ALL. When we sat at those dumb machines in P.E. that measure your flexibility, I couldn't even lock my legs so I'm pretty sure my score was terrible. And as for strength, well, I'm 5'0" and normally weigh about 100 lbs and I am not very physically strong. I have done one pull-up in my life and I'm pretty sure I jumped into it so it probably shouldn't even count. The point is, I don't want my children to have the same fate.

I feel the same way about swimming. As you all should know by now, I love the ocean and I love New Hampshire and all its pretty, sparkling clean lakes. I simply love being in the water but I am not a great swimmer, in spite of several years of swim lessons. I was always too chicken to swim in the deep end of a pool alone, having a very strong fear of drowning. Probably thanks to my mom for turning me into a worrier. Anyways, I am hoping to live near the ocean (or perhaps the lake) one day, and I want my kids to be confident swimmers. So I'd like to start them young. Really young. Like I want to start with Tenley now but I haven't figured out where I can {afford to} have regular access to a pool.

Then there are music lessons. I hated the flute. Hated it. But I think that was partly due to my dislike for the teacher who was rather impatient, and my distaste for practicing. Pretty much ever. Then there was the violin. I desperately wanted to learn to play the violin (as it is my favorite instrument) but my teacher moved away after one or two lessons and that was the end of that. Finally, there was the piano, which I also loved but was no good at. I had three different piano teachers (all great) but I did not practice enough and basically never learned to read left-hand music...(and reading right-hand music is still really hard for me). But I did do choir with my ward and Easter choir within my stake and even though I am not the solo singing type, I was told I have a decent soprano voice (don't worry, they said it in a much nicer way than that). Hopefully Tenley will get my mother-in-law's music jeans genes (I literally just typed jeans...embarrassing) because otherwise she is going to be out of luck in this category. And hopefully she'll have some interest in the piano or violin...at least, more than I did.

Of course, we can't forget about tennis, which is the sport I'm best at (I feel like I can say this without being too braggy--I played every year since elementary school and I'm not even that great other than my backhand swing) and the sport that I loved playing in high school especially (mainly because you actually have matches). I also enjoyed soccer (especially in elementary and middle school) and field hockey in high school. Even though Tenley has good genes for running on both sides, I won't force that on her* unless it's something she's really interested in because I was certainly not a fan of cross-country.

Anyhow, I plan on being a very encouraging, supportive mom (not that every mom doesn't think this) and I hope that my children give me the chance to attend lots of games, matches, competitions, recitals, performances, etc. to keep me busy.

What sports will you/did you encourage your children to participate in?
What lessons are you glad they took and which do you regret getting them involved in?

*Technically, I won't force any of this stuff on her, but I do want her to be flexible, a good swimmer, and someone musically adept.

The Perfect Gap

Dalin and I have been thinking. Well, let's be honest--I've been thinking. Thinking about our family. Now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I have very different priorities. Feeding the baby comes before everything--seriously, everything. Even before eating myself. I'm so busy taking care of Tenley half the time that I forget to eat. One night, it was almost midnight and I was in bed when all of a sudden I realized I hadn't had breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Just lots to drink (which I realize is something I constantly want since I'm nursing) and a few snacks. I hadn't even felt hungry, I was so distracted. Anyway, my priorities have changed which is what one would naturally expect when having a baby, but I didn't realize how much of my day would be filled with taking care of that baby. Only during her many brief naps do I get the chance to try and get schoolwork done, wash dishes, pick up the apartment, or gather laundry together. I'm lucky if I can sneak in a shower somewhere in my day. And more often than not, the only things that I get accomplished some days are feeding and changing Tenley.

As a stay-at-home mom, I consider this my job. It truly is a job, much more than I thought it would be. Not that it's really particularly hard, but it certainly is time-consuming. Instead of working 40 hours a week, I now work 24 hours a day. I work the night shift and the day shift, and am basically on-call 100% of the time. In addition, I am the maid, maintenance, interior decorator, planner, chef, and driver. With all these jobs, the payments I receive are joy, satisfaction, and eternal rewards, which is more than enough for me; however I do think some financial reimbursement would be nice especially considering that I am now one of the (rare) few women that stay home with their children and ensure that they are being cared for adequately and being taught to have faith, morals, and values, but unfortunately the world isn't really at a place where it rewards people for those things. Apparently they aren't that important to mankind anymore. I didn't mean to sound bitter in this post (though I was mostly just being sarcastic) so let me get back on track.

