Thankful for Daughters

I am so grateful for daughters. And husbands, but especially daughters right now.

It's been a long week of homework, attempting to clean our apartment, find health insurance, and several other boring things. I usually don't mind cleaning so much, but when it has been a week and little to no progress has been made, then it gets annoying.

Through this week, Tenley has had a stuffy and drippy nose and a really sad cough. Yet somehow she has been smiling through it. She has almost seemed happier than usual (and she's usually pretty happy!) and has been an inspiration for me. I was feeling a bit sad earlier in the week and Tenley could tell completely. She looked at me with concern and then gave me the biggest smile and it just repaired my heart. I love this little girl who is so wonderfully happy and cheerful 98% of the time. She is a light in my life and every day. I am so glad that she is ours!

I'll try to blog more soon, I just really need to focus on school these next couple months!

Hope you all had a pleasant week. It's nice that the sun has been melting some of the snow here in Provo. It gives me some hope that spring will be here soon. 

On Being Open-Minded

I think society has a major problem. And it revolves primarily around the incorrect use of language, and more specifically around use of certain terms like "open-minded" and "tolerance." Those of you who believe you are open-minded or tolerant raise your hand. I bet most of you mentally thought, "Yeah, I'm pretty open-minded." Believe it or not, I even thought that I was open-minded for a brief minute. Some of you are scoffing at the idea that I, a blatantly conservative young woman, could be open-minded. Then I thought about those people in society who call themselves open-minded. We all know who I'm referring to. One political party more than the other tends to associate themselves with this term. And with it, they label their stances on major political issues. 

Well it's not accurate. Not how "we" use it, not how "they" use it.

Open-minded (adj.) Receptive to new and different ideas or the opinions of others; having a mind receptive to new ideas, arguments, etc.; unprejudiced.
Tolerant (adj.) Showing willingness to allow the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

Now please tell me how receptive you are to the different opinions of others. Tell me how you never trample on the perspectives of others especially those you find disagreeable. (And while you're at it, please tell my anonymous blog critics to stop being so overwhelmingly open-minded toward my personal beliefs and ideas (despite this being my personal blog and me not forcing them to read or react to it)). Seriously, I can't take their tolerance.*

There are very few people who are open-minded or tolerant. And I am not one of them. I do not tolerate views that I believe to be wrong or immoral. I do not tolerate people who judge me and call me judgmental. It's part of being human to judge and learn to make righteous judgments. 

Judgement (noun) The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

I know a few people who actually are open-minded. They align themselves with one party or one type of people but willingly listen and learn from the opinions of those with opposite views. They are information gatherers, and they are the truly tolerant among us. One reader of mine in particular fits this description. She forms her opinions about others based on a number of factors, accounting for cultural differences, upbringing, and environment. She may disagree with the majority of my views, but her willingness to learn about them and her efforts to understand them prior to forming judgments make her truly tolerant.

I've come to the sensible conclusion that many, many people are not as open-minded or tolerant as they proclaim. They must learn that these two principles are two-way behaviors. I have not mastered them. And I can assure you that I am fully aware that society has not done so either, regardless of political party. If you are going to use one of those terms, please learn to do so correctly, or you are wasting my close-minded time. Better yet, take an English course or read a Dictionary and a Thesaurus and then come anonymously insult me with your tolerance. 

I've learned that I am judgmental. But I judge based on my conservative upbringing, my religious background, my personal opinions developed in my mere twenty-two years of public education, and especially by my intuition because I believe that everyone has an inner moral compass whether they believe the same or choose to follow it or not. I follow mine. And there's where all this stuff that I put in this blog comes from. Blame my nature and my upbringing if you want.

Now stop being so close-minded and accept my beliefs already. (That, like much of this post by the way, was sarcasm. Sarcasm (noun) The use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny...I think I accomplished all three of those things). 

Also, just to clarify...Close-minded (adj.) Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas. 

