8 Reasons Why Modern Dating is the Worst

Ok, I realize this subject doesn't really apply to me since I'm a married girl, but the topic is still important to me. And yes I still date my husband and all that, but you'll see in a moment why this post no longer applies to me.

I am really glad that I met Dalin when we did. It seems like even in just the last few years, technology has erupted into everyone's daily life, and ever since, the dating world has changed. The world of romance has changed. I'm glad to say that it is not completely gone, but with the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if it continued to get worse. What do I mean? Here are some reasons why (in my opinion) modern dating is the worst:

1. Meeting people via technology is lame. What happened to meeting at a dance or social activity and falling in love? Or meeting someone in a college class or at work or at the checkout counter? I mean, obviously that can't happen to everyone, but I feel like meeting online is kind of lame. And I can say that because the first time my husband and I spoke was through Facebook. We were introduced through a mutual friend and she had us start talking through Facebook. Even I think that's lame. And by lame, I mostly mean unromantic. Obviously, that is just how it's going to be for some people nowadays (Dalin and I, for instance. First spoke online, and now still happily married with a baby three years later), but I think the majority of the online dating world is choosing this method out of laziness, desperation, and fear. These people just need to grit their teeth and courageously introduce themselves to people in person. Technology has made people increasingly reclusive and that is plain silly. Are you truly happier browsing the internet all day than interacting with human beings or enjoying the beauty of the world? If so, then you may be really, really painfully shy or a hermit. Either way, you probably could be happier.

2. Asking people on dates through text is the WORST. Interaction in person is by far the best choice, but even a phone call is better than getting a text that could be meant for anyone. Especially when it reads, "Wanna go out with me?" No. I'm going to teach my kids to tell their dates to try again if they get asked through text. It is incredibly impersonal and, as exciting as it is to get a cute text, getting a cute call is that much more exciting. Some people say, "But phone calls or person-to-person is awkward." Well sorry, but you're gonna have to get over that. Dating in general is kind of awkward and sometimes (usually), those moments of embarrassment and humility make the best memories later on. Take courage, Single People, and use your words, not your fingers to ask someone out.

3. Dating itself is so different. Gone are the days of courting and fun group dates. In their place are what people call "hook ups" and "NCMOs" or nic-mo's (non-committal make-outs). Half the fun of dating is the process. The nervousness and anxiety are what make it fun and exciting. It's still okay to go to the movies once in a while, but take the time to go somewhere and just talk, too. Read together at a park. Go on a hike or walk in the woods. Play tennis or try something new like golfing. Work on a meal together for yourselves or for someone else. Serve some old people you both know. There is little more attractive (in my mind at least) than seeing a man who loves to help other people. And I suspect many men would say the same about women. Most importantly, TALK. I'm just going to go ahead and say it--you do a lot more talking than kissing once you get married, so get really good at having a meaningful conversation.

4. What the heck happened to chivalry? Is it really almost dead? I know it's not completely dead--thankfully--as the men in my life are excellent at being chivalrous but I am hearing of fewer and fewer young men who are considerate toward women. This may in part be because some women refuse to accept the help of men, and that is sad to me, because respect for women in the form of chivalry does not mean that women are necessarily weaker. It just means that a man values femininity and womanhood and is attempting to be courteous. Ladies, stop taking offense or you're going to end up miserable and alone. Plus, it's super annoying and rude. Don't be that person. I am sure men will always come across some women who will not accept their help, but do not let those women create a standard for how to treat all women. I am pretty sure most women out there are still appreciative of polite gestures, such as opening doors, pulling out seats at the table, being offered a seat when chairs are scarce, among other small acts. Do not let chivalry die, men! Bring it back. Even if you're the only one doing it.

5. Playing games is stupid. Plain and simple--it's the stupidest thing you can do if you want a relationship to last--especially if you want it to develop into a true and lasting marriage. This isn't to say that people haven't been playing games for a while, but I'm sure playing games was much less complicated when our grandparents were dating, and even our parents. For instance, they did not have texting to attempt to convey emotions or lack of them. They did not use emoticons to communicate sadness or frustration or flirtatiousness. I mean, think about it. Those are kind of stupid little faces that young adults use to express pretty deep emotions. (And no, I'm not anti-emoticons. I use them once in a while, but it's not the same thing). I really think that young people need to be a little more tactful in their use of texting. It's fine to write a quick message, send a reminder, or whatever. But be willing to call someone. Send more of these: "Hey, I miss you. Can I call you later?" and less of these: "I love you so much. You're so hott. I can't wait to see you again." This may sound like a harsh condemnation of texting, but I think if it is viewed too lightly, there will be long-term emotional consequences. Also, do not forget the art of writing! It's seriously vanishing from relationships even though it is such a meaningful way to convey emotion. Write love notes and love letters. Share thoughts, dreams, and plans with one another. I cherish everything my husband has ever written or drawn for me. I can't throw away a single note he writes to me, no matter how unromantic because for me, it's a little piece of him that I can hold onto and use as a reminder of him. Notes and letters last, texts can be deleted instantly. Write more.

6. Stop being rude. If someone asks you on a date, don't give them a maybe. Tell them straight up, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested" or "I actually like someone else" or "I am busy this week, but next week I would love to!" Don't be rude and ignore them completely either. Computer and cellphone technology allow people to be a lot more cowardly than the old ways did. Be honest, but try to be nice about it. Stop being flakey and canceling plans--especially if only because a better--a more "fun"--offer has come along. Here's a wake-up call for some people--that's RUDE. Stop wasting other people's time. You don't need to keep someone on their toes. You don't need to be liked be everyone. Trust me, it's never going to happen anyway.