If you know me at all, you know I have always wanted a big family. Twelve used to be the magic number because I wanted to have a "Cheaper by the Dozen" family (the book version mostly--though the movie version is still fun). I thought that having that many siblings would be a blast and family reunions would be even more fun. I still think a family of twelve would be awesome, but over the years I eventually settled on seven children. Seven would be the perfect number. Yeah, for the world today, seven is still a lot. But I want my own version of the Weasley family (Harry Potter reference) and I always thought six boys and one girl would be a blast. At this rate, I am doubting whether I will get my six boys I originally wanted, but I love having a daughter so much now that I'm fine with that. The big question is, when should we have our next child? I'm truthfully on board for sooner rather than later. That's why I discussed my being a stay-at-home mom above. That is now my job and I'm going to do my best to succeed at it. So why wait? If that's what I am doing, then I may as well have my other children here, too. Maybe that reasoning is weird, but I have had so much joy with Tenley already that I cannot even wait to meet my other children. Anyhow, I'm not talking about having a baby nine months from now, but I am wondering what the "ideal" age gap is between children. I loved being a year apart from Payson (not that I want something that close) but what do you think? One year? One and a half? Two? Four? We probably will be praying for this answer on our own, but I am truly curious about what you think.

So help me out. What do *you* think the perfect age gap is between children?

Love watching her snuggle with her dad. She loves him so much already!

iWant

I'm not particularly in the mood to write a long, interesting post, but I need to distract myself from wanting to meet (so badly) this sweet little girl inside me. So I thought I would share what I want for the future of the little Gunnell family:

First off, I want more kids. Our first isn't quite here but already I feel more excited to become a mom than anything. I have wanted to be a mother all my life and I am so thankful that I will be able to start this exciting and fun journey with Dalin really soon (I hope!!). I bet many of you are thinking, isn't it a little premature to be thinking about baby #2 already? I don't feel like it is. Anyone who grew up with me knows I have always wanted a larger family (six or seven children to be more specific), and if I am to achieve that goal I need to get a move on! ;) But seriously, I am extremely grateful for how easy I have had it so far. My pregnancy has been long but wonderful. Particularly when I hear about the experiences of other women, I realize I have nothing to complain about. I am so looking forward to giving birth. In Spanish, the phrase for "giving birth" is dar a luz. I love that because directly translated it means, "to give a light." Children of Heavenly Father are lights when they come to this earth and I cannot wait to meet our sweet little daughter of God. 

Second, I want our daughter (and our other children, too) to learn Spanish. I am not sure why this is so important to me, but it always has been. I really want my children to be bilingual so that they might have many options available to them in the future. I'm not too concerned about her learning English. I am sure I will speak to her in English more often than I would like and everyone around her will be speaking English, too. The thing is, I love Spanish, and my latin friends tell me I'm pretty good at speaking it... But I certainly am not fluent. Dalin knows Spanish from his mission in San Diego and I've been informed by several of his mission friends that he is amazing at it. So together we should be able to be successful, right? It obviously isn't my first language and it will be a challenge to tell myself to speak to her in Spanish, but it is important to me that my children learn as much as they can.

Third, I want to organize our home--on several levels. I want our home to be a place of peace and welcoming. I want others to feel the Spirit when they enter our home. I want it to be clean and organized, and I want to de-clutter our lives and learn to focus on establishing gospel principles in our home. Hopefully we can take President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's words to heart: "It is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials." As Elder Dallin H. Oaks once taught, "We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families." The gospel is our priority. Returning to our Father in Heaven is our ultimate goal. I want to be with my family forever.

Fourth, I want to save for our future home. I am not positive where our family will end up, (though I have some ideas) but I know that I want a humble home that I feel I can maintain and work on and beautify. I want to have a modest-sized home (despite our supposedly large family) because I want to be able to afford to do things. I want to travel with Dalin and our children. I want to be able to visit family whenever we want. I want to be able to bring our kids to places and teach them to value experiences and lessons over possessions. I would much rather go places as a family than have lots of things. I love Elder Dallin H. Oaks' quote: "In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best." Quality family time is much more important than having a lot of new things. "The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives." (Elder Oaks). 