I'm not asking for comments on this one because, let's be honest, I don't really want to hear them unless they're compliments.**
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*Note: My husband Dalin is wonderfully supportive of me, but he and I do not necessarily agree on every subject that I choose to discuss on this blog. He is very much more open-minded than I am about nearly every subject and is a much better person than I on many levels. He thought that I was going too far with my sarcasm in this paragraph and admittedly it was written in mild rage annoyance, but I am (evidently) a very disagreeable person who likes conflict so I thought it most appropriate to leave it in. I'll try to tone it down in the future though, and that is one thing I am serious about. ;)

**Believe it or not, I wrote this post with the intention of being informative rather than argumentative. I clearly failed at conveying that but all the same, I do not mean to dictate how I think "all people should behave" (by my private definition) but I do write to share my views and inform. 

Our Little Missionary Experience

Dear Guy Who Sat Next To Us On The Airplane to Orlando,

Thank you for making our third flight that day more entertaining than it otherwise would have been, particularly because we were on an old plane with no wifi which meant entertaining ourselves the old-fashioned way.

We enjoyed hearing about Kansas which was a state we knew nothing about and about your cute grandkids which you showed us several adorable pictures of on your tablet. They had sweet curly blonde locks like our nephew Maddox, which we told you.

Thank you also for complimenting our daughter's behavior--that made us feel really good (even though we did nothing to teach her how to behave her then four-and-a-half month old self on an eight-hour trip).

We really did enjoy talking to you even when you made a few beer references that we (well at least I) didn't understand. Everything was great, even when you mentioned Margaritaville and said, "You guys like margaritas, don't you?" I then told you that we actually don't drink alcohol but we like drinks that are similar to margaritas. You seemed surprised but continued to talk to us.

When you learned we were from Utah, you asked if we were Mormons and we told you we were. Your next comment was, "That show 'Sister Wives' must be giving you guys a hard time." Your wife sitting in the row in front of us reached behind her seat and gave you a smack along with a look that clearly told you to drop it, causing you to smile sheepishly.

I almost burst out laughing right then but I didn't want to embarrass you so hiding a smile I responded, "Actually that show is not about our church. We don't believe in that at all." You said, "Oh," then I explained further. "That's actually a branch that broke away from our church." Then I added, "Trust me, our church doesn't support that at all."

You nodded then we changed the subject, and for the remainder of the trip we had a nice time talking about our individual plans in Florida. We only brought up subjects like going to BYU and other beliefs in passing. But I hoped in my heart that our brief discussion about the church would stay with you, and that because of it you would someday open your heart to hearing a little more about the gospel.

Since our trip, I've wondered about you a few times, mainly wondering if you met an LDS missionary whether you'd be more interested about our church because of the example we set. If we had gotten your name, I might have looked you up at Kansas State University where you teach and sent the missionaries your way (don't worry though--I didn't have your name so I couldn't).

Anyway, thank you for being friendly and talking to us and also allowing us to have that little missionary experience. It reminded me of why I love living in the world (but not of the world) so much. I am so looking forward to having more of those experiences wherever we end up after BYU because I know the joy the gospel brings me and want to share it with everyone.

So thank you for that. And I hope you had a marvelous Christmas with your family in Florida.

Sincerely,

Olivia Gunnell

P.S. And thank you for being so personable! I always appreciate that quality in others.

On Being Awkward & Flirting

I am a really awkward person.

I don't know if I always have been or if it's only been since I was married. Prior to marrying Dalin, I learned the hard way that men and boys easily misconstrue friendliness for flirting. I try to be very friendly to people, which means I like to talk to them, get to know them, and I always try to smile because I know how much of a difference it makes when I'm on the receiving end of someone else's kindness. Unfortunately, young men would often take that to mean I was interested in them, which was usually not the case (if it was, I felt like my actual flirting made it clear). How I got the reputation as a flirt was always unclear to me, unless, by definition, being kind to someone equals flirting (which, some people believe apparently). But basically, since I've been married I think my awkwardness around men has increased tenfold. Most of my friends were male in high school and now that I'm married, our relationships have not only changed, but they've basically ceased. In some ways this saddens me, but mostly I see the necessity of it.

Unfortunately though, I no longer know how to interact with guys my age. Or girls, for that matter (I'm not sure why, other than the fact that I pretty much only hang out with Dalin or family nowadays). I do not want to be perceived as flirting and since there is such a fine line (in some people's minds anyway) I don't know how to be friendly without giving off the wrong impression. It's not like I'm dropping hints or doing anything at all other than having a simple, but completely awkward conversation.

I guess I felt like I needed to write this to excuse the awkwardness I'm sure I've produced in regular conversations with people I know. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I swear. It's just that I'm basically a recluse these days and have apparently forgotten how to have ordinary conversations with people. Just wanted to make that clear...

I'm also a much better writer (or typist technically) than I am a conversationist. I have always been interested in teaching (probably because I have three uncles, five aunts, and a grandpa who are all teachers of various levels) but I tend to think I would be horrible at it because I write much more easily than I speak, especially in front of groups. Or when people pay me a compliment. Seriously, it seems like any time someone compliments my blog to me in person, I'm suddenly speechless and all I can do is mutter, "Thank you, that's so nice." I really am touched by you telling me, so please just forgive my inability to gracefully accept a compliment.

I'm also super awkward at making friends. I totally love having people over and being able to talk about my geeky hobbies like reading and art or about my favorite shows (Downton Abbey, Modern Family, Parks & Rec., Survivor, The Bachelor (embarrassing, I know...)) or just about Harry Potter because it's my favorite book ever. Or The Hunger Games. Or the Divergent series. Because I love that stuff. And Star Wars. And Lord of the Rings. You get my point. I just have forgotten the art of making friends. It's like this pin:

So if you are interested in being my friend, please look past my initial awkwardness and feel free to invite yourself over to my apartment (there's a 50/50 chance it will be messy, forgive me) and know that the awkwardness fades the longer we talk. Just ask my visiting teachers. ;) But seriously, I am down for anything, especially if it involves talking about a book, watching a movie, eating, making food, talking about pregnancy/parenthood, or anything else.

And to you guys out there (and for your wife's/girlfriend's/whatever information) I totally am not flirting with you. Not at all. I love my husband a LOT and he is the only one I flirt with. I have zero interest in any man but him. If I'm being nice to you, it's because I'm nice. To me, flirting while married is just a few steps away from cheating. I don't even think about celebrities in that way. When I tell Dalin I think an actor is "hott" or "handsome" or "attractive" I'm making a realistic judgment based on appearance and he knows that. I'm not implying that I'm more attracted to that person than my husband because there's no way. And I know when I ask Dalin if he thinks an actress is pretty or beautiful that it doesn't mean he desires her. He's just making a truthful evaluation. After reading this article for a class at BYU-Idaho, I decided that I would be in control of my thoughts. So even before Dalin and I got married, I decided that thinking about a person other than my husband in a romantic way was almost as bad as cheating and that I would be careful to avoid it. We've all heard this scripture in Matthew 5: "Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman (or man) to lust after her/him hath committed adultery with her/him already in his/her heart" (stressed words added). So, anyway, all awkwardness aside--guard your thoughts. Actions start as thoughts. Be loyal in action and mind to your spouse.

Showing off my nerdiness with my hott husband :)

Us being gross ;)

On a completely separate note, for those who were dismayed or angered by my post about feminism a few days ago, you should really read this. This woman puts it so much better than I ever could (and did). She is LDS and a feminist. She definitely was blessed with the talent of eloquence.

Do you still have friends of the opposite gender those of you who are married?
How do you maintain appropriate boundaries?
Do you think it's okay to have male friends if you're female and married? (Or vice versa)

There Is A Point To All This

I was thinking very seriously last night about why I write this blog. Why do I? It can't be just because I enjoy writing. The time it takes to think of decent topics and take specific photos for those topics and actually write a post requires more effort than I would care to put into something just for the sake of doing it.