7. Never EVER cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee, spouse, whomever. Just don't do it. And if you are cheated on, know that it is TEN TIMES more likely that that person will do it again. Social media provides ample opportunities to cheat on your spouse. Be careful with what message you convey through your actions on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Flirting while in a serious relationship or marriage is never okay. Never. Remember that "Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair." If you are entertaining thoughts or doing things that even might lead to cheating, stop them right away. It's better to be safe than sorry. Or alone forever.

8. Take a moment and ask yourself why you're dating. Why are you in a relationship at all? Because it is nice to be loved, comfortable to be cared for, and all-around convenient, right? Are you just dating to fool around? Or are you looking for marriage and life-long--or even eternal--commitment? Make sure you know what you are looking for and what your dates are looking for. I like Christopher Hudspeth's quote on this: "Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point." It's frighteningly true for some people and well worth considering. Are you wasting your partner's time because you know you never want to get married? If so, then do the decent thing and end it sooner rather than later. Too many people do not know what they want. The world tells you that's okay, but it isn't. The point of life is to make good decisions which will lead to happiness for you and others. Make up your dang mind and commit to it.

I wish I could knock some sense into the young, modern, and so-called "hip" people of today. I may be young, but I am proudly old-fashioned and it has always served me well. Maybe the old-fashioned ways need to again become the new-fashioned ways. Maybe then the world would be a little better.

Thoughts? 

And here are a few more pics from our "just us" dating days:

Why Marriage and Babies Are WORTH IT

I just read two bull crap articles from Huffington post that really angered me. They angered me so much, that I had to reply by blogging because that's just the way I am.

The first was this piece of crap. I mean honestly, I don't know if I've read a more bitter and stupid article with zero merit whatsoever. Then I read this ridiculous thing. It was also bitter and also stupid in my opinion. These two articles epitomize the brand of feminism that I despise. It's the type that discourages women from their ultimate potential as wives and mothers that also portrays women with these roles in a negative light. In addition, they are negative toward men. That just drives me crazy.

Mainly, I am writing to clear up a few things that I was dying to say to the ladies who wrote the articles.

First, they must have had sad, miserable childhoods to grow up so bitter, uncaring, and spiteful toward the two things that are God's greatest gifts to mankind. They were clearly raised with a distorted view of what true womanhood is and I feel sorry for them. Truly sorry, because they have no idea on the happiness they are missing out on. I doubt it was in their nature to believe so wrongly, (in fact, I know it wasn't because every woman is born with a divine nature) but the way they were brought up obviously influenced their views.

Second, not all marriages are miserable and end in divorce. Clearly. There are circumstances that occur in some marriages that no one can predict. I am not justifying divorce, but I am admitting that there are times when it is necessary. For Dalin and I, we determined as boyfriend and girlfriend (even before we became engaged!) that the word divorce would not be in our vocabulary. It's simply not an option. That is how you must go into marriage if you want it to last. It reminds me of that ecard I've seen on Pinterest--this one:

I find it ironic that the same people who declare marriage should be available for everyone would at the same time mention that most marriages end in divorce. While it is unfortunately a fact that approximately half of marriages fail in present day, I have to ask, if so many marriages result in separation or divorce, then why fight so hard for it at all? Why fight for any couple of humans to be able to marry if it might just be a waste of time? The answer is because marriage is important. Whether you believe it is intended for one man and one woman as I do or whether you believe it is for any two humans, it is inherently important to the human race. Marriage is sacred, which is why it must be honored and defended.

The one--ONE--thing I agreed with the second writer on was that far too much money is spent on weddings. To each his own, but we spent very little on our wedding. My aunt made my wedding cake for me. Another aunt arranged my flowers and made the bouquets and boutonnieres. An aunt and uncle photographed everything for me. My mom got a deal on our reception place. Instead of doing a full dinner, we did a variety of fruit, cheese, crackers, punch. My mom talked the price of my wedding dress down to around $400. Instead of getting a DJ, I put together a playlist for the reception on my laptop which my brother ran for me. My mom had found a ton of mason jars at a yard sale which she cleaned out and filled with ocean sand and added a candle for my tables. She also collected antique bottles from sales for decoration. I loved how simple and inexpensive these were. And after it ended, I had zero regrets. My parents didn't lose a nonexistent fortune, and Dalin and I had money to put toward our rent and things for our home. We were frugal. We didn't spend more than a couple thousand on the wedding, if that. And I loved my wedding. Everything about it. It was easily the happiest day of my life and well worth celebrating. Her point about people divorcing as a result of their wedding is irrelevant. If a couple divorces over that, then they should not have been marrying in the first place. Those people who are in it for the free stuff and for the attention are not marrying for the correct reason. They may blindly believe this to be the case because they are so caught up with plans to celebrate themselves. But those people cannot be lumped in with the rest of us--the ones who are truly committed and don't toss around the term "marriage" like it's a trip through a drive-thru. It's not. It is something intended to be eternal. Not just until death, but forever and ever. That is my testimony of marriage.

Just because I have this view of marriage does not make it a cake walk. It's not easy. Dalin and I argue. We stress over money. We disagree on things like how to raise our children and where we want to end up. But the difference is we do not let those things block our ultimate goal of being a family forever. Nothing brings more happiness than being a part of a loving family. Nothing.

Back to the articles--one writer complains that she had to pay an excessive amount to be a part of three different weddings. (Um, may I point out that she could have said no if she was aware they were going to cost that much, which she must have been after the first one.) She then uses this as an excuse as to why celebrating a wedding is pointless and "brags" how she married with only one witness present and then celebrated her marriage a year later with a $15,000 celebration. Glad she has taught the world the "right" way to do things. Except she is clueless. As mentioned before, I hardly spent anything on my reception. I spent as much on the entire day as some women spend on their wedding dress alone. On our wedding day, our family and friends were celebrating, with us, the day that we made an eternal commitment--a sacred promise--to devote ourselves to God and one another for eternity. To me that's worth celebrating.