Fifth, I want to finish school and work toward developing a part-time career that I can do in our home with my children. I think it is important that I contribute to our income in whatever way possible, though my first priority is raising our children in the gospel. Whether I contribute by selling my artwork, teaching art classes, writing a fantastic blog (ha ha), or editing or even writing books (like I ultimately would like to), I want to feel as though I am helping our family in that small way. I enjoy doing projects and creating things and I hope I will be able to cultivate those talents and interests in my children's own lives. 

Sixth, I want to raise our children with a firm foundation in the gospel of Jesus Christ. They will have their agency and they may choose to take a route that strays from our faith, but I hope by establishing a good base, they will ultimately choose for themselves the way of the gospel. I know it brings the truest happiness and is the only means by which we can live with our families forever.

What are your family or personal goals? 

Reflection on Jealousy

Sometimes, it's hard for me not to be jealous of what others have. I guess I'm a human...but seriously, when I hear about other couples going on amazing trips or adventures, I get a little bit frustrated. Don't get me wrong, I love our life together as we are both working hard to save for the future right now, but sometimes it just feels like everyone is having fun except for us. I know that this is not true and that we are doing the most important thing we possibly could be doing by preparing for the beginning of our eternal family, but it is not always easy. 

I just need to remind myself of our many blessings. First off, we are living independently. We don't rely on the support of our parents or the government (not because we don't want to, we just don't) and we are doing completely fine. We can afford our lifestyle because we don't spend money on frivolous things. We save and only splurge on rare occasions. We are saving for our family, our future, and for those many trips and vacations we feel like we're missing out on right now. The fact is, we are extremely blessed. I am thankful that we are both frugal and that we both know how to manage and save money. We are not rich by the world's standards, but we are extremely wealthy in blessings. Everyday I am so grateful that we can afford such a great, clean, reliable car. We had so many problems with our last two vehicles that it's a huge relief to have one that functions without needing constant attention. I am grateful for our apartment because, as much as I want a home, it is helping me appreciate how wonderful home ownership will be. It is also a place where we began our journey as a newly wed couple and where our family will start. And those reasons alone make it special. Sure I would love a dishwasher, our own washer and dryer, and A/C unit (particularly while I'm pregnant this summer...). But someday we will have those things, and it will be that much sweeter because we did without. And survived. 

Thomas S. Monson reminds us: 

"May I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions."

I am so thankful for the life that we have! And so thankful to our parents who taught us excellent principles to live by.

Have you felt the same way I do?
What do you do to save money?
Do you try to live in the moment or plan for the future?

On a different note, my best friend since 4th grade, Sarah Morgan Ayer--who is currently Hermana Ayer as she is serving a mission in Ecuador (Guayaquil South fyi)--emailed me today telling me her mission president gave her permission to write whomever she wants!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!! I sent her one letter via pouch mail (which goes through the MTC) a few months ago but it took a year to get to her basically, and she sent me a letter in the meantime in which I had pretty much already answered all her questions. So I haven't written her again since in case she thought I'd sent that letter after she wrote me and wrote me again--I didn't want us to be off track the entire time she's gone. But now that's not an issue! I'm so excited!!!!! Especially because my other best friend since middle school, Megan Louise Wernig, is currently on a study abroad in Italy and also pretty much impossible to contact so it's been kind of lonely at times when I need a friend who isn't my sweet husband or my awesome mom. 

One friend teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in Ecuador, one friend learning about amazing historic art and literature in Italy, and one friend in Provo preparing to have a baby. We are living the life ;)

I can't wait until the three of us are reunited!

Saving the Best for Last

I'm having some major round ligament pains today. My back and side have been so sore. It kind of comes and goes but it is driving me crazy. Luckily my wonderful husband gave me a nice massage to help ease the pain. He keeps telling me to take Tylenol, which I know is supposed to be safe during pregnancy and I've taken it before in the first trimester, but I really don't want to take it if I don't have to.

What would you suggest for dealing with round ligament pain and a sore back? Is there really anything you can do? Should I just suck it up and take a Tylenol?

Little girl has been kicking so much today. She loved the grapefruit I had for lunch (sprinkled with sugar). We can definitely see her kicks now. Especially her hard ones. I woke up the other day and freaked out for a second when I looked at my bare stomach and saw a weird lump. Then it was gone. Apparently she was stretching out or something but it freaked me out when I first saw it. It's so fun getting to feel her move around. I imagined the feeling so differently. It seemed to me like it would hurt but it just feels kind of like someone is flicking or poking you from the inside.

