Back to Work For a Day

I think it's ironic that having a job is called "work" and being a mom isn't. What do people think motherhood is, a hobby?

I went back to work today to help out with checkouts (I worked for over a year at an apartment complex in south Provo) and sure, it was work, but it was nothing less than I do every day as a mom and homemaker.

Entertaining and feeding an 8-month old while trying to clean and organize a home is a lot harder than it seems. If it wasn't, then why would parents hire people (as in, give them a job) to watch their children? Plain and simple, it is a job--unpaid and vacationless--and one that is crucial to the success of society. (That is, the moral success of society. So few people have morals presently that I felt it necessary to clarify). So then why did I leave after 8 hours of work today feeling so unfulfilled?

Was it because I didn't get to see my daughter learning like I typically do? Was it because I missed her pulling herself up into a stand multiple times (something she has tried to do many times but hasn't fully succeeded at until today)? Maybe it was because I missed teaching her new things and giving her new foods to try? Or was it even because I just missed holding her close and comforting her and smelling her soft hair?

Probably all of the above.

I am grateful I was able to work today and make a little extra money, but mostly, I was grateful because it helped me realize that I already have my dream job. And I will not let it be taken for granted.

Why are you grateful for your job (whether it be mommy, daddy, or another job)?

Much love,

Just Busy Being a Mom

My life today has been trying to be productive, which is why this post is really short. I actually like Mondays right now (mostly since I've become a stay-at-home mom). It is certainly a challenge getting things done with a baby, but it isn't impossible (glass half full...sorta). Look at the tremendous amount of dishes I tackled today from the past three days (sad, I know)! 

Before: 

And after: 

If you're looking at the time on my microwave, it took like half an hour tops, I just forgot to take a pic right away.

Anyway, here is a nice quote on some cute paper that my sweet cousin Whitney made for me before Tenley was born. I love this and seeing it again today helped me to remember that I need to have my priorities right. Read it and tell me what you think (or what you would add!) Also, note to self, I need to move this to a more noticeable location.

                     

What would you add to this? 

(I take your suggestions very seriously, so please take a moment and consider!)

What have you accomplished today? I hope it's been more than I have!

Tenley's 4 Month Updates

Thanks for the encouragement I received yesterday! No, I didn't complete everything for that class in the last 24 hours, but I did manage to complete two full lessons which was a small miracle. I'm hoping to finish the last three lessons tomorrow and perhaps begin my essay on Sunday. Monday I intend to call BYU and ask about taking the final on the 3rd when Dalin and I get back from Christmas break! So that's progress, right??

Anyhow, I just love Tenley. How I got such a happy, chill, pretty baby is beyond me. I'm pretty sure she takes after her daddy, especially in personality. She's so calm and I just am SO grateful for her joyful spirit! Updates on her life:

• She is four months old as of the 12th! (I've lost track of how many weeks) Man, time has flown by. Whenever I look at her, I am still just amazed that: A) she came out of me, B) she's mine, and C) that she is getting rapidly closer to being half a year old! What the heck! Wasn't she just a newborn a week ago??
• She is just so perfectly happy almost all the time. She has her moments, but what girls don't? 
• We got Tenley's 4 month immunizations done today and she literally fussed for maybe five seconds. The two nurses were like, "Woah, she did really well!" I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck until they were over. Mothers. Now she has three little bandaids on her thighs which I am not looking forward to removing. Although come to think of it, she didn't even notice when I peeled them off last time. And she was asleep. 
• She can get off her bouncer if I don't strap her in and if I let her cry for a few minutes. She just twists her tiny body until she's almost all the way on the floor. She's done it like three times, so I've finally decided I'd better strap her in from now on. 
• We went to a luncheon for a boy from Dalin's work today and sat with a few of his co-workers. While there, I nursed Tenley at the table under my cover and a co-worker's wife said, "Are you nursing her with no hands right now?" I looked down to see what she meant. I had a butter knife in one hand and a roll in the other. "I guess I am," I said. She was really impressed, which was funny but I just told her that I am always trying to get things done while feeding her and that that was pretty normal. She thought that was cool. I never really thought about it, but Tenley is a trooper. I was just balancing her on my crossed legs. Yet she never acted like she was uncomfortable. 
• She's back to going to bed easily. Last week we had a rough patch, but I'm pretty sure it was because I let her try mashed banana when she turned four months old. Since then, I've only given her graham cracker crumbs on two separate occasions, and a tiny, tiny bit of white rice from my dinner last night. She has been handling solids really well. If they weren't so messy (and didn't make changing diapers even less fun) then I'd probably give them to her more regularly. But probably for the next couple of months I'll just continue to give her samples. 
• She thinks I'm hilarious. I love that. It makes me feel so good. Especially when it's only the two of us, she just laughs and smiles at everything I say to her. She loves my silly faces and it is the best thing in the world when I look at her and see that she's been smiling at me even without my noticing. Gahh! Motherhood is so awesome!!!!!
• She adores her dad. When she's mad at her mama, daddy can always calm her down. The two of them just love napping and rocking together. And it cracks me up every time I look over at the two of them rocking and Tenley is just staring at Dalin's laptop screen with one eyebrow raised as if she's processing what she's seeing. They have such a sweet relationship. I'm so glad she knows and loves her dad!
• She loves showering. I haven't given her a bath since she was probably one month old because I've found showering to be so much easier. We both appreciate the skin to skin contact and Tenley always has a big smile on her face when I lift her above my head into the stream of water. I've been teaching her that counting to three means we're putting our faces in the water. I say, "Okay Tenley, one, two, THREE!" and duck her under. She has never had a problem with it! I'm hoping that helps when we start swim lessons.
• She definitely loves reading. I can tell because she'll be fussing and I'll get a book and she'll look right at it and listen while I read. She looks at the things I point out on the pages, especially in our Spanish First Words book. I am still not speaking as regularly as I'd like, but I definitely throw Spanglish sentences together on a regular basis so at least she'll have some exposure. 
• I sign the alphabet to her (ASL) every time we say it--English or Spanish. She watches my hands so I'm hoping it's making an impact. I also sign "more," "hungry," and "I love you" (especially the latter) to her all the time. I'm almost certain she understands the sign for "I love you" because I've started to sign it without saying it occasionally and she gives me the biggest smile when she sees it. I also put her tiny fingers in the position for it so she can get a feel for it and once I saw her little hand signing "I love you" as she waved! I'm sure it was a fluke, but I freaked out because it was just so awesome, even if it was only a mistake. Soon enough she'll be able to do it for real. 