What's more, the writer suggests that baby showers are a waste of time as they "send the message that getting pregnant is the pinnacle of achievement, as opposed to the beginning of 18 years of hard labor...ignoring the fact that the endeavor she is embarking on will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and stunt her career opportunities for the rest of her life, not to mention the devastating impact on her social life." (How obnoxious is this lady? If I didn't feel sorry for her, I'd want to slap her across the face.) Then the other idiot writes, "We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it's a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren't accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them." First, many people--decent people--get pregnant because they want families. Most couples want children because they bring joy. Not everyone is like, "Shoot, we got pregnant and now our lives are over." Most people are excited because having your own children is awesome. What about the couples that struggled to get pregnant? Literally anyone can "get knocked up" so why can't they? Why celebrate their achievement "act" of getting pregnant, perhaps after years of trying? Because it's a miracle. A wonder and a miracle to be able to create life. In addition, I'd like to point out that the point of baby showers, apart from congratulating a couple on successfully making a human, is to help them acquire the things they need to get started. It's not about showing off and getting expensive things for everyone. I didn't get expensive things and I'm not complaining. And does the second woman really think that getting married can be done by "literally anyone"? If that were true, then why are there MILLIONS of people using dating sites to find the one person they want to spend forever with? Probably because many, many people want to get married but have not found someone yet.

I have many more thoughts on these two articles and their cynical-minded writers, but it is 2:30am (way past the time I intended to stay up) and I'm done for the night.

Please share your opinion on these articles with me. Or on my thoughts. Vent to me if you like. I'll respond--I'm a good venter as you may have noticed ;)

On Being Awkward & Flirting

I am a really awkward person.

I don't know if I always have been or if it's only been since I was married. Prior to marrying Dalin, I learned the hard way that men and boys easily misconstrue friendliness for flirting. I try to be very friendly to people, which means I like to talk to them, get to know them, and I always try to smile because I know how much of a difference it makes when I'm on the receiving end of someone else's kindness. Unfortunately, young men would often take that to mean I was interested in them, which was usually not the case (if it was, I felt like my actual flirting made it clear). How I got the reputation as a flirt was always unclear to me, unless, by definition, being kind to someone equals flirting (which, some people believe apparently). But basically, since I've been married I think my awkwardness around men has increased tenfold. Most of my friends were male in high school and now that I'm married, our relationships have not only changed, but they've basically ceased. In some ways this saddens me, but mostly I see the necessity of it.

Unfortunately though, I no longer know how to interact with guys my age. Or girls, for that matter (I'm not sure why, other than the fact that I pretty much only hang out with Dalin or family nowadays). I do not want to be perceived as flirting and since there is such a fine line (in some people's minds anyway) I don't know how to be friendly without giving off the wrong impression. It's not like I'm dropping hints or doing anything at all other than having a simple, but completely awkward conversation.

I guess I felt like I needed to write this to excuse the awkwardness I'm sure I've produced in regular conversations with people I know. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I swear. It's just that I'm basically a recluse these days and have apparently forgotten how to have ordinary conversations with people. Just wanted to make that clear...

I'm also a much better writer (or typist technically) than I am a conversationist. I have always been interested in teaching (probably because I have three uncles, five aunts, and a grandpa who are all teachers of various levels) but I tend to think I would be horrible at it because I write much more easily than I speak, especially in front of groups. Or when people pay me a compliment. Seriously, it seems like any time someone compliments my blog to me in person, I'm suddenly speechless and all I can do is mutter, "Thank you, that's so nice." I really am touched by you telling me, so please just forgive my inability to gracefully accept a compliment.

I'm also super awkward at making friends. I totally love having people over and being able to talk about my geeky hobbies like reading and art or about my favorite shows (Downton Abbey, Modern Family, Parks & Rec., Survivor, The Bachelor (embarrassing, I know...)) or just about Harry Potter because it's my favorite book ever. Or The Hunger Games. Or the Divergent series. Because I love that stuff. And Star Wars. And Lord of the Rings. You get my point. I just have forgotten the art of making friends. It's like this pin:

So if you are interested in being my friend, please look past my initial awkwardness and feel free to invite yourself over to my apartment (there's a 50/50 chance it will be messy, forgive me) and know that the awkwardness fades the longer we talk. Just ask my visiting teachers. ;) But seriously, I am down for anything, especially if it involves talking about a book, watching a movie, eating, making food, talking about pregnancy/parenthood, or anything else.

And to you guys out there (and for your wife's/girlfriend's/whatever information) I totally am not flirting with you. Not at all. I love my husband a LOT and he is the only one I flirt with. I have zero interest in any man but him. If I'm being nice to you, it's because I'm nice. To me, flirting while married is just a few steps away from cheating. I don't even think about celebrities in that way. When I tell Dalin I think an actor is "hott" or "handsome" or "attractive" I'm making a realistic judgment based on appearance and he knows that. I'm not implying that I'm more attracted to that person than my husband because there's no way. And I know when I ask Dalin if he thinks an actress is pretty or beautiful that it doesn't mean he desires her. He's just making a truthful evaluation. After reading this article for a class at BYU-Idaho, I decided that I would be in control of my thoughts. So even before Dalin and I got married, I decided that thinking about a person other than my husband in a romantic way was almost as bad as cheating and that I would be careful to avoid it. We've all heard this scripture in Matthew 5: "Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman (or man) to lust after her/him hath committed adultery with her/him already in his/her heart" (stressed words added). So, anyway, all awkwardness aside--guard your thoughts. Actions start as thoughts. Be loyal in action and mind to your spouse.

Showing off my nerdiness with my hott husband :)

Us being gross ;)

On a completely separate note, for those who were dismayed or angered by my post about feminism a few days ago, you should really read this. This woman puts it so much better than I ever could (and did). She is LDS and a feminist. She definitely was blessed with the talent of eloquence.

