Why Marriage and Babies Are WORTH IT

I just read two bull crap articles from Huffington post that really angered me. They angered me so much, that I had to reply by blogging because that's just the way I am.

The first was this piece of crap. I mean honestly, I don't know if I've read a more bitter and stupid article with zero merit whatsoever. Then I read this ridiculous thing. It was also bitter and also stupid in my opinion. These two articles epitomize the brand of feminism that I despise. It's the type that discourages women from their ultimate potential as wives and mothers that also portrays women with these roles in a negative light. In addition, they are negative toward men. That just drives me crazy.

Mainly, I am writing to clear up a few things that I was dying to say to the ladies who wrote the articles.

First, they must have had sad, miserable childhoods to grow up so bitter, uncaring, and spiteful toward the two things that are God's greatest gifts to mankind. They were clearly raised with a distorted view of what true womanhood is and I feel sorry for them. Truly sorry, because they have no idea on the happiness they are missing out on. I doubt it was in their nature to believe so wrongly, (in fact, I know it wasn't because every woman is born with a divine nature) but the way they were brought up obviously influenced their views.

Second, not all marriages are miserable and end in divorce. Clearly. There are circumstances that occur in some marriages that no one can predict. I am not justifying divorce, but I am admitting that there are times when it is necessary. For Dalin and I, we determined as boyfriend and girlfriend (even before we became engaged!) that the word divorce would not be in our vocabulary. It's simply not an option. That is how you must go into marriage if you want it to last. It reminds me of that ecard I've seen on Pinterest--this one:

I find it ironic that the same people who declare marriage should be available for everyone would at the same time mention that most marriages end in divorce. While it is unfortunately a fact that approximately half of marriages fail in present day, I have to ask, if so many marriages result in separation or divorce, then why fight so hard for it at all? Why fight for any couple of humans to be able to marry if it might just be a waste of time? The answer is because marriage is important. Whether you believe it is intended for one man and one woman as I do or whether you believe it is for any two humans, it is inherently important to the human race. Marriage is sacred, which is why it must be honored and defended.

The one--ONE--thing I agreed with the second writer on was that far too much money is spent on weddings. To each his own, but we spent very little on our wedding. My aunt made my wedding cake for me. Another aunt arranged my flowers and made the bouquets and boutonnieres. An aunt and uncle photographed everything for me. My mom got a deal on our reception place. Instead of doing a full dinner, we did a variety of fruit, cheese, crackers, punch. My mom talked the price of my wedding dress down to around $400. Instead of getting a DJ, I put together a playlist for the reception on my laptop which my brother ran for me. My mom had found a ton of mason jars at a yard sale which she cleaned out and filled with ocean sand and added a candle for my tables. She also collected antique bottles from sales for decoration. I loved how simple and inexpensive these were. And after it ended, I had zero regrets. My parents didn't lose a nonexistent fortune, and Dalin and I had money to put toward our rent and things for our home. We were frugal. We didn't spend more than a couple thousand on the wedding, if that. And I loved my wedding. Everything about it. It was easily the happiest day of my life and well worth celebrating. Her point about people divorcing as a result of their wedding is irrelevant. If a couple divorces over that, then they should not have been marrying in the first place. Those people who are in it for the free stuff and for the attention are not marrying for the correct reason. They may blindly believe this to be the case because they are so caught up with plans to celebrate themselves. But those people cannot be lumped in with the rest of us--the ones who are truly committed and don't toss around the term "marriage" like it's a trip through a drive-thru. It's not. It is something intended to be eternal. Not just until death, but forever and ever. That is my testimony of marriage.

Just because I have this view of marriage does not make it a cake walk. It's not easy. Dalin and I argue. We stress over money. We disagree on things like how to raise our children and where we want to end up. But the difference is we do not let those things block our ultimate goal of being a family forever. Nothing brings more happiness than being a part of a loving family. Nothing.

Back to the articles--one writer complains that she had to pay an excessive amount to be a part of three different weddings. (Um, may I point out that she could have said no if she was aware they were going to cost that much, which she must have been after the first one.) She then uses this as an excuse as to why celebrating a wedding is pointless and "brags" how she married with only one witness present and then celebrated her marriage a year later with a $15,000 celebration. Glad she has taught the world the "right" way to do things. Except she is clueless. As mentioned before, I hardly spent anything on my reception. I spent as much on the entire day as some women spend on their wedding dress alone. On our wedding day, our family and friends were celebrating, with us, the day that we made an eternal commitment--a sacred promise--to devote ourselves to God and one another for eternity. To me that's worth celebrating.

