Wednesday, April 8

Being a Mother to a Son

My apologies, but I feel like this post is going to consist mainly of random thoughts I have to share. Which is pretty much always the case so you should not be surprised.

Number one, after reading a cute piece on Facebook the other day which was by a boy mom and directed toward future daughters-in-law, I was reminded of why I always used to say that my perfect family would consist of six boys and one girl (and she would be the youngest. Like Ginny. I basically wanted the Weasley family). Besides thinking boys were cool because I grew up with brothers and mostly male cousins (and feeling as though boys cause less drama and, like me, prefer what I thought of in my mind as "boyish" activities like camping and fishing), I always wanted to have boys so that I could raise them to be respectful and kind priesthood holders. I wanted to raise my sons to be hardworking, diligent, and helpful to others. I want them to honor women and strive to be righteous examples and excellent missionaries. And someday, excellent husbands and fathers.

And I still want those things (and so much more) for my son, Declan. I feel particularly protective of him and I can't tell if it's mainly because I have to keep his sister from smothering him with her love or because I fear deeply that I could lose him. I love his sister so very much too, but I love my children in very different ways.

Tenley is my tiny sidekick, and my closest little pal. I love that she copies all that I do. They say copying is the sincerest form of flattery but I remember how it used to bug me when my brother Donovan always wanted to do what I was doing--whether it was drawing, painting, whatever. I remember that at one point I finally came to my senses and realized that getting annoyed by him for wanting to be like me was pointless and silly. I should be flattered that he was fostering an interest in the same things as me and use that as a way to teach him.

Now that I have one of each, I can't even describe the two different types of love I feel for those babies. I can't even imagine adding more love with a third (and then a fourth, fifth, etc. ;) someday. Thankfully there is no third option...I'm so happy I have one of each and will be just thrilled with whoever comes next;)

These thoughts and that article in particular have touched me deeply recently as I think about the man I want my son to become and how I desire to raise him. And not only that, but also because the last two nights, I let him (keyword: let) sleep in his bassinet in his room by himself. Okay, not by himself--with Tenley, but pretty much. And I, being the co-sleeping, snuggler that I am, was SUPER stressed about him sleeping in a different room. Mainly because he's my precious, sweet-smelling little boy and I love having him skin to skin for the majority of the night by me. I can't even say that I slept better without him (though our bed was suddenly much more spacious) because I checked on him literally fifteen times at least after putting him down around 8pm. Then I kept waking up stressed about him not being near me. And then additionally my milk woke me up and forced me to go get him up in the early morning. Sigh. I really love co-sleeping. But I know in the long-run I'll be grateful to have a little more space even if for the time being I do not feel that way.

I am also kind of musing at the thought of having two such excellent sleepers. They both have been spectacular in that area and it's hard to believe that we got so lucky twice in a row! I'm sure some other kid of ours will make up for it later on, though I'm hoping that somehow Dalin and I have just the right gene combo that causes all of our babies to love their sleep;) I can hope, right??

Anyhow, I'm feeling really blessed today. Now pardon me, while I run and spy on my sleeping babies for the eightieth time.

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