Do you still have friends of the opposite gender those of you who are married?
How do you maintain appropriate boundaries?
Do you think it's okay to have male friends if you're female and married? (Or vice versa)

Making Marriage

Marriage is awesome. If you aren't married yet, get excited. Like all things in life, it has its challenging moments, but they make the good ones even sweeter. And if you give at least 100% to your spouse, you'll always find that you get more out of it.

When you get married to your best friend, you look forward to being able to talk about anything and everything with your spouse at any given time. You want to teach each other and laugh together. You want to grow together. In some cases (particularly if you get married young like a lot of members of the LDS church), you grow up together. And if you want to stay best friends for a long, long time, you had better get really good at talking and listening to, serving, and thanking one another.

Talk. People always say that communication is most important in a relationship. While it is important that spouses can talk to one another, I don't think it's the most important thing. Still, most women do not  typically struggle with communicating to their husbands--that is, unless they're angry. For some reason, most women shut themselves up when they're angry. It's a pride thing. Women just want men to be able to read their minds or discern what they're thinking without help. It's unfair, but I've done it, too. It's something we need to get past. If we can look past our personal pride and just share what is bothering us, it can really help our husband's be able to work to change that thing. But they can't do it alone. We need to communicate our feelings better so our husband's aren't left in the dark. On any normal day, most women love to share their feelings about every subject under the sun. They love talking about every trivial detail that most men have never even thought about. They love analyzing other women and their habits and behavior. It's just something women do. Some men don't know how to handle that very well. That is where listening comes in.

Listen. This unfortunately seems to be a dying skill. People can hear just fine, but very few people are naturally good at listening. I think it's because of the electronic plague that everyone is infected with (I'm not hating on technology--but as I've mentioned in a previous post, I do think it's very addicting and should be moderated). Everyone (including me) is always so busy texting, gaming, blogging, typing, tweeting, etc. that they've lost the valuable ability to concentrate. That said, women want to be heard. So do husbands. Listen to your spouse. Ask them about their day, their troubles, their complaints, their victories, and then don't tune out their response. Learn to be a better listener. While listening to your spouse's response, think of a follow-up question to ask. Part of becoming a good listener is being able to respond. Sometimes this means stopping your current activity and giving your full attention. Women, if you're anything like me, you struggle with listening at times because you're so caught up with your own busy life and problems. There is a time to share the details of your day, but not when your husband is trying to share his.

Service. Seriously, if you serve your husband/wife, that will go a longggg way. I can tell you right now that even though I'm the one in our marriage staying home with our new baby and therefore technically in charge of taking care of our home (which is a job I love, but some wives do not) it means TONS when my husband takes three minutes and helps me with the dishes. Or when he takes two seconds and smooths out the bed. Or when he takes fifteen minutes and cleans the bathroom. It may not sound romantic, but that is one of the hottest thing a husband can do for his wife. This service goes beyond actual chores. Clean up after yourself. Pick up your socks. Offer to make dinner. Just serve her. Wives, you are always serving your husbands, and they often do notice whether they say something or not. They may not always express their gratitude, but they do see your service. Despite all that you do, it is important to sometimes go the extra mile. Leave a note on his pillow or the bathroom mirror reminding him how much he means to you. Buy his favorite candy or dessert and surprise him with it when he gets home. Do something random, like line up some balloons with a message written across them. Just make the effort to do something extra once in a while.

Express gratitude. I am thankful for a husband who is really good at this. Maybe I've not appreciated this quality in him as much as I should have until we began doing our Gratitude Journals. But since we've made this a daily habit, I've also picked up more on the gratitude he expresses for me in our family prayers at night. He shares that he is thankful for me taking care of Tenley and thankful that I clean the apartment, and sometimes he even thanks me for the small things, like making the bed and doing the laundry (which, admittedly is never a small thing in our house since I procrastinate doing it for way too long). He probably doesn't realize how much I appreciate his gratitude for those often mundane things I am responsible for. We need to show our spouses gratitude more often so they see that we do in fact recognize their many sacrifices and acts of love. Write a thank-you note every once in a while. Express sincere thankfulness in person. Say "I love you" more. All of these things, require virtually almost no effort but mean a great deal to the recipient.

Doing little things goes a long way. Love your spouse. Learn their love language and act on it. Be your best self and it will help them to do the same.

How do you love your spouse?
What ways do you make your marriage great?

4 Fun Marriage Strengtheners & Traditions

Is this wrapping paper from the BYU bookstore not adorable?? It's a "box of chocolates"!
(Actually, it's an iPad mini that I got for $279:)

I am always looking for fun things to do with Dalin to strengthen our marriage and bring us closer as a couple. He is my very best friend, but sometimes we get so caught up in our responsibilities that we lose sight of maintaining the friendship that made us want to marry each other in the first place. So here are four ways we strengthen our marriage (and you can, too!).

Spouse Gratitude Journals (Daily)
Probably one of the best ideas I've ever had was to suggest to Dalin that we each start keeping a journal to record things about the other person that we're grateful for. Basically, I gave Dalin a blank journal (it was black and manly of course) and I chose one out of my collection (everyone always gives me journals because they know I love them and actually use them) and we decided that each night, as a part of our nighttime scripture study and family prayer routine (and my personal journal-writing), we'd each write one thing that we appreciate about the other (whether it was something we were grateful for in general, or specifically from that day). I'm not going to lie, I was very curious about what Dalin would say about me. And being the little sneak that I am, a few days in, I snuck a peek at what Dalin had written. His words touched me so much and made my entire week. I wanted to live up to the things he had said about me, whether I thought they were accurate or not. Since then, I've sneaked a few more glances at what he's written and doing so has encouraged me to strive to be a better wife, a better mother, and a better follower of Christ each day. One thing I've found is that I'm noticeably happier since we've made this a part of our routine. Start this tradition for with your spouse by Thanksgiving!