That's all I can think of for now. But she's doing really well and I just love her so much. I'm filled with joy when I look at her. Having her around me all the time is like having a snuggly little best friend I can hold and kiss and cuddle and talk to always. She makes us so crazy happy! If I had known how great she would be, I would have wanted to have her sooner!

Here are some photos of her for your enjoyment: 

One of those rare bad days, I mentioned

And happy again.

We love our sweet fourth-month old girl and are so glad she's ours forever! 

10 People Who Have Influenced Me

I decided not to put these in any specific order. I've been influenced by many other wonderful people, but these were the first that came to mind.

1. Tenley. I thought I was perfectly happy before we had her. I had no idea. I wouldn't know the joys of motherhood if it weren't for her. She motivates me to be the best I can be. She deserves to have a mother like that. I want to be her friend, her comforter, her advocate, and her teacher. As I see her perfection, she brings me closer to Christ.

2. Dalin. We're so alike. I love him with all my heart. He teaches by example. He is always quick to forgive me. He encourages me to be my best self. He makes me happy. Every minute I have with him is precious. He has taught me that it's okay to disagree on things. He keeps his feisty wife calm. He supports me always. I know he is on my side. I'm so thankful our marriage is forever.

3. Grandpa French. Losing my grandfather was one of the hardest things I've gone through. I actually cried more when my great grandmother passed away, but I think that's because I still have yet for his death to sink in. I wasn't in New Hampshire when he was rapidly deteriorating from liver cancer. And since I had seen him so little the past three years because of school, it still feels like he is home in New Hampshire. Making breakfast, and fishing, and taking pictures like always. My grandpa is an incredible example of so many things. You'll have to read this if you really want to understand why.

4. Dad. I love my dad. He is generous and caring and so much fun. He loves making his children laugh. He is very loyal and has strong values. He is the very best Home Teacher. I don't know if he's ever missed a month. His example of this tells me that he is obedient and willing to help others. He is an amazing example of service. I love that he cares for the elderly and is always happy to go out of his way to help family, friends, neighbors, and even those he doesn't know. I hope to be like him in many respects but particularly his example of service to others. Read more about my awesome dad here.

5. Mom. My mom does so much for me (huge understatement). She is incredibly giving. Like my dad, she can't help but give all that she has to her children. She is as loving and comforting as a mom can be. She is always the first person I want when I am hurt or sick. She has taught me what a joy being a mother can be and makes me want to be the best at it. Apart from that, she is talented and so creative and she has passed those genes off to me. She has helped me to love cooking. She is the best organizer I know. She sets a great example of obedience to the principles of the gospel. Her happiness and positivity is infectious and rubs off on others. I'm so thankful for her.

6. Nana French. She is so wonderful. She has taught me to love cooking. She is so nurturing and cheerful. She is understanding and always has advice to give. She loves her family. She dedicates so much time to her children and grandchildren. She stands for what she believes in and is not afraid to speak her mind. She is brave and tough and I hope I can always be like that, too.

7. Whitney. I always wanted to be like my cousin Whitney growing up. She is one of the most Christ-like people that I know. She loves serving others. She is kind, sweet, and womanly. She is confident in herself. She is honest and true to her faith. She is the epitome of a righteous woman and is going to make the most amazing and dedicated wife and mother. She is a light to others. She lives her life with patience and humility. I want to be that way.

8. Sarah. Sarah is one of my two very best friends (besides Dalin and Tenley). She is one of the happiest and most positive people I know. She brings so much joy to everyone around her and everyone loves her because of her happiness and sense of humor. She always strives to do the right thing and is courageous in her willingness to stand for truth and righteousness. She is fun to be around and she shares her joy with everyone. I want to spread that same happiness to everyone.

9. Megan. One of the most caring and sensitive people out there. She is extremely intelligent but still so humble. She is the best listener I know. She is thoughtful and kind to everyone. She is creative and talented at many things. She takes care of herself. She has so many friends because she makes a wonderful one. She is understanding and as sweet as can be. I want to have as patient and mild a temperament as she does. She is a true friend to those around her.

10. Jesus Christ. My Savior, Redeemer, Friend, and Advocate. He has done so much for me and is the primary reason I have so my joy in this life. He is real. He lives. He is our Brother and He loves every one of us, even in our imperfection. He died for us and I know we can live with Him again if we try, try, try our best to be like Him. I want to be like Him.

Who has been the greatest influence in your life and why?

Six Weeks Young

This picture is from our sweetheart's first fishing trip at 7am. Starting her early... ;)

Tenley is six weeks as of yesterday! Everyone tells you over and over that time flies, but they really mean it when it comes to one's kids. I can't even believe I gave birth to her over a month ago. It seems like it just happened but--here comes the cliché--at the same time it feels like we've had our baby girl here forever. I can't picture life without Tenley anymore. Personally, I do not think she has "interfered" with our life at all; on the contrary--she has enhanced it and made it more meaningful than ever. Sure we have to do things a little differently (and a little slower) with her here, but we do more fun activities as a family and I feel the happiest I've ever been having her in my life. Being her mom and playing with and caring for her each day is like having a little best friend by my side. Tenley started smiling fairly regularly a few days ago, too, which is a very happy thing. She smiles at me several times throughout the day, and now at Dalin, too. Today when Dalin came home between work and class, he went into our room where Tenley was napping on the bed, and when she woke up and saw him, she gave her daddy the biggest smile. It was so cute I could have died...and unfortunately there was no camera nearby. Her smiles are still so fleeting that they are almost impossible to catch on camera anyway though.

In other news, I am almost back to my pre-birth size (haha, don't judge that based on this photo). I weigh about 110 right now, so if I lose about 10 lbs I'll be back to my pre-baby body, which will be nice, mainly because I'll be able to fit into my normal jeans again (assuming my hips aren't permanently widened which I've heard can happen...they sure were wide right after Tenley was born). Thankfully I fit into all my skirts and stretchy jeans though so that's progress (especially the pants part)! It is unbelievable how fast my body has recovered from giving birth. I'm not the exercising type either so I was really worried I'd look pregnant forever. Breastfeeding has been a lifesaver for that reason. It really is a miracle that the weight has just fallen off from nursing. Heavenly Father had that planned out perfectly. Based on what several women told me, I was not really expecting to feel so back to normal yet. Nothing has been as bad as anyone told me it would be after for that matter, for which I am grateful. But it's pretty great (though a little sad) and weird not to have my big baby belly anymore. It's weird to be able to see my feet and legs when I look down. In a way I miss being pregnant because I loved being close to my baby, but I am a billion times happier to have her out. I love holding Tenley and kissing her (which I do all the time--much to her dismay when she's crying) and talking to her all the time. I love the way she snuggles against me and falls asleep when my face is close to hers. I love when she stares up at me out of the corner of her big blue eyes when I'm nursing her and makes me feel so needed and loved. I love how she is asleep laying across my lap right now as I type this. As I've been promised, I have so much joy in motherhood. And Dalin has so much joy in being a father. He is always so sweet and tender with Tenley and it fills my heart with happiness seeing the bond they already share as father and daughter.

Yeah, we both love this girl. Quite a lot. It is the best thing ever being her mom. 

How long did it take you to get back to your pre-birth size? Not that it really matters (it's not a competition) but I am curious!

The Perfect Gap

Dalin and I have been thinking. Well, let's be honest--I've been thinking. Thinking about our family. Now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I have very different priorities. Feeding the baby comes before everything--seriously, everything. Even before eating myself. I'm so busy taking care of Tenley half the time that I forget to eat. One night, it was almost midnight and I was in bed when all of a sudden I realized I hadn't had breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Just lots to drink (which I realize is something I constantly want since I'm nursing) and a few snacks. I hadn't even felt hungry, I was so distracted. Anyway, my priorities have changed which is what one would naturally expect when having a baby, but I didn't realize how much of my day would be filled with taking care of that baby. Only during her many brief naps do I get the chance to try and get schoolwork done, wash dishes, pick up the apartment, or gather laundry together. I'm lucky if I can sneak in a shower somewhere in my day. And more often than not, the only things that I get accomplished some days are feeding and changing Tenley.

As a stay-at-home mom, I consider this my job. It truly is a job, much more than I thought it would be. Not that it's really particularly hard, but it certainly is time-consuming. Instead of working 40 hours a week, I now work 24 hours a day. I work the night shift and the day shift, and am basically on-call 100% of the time. In addition, I am the maid, maintenance, interior decorator, planner, chef, and driver. With all these jobs, the payments I receive are joy, satisfaction, and eternal rewards, which is more than enough for me; however I do think some financial reimbursement would be nice especially considering that I am now one of the (rare) few women that stay home with their children and ensure that they are being cared for adequately and being taught to have faith, morals, and values, but unfortunately the world isn't really at a place where it rewards people for those things. Apparently they aren't that important to mankind anymore. I didn't mean to sound bitter in this post (though I was mostly just being sarcastic) so let me get back on track.

If you know me at all, you know I have always wanted a big family. Twelve used to be the magic number because I wanted to have a "Cheaper by the Dozen" family (the book version mostly--though the movie version is still fun). I thought that having that many siblings would be a blast and family reunions would be even more fun. I still think a family of twelve would be awesome, but over the years I eventually settled on seven children. Seven would be the perfect number. Yeah, for the world today, seven is still a lot. But I want my own version of the Weasley family (Harry Potter reference) and I always thought six boys and one girl would be a blast. At this rate, I am doubting whether I will get my six boys I originally wanted, but I love having a daughter so much now that I'm fine with that. The big question is, when should we have our next child? I'm truthfully on board for sooner rather than later. That's why I discussed my being a stay-at-home mom above. That is now my job and I'm going to do my best to succeed at it. So why wait? If that's what I am doing, then I may as well have my other children here, too. Maybe that reasoning is weird, but I have had so much joy with Tenley already that I cannot even wait to meet my other children. Anyhow, I'm not talking about having a baby nine months from now, but I am wondering what the "ideal" age gap is between children. I loved being a year apart from Payson (not that I want something that close) but what do you think? One year? One and a half? Two? Four? We probably will be praying for this answer on our own, but I am truly curious about what you think.

So help me out. What do *you* think the perfect age gap is between children?

Love watching her snuggle with her dad. She loves him so much already!

My First Birthing Experience

Because we had a scheduled induction, the night before was exceedingly long. The best way I can think to describe it is like the most intense Christmas Eve ever. After going to bed much later than planned (because, ya know, you're supposed to get some sleep and all...), Dalin and I lay in bed trying not to talk to each other so we could fall asleep. But it was SO hard. All you can think about is "I'm having a baby tomorrow! I'm having a baby TOMORROW!" I could hear Dalin awake almost the whole night so I know he was going through the same thing. We woke up quite early...I felt like I'd only just closed my eyes when our alarm went off at 5am. We hurried to get ready, never so happy to go to the hospital. I felt a little nervous and even sad because I really had not wanted to have to be induced, but mostly I felt excited and ready to finally meet my daughter! Dalin cut up some strawberries and sprinkled them with sugar for my breakfast, then we also stopped at Einstein Bros Bagels for a sesame bagel and an OJ for me. You're supposed to eat before you get to the hospital because most hospitals don't want you to eat once you're there (which stinks. You can have water and ice chips and, if you beg, jello. I didn't even throw up so it was a rip off, especially because I was SO tired by the time I was pushing! The first meal after was a blur, I was so ravenous). 

When we arrived at Orem Community Hospital, (which is only 15 minutes away from us) we took a few "last moments pregnant" photos.

Got my "Just Do It" t-shirt on...looking chubby. Being pregnant in August heat is no joke, people.

The last pic of us as a family of two! 

As mentioned in my last post (well, last real one) written a month ago, thanks to whoever I spoke with on the phone when "scheduling" our induction, I was anxious about getting an unfriendly nurse who would ruin my experience. But in the Women's Center, the lady at reception was extremely kind and after being brought to our room, we were introduced to two nurses who were equally pleasant--Denise and Ashlee. I really liked them both. I was hooked up to an IV, which was one of my least favorite parts of the entire thing. The stupid tape was pulling on the little hairs on my arm and that bothered me more than anything else for the first couple of hours! (Side note: With my second, whenever a nurse asked what my pain rating was, I kept answering, "Like a one or a zero...the I/V is pretty annoying." Haha). 

