I am really glad that I met Dalin when we did. It seems like even in just the last few years, technology has erupted into everyone's daily life, and ever since, the dating world has changed. The world of romance has changed. I'm glad to say that it is not completely gone, but with the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if it continued to get worse. What do I mean? Here are some reasons why (in my opinion) modern dating is the worst:
1. Meeting people via technology is lame. What happened to meeting at a dance or social activity and falling in love? Or meeting someone in a college class or at work or at the checkout counter? I mean, obviously that can't happen to everyone, but I feel like meeting online is kind of lame. And I can say that because the first time my husband and I spoke was through Facebook. We were introduced through a mutual friend and she had us start talking through Facebook. Even I think that's lame. And by lame, I mostly mean unromantic. Obviously, that is just how it's going to be for some people nowadays (Dalin and I, for instance. First spoke online, and now still happily married with a baby three years later), but I think the majority of the online dating world is choosing this method out of laziness, desperation, and fear. These people just need to grit their teeth and courageously introduce themselves to people in person. Technology has made people increasingly reclusive and that is plain silly. Are you truly happier browsing the internet all day than interacting with human beings or enjoying the beauty of the world? If so, then you may be really, really painfully shy or a hermit. Either way, you probably could be happier.
2. Asking people on dates through text is the WORST. Interaction in person is by far the best choice, but even a phone call is better than getting a text that could be meant for anyone. Especially when it reads, "Wanna go out with me?" No. I'm going to teach my kids to tell their dates to try again if they get asked through text. It is incredibly impersonal and, as exciting as it is to get a cute text, getting a cute call is that much more exciting. Some people say, "But phone calls or person-to-person is awkward." Well sorry, but you're gonna have to get over that. Dating in general is kind of awkward and sometimes (usually), those moments of embarrassment and humility make the best memories later on. Take courage, Single People, and use your words, not your fingers to ask someone out.
3. Dating itself is so different. Gone are the days of courting and fun group dates. In their place are what people call "hook ups" and "NCMOs" or nic-mo's (non-committal make-outs). Half the fun of dating is the process. The nervousness and anxiety are what make it fun and exciting. It's still okay to go to the movies once in a while, but take the time to go somewhere and just talk, too. Read together at a park. Go on a hike or walk in the woods. Play tennis or try something new like golfing. Work on a meal together for yourselves or for someone else. Serve some old people you both know. There is little more attractive (in my mind at least) than seeing a man who loves to help other people. And I suspect many men would say the same about women. Most importantly, TALK. I'm just going to go ahead and say it--you do a lot more talking than kissing once you get married, so get really good at having a meaningful conversation.
4. What the heck happened to chivalry? Is it really almost dead? I know it's not completely dead--thankfully--as the men in my life are excellent at being chivalrous but I am hearing of fewer and fewer young men who are considerate toward women. This may in part be because some women refuse to accept the help of men, and that is sad to me, because respect for women in the form of chivalry does not mean that women are necessarily weaker. It just means that a man values femininity and womanhood and is attempting to be courteous. Ladies, stop taking offense or you're going to end up miserable and alone. Plus, it's super annoying and rude. Don't be that person. I am sure men will always come across some women who will not accept their help, but do not let those women create a standard for how to treat all women. I am pretty sure most women out there are still appreciative of polite gestures, such as opening doors, pulling out seats at the table, being offered a seat when chairs are scarce, among other small acts. Do not let chivalry die, men! Bring it back. Even if you're the only one doing it.
5. Playing games is stupid. Plain and simple--it's the stupidest thing you can do if you want a relationship to last--especially if you want it to develop into a true and lasting marriage. This isn't to say that people haven't been playing games for a while, but I'm sure playing games was much less complicated when our grandparents were dating, and even our parents. For instance, they did not have texting to attempt to convey emotions or lack of them. They did not use emoticons to communicate sadness or frustration or flirtatiousness. I mean, think about it. Those are kind of stupid little faces that young adults use to express pretty deep emotions. (And no, I'm not anti-emoticons. I use them once in a while, but it's not the same thing). I really think that young people need to be a little more tactful in their use of texting. It's fine to write a quick message, send a reminder, or whatever. But be willing to call someone. Send more of these: "Hey, I miss you. Can I call you later?" and less of these: "I love you so much. You're so hott. I can't wait to see you again." This may sound like a harsh condemnation of texting, but I think if it is viewed too lightly, there will be long-term emotional consequences. Also, do not forget the art of writing! It's seriously vanishing from relationships even though it is such a meaningful way to convey emotion. Write love notes and love letters. Share thoughts, dreams, and plans with one another. I cherish everything my husband has ever written or drawn for me. I can't throw away a single note he writes to me, no matter how unromantic because for me, it's a little piece of him that I can hold onto and use as a reminder of him. Notes and letters last, texts can be deleted instantly. Write more.
6. Stop being rude. If someone asks you on a date, don't give them a maybe. Tell them straight up, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested" or "I actually like someone else" or "I am busy this week, but next week I would love to!" Don't be rude and ignore them completely either. Computer and cellphone technology allow people to be a lot more cowardly than the old ways did. Be honest, but try to be nice about it. Stop being flakey and canceling plans--especially if only because a better--a more "fun"--offer has come along. Here's a wake-up call for some people--that's RUDE. Stop wasting other people's time. You don't need to keep someone on their toes. You don't need to be liked be everyone. Trust me, it's never going to happen anyway.
7. Never EVER cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee, spouse, whomever. Just don't do it. And if you are cheated on, know that it is TEN TIMES more likely that that person will do it again. Social media provides ample opportunities to cheat on your spouse. Be careful with what message you convey through your actions on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Flirting while in a serious relationship or marriage is never okay. Never. Remember that "Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair." If you are entertaining thoughts or doing things that even might lead to cheating, stop them right away. It's better to be safe than sorry. Or alone forever.
8. Take a moment and ask yourself why you're dating. Why are you in a relationship at all? Because it is nice to be loved, comfortable to be cared for, and all-around convenient, right? Are you just dating to fool around? Or are you looking for marriage and life-long--or even eternal--commitment? Make sure you know what you are looking for and what your dates are looking for. I like Christopher Hudspeth's quote on this: "Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point." It's frighteningly true for some people and well worth considering. Are you wasting your partner's time because you know you never want to get married? If so, then do the decent thing and end it sooner rather than later. Too many people do not know what they want. The world tells you that's okay, but it isn't. The point of life is to make good decisions which will lead to happiness for you and others. Make up your dang mind and commit to it.
I wish I could knock some sense into the young, modern, and so-called "hip" people of today. I may be young, but I am proudly old-fashioned and it has always served me well. Maybe the old-fashioned ways need to again become the new-fashioned ways. Maybe then the world would be a little better.
Thoughts?
And here are a few more pics from our "just us" dating days:
