Friday, October 25

My Relationship With Your Dad

This post is for Tenley and for our future children who have not yet entered this world. But I can assure you (future children) that I'm already thinking of you daily and that I already know some of your names. For the rest of you, we'll have to wait to know your names until Dad and I come to an agreement.

Your dad and I met under weird circumstances. At least, that's what I think. It is not the type of romantic story I'd imagined for myself while growing up. I thought I would marry a boy from one of my college classes or maybe from my church ward. I thought we would meet at some activity like Stadium Singing or a group movie night with friends from my apartment complex. Thanks to Disney, I even thought I might meet him in the woods (which sounds kind of sketchy, but really--how many Disney princesses met their princes in the woods? Like all of them.). I never imagined that your dad and I would be set up by someone or that our first conversation would take place through Facebook. I mean, really...Facebook? I know it's modern day, but the internet is just not romantic to me--period.

But we did, and now I think it's cool that we met and immediately liked one another just by talking to each other. We just get each other--it's hard to explain. We talked for a week, met after that week, started dating at the end of the second week, and got engaged two months later. I guess it's true what they say, "When you know, you know." Your dad was my first and only real boyfriend. While we were dating during those two months I was praying hard every day to know if I should marry your dad. I liked him that much right away. Every Friday morning, my roommates and I would go to the Rexburg temple to do some baptisms. And every Friday morning, while we waited in the chapel, I would pray for confirmation that marrying your dad was right and would write about what I was feeling in my journal.
On Friday, April 22, 2011, I wrote the following in my journal:

Reasons I know: [that we're meant to be]
Dalin sincerely tells me he love me
We have quirky things in common
We share most interests and opinions
Dalin treats me like a royal daughter of God
He makes me want to be my best self
He is my best friend. Already
He is not superficial or shallow
The Spirit remains around the two of us when we are together
Dalin has a testimony and is an example to me and others
Dalin is understanding
He is patient with my imperfections
He is willing to wait as long as it takes [to get married]
He and I can talk of gospel topics and sacred things
We share many similar perspectives
He loves me for who I am now
He is willing to make changes/sacrifices for me
He is not worried about my family, though I sure as heck am [this was in response to our wanting to get married after knowing each other for so short a time]
He and I both feel we don't deserve each other
He does not hinder my future goals but encourages them and wants to be a part of them
He is an Eagle Scout
He served a faithful mission
He wants children (however many I want! :)
He is flexible about the future and where we will live
He believes in me, more than I do myself
He is temple worthy and wants a temple marriage
He is what I want and more from a spouse
He is willing to try new things
He is frugal and cautious about money--but not when it comes to me
Dalin is honest--even with me when I make mistakes
He is trusting and forgiving
He has goals of his own
He wants to serve a senior mission (with me)
He wants to travel (with me)
He is good at compromising
He always wears his seatbelt (and makes me wear mine)
He is concerned for my welfare and safety

So yeah, that was a pretty extensive list and I am sure there would have been more but I ran out of time. Almost exactly a month later on Monday, May 23rd, Dalin called my dad and in an eleven-minute conversation, asked for my dad's permission to marry me, which was both brave and wonderful of him. I remember pacing the living room of my apartment, anxiously awaiting Dalin's phone call. I even called my mom and tried to get her to tell me what they were talking about but she wasn't very helpful at relaying that information. After, Dalin called and told me my dad said yes and in response, I jumped for joy (and thanked Heavenly Father because, quite frankly, it felt like a miracle that my dad had given his permission). A week later, I was down in Provo with Dalin when he proposed in the woods (bonus point for him ;) and I told him yes. It felt funny because we already had known we were going to get married. Asking me was more of just a formality than a confirmation.
Your dad and I were sealed--not just for our time on earth--but for time and all eternity in the Boston Temple on August 19, 2011. It was the happiest day of my life. I truly mean that. I loved my wedding day. My mother in particular made sure that it was so special for me. Yes, I wish I had been able to have more of our delicious wedding cake and more time dancing with Dalin and taking in the atmosphere of the reception, but the short and simple and perfect ceremony at the temple gave me the comfort of knowing that your dad and I were sealed together forever. And because of our choice to marry in the temple, you guys--our children--are sealed to us forever, too, automatically. It is a beautiful and amazing thing that the gospel of Jesus Christ makes this a possibility for us.

Your dad is my best friend for a lot of reasons. For one, he is a great listener. And I'm a great talker (as you already know by now), which makes our partnership perfect. When I'm worried or can't stop thinking about something, I can tell him and he'll offer his opinion or give me advice or, if I ask him to, tell me to quit worrying and help me see a new perspective. He doesn't make me feel silly for being a dreamer, and his realistic approach to life anchors me a little. He appreciates my creativity and tells me so, which makes me happy. We both love reading and especially during our first two years of marriage alone, we did a lot of reading together. We would swap books on the Kindle or tell the other if a book wasn't worth reading. I would tease him for liking some of the nerdy books that he does, and he would tease me for reading the same books and watching the same movies over and over again. He tolerates my incessant comments about how I miss New Hampshire and why I love New England so much. He has never complained about it. Besides those things, he also is a really, really good man. He works hard for our family and is doing his best to make sure that we are financially secure. When I was worried about the cost of things after Tenley was born, he reassured me that everything would work out and reminded me that it was worth it. He is very faithful. He is the leader of our home (though I still feel that I get a fair amount of say).

When we have an argument, we either resolve it or we save it for later. And usually we forget about it. We never yell at each other, and we consider the D-word (the D-word is divorce) to be a swear and never EVER use it because, quite simply, it isn't an option for us. We're not doing that because we chose to be sealed forever. Sometimes, we do go to bed angry with one another, but I think that it has been a good thing because by morning, the problem seems significantly smaller and much less important. We also both feel much more forgiving toward one another. And sometimes, the problem was only created because one or both of us was tired and not thinking clearly--or not behaving as nicely as we should have been. We always apologize to one another. Sometimes we both know one of us was more at fault than the other, but we say sorry anyway and promise to try harder. We are not perfect. Especially me. But we are trying our best at being great spouses to one another and the best parents to you. Every day, we try a little harder to be a little better.

Your dad is my best friend. We are family because we chose one another. And that choice was an eternal one.

Read more about our love story here.

Can you think of anything from our relationship that I should have added?
What would you want your children to know about you and your spouse's relationship?

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