Right away, I was started on the oxytocin drip and after a few hours the contractions started to build. During those hours, Dalin and I watched TV, listened to my Hypnobabies Relaxation CD, talked excitedly, and tried to rest. It was impossible though because all I wanted was to hurry up and hold our baby girl already! My mom had gone to a few stores because not much was happening and I didn't want her to be bored so I encouraged her to go. I assured her I'd call her if anything happened. The contractions weren't so bad at first. They felt like strong period cramps, but there was also the grinding pressure of the baby's head on my pelvis. That started to feel worse and worse. Especially after my water broke, which it thankfully did on its own. I had been a little worried about how that would feel but it just felt like a tiny pop. My doctor had said it would feel like a water balloon popping but it didn't even feel that dramatic. More like a tiny bubblegum bubble popping. I wasn't even sure whether that was what happened right away because I was lying down and no water gushed out at first, but after calling the nurse in to check me, I moved and felt a lot of warm liquid coming out. I couldn't tell where it was coming from but I knew I couldn't control it. My nurse Ashlee confirmed that my water had broken by doing a simple pH test (at least, she did the same thing as you would for a pH test with a little strip of paper to sample the fluid). After that, we watched the contraction monitor and Dalin and Ashlee both tried applying counter pressure (by pushing against my feet) when I could feel one coming to help me get through them. I was checked a few times and was informed that I was at a steady 6+cm. It was around that time that I began to think, I am going to need that epidural. I called my mom to let her know and she hurried back to the hospital so she could be there with me.

The epidural guy was my hero. He did a terrific job and even though I was nervous, he talked me through everything he did. He basically said, "Ok, it's going to feel like a bee sting then you're going to feel warmth spreading through your back." I had never been stung by a bee before so I wasn't sure what to expect, but compared with the contractions and pressure on my pelvis, the epidural shot was nothing. And it felt exactly like he said so there were no surprises. Plus I had Dalin holding me still and my mom rubbing my head and I knew relief was coming so I felt grateful knowing that. It's probably a good thing I did not see the needle though...apparently it's pretty long. Anyhow, they rolled me on my right side, then after ten or fifteen minutes, they flipped me over to my left side. I didn't know this until then, but apparently the epidural only goes to the lowest point in your body so they had to make sure it got spread around by changing my position often. I was relieved pretty quickly. And I was happy that I could still feel from about my knees down and my chest up. I had been concerned I'd feel completely paralyzed! One thing I had not known about the epidural is that it does not remove the pressure. It kind of takes the edge off, but I was feeling a lot of pressure from the baby's head and it continued to build as I dilated further. Those lucky ladies who don't have to feel that! 

Another thing that I experienced (that I had never heard about) before and after the epidural was intense shaking. My family kept asking me if I was cold but I felt perfect--I just couldn't stop shaking. My arms, hands, and chattering teeth were kind of out of control for a little while. It was really annoying as I tried to speak and my jaw just kept shivering. It was weird but the nurses said it was a normal (though annoying) side effect that lots of pregnant ladies experience.

I was pretty satisfied with the epidural. Also, looking pretty swollen from the summer heat here. Sheesh.

My sister-in-law Shaina showed up around one and my cousin Whitney arrived a short time later. Though I had initially thought I would not want anyone with me during my labor, in the heat of the moment, I didn't give a darn who was there. I just wanted the baby out and nothing else mattered to me. Looking back, I am so very thankful they were both there. Shaina took turns with the nurses holding one of my legs while I pushed and continuously gave me words of encouragement to motivate me. Whitney served as our photographer after the baby was born and gave me sips of water every few pushes. My mom also held my leg and rubbed my hair and offered encouragement. Dalin held my leg much of the time and was constantly whispering that I was doing so well and that we were almost there. It felt wonderful to know he believed in me. Having a great support team is so important! I would even tell my spouse or other family members beforehand what would be most helpful to you. I was being offered cold water, chapstick, and words of encouragement the whole time and it made everything so much better for me. 

We had been at the hospital about nine hours when they told me I was at 9+cm. Dr. Pace had been in to check on me at one and told me he'd be back around four or five o'clock. When he said that, we all looked at each other and thought, "Uhh, it isn't going to take that long if I'm almost to 10cm already." Well the joke was on us because I started pushing around four and continued for four straight hours. (Note to pregnant ladies: That is NOT a normal experience! My doctor said he had never seen anyone push as long as me. Usually it takes an hour or less! My baby was just really comfy in there.) 

My contractions were about a minute apart the entire time and I pushed EXTREMELY hard. The nurses told me that most women can't figure out how to push right away when they have an epidural and typically reach around a 60 on the contraction chart with their hardest pushes, but mine were all well over 100 consistently. I was pushing with all my might to get our baby girl out, not just because I wanted her to be here already, but also because I felt an overwhelming urge to push because of the immense pressure of her head grinding on my pelvis. Honestly, it felt like the worst constipation of my life. I couldn't describe it any other way. I've never even really experienced constipation before but that was exactly what my labor felt like. A few months into my pregnancy I learned that it is not uncommon for women to um, well, go to the bathroom while giving birth (I also didn't know that a lot of women throw up from the epidural--fortunately I did neither). Naturally, this idea was a tremendous source of anxiety and embarrassment for me because no one wants to do that in front of anyone, let alone a crowd...but truth be told, at the point where I was at in my labor, I could not have cared less if that happened. Actually, I felt like I wanted it to happen because I thought it might bring some relief to the intense pressure. Amazingly, it never did end up happening--I know because I asked after--which surprised me because you can't really tell what's going on down there but it kind of felt like I did when my daughter came out. (But even if it had, you reach a point where you just don't care). 

Anyhow, when Dr. Pace returned to see me again, he was optimistic that everything was going well. Baby girl's heart-rate was very healthy and consistent--it only dropped once for a moment and that was after I had pushed the button on the epidural thing to give me some more drugs. I am not sure how she did so well being pressed against my pelvic bone for such a long time, but I am so thankful she was okay for that long. It was during my fourth hour of pushing that my doctor started to get very quiet. He mentioned that he thought it was starting to look like I might have to go with a C-section. At this point, I was completely exhausted. I could not even open my eyes due to exhaustion and it actually took me a while to realize that I hadn't opened my eyes in a long time. I was feeling very sweaty and very out of it. They put me in an oxygen mask which was a big pain. I did not like wearing it but I was too tired to argue. 

Anyway, back to the action-- They called the obstetrician (Dr. Broberg) in to take a look and discuss the options with me. They were: to try using the vacuum (which was a risk at this point because baby girl's head had been in the birth canal for so long she surely had a gnarly cone head and the vacuum can actually separate the scalp) which sounded horrifying; to try using forceps (which also sound terrible and make me picture metal salad tongs); or to perform a C-section (which I was strongly opposed to because I want a big family and was worried I'd be limited by the number of C-sectins I could have in the future). So the best option to me sounded like the forceps even though I was worried about them hurting my daughter's head. Honestly, I don't even remember making that decision though--I was a little occupied with pushing. 