Memory & Adventure Album (As needed)
When we were engaged, we were given an album by my roommates for my bridal shower. In the beginning of the book, on each page is a dried rose petal or two that contains something I said that I love about Dalin. It ranges from physical appearance to spirituality to personality to actions, and thanks to my roommates, it's adorable. My best friend Sarah then took the book and did the same thing for me, having Dalin tell her things he loves about me for every rose petal included. She tried to copy the format my roommates used. It makes me so happy when I look back and read what he wrote about me. So anyhow, we had this great gift in our home, but there were still several pages in the back that needed to be filled. Not having a place for small things we collect, I decided to use the rest of the album to keep things from our adventures. Included in it are postcards from our honeymoon across New England; tickets to movies, museums, General Conference, etc.; love notes/cards we've written each other; our annual letters (which I'll tell you about below); and anything else. We even have a page dedicated to keeping all of the fortune cookie fortunes we've collected over the years. They're fun to look at all together! :) We love and cherish this book as it reminds of the love we had before we were married, and the love and adventures we continue to have now that we're together forever. (Tear) It's pretty wonderful. And the album is convenient because we can just stick little slips of paper and ticket stubs in the sleeves.

Love notes from our early marriage ;)

Tickets and our Christmas letters (discussed below)

Postcards from our honeymoon in Boston and tickets to a movie we saw while there

Fortune Cookie fortunes collected over the years (we still have several others in wallets/purse pockets that we have yet to add)

Bucket List Jar (Any time we think of it)
This is one idea that we are just starting. There are a lot of goals we have individually and as a couple. We want to support one another in our individual goals and make them our own. Most of our "bucket list" goals include traveling with our little family. We are just recently figuring out how we can make these goals and plans reality. We also have family goals and personal ones that we are working daily to achieve. How this idea works is we keep little slips of paper available and as a goal occurs to us, we write it down and stick it in the Bucket List Jar. Once a year or every so often, we will empty the jar and tape any that we've accomplished in a place we can see it (such as our Memory Album or our bulletin board or perhaps the fridge) and return the ones we've yet to accomplish back in the jar. That way, we're reminded of the adventures we still have yet to have! A few that will be included in our jar are:

• Have another baby in/by 2015
• Travel to Ireland/Scotland
• Buy a house
• Get rich (haha jk that won't be in there)
• Live by a lake or ocean
• Graduate school!

Christmas Love Letters (Annually)
This tradition is my favorite of all and was one we began our first Christmas together, just four months after we were married. On Christmas Eve, we sit together and write each other a love letter. We include things we love about the other person and favorite memories from the last year together. Then we stick our letter in the other person's stocking (before Santa comes obviously ;) to be read on Christmas morning. Pretty simple. But it is maybe the only time that we actually write a full letter to one another during the year and for that reason, I cherish this tradition. You know it's a good tradition when it makes you so happy that you cry. I am not a fan of crying or even happy crying, but this is one time it doesn't bother me. In fact, I kind of look forward to it. The first Christmas we did this, I was shocked by how similar our letters were. We both spoke about the first time we met and both shared how we felt in that moment when we saw each other in person for the first time. When we finished reading each other's letters, we compared them because they contained so many similar things. It was a lot of fun for me, and I literally look forward to reading my letter more than anything else on Christmas. This is an AWESOME tradition! Start it this year!

What are some awesome and fun traditions you and your spouse have?
Will you be starting any of these traditions?

The Firsts

We moved out of our first apartment in March 2013, shortly after our sister Shaina married our brother-in-law, Layton. Our address used to be 300 Wymount Terrace. It is now 268 Wymount Terrace (we didn't move that far). The apartment was on the third floor of 5C. It had four tiny rooms--three, if you count the living room and kitchen as one. We had a lot of firsts in that apartment, so even though we frequently complained about its size and other areas where it was lacking, it still holds a tiny portion of our hearts and our history.

The Firsts

It was our first home as a married couple.

It was the first place we established a habit of scripture study and family prayer.

It was the first place we had friends over to play board games and watch movies and eat desserts.

It was the place where we had our first sleepover, which entailed making a bed out of pillows and our comforter placed by the open front porch door because we had no A/C and our apartment was blistering hot our first night there.

It was where I first discovered life without a dishwasher or air conditioning.

It was where I first learned that Dalin hates doing laundry.

It was where I first learned to cook well okay. For real.

It was where we first mapped out our future together and shared our deepest secrets.

It was where I returned to alone, sobbing, after flying home from Arizona on our first Thanksgiving together because I had to work at Dillard's on Black Friday.

It was the place where we had our first Christmas with just the two of us.

It was where I decorated its tiny rooms for every season and holiday for the first time.

It was the place where we lived when we started leasing our first new car.

It was the first place we returned to late at night after long drives to Boise to visit Dalin's family for weekend trips and holidays. 

It was the first place we came home to after much-too-short summer visits to New Hampshire.

It was the place where I began the first job I've ever truly enjoyed.

It was where I first received my Associate's degree from BYU-Idaho.

It was where I first got called as Primary President and where Dalin got called as Sunday School President.

It was where we first began our family.

It was the place where we first discovered I was pregnant with our darling Tenley.

It was where I did my first ever semester at BYU.

It was where we bought our first TV.

It was where we had our first ever couch from Uncle Cash and Aunt Marisa.

It was where we had our first antique kitchen table and where I painted our first kitchen chairs mustard, aqua, and mint green.

It was where I first started to detest Dalin's noisy and filthy old rocking chair that he adores so much.

It was where I first started to feel like that rocking chair was an old friend, noisy or not.

It was where Dalin broke our first camera when he accidentally pushed it behind the stairs of our stairwell while we were taking pictures.

It was where we first learned about how hard marriage can be.

It was where we first learned how wonderful and amazing and sacred marriage can be.

It was where we first learned of each other's faults.

It was where we first learned to forgive each other.

It was where we had our first fight. 

It was where we cared for each other when the other was ill for the first time.

It was where we celebrated the first year of our eternal marriage.

First TV...lovely

One of my first decent meals

There are a lot of others and I could go on, but I'll let you imagine the rest.

Even though we (especially me I'm sorry to admit) complained about that old apartment (and still complain about the one we're in now because the only difference is a spare bedroom and that we're now on the second floor), it holds a lot of memories for us and I know that one day, looking back we'll miss that tiny place and cherish the firsts we had together there. 

How to Get Rich...

Would you like to know the secret to getting rich? I'll tell you my opinion. I may not be qualified to write this post, as I most certainly am not rich by the world's standard, but I have learned a thing or two about saving money--especially since I've been married. Here are some good tips and changes that are easy to make:

Don't spend more than you earn.
Duh. This seems so obvious, but it is a real challenge for many people who were raised with their parents taking care of everything for them. Keep track of how much you earn and delegate how much of that income will be put toward your basic needs, how much will go into savings, and how much will be left over. This is the most basic budgeting skill and is essential if you truly want to save money. 

Don't go into unnecessary debt. 
Sure school is expensive, but as long as you are saving to pay off school loans, you won't be in debt forever. Make that payment your priority. Save up and pay it off as quick as you can. We are trying to save up to pay Dalin's student loan off by graduation. Fortunately, we have been able to earn scholarships to help us save money. The same advice applies to homes and cars. You may have to settle for less before you can save up for something better. 

Budget. 
If you don't, it's going to be really hard to save money. Limit yourselves to going out once a week. Choose free date alternatives as often as you can. If you are the type who likes to splurge, try this simple solution--don't go out. If you don't want to spend money, don't go to the store. That has helped us save SO much money these last two years. If you love shopping and stopping completely is difficult for you, only carry a tiny bit of cash when you go. Leave your credit or debit cards at home. Pretend you're back in middle school or high school when $20 was all you had. 

Search for deals. 
Paying full price for anything is not very wise. Most things always go on sale at some time or another. Especially with clothing, shoes, and items for the home. If you want to be really thrifty, practice good shopping habits by making lists and searching for coupons or special deals on groceries and home products. Check Groupon and other money-saving sites. You would be surprised at the many ways you can find deals and discounts when you take a few minutes to look. I will admit, I always look for deals when it comes to clothing, but I have not yet gotten into the habit of seeking the best deals while grocery shopping. I attribute this to lack of time, but really it would be worth doing it to save even $15 a grocery trip. Something for me to work on. 

Avoid credit cards. 
I am far from an expert on credit cards, but I do know that everyone mistakenly seems to believe they must have one. Establishing credit is good when the time comes to buy a home or car, but it is not the only way. If you do have a credit card, make monthly payments on time and do not exceed your limit. Dalin and I prefer to use a debit card. We know where the money is coming from (straight from our checking account), and this prevents us from spending an unreasonable amount. Because we are leasing our car, we make monthly payments (ON TIME!) which helps us establish credit. If we need to, we can borrow our parents' credit to get a home when we find ourselves wanting to settle down. The point is, credit cards are okay if you know you can afford to make the payments. 

Save. 
Save, save, save. Put as much money as you can into the bank. Have a stash at home for emergencies. Put money in separate envelopes or jars to go toward specific trips, vacations, or other fun activities. Plan out what you are saving for and a rough estimate of how much you need. I usually find that rounding up when considering how much you think you will need is safer. 

Give. 
I love the quote by Anne Frank: "No one ever became poor by giving [too much]." How true! I also believe that giving to those in need blesses your life and, in turn, you will have more. I would rather be rich in blessings than money any day. 

Pay tithing. 
Heavenly Father gives us everything we have. We are only required to give 10% of it back to him. I would say that's fair. Especially considering the many blessings we receive as reward for our obedience to this simple commandment. It is one of the only commandments we can truly be perfect in.

All of these things combined will help you. Like I said, I am no expert--and I could stand to follow my own advice a little better--but I know that there is nothing better than being self-sufficient and feeling truly free from financial burdens. 

How do you save money? 
What are your best tips that I could use?

The Sanctity of Human Life

This article appeared on my Yahoo newsfeed yesterday. It really sickens me that this is even something society has to deal with but that's where we are. 

I feel strongly that abortion is wrong. Many people--say, about half the planet--disagree with me. I truly cannot fathom how some people can justify the preservation of trout eggs and other animals such as these and ignore the need to preserve human life. Maybe they think there is some need for population control (which is not true at all--we humans do not even have a sufficient replacement rate for the population as it is, as partially described in this article about demographics) or maybe it is their need to feel like they have complete control over their lives that makes them feel this way. Maybe they have never felt their unborn child's heartbeat or felt their baby's first movements because I certainly cannot see how someone could experience either of these miracles and still claim that a fetus or embryo is not "living." Why is it that when one's heart ceases to beat, they are medically considered "dead" but when a heart begins beating as early as four or five weeks, a fetus is not considered "living." What is the point of having a heartbeat if it does not give us life?

The claim that an unborn baby is "not living" is one of the biggest fallacies and absolute untruths of our time. And somehow people tell themselves this lie and accept it. This is justification, people. Humans are constantly trying to justify their actions and behaviors, and if telling themselves that a fetus with a beating heart is not alive, then it is sad and embarrassing that they could be so easily convinced that there is no sanctity in human life. 