From early March. Back when I wasn't having such bad soreness.

Dalin and I get more and more excited every day for her to arrive. I can't wait to be at home with her, taking care of her, and attempting to teach her Spanish (which is something that has always been really important to me even though I'm not fluent myself). Obviously everyone worries a little about how they'll be as a parent, but I am mostly worried about how I will handle her crying. On TV the other day, we heard a newborn crying and my stress level instantly went up by a lot. I could feel my body tense up. Crying makes me nervous. I know it usually just means the baby is hungry or tired or needs to be changed but I worry that she won't stop. I used to think babies didn't like me--I didn't know how to hold them in a way they liked and I didn't have the instincts to distract them when they were crying. Getting called into Primary with young children was scary at first, but they are very different than new babies.

Anyway, I'm just hoping my motherly instincts will kick in and that our baby will like me. I am trying not to let these thoughts stress me out, but I do think about it occasionally. I really love babies and little kids, I just need to learn how to manage them. Somehow, I have a feeling I'll figure it out.

What worries did you have about taking care of a new baby? Was it easier than you thought? How easy was it to make a connection after your baby was born?

In other news, I just have one indoor cycling class left! This is bittersweet because it kind of gives my Tuesday and Thursday mornings a good start and the exercise is supposed to be preparing me for an easier labor and recovery. So now I'll have to find an alternative workout to do during the week. Or...take another class. Also, Dalin bought me some great maternity pants on Amazon! They are XS and I love them. They are dark blue and they fit perfectly. They are awesome and I am so happy that Dalin got them for me! Also (again), we got an Easter package yesterday from Mom and Dad Gunnell. It was such a nice surprise for both of us! Besides lots and lots of awesome Easter candy, there was a really cool sweatshirt for Dalin, some precious outfits with frogs and turtles (my favorite) for baby girl, and three adorable maternity shirts for me! I've worn two of them already. They are the best and it made our day to get a nice package from them. 

More news: I can't wait until the weekend! I'm hosting a BBQ/pool party for King Henry residents on Saturday so we have that and then a ward potluck on Sunday to look forward to (I just found out about the potluck today but I was asked to bring chili so I have that to prepare for). 

And the best news of all...

Random picture from our fishing trip/picnic in March

Dalin got a new job!!!!! He applied for a job at a residential treatment center for teenage boys suffering from anxiety, depression, or recovering from addictions, and after a successful interview, he got asked to come back for a second interview--this time for a better position than the one he applied for! It's the perfect job for his psychology major--particularly because he is interested in studying neuro-psychology (which focuses primarily on those with depression and anxiety)--so it will provide him with great experience for a future career. It's full time so it's going to make finishing school just a little harder, but I know we can get through it. I will be praying for him a lot. I hope he loves this job. I am so grateful for him and for the sacrifice he is making to support our family. I will definitely be trying my best to do my part in building our family and making our home a place of peace.

Food Blog (if only I had the time...)

I am seriously thinking about beginning a food blog. I do not profess to be an amazing chef--or even a "chef" at all, but thanks to Chopped, Cupcake Wars, Iron Chef, and Ratatouille, I think I am well on my way.

My cooking has improved significantly over this past year and no one is more surprised than me. I have always wanted to be a great cook like my Nana French and my mother, but I never quite got an opportunity to learn. For example, in high school, they shut down the cooking class the semester before I was going to take it. Despite this, the advice of my grandmother and mother (as well as the Food Network) has proved extremely useful in teaching me to cook. I must say, though, that what I've learned most from Chopped is basically that anything can be mixed with anything and somehow make a good meal. Don't quote me on that, but seriously, that's what they pretty much do every episode. 

So my thoughts are that I ought to create a little cookbook for married couples with very little cooking experience. It won't include anything too complex or too grand, just basic recipes that are really delicious and super easy to follow. Who knows? Maybe someday it will benefit our future kids when they (like us) have no idea what to make on any given weeknight.

If anyone has some good and easy recipes to share, I would really appreciate it.

The ones I have are mostly dishes like how to make meat and veggies, spaghetti with special sauce, a variety of breakfast dishes, and desserts. I'll compile them and eventually (one day...) put something together to help newly married (or newly on their own) students have a semi-decent dinner. 

What are your thoughts?