During the four hours, the nurses told me several times to just take a fifteen minute break from pushing or to try and rest. But every time they suggested that, I thought, Are you kidding me? I'm not stopping until she is OUT. The pressure was so intense that it was far more comfortable to push than to just sit still. So I would push on my own until they were ready to help hold my legs and count with me again. I completely exhausted the staff, which isn't funny, but as I look back, I can't imagine what they were thinking. I think everyone was dying for a break at that point, haha.
Dr. Broberg and Dr. Pace readied themselves with the forceps, while I simply continued to push with all my might, hoping I could somehow deliver her without any help. One nurse brought a mirror in to "help" me. I didn't think I'd care to see but I couldn't argue at that point. I was so tired that everyone had to tell me repeatedly to open my eyes. When I finally did, it was not a pretty sight--I was very swollen--and I was discouraged to find that even with my hardest push, I could only see about a golfball-sized view of her head, which looked grayish purple with dark hair. My thought then was, She is never getting out because I am pushing as hard as humanly possible. Dr. Pace seemed to be thinking along those same lines as far as I could tell in the brief moments I was able to pick up on his body language. The next time I glimpsed her head, everyone said, "She has so much hair!" and I, in frustration yelled, "Can't you just pull her out by the hair?!" That got a laugh from everyone in the room. I was half kidding...but I was also half serious. I was desperate! When the forceps were ready and in place, I knew it was in my daughter's best interest that I get her out fast, so I prepared myself to push with all my might. They counted and in two pushes I felt her head was out and everyone was cheering. They told me to give one more big push and I felt a weird wet/sliminess as her shoulders and body came out. 

Immediately, I began crying because I was so relieved it was over and so, SO happy she came out. The next several minutes were a blur as Dalin cut our beautiful baby's umbilical cord then she was immediately handed off to some nurses because she hadn't cried when she came out. It wasn't long though before I heard her lovely voice and I waited impatiently for them to bring her to me. Meanwhile, they had me push the placenta out (which was a piece of cake after a baby...) and then stitched me up which seemed to take forever even though I supposedly didn't tear too badly (I had been very concerned about the tearing beforehand but because of the epidural I didn't notice that part at all). I was too distracted trying to see my baby during the whole process that it really didn't affect me. Dalin held her first and the look on his face as he looked at her made me sob. It was even more emotional when they handed her to me. I felt a little hysterical but after four hours of non-stop pushing, it seemed justified. They had me try breastfeeding and (just like in my dream I'd had a month beforehand!) it seemed to come naturally to both of us. It was much easier than I had expected (and much easier than I'd been told.) She was beautiful--I could see that right away--and such a calm baby. She obviously had Dalin's personality. She looked at me with her darling eyes and I fell completely in love with her. It was the most amazing feeling in the world to know that she was mine and Dalin's. We had created this perfect little being and now she is ours for eternity.

I knew then what my mom had meant when she had said shortly after giving birth to me that she would do it again in a heartbeat. I felt the same way. Especially because I knew the first birth is usually the longest and most difficult so anything by comparison would be more manageable. Later that night when everyone else had left, I said to Dalin, "That was the second best day ever." (The first being my marriage to my sweet husband for all eternity). He looked at me and said, "Are you kidding? That was the most stressful day ever!" I laughed because I knew it had been so for him, seeing me in so much discomfort and in a state of complete frustration when she wasn't coming out, and of course worrying about our daughter. 

She was (and still is) perfection. I love this girl more than I ever imagined I would.

But I really and truly loved my experience. When I read back, I realize that sounds crazy. But I had a harder than normal birth and it was still amazing.

Update: 
Now that I've had my second, (and it was significantly easier) I can still say that I love giving birth. I love the insane adrenaline rush and the immense flow of love that I feel when I see the baby my husband and I created. I feel like a birth junkie. I absolutely love it. It's hard, and sometimes painful, and a little bit gross (okay a lot, depending who you ask), but it is AMAZING and I can't wait to have another. If you are looking for more comfort, here's a post I wrote called: 15 Things You Should Know About Giving Birth. 

Feel free to ask me any questions about my experience. I would be happy to answer them for you!

39 Weeks, 4 Days Pregnant

I was feeling a bit too lazy and distracted to write about my experience again, but here is what I wrote (with a few changes) to my best friend Sarah Ayer in an email (she's serving a mission in Ecuador and so email is the only way to reach her kind of quickly):

I went to my 39-week appointment yesterday (it was Harry Potter's birthday, for anyone who forgot ;) and got my membranes stripped around 5pm. In case you don't know, that basically means the doctor puts his fingers through my cervix and separates the baby's sac from my uterus just around the opening. It sounds awful, but it didn't feel any worse than it does when he is checking my cervix...just tons of pressure (it feels like he's trying to put his hand all the way to my belly practically...ugh.). Also, I had heard that it hurts a lot, so I had a high pain expectation but it really wasn't bad. So I was at 1cm dilated and 60% effaced (same as last week...) which made me really sad. Like I started to cry because I was so frustrated that no progress had been made and I just want her to be here already. I'm tired of waiting. I was embarrassed that I cried, but my doctor was really understanding and he didn't seem too surprised that I was getting emotional.

So after my appointment, we stopped at Target for a short while to get a few things then headed home. When I used the bathroom I realized I was bleeding quite a bit. Enough that I freaked out because (depending on the circumstances) my doctor told me if I bleed and have cramping, it is an emergency for me and the baby because it means the placenta may have detached. He said like call 911 or go straight to the hospital. So naturally I panicked (thank goodness Dalin was calm) and we drove right to Orem Community Hospital. I was crying on the way because I was so scared something would happen to our sweet baby girl but I was too tense and nervous to calm down and check if she was moving at all.

They admitted me at the hospital and after not too long, checked my cervix and told me I was dilated to 2+ and more than 60% effaced! They also told me that bleeding after having one's membranes stripped is fairly common and usually nothing to worry about. (But it was a lot of blood I thought...more than just a little spotting). So they kept me for an hour and Dalin and I just watched TV  meanwhile and tried not to get too excited. After an hour, they checked me and said I was at 3cm and 80% effaced! So they held me for another hour, after which there was no change from the last time. So after speaking with my doctor, they sent us home but told us they think we'll likely be back in the next day or two!!!!!!

So our daughter is close to being here by the sound of things. I truly hope so. She has to come out sometime, right? I went to work today because I felt good this morning (I slept surprisingly well). While there, I had some more intense contractions and back pain but it was on and off and not very consistent. Since being home, the contractions have increased as the night has gone on. I felt some sharp pains the last few hours which I am pretty sure were the baby's head hitting my cervix but they stopped after I laid down for a while. 

