Tuesday, January 14

On Being Awkward & Flirting

I am a really awkward person.

I don't know if I always have been or if it's only been since I was married. Prior to marrying Dalin, I learned the hard way that men and boys easily misconstrue friendliness for flirting. I try to be very friendly to people, which means I like to talk to them, get to know them, and I always try to smile because I know how much of a difference it makes when I'm on the receiving end of someone else's kindness. Unfortunately, young men would often take that to mean I was interested in them, which was usually not the case (if it was, I felt like my actual flirting made it clear). How I got the reputation as a flirt was always unclear to me, unless, by definition, being kind to someone equals flirting (which, some people believe apparently). But basically, since I've been married I think my awkwardness around men has increased tenfold. Most of my friends were male in high school and now that I'm married, our relationships have not only changed, but they've basically ceased. In some ways this saddens me, but mostly I see the necessity of it.

Unfortunately though, I no longer know how to interact with guys my age. Or girls, for that matter (I'm not sure why, other than the fact that I pretty much only hang out with Dalin or family nowadays). I do not want to be perceived as flirting and since there is such a fine line (in some people's minds anyway) I don't know how to be friendly without giving off the wrong impression. It's not like I'm dropping hints or doing anything at all other than having a simple, but completely awkward conversation.

I guess I felt like I needed to write this to excuse the awkwardness I'm sure I've produced in regular conversations with people I know. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I swear. It's just that I'm basically a recluse these days and have apparently forgotten how to have ordinary conversations with people. Just wanted to make that clear...

I'm also a much better writer (or typist technically) than I am a conversationist. I have always been interested in teaching (probably because I have three uncles, five aunts, and a grandpa who are all teachers of various levels) but I tend to think I would be horrible at it because I write much more easily than I speak, especially in front of groups. Or when people pay me a compliment. Seriously, it seems like any time someone compliments my blog to me in person, I'm suddenly speechless and all I can do is mutter, "Thank you, that's so nice." I really am touched by you telling me, so please just forgive my inability to gracefully accept a compliment.

I'm also super awkward at making friends. I totally love having people over and being able to talk about my geeky hobbies like reading and art or about my favorite shows (Downton Abbey, Modern Family, Parks & Rec., Survivor, The Bachelor (embarrassing, I know...)) or just about Harry Potter because it's my favorite book ever. Or The Hunger Games. Or the Divergent series. Because I love that stuff. And Star Wars. And Lord of the Rings. You get my point. I just have forgotten the art of making friends. It's like this pin:
So if you are interested in being my friend, please look past my initial awkwardness and feel free to invite yourself over to my apartment (there's a 50/50 chance it will be messy, forgive me) and know that the awkwardness fades the longer we talk. Just ask my visiting teachers. ;) But seriously, I am down for anything, especially if it involves talking about a book, watching a movie, eating, making food, talking about pregnancy/parenthood, or anything else.

And to you guys out there (and for your wife's/girlfriend's/whatever information) I totally am not flirting with you. Not at all. I love my husband a LOT and he is the only one I flirt with. I have zero interest in any man but him. If I'm being nice to you, it's because I'm nice. To me, flirting while married is just a few steps away from cheating. I don't even think about celebrities in that way. When I tell Dalin I think an actor is "hott" or "handsome" or "attractive" I'm making a realistic judgment based on appearance and he knows that. I'm not implying that I'm more attracted to that person than my husband because there's no way. And I know when I ask Dalin if he thinks an actress is pretty or beautiful that it doesn't mean he desires her. He's just making a truthful evaluation. After reading this article for a class at BYU-Idaho, I decided that I would be in control of my thoughts. So even before Dalin and I got married, I decided that thinking about a person other than my husband in a romantic way was almost as bad as cheating and that I would be careful to avoid it. We've all heard this scripture in Matthew 5: "Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman (or man) to lust after her/him hath committed adultery with her/him already in his/her heart" (stressed words added). So, anyway, all awkwardness aside--guard your thoughts. Actions start as thoughts. Be loyal in action and mind to your spouse.
Showing off my nerdiness with my hott husband :)
Us being gross ;)
On a completely separate note, for those who were dismayed or angered by my post about feminism a few days ago, you should really read this. This woman puts it so much better than I ever could (and did). She is LDS and a feminist. She definitely was blessed with the talent of eloquence.

Do you still have friends of the opposite gender those of you who are married?
How do you maintain appropriate boundaries?
Do you think it's okay to have male friends if you're female and married? (Or vice versa)


  1. I understand. When I was young and married, I had similar thoughts. I just settled into having awesome friends who are girls. After marriage men should be not on the bff list. It is just too risky. They seem to get the wrong idea...and problems follow problems. I always thought you were super nice and sweet. But..I am girl...need males to respond.

    1. Thanks so much for this comment! (Sorry I took ages to respond!) I agree though about it being too risky to befriend guys when you're a married woman. It's just one of those things. I am getting more excited about my husband's friends getting married because now we will both have someone to spend time with as a couple! It has been pretty hard being one of the first in my group of friends to be married. I can't wait for them to find spouses so we can all spend time together!

  2. This is really random but I don't know where else to post a comment like this...you should put up one of your menu's you make for the week. I love your recipes and would love to try some of the dinners you make. Since you have a baby and are living off one income I'd assume they're affordable meals too. I would love to to how to cook more on a budget.

  3. I feel the same way! My sister always told me I was a flirt but I just thought I was friendly. She doesn't socialize very much so I think that's why. I tell her it's awkward having conversations with any guy besides my husband but she says I doesn't seem like it's awkward for me.

    1. Oh my gosh, I totally understand. Apparently people don't comprehend nice-ness in the same way we do. Haha.

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