So I had to ask myself, is it just because I'm crazy passionate about what I believe in? That could play a role. In fact, it definitely does because I can't help but want to share the happiness the gospel of Jesus Christ brings me with others. As I've learned recently, not all of my readers believe in the same things I do. Why this was a revelation to me, you'll soon know. It seems like every time I post something even mildly controversial (and sometimes when I don't even intend for it to be controversial) I receive critical comments from readers who obviously disagree with me and feel the need to explain why I am wrong. Usually the first time I read these comments, it bugs me. As a human, I can't help but feel a tiny bit bothered that someone things I'm a hateful, ignorant, intolerant person because I think differently than they do. (This, by the way, is the very definition of intolerance--"unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behavior that differ from one's own.")

Thankfully, in the last few years, I've trained myself to not let these comments bother me. It's not at all that I don't care about what these people have to say, because I do. But I no longer allow their negativity, frustration, anger, etc. ruin my day or my life. I just can't afford to let that happen. It is my choice to take offense. It is my choice to be miserable. It is also my choice to be happy.

Once I made the mistake of commenting on some boy's status from my high school. He was bringing up the subject of gay marriage and I (stupidly, for I knew his political views) decided to give my two cents and wrote that I felt God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman, and made a suggestion that same-sex relationships be labeled civil unions instead so as not to alter the sacred nature and definition of marriage. The backlash I received for that simple comment was ridiculous. Everyone immediately attacked my views, calling me a "bigot" and a hater and some words I won't even say. NO one stood by me or even made an effort to understand my views. The comments that were made were plain cruel and completely out of line and basically the attacks got so bad that I had to delete the boy as a "friend." For some reason, I especially took offense to being called a bigot. A bigot?! I wanted to say. Every single person from my high school who knew ANYTHING about me, including that boy, knew I was about as far from a bigot as a person can be. In fact, many times I was told by classmates (who were not close to me at all) that I was the nicest person they'd ever met. People just liked me because I tried to be kind to everyone. I was not what I'd call "popular" because I didn't participate in many of the things that those particular classmates did, but I think that everyone liked me. When I finally realized how ridiculous that label was, (though it took me like a week to stop thinking about it, it bothered me so much) I made a conscious decision to not let people's words affect me. It wasn't like I was unaware that not everyone has the same beliefs as I do. But if they had a right to share their views, then so did I.

I may be a minority in the way I think, particularly as a Mormon. But in my mind, that makes my need even greater to share what I believe and stand firm in my values. So few people in modern day have the courage to share their convictions with others. I do not intend to be one of those people. I know in my heart what is right and I have to stand for it. In some ways, I have a responsibility to do so. This quote, for whatever reason, really resonates with me:

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” ~JFK referencing Dante's Inferno

It is more important than ever that people courageously stand for goodness. And I have to admit--even if someone is at the complete opposite end of the political spectrum than I am, if they truly believe in a cause and stand for it, that is preferable in my mind to bearing no opinion whatsoever for the sake of neutrality.

So again, why do I write? It is not just to promote my political views, my morals, my values, my religion. As already stated, I feel that is important. But I also write to be a tiny positive light in this dark world. I write to record my joys and encourage others to triumph. I write to help others become their best self. I write to make ordinary things in life worthy of notice and appreciation. Like the writer William Wordsworth (though I do not consider myself to be like him in most respects), I write to "refresh [man's] sense of wonder...in the everyday, the commonplace, the trivial." In other words, I am trying to help my readers appreciate the little things. I want to motivate people to find joy in their personal journey. I want others to be happy. That's why I share what I believe and why I'm so enthusiastic about it. I am happy, and I want to spread the joy I feel from merely existing in this world with everyone. The gospel of Jesus Christ makes me happy. Because of it, I know that families are eternal. I know death is not the end. We are here for a purpose and we can obtain even greater happiness if we do not waste this life. I know these things.

Many people today do not believe in God's existence. I feel responsible for showing these people that He does. This video is kind of cute:

There is still goodness in this world. This video shows it.

If you ever have a question about something I believe in, please don't hesitate to ask me. I am happy to have a discussion with you. I promise I won't belittle your opinion.

Thank you for reading my blog, too. It means that I'm accomplishing my goal in a small way.