Well we're going out to pick up my mom right now (she flew in two days early) so I'll have to finish this later! 

Pray our daughter comes to us safely and healthy! 

Maybe I Do Have What It Takes

It's July!!!!! FINALLY! I can't believe it's finally here! The last month before our little daughter joins our lives! 

Our apartment at Wymount is hotter than heck right now (seriously, it has to be at least 80 degrees in here because I am sweating everywhere) but I am in a surprisingly good mood because I've been spraying myself with this little water spritzer thing (I got that idea right here -- yes I googled that, haha) and drinking lots. Plus, I don't really have to wear a lot of clothes in my own apartment so that helps. 

This morning, our little girl was bouncing around and kicking like mad. I didn't know what time it was (I'm blind without my contacts) but I got up to pee, get a drink, and try to calm her down a little. I heard that you can get an idea of what your baby's routine will be like based on his or her activity in the womb. I sincerely hope that isn't the case or I can say good morning at 6am every day (which, it turns out, is when she woke me up with her movement this morning). Although that is admittedly better than 2 or 3am...The good thing about this morning was, after getting back into bed, I realized I apparently do have the ability to get up (even against my will) in the early hours of the morning to take care of our baby. I am sure the crying will be enough to motivate me as well, but it was a comfort to know that I subconsciously am getting into the "Mom zone" and mentally preparing for taking care of our sweet baby. 

For those of you who don't know, I was worried about getting up in the middle of the night because I am the type of sleeper where, if my sleep gets interrupted, I have a hard time going back to bed after. Once I'm awake, I'm usually awake for good. Maybe the exhaustion (or heat exhaustion...) took its toll on me. Either way, I am more excited than ever for this month to go by. We have lots of plans for this month (most involving family visiting and fun work activities) and I am hoping they will be enough to keep me distracted and make the month fly by...

That's all I have for now, but I am wondering if anyone has any creative suggestions for keeping cool. I work from 10-5:30pm, so during those hours, it isn't much of an issue, but the evenings and weekends aren't too fun. I've already closed all our blinds and kept our windows closed during the day and open at night. Why can't it be raining here like it has been for weeks in New Hampshire?? I would gladly trade at this point. Plus I love rain. 

Anyway, please tell me how to keep cool!!!

Being Pregnant: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I want to end on a positive note, so I'm going to begin this list in reverse. 
The Ugly~
1. Swelling legs and feet. I don't think I've had this visibly yet, however I have felt the effects. My feet ache from the weight of being on them for a long period of time, and my legs have started to feel numb when I use them a lot. 
2. Stretch marks. I have not spotted any yet, but it's only a matter of time. Most appear in the last few weeks of pregnancy. 
3. Feeling full to the point of bursting after eating too quickly. This happens to normal people, too, but when there is a baby taking up more stomach space, it feels really uncomfortable. 
4. Acid reflux. I have only experienced this one time and it was after drinking an entire can of Inca Cola (which I think has caffeine in it). It didn't hurt, but it felt like I had vomit coming up my throat for several hours. No more of that...ever.
5. Unfixable muffin top. I can't do anything about it while pregnant except deal with it. And try to wear clothes that don't pronounce it. 
6. Worrying about my body post-baby. I shouldn't care about this, but it's hard not to worry a little. I want to be able to do the things I normally do. And I don't want to feel un-cute. Hopefully breastfeeding will slim me down a lot more quickly. 

The Bad~
1. Waiting, waiting, waiting. It feels like she's never coming.
2. Getting emotional over new things. Like children getting hurt (even if it's on TV and it's fake). Or babies. Or when I mess up because of my pregnant body. 
3. Nothing from my old wardrobe fits. Even jeans that were big for me pre-pregnancy don't fit. Baggy shirts that seem promising? My belly still pokes out at the bottom. And worst of all, sometimes I don't notice right away until I feel a sudden breeze...also, maternity clothes are expensive! I'm pretty cheap so this is really frustrating for me--I just don't want to buy clothes I can only wear for like four months at a time! 
4. Feeling guilty. I wanted to wash the dishes and do the laundry and pick up the house...but I just couldn't do it all. 
5. Feeling overwhelmed. I have so many things I should and could be doing. I just can't anymore.
6. Perpetual exhaustion. Feeling tired (or never feeling energized) never seems to go away. 
7. Clumsiness. I dropped an entire bag of goldfish this morning. Then I was too frustrated and emotional about it, that I couldn't pick them up right away. 
8. Belly being in the way. I spill even a drop, it is guaranteed to land on my belly. I have also hit my belly into corners and things a few times which really hurts and freaks me out (I worry I've hurt the baby). 
9. Inability to pick things up easily. Sometimes I use my feet to pick something up because it's just so hard to bend over with a big belly in the way. And sometimes (I hate this) I bend down to get something but can't make it on my first try because my legs weren't spread enough to make room for my belly. 
10. Peeing. Often. Standing up, climbing stairs, descending stairs, getting out of bed, adjusting my legs, drinking something, baby squishing my bladder--all of these bring about an instant need to pee. And it's most annoying when it's only like a teaspoon's worth. So many ten-second trips to the bathroom it drives me crazy.
11. Leaking. From a few spots. Enough said...
12. Inability to sit on the ground. On my butt? No. Cross-legged? Nope. Kneeling? Definitely not. If I do these things anyway, I lose circulation in just a few minutes. 
13. Getting asked all the time about when you're due. If I weren't so impatient, maybe I wouldn't mind. But now it's just tiresome because I'm already counting down the days. 