Another argument I find ridiculous is when humans suggest that these girls "aren't ready" or "mature enough" to be parents. To those who suggest this, I would agree with you. But if they believe they are mature enough to participate in sexual behaviors, then they better be willing to accept the consequences associated with that choice. I realize that the article I am responding to did not directly or fully address the subject of abortion, but I am doing so because my opinion on birth control comes down to this: If you believe that you are "old enough" or "mature enough" to be sexually active, then you must be what we grown-ups call "accountable" for your actions. If you break the law, you might be arrested. If you cheat on a test, you will likely fail. If you break a promise, you very often lose someone's trust. If you murder another human being, you go to prison. These are consequences. Say you somehow avoid getting arrested, or avoid failing the test because no one catches you. Does that make your decision any better or any more right? It is the same with sexual activity. If, due to careless behavior, you get pregnant, you have the choice to accept the consequences, take responsibility, and raise yourself or even give away the child that you have actively--if not willfully--created. You can also attempt to hide what you did and cover it up with an abortion because you aren't ready to have a child, or it was just a one-time thing. Just because others do not know about it, does not make it acceptable. 

It reminds of this scripture in 2 Nephi 28: 8-9 (if you don't believe in the scriptures, feel free to pass over this part):

"And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, nevertheless, fear God--he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God. Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark."

Many feminists and pro-choice activists argue that women should have "absolute control" over their own bodies. They do. Women have the ability to choose if they will be sexually active and the ability to choose how they prevent pregnancy. But why would a loving God (or anyone with a human heart) find terminating an unwanted pregnancy justifiable? Women have the power to create life. If they abuse it, just like anything else in life, they should be required to accept the consequences. I often see people protest to this with pointless questions such as, "If they don't want the baby, isn't it better that the baby is terminated than raised by unready or unwilling parents?" No sir, I don't believe in children being raised properly by loving parents. OF COURSE I DO. How idiotic a question is that? But taking that unborn baby's life is NOT a proportionate response! Adoption by loving parents is always a viable option but then those same people always insist, "There are already too many children being put up for adoption and too many who never get adopted." To this I respond with, yes, that is unfortunately true. Too many people have already made the choice to put their child up for adoption, whatever the reason. But how can you argue that those babies would have been better off dead, or rather "terminated," than allowed to live? Please tell me that the majority of those people on this list of orphans as well as the thousands of others that have lived on this earth believe they would have been better off having never existed than growing up an orphan. I highly doubt you would receive sizable positive acclamation or agreement. 

When a woman chooses to have an abortion, she is generally met with sympathy and understanding. What about the little life that will never be because of her decision? An embryo--and even a birthed baby--is not given the choice to live. It depends entirely on its parents, and in particular, its mother to keep it alive. Why would he or she not be given the same rights as any other human being? Does age matter? The life of a human suddenly matters when it is born at 40 weeks, but not beforehand? What about those born as prematurely as 23 weeks? They are not a fully developed baby until 40 weeks, so that baby should not matter as much, right? Because a fetus is not as much a human at 8 weeks than a still-developing baby at 20? "As much" as you try to justify it, the argument stands that those who support abortion do not seem to value human life as much or at least do not respect it enough to preserve it. 

Sexual intimacy is sacred. It is God-given. It is not only for creating life, but for expressing love and creating oneness. But I believe it is most powerful and most meaningful within marriage. The world disagrees? No kidding. Sexuality is a common joke in the eyes of most. It is purely physical and recreational. This quote by Billy Graham best portrays the brief version of what Mormons or Latter-day Saints believe in this regard: 

"The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be 'one flesh' was as important as his command to 'be fruitful and multiply.'" 

The long version, if you're truly curious, is explained well in this article. Those who mistakenly are under the impression that Mormons and other Christians believe that the only purpose for sexuality is to have children are completely wrong. That aspect of sexuality is very important, too, but in its own time. 

I am not naive enough to believe that most people will stop having sex before marriage just because it might result in an unwanted pregnancy. Humans are too selfish and too concerned that their own needs are satisfied for this to be the case. But if you consider yourself old enough to be sexually active, I would hope you would be willing to consider the consequences should your contraceptive methods fail. 

I will share that I chose to be on a birth control pill for the first year of our marriage. This decision was partially because I suffer from major cramps during my period and the pill helped relieve them, partially because my period was irregular and it helped regulate it, and partially because I wanted to have some time with my husband so we could adjust to one another before starting a family. That was a choice we prayerfully made as a couple. Had we still gotten pregnant before anticipated, we would have been elated and would have understood that obviously God's timing was different from our own. After one year and two months, we decided we wanted to stop using the pill and leave it up to Him because at that point, we were starting to get very baby hungry. Sure enough, after just one month, we discovered we were pregnant.

Human life is special. Our Heavenly Father loves every one of us and I imagine that it saddens him tremendously to see so many of His children aborting the growing embryos or fetuses they actively created. I have heard some cruelly and disdainfully suggest that an embryo is nothing more than "a sac of cells." To that I say it is then a growing sac of cells with a heartbeat and the potential to become a human baby. You can justify its supposed unimportance as much as you want, but I will never be convinced that the baby now nearly fully formed inside me was ever just "a sac of cells" to our Heavenly Father.

I write this post not to argue or to convince (as that rarely seems to be effective with any sort of argument) but to inform. You may disagree with every single thing I have written thus far, but I assure you that you cannot disagree with this basic fact: You were born. The efforts of a man and a woman together gave you life. No one got in the way of that. You sadly may wish you had never been born, but I do not believe that gives you or anyone else the right to choose who should be able to live and who should not.

"The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government."

~Thomas Jefferson

My precious growing daughter. She was just at 16 weeks here, but already incredibly active and very much alive. 

Fun in Marriage

It's funny to me that people think that you can't have as much fun once you're married. If you have ever thought that, trust me, you're wrong. Being married to your best friend makes all the difference. Somewhere on the side of my blog, I have a quote that says something like, "Marriage vows are like promising to have sleepovers with your best friend every night." Isn't that the best? Don't you want to be with your best friend forever?