The Good~
1. Knowing I'm bringing a new little spirit child into the world. And knowing she has unmeasurable potential. 
2. Growing our family! So excited to have a family of three!
3. Creating life. It is so cool that women have the ability to bring tiny new humans to this earth. I love reading about what is happening to my body and knowing that I have all the supplies to bring a healthy new life into the world. 
4. Feeling her grow and move inside me. Sometimes those kicks and stretches are uncomfortable, but I still enjoy feeling her push her little foot against my belly and her wiggling around. 
5. Buying things for her. I haven't needed to buy very much since we've received so many things used but it's so much fun to look!
6. Getting lots of hand-me-downs and baby gifts. People love buying baby stuff. And having the first grand-daughter (or first grandchild) for your parents has its merits. 
7. People asking about your baby. I don't really like talking about when she's coming (since it reminds me how long I have left) but I love telling people about how it's our first child, the name we like for her, and about how excited we are to have her. 
8. People go out of their way to talk to you and be nice to you. Seriously, everyone wants to hold the door for you and everyone wants to help you. No one minds loading your car for you or lending you a hand when you look like I do. 
9. Getting to eat whenever I want without people commenting. I snack and snack and everyone's like, "Keep eating, that baby needs nourishment!"
10. Willingness to serve increases in others. I've been getting a lot more help from friends, family, and husband with chores and others things. When you're pregnant, it isn't a burden for family members to help you out. 
11. Being given a break when you do something embarrassing or dumb. People make excuses for you like, "It's okay, you're pregnant," and being able to use the excuse of "pregnancy brain" which is real. 
12. Babymoons. We are so excited for our daughter to be here and wish she was already, but in the meantime, we try to take advantage of the small amount of time remaining that we will have alone. This means more eating out, special dates, etc. 
13. Being in charge of someone. We get to pick her name and choose how she will be raised. We get to dedicate our lives to this little daughter of God and help raise her to be the best she can be. 
14. Learning to become parents. We are already figuring out what kind of parents we will be and I cannot wait to see Dalin as a father. He is going to be the best ever! 
15. Knowing that, in the end, we will have an addition to our family and it will make all the waiting and discomfort 100% worthwhile. I simply cannot wait. No matter what, less than 50 days! (I don't think I'll have a choice after 43 from now anyway). 

P.S. I thought of number 16. No period. Best thing ever. 

What were your favorite or least favorite parts about being pregnant? 
(I've been really lucky with the sickness side--I only felt nauseous from about weeks 8-12 and I never actually got sick.)

My big baby belly. 35 weeks

The Sanctity of Human Life

This article appeared on my Yahoo newsfeed yesterday. It really sickens me that this is even something society has to deal with but that's where we are. 

I feel strongly that abortion is wrong. Many people--say, about half the planet--disagree with me. I truly cannot fathom how some people can justify the preservation of trout eggs and other animals such as these and ignore the need to preserve human life. Maybe they think there is some need for population control (which is not true at all--we humans do not even have a sufficient replacement rate for the population as it is, as partially described in this article about demographics) or maybe it is their need to feel like they have complete control over their lives that makes them feel this way. Maybe they have never felt their unborn child's heartbeat or felt their baby's first movements because I certainly cannot see how someone could experience either of these miracles and still claim that a fetus or embryo is not "living." Why is it that when one's heart ceases to beat, they are medically considered "dead" but when a heart begins beating as early as four or five weeks, a fetus is not considered "living." What is the point of having a heartbeat if it does not give us life?

The claim that an unborn baby is "not living" is one of the biggest fallacies and absolute untruths of our time. And somehow people tell themselves this lie and accept it. This is justification, people. Humans are constantly trying to justify their actions and behaviors, and if telling themselves that a fetus with a beating heart is not alive, then it is sad and embarrassing that they could be so easily convinced that there is no sanctity in human life. 

Another argument I find ridiculous is when humans suggest that these girls "aren't ready" or "mature enough" to be parents. To those who suggest this, I would agree with you. But if they believe they are mature enough to participate in sexual behaviors, then they better be willing to accept the consequences associated with that choice. I realize that the article I am responding to did not directly or fully address the subject of abortion, but I am doing so because my opinion on birth control comes down to this: If you believe that you are "old enough" or "mature enough" to be sexually active, then you must be what we grown-ups call "accountable" for your actions. If you break the law, you might be arrested. If you cheat on a test, you will likely fail. If you break a promise, you very often lose someone's trust. If you murder another human being, you go to prison. These are consequences. Say you somehow avoid getting arrested, or avoid failing the test because no one catches you. Does that make your decision any better or any more right? It is the same with sexual activity. If, due to careless behavior, you get pregnant, you have the choice to accept the consequences, take responsibility, and raise yourself or even give away the child that you have actively--if not willfully--created. You can also attempt to hide what you did and cover it up with an abortion because you aren't ready to have a child, or it was just a one-time thing. Just because others do not know about it, does not make it acceptable. 

It reminds of this scripture in 2 Nephi 28: 8-9 (if you don't believe in the scriptures, feel free to pass over this part):

"And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, nevertheless, fear God--he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God. Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark."

Many feminists and pro-choice activists argue that women should have "absolute control" over their own bodies. They do. Women have the ability to choose if they will be sexually active and the ability to choose how they prevent pregnancy. But why would a loving God (or anyone with a human heart) find terminating an unwanted pregnancy justifiable? Women have the power to create life. If they abuse it, just like anything else in life, they should be required to accept the consequences. I often see people protest to this with pointless questions such as, "If they don't want the baby, isn't it better that the baby is terminated than raised by unready or unwilling parents?" No sir, I don't believe in children being raised properly by loving parents. OF COURSE I DO. How idiotic a question is that? But taking that unborn baby's life is NOT a proportionate response! Adoption by loving parents is always a viable option but then those same people always insist, "There are already too many children being put up for adoption and too many who never get adopted." To this I respond with, yes, that is unfortunately true. Too many people have already made the choice to put their child up for adoption, whatever the reason. But how can you argue that those babies would have been better off dead, or rather "terminated," than allowed to live? Please tell me that the majority of those people on this list of orphans as well as the thousands of others that have lived on this earth believe they would have been better off having never existed than growing up an orphan. I highly doubt you would receive sizable positive acclamation or agreement. 

When a woman chooses to have an abortion, she is generally met with sympathy and understanding. What about the little life that will never be because of her decision? An embryo--and even a birthed baby--is not given the choice to live. It depends entirely on its parents, and in particular, its mother to keep it alive. Why would he or she not be given the same rights as any other human being? Does age matter? The life of a human suddenly matters when it is born at 40 weeks, but not beforehand? What about those born as prematurely as 23 weeks? They are not a fully developed baby until 40 weeks, so that baby should not matter as much, right? Because a fetus is not as much a human at 8 weeks than a still-developing baby at 20? "As much" as you try to justify it, the argument stands that those who support abortion do not seem to value human life as much or at least do not respect it enough to preserve it. 

Sexual intimacy is sacred. It is God-given. It is not only for creating life, but for expressing love and creating oneness. But I believe it is most powerful and most meaningful within marriage. The world disagrees? No kidding. Sexuality is a common joke in the eyes of most. It is purely physical and recreational. This quote by Billy Graham best portrays the brief version of what Mormons or Latter-day Saints believe in this regard: 

"The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be 'one flesh' was as important as his command to 'be fruitful and multiply.'" 

The long version, if you're truly curious, is explained well in this article. Those who mistakenly are under the impression that Mormons and other Christians believe that the only purpose for sexuality is to have children are completely wrong. That aspect of sexuality is very important, too, but in its own time. 

I am not naive enough to believe that most people will stop having sex before marriage just because it might result in an unwanted pregnancy. Humans are too selfish and too concerned that their own needs are satisfied for this to be the case. But if you consider yourself old enough to be sexually active, I would hope you would be willing to consider the consequences should your contraceptive methods fail. 

I will share that I chose to be on a birth control pill for the first year of our marriage. This decision was partially because I suffer from major cramps during my period and the pill helped relieve them, partially because my period was irregular and it helped regulate it, and partially because I wanted to have some time with my husband so we could adjust to one another before starting a family. That was a choice we prayerfully made as a couple. Had we still gotten pregnant before anticipated, we would have been elated and would have understood that obviously God's timing was different from our own. After one year and two months, we decided we wanted to stop using the pill and leave it up to Him because at that point, we were starting to get very baby hungry. Sure enough, after just one month, we discovered we were pregnant.

Human life is special. Our Heavenly Father loves every one of us and I imagine that it saddens him tremendously to see so many of His children aborting the growing embryos or fetuses they actively created. I have heard some cruelly and disdainfully suggest that an embryo is nothing more than "a sac of cells." To that I say it is then a growing sac of cells with a heartbeat and the potential to become a human baby. You can justify its supposed unimportance as much as you want, but I will never be convinced that the baby now nearly fully formed inside me was ever just "a sac of cells" to our Heavenly Father.

I write this post not to argue or to convince (as that rarely seems to be effective with any sort of argument) but to inform. You may disagree with every single thing I have written thus far, but I assure you that you cannot disagree with this basic fact: You were born. The efforts of a man and a woman together gave you life. No one got in the way of that. You sadly may wish you had never been born, but I do not believe that gives you or anyone else the right to choose who should be able to live and who should not.

"The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government."

~Thomas Jefferson

My precious growing daughter. She was just at 16 weeks here, but already incredibly active and very much alive. 

Why I Don't Serve Others...Sometimes

K, the title is a little misleading...I do serve others, or at least I try to whenever I can. I love service and my parents are wonderful examples of it. But there are some types of service that I am reluctant to offer help with. For example, the ladies in my ward have this Facebook group where pretty much daily someone will create a post requesting help or offering it to others. And sometimes these wonderful ladies ask someone to watch their kids. 

Now, I seriously love children and I loved being Primary President in my ward for a year, but watching other people's children alone kind of freaks me out. Yes, I used to babysit all the time and that wasn't really an issue because they were kids I knew from church or the neighborhood, but it is scary to watch an infant or child that you don't know really well. You don't know how their parents want you to respond to certain situations and you don't want to do something that they wouldn't do with their child. Babies especially make me nervous. When they cry, I immediately get stressed out because I don't know how to help them. Yes, I know how to change a diaper and feed a baby. I also know the basics of trying to put a baby to sleep...but every child is so different and unless it's your own, you might not have the instincts to help in just the right way. 

I fully expect motherhood to be a challenge. But I also believe it will be a lot of fun. I was promised to have "joy in motherhood" and I am certain that for the most part, it will be a joy. Dalin and I love talking about bringing our little girl to see the places we love and getting to see the excitement she feels when we go on vacation as a family. We are so excited for the future and I definitely am looking forward with more eagerness than apprehension. And realistically, nobody knows how to be a mother their first time around. Eve had to figure it out all on her own with no examples! I can't even imagine that. At least I know how my own mom raised me and have something to go by! 

Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that I do want to help when I see these moms requesting help watching their children...I'm just too scared to offer. When I have my own kids, maybe I'll be able to say, "Sure, bring him or her over anytime!" but as of right now, I'm still too scared to do it alone. 

Does anyone else feel the same way about watching other people's children? 

Did it go away after you had kids?

I Forgot I Was Pregnant (for a minute)

Sometimes, I forget I'm pregnant.

But usually not for a long period of time. My body will give me a friendly reminder (like I'll feel a pit in my stomach and it's as though I've been fasting for days, or I suddenly have to pee badly, or baby girl will punch me or give me a little kick) and I look down and I'm like, "Oh yeah." Occasionally, I try to squeeze through spaces that would have been a piece of cake if I were at my normal self. But then my belly bumps into something--or someone--and I'm like darn, I can't make it through those spots anymore. As I mentioned in a previous post, my belly will often rub up on something accidentally, incurring numerous stains over the day. I definitely need to better practice eating over the table rather than over my belly. At least less things fall into my lap, I guess...

I cannot even believe that I'm at 23 weeks. It's going by so fast! And so far, being pregnant is a breeze (compared to what I'd been expecting). I just hope I can have the same attitude as my mom immediately after giving birth. Apparently after having me (without an epidural, too, I'm pretty sure), she said, "I could do that again." I assume that means it went better than she expected. I would definitely call that a reassuring reaction because I'm pretty much expecting the worst (By the way, I'm really not trying to be negative--I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself so that by comparison, it won't be as bad as I'm expecting). Dalin and I just wish she was here already!!!!

In the meantime, I am enjoying thinking about baby stuff and researching online every day. I've even begun a list which you can see below.

Things to buy (or acquire before August) that we don't have yet:

Diapers. 10-12 diapers a day? I think we may need to donate a closet to diapers.
Changing table pad. We aren't buying a changing table but we'll need something soft to put her on.
Baby carrier. Wrap sling or the backpack type? My aunt has one of the wrap slings that always looked extremely comfortable to me.
Stroller. These things get so expensive though, I would almost just rather get a used one.
Nursing pillow. I know I will definitely need one of these--my arm falls asleep after holding a baby for a few minutes...
Lanolin ointment. Is this the best stuff out there or do plain baby lotions work just fine?
Burp cloths. Luckily, the grandmas will probably make lots of these for us.
High chair. When do babies start using these? It seems like not for a while.
Sippy cups, bowls, spoons...Again, I'm not really sure when babies need these, but hopefully I can breastfeed as long as possible.
Pacifiers. I think these are fine and I definitely prefer them to a baby crying in a public place.
Swaddling blankets. I hope my baby likes these.
Bassinet. I know myself and I know that I am not going to be able to get up multiple times a night so having a bassinet by our bed is definitely going to be the best option.
... Baby monitor. Maybe. Chances are, I'll be with her almost all the time at home or bringing her to class with me so I don't know if we need to buy one just yet.


So my question for you today is, what else do we ABSOLUTELY need to buy? I know there are lots of suggestions like toys and whatnot, but I want to know what things are must-haves. What will I regret not buying?