I just read an awesome post by this girl which you should read if you need further encouragement to be spontaneous. After I read her post, it reminded me of our random little excursion last week. The plan was to go camping. I love camping and really, really wanted to go. The weather had other plans though, and naturally it rained the two days we wanted to go. Disappointed, I sat at home waiting for Dalin to return from work and tried my hardest to think of something we could do as an alternative to save the night. 

I searched google for nearby campsites, looking for places that might have some kind of covering or that might have been out of range of the rainstorms. It was not very promising. I browsed Pinterest for a while, looking at different Date Night ideas from several Pinners. Then, on a whim, I researched inexpensive hotel rooms in the area. I was thinking a nice bed and breakfast might be fun (since we have done that while visiting New Hampshire in the past together and loved it) but the only nice one around was more than I wanted to spend. I looked at about ten different inns and hotels, and finally finally found one that was nearby, within our price range, that didn't look gross. I texted Dalin my idea and was shocked when he said, "Yes! Book it!" 

I spent the next hour before Dalin came to pick me up, packing a bag with clothes for both of us, our toiletries, a few snacks (being 30 weeks pregnant, this was a necessity...) and a makeshift dinner with dessert. I didn't tell Dalin because I wanted to surprise him. When he got home, I met him in the car and we took off! It felt so exciting! 

We checked in to the Sleep Inn around 9pm (I could only imagine what the lady checking us in was thinking...) in the pouring rain. We decided to pay an extra $20 to get a jacuzzi in our room, so we ended up paying a little more than $80 with tax. We were assigned room 300 (which is our old apartment number...somehow we always get 300) and were a little more than shocked to find a very, very nice room. The King bed was huge and amazing. The bathroom was big and clean. It was not what we expected for what we paid. We ate my "romantic" homemade dinner at our little table, watched some movies on TV while snuggling on our big bed, enjoyed the wonderful jacuzzi (obviously, we had to make sure it wouldn't be too hot for the baby), and went to bed late. The bed was so big, Dalin and I didn't roll into each other the whole night! It was very soft and comfy and made me want a King bed for our future home really badly. 

Breakfast ended at 9am the next morning, so we got up around 8am to make it down to the little continental breakfast. It was not bad at all and we ended up talking to this cute older couple who noticed I was pregnant. After, we returned to our room and rested and watched TV until 11:30am because we had to check out at noon. 

Driving home, we talked about how much fun that idea was and how we wanted to do things like that more often...like once a month. We calculated that our expenses basically came to be just a little over three hours of work for each of us! Totally worth it. 

Possibly the best part about the trip was that, besides being relaxing and spontaneous, we only had to drive like five minutes to get home. It felt nice not having to go far to feel like we were in a completely different place. 

We will definitely be doing that again! 

Have you ever done something on the spur of the moment with your spouse? 
What was it and would you do it again? 

The Most Interesting Book I Have Ever Read

Yes, that is a bold claim. And no it probably is not completely accurate since "The Book of Mormon" has changed my life more than any other book. 

But this book is also changing my life.

It is called "The Anatomy of Peace." This is not a book that I ever would have chosen to read on my own. Never ever. Just looking at it for the first time, I thought that it looked suspiciously like a school book. 

It was actually Dalin who suggested that I read it because he has been reading it, too, in preparation for his new job. To be honest, it did not sound like something that would interest me. It seemed like the type of thing a Psychology major like Dalin would enjoy, but I couldn't understand why he was so insistent that I read it. 

Finally, I did. And I couldn't stop reading. Over a period of three nights, I read the entire thing. 

This book is amazing. 

And let me just say this book is for everyone regardless of religion. Though it makes no mention of Jesus Christ or any particular religion, it definitely promotes His teachings. I would say it is especially appropriate for a Latter-day Saint who is trying to change their attitude or lifestyle for the better. Or their marriage! I definitely feel that this book can benefit every single family. 

To give you a brief understanding of what this book is about, it discusses how we are constantly working against ourselves to achieve inner peace by filling our hearts with conflict. It tells the stories of a couple who has brought their struggling son to a camp which is supposed to "fix him." Little do they know that they are the ones who will be receiving the majority of the instruction. We are introduced to characters that all have unique struggles in their lives--which makes this book appropriate for anyone--no matter what stage in life you might be at. The instructors teach the parents about how they can recognize when their hearts are at war and how they can change their hearts--no matter how hard they are. I liked this quote: "If we have deep problems, it's because we are failing at the deepest part of the solution. And when we fail at this deepest level, we invite our own failure" (37, emphasis added). The book is all about identifying where we are failing and finding the solution. 

Still don't think it's is for you? Here's just one small blurb about what I learned:

This book has given me a more mature attitude toward life. It has brought more happiness to our marriage already as Dalin and I both work harder to see one another as people and not as objects. The book states: "We are always seeing others either as objects--as obstacles, for example, or as vehicles or irrelevancies--or we are seeing them as people" (30-31). Sound weird? It actually makes perfect sense in the book. I feel myself growing happier and my thoughts toward everyone are kinder. I have recognized things that I've been doing not quite as well as I ought to have been and I now know how to correct my thinking. 

If nothing else, the book has helped me be more at peace with myself. It really is a great book and I wish everyone would read it. The world would definitely be a happier place...but I think I'll be satisfied if at least one other person reads this book. You won't regret it!

You can find the book on Amazon right HERE. Maybe the library even has it. I would seriously just pick it up and read it if I were you and I promise it will be worth it. 

If you have any questions about this book, ask them! I'd be happy to answer them. 

Has anyone read "The Anatomy of Peace"? Have you read a book (besides "The Book of Mormon" ;) that has changed your life for the better? If so, I want to hear about it.