What's more, the writer suggests that baby showers are a waste of time as they "send the message that getting pregnant is the pinnacle of achievement, as opposed to the beginning of 18 years of hard labor...ignoring the fact that the endeavor she is embarking on will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and stunt her career opportunities for the rest of her life, not to mention the devastating impact on her social life." (How obnoxious is this lady? If I didn't feel sorry for her, I'd want to slap her across the face.) Then the other idiot writes, "We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it's a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren't accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them." First, many people--decent people--get pregnant because they want families. Most couples want children because they bring joy. Not everyone is like, "Shoot, we got pregnant and now our lives are over." Most people are excited because having your own children is awesome. What about the couples that struggled to get pregnant? Literally anyone can "get knocked up" so why can't they? Why celebrate their achievement "act" of getting pregnant, perhaps after years of trying? Because it's a miracle. A wonder and a miracle to be able to create life. In addition, I'd like to point out that the point of baby showers, apart from congratulating a couple on successfully making a human, is to help them acquire the things they need to get started. It's not about showing off and getting expensive things for everyone. I didn't get expensive things and I'm not complaining. And does the second woman really think that getting married can be done by "literally anyone"? If that were true, then why are there MILLIONS of people using dating sites to find the one person they want to spend forever with? Probably because many, many people want to get married but have not found someone yet.

I have many more thoughts on these two articles and their cynical-minded writers, but it is 2:30am (way past the time I intended to stay up) and I'm done for the night.

Please share your opinion on these articles with me. Or on my thoughts. Vent to me if you like. I'll respond--I'm a good venter as you may have noticed ;)

My Little Stand for the Family

Well you all know me and how very conservative the majority of my views are. This time around, I will admit, I was intending to stay completely clear of the recent discussions on marriage--not because I do not have a valid opinion to defend, but because I wanted to preserve the peace. But something about marriage just causes my heart to burn with emotion and I feel so strongly that it needs to be defended. Maybe it's because as a Latter-day Saint (or, Mormon), my beliefs are frequently mocked and trodden on. Maybe it's because I am stubborn and have to get a word in when I feel passionately about something. Either way, here I am, putting my "two cents" in. I will boldly say though, that I know the following things are worth so much more eternally than a mere two pennies.

The words I want to share are not my own, but I felt they were written so beautifully and articulately that I wanted to quote them. Because the first woman's comments are in response to words of others, there may be a little confusion which I will clear up if necessary.

I have never met these women and do not know anything about either of them except that we share the same views in regards to marriage. Disagree with us if you would like, but I will simply (and as politely as I can) reply with a defense of our belief that marriage is sacred, and ordained of God for one man and one woman. 

Written by Aly R. Taylor:

I do believe my entire world and life will change if gay marriage passes and that within 20 years our entire society will look more different than imaginable. I also know that it will affect my children and their children, for the worse...I also believe that divorce rates will go up if people do not appreciate the sanctity of marriage. Marriage is an important institution that makes our society better for many reasons, including an increase in stability which is better for the economy, and raising good children. Take a look at this article for an interesting opinion from someone who is a libertarian and not pro/against marriage but describes that in all likelihood it will make a change our life as we know it: 

[This is a very interesting read if you have the time to get through it]
 http://fireflydove.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/a-libertarian-view-of-gay-marriage/

Divorce rates would easily go up to 80% plus within 10 years if we keep ignoring the importance and sanctity of marriage, and our society will be worse off. From my experience divorce often creates unhappy or bitter people and broken families. That is but one of my 100 concerns with gay marriage.

It saddens me that very few people think of consequences to their actions nowadays. But you are right -----, it is a choice and hopefully my children will have such a burning desire and love for God that they will choose to follow him over any carnal desire.

Everyone is so concerned with making "history" that they don't think through the actual impact and the eternal perspective. I believe in eternity, and don't understand individuals who can say they follow Christ and go directly against his Word. To love Christ is to follow him. I love my fellow man, but that love for them and for God is what drives me to help his cause. It's like if you knew someone was about to commit murder, wouldn't you do what you can to stop them from committing this sin? Why would you not help your fellow man and do what you can to help them find eternal happiness versus worldly temporary happiness?

Written by Annie Z. Edwards: 

It doesn't have anything to do with sin or feelings. I have no problem with gays having a union and any and all tax or whatever benefits heterosexual couples have. But the sacrament of marriage is partially for pro-creation which physically can only be done one way. I feel there should be equal and separate benefits for gay couples and their unions but disagree with changing the definition if marriage. And having my own opinion on the subject while respecting your right to have yours does not make me intolerant. 

This link conveys the reasoning behind my belief that children thrive best in a home with one faithful father and mother. It is so worth your time! It was created by Erika Bahr. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNahtS4XJ8E&feature=youtu.be 

“Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” ~Rachel Jankovic

If you are wondering what we as Latter-day Saints (or Mormons) believe in, this article called "The Divine Institution of Marriage" is put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and leaves no question as to what members of the Church believe in.
http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage 

Here is a video about it if you prefer that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsR9HPhsjJ4

This beautiful document, entitled "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," additionally conveys my personal belief in the sanctity of marriage and the family order:  https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

There is more to say and more things I could express, but for now, I would like to leave this post as it is and ask you to respectfully keep your differing beliefs to yourself unless you have a question or comment that in no way needs to be censored. Otherwise, I thankfully still have the right to monitor what is said here and I will utilize that right. 

I appreciate your tolerance of (and patience with) my beliefs. Once you have read everything on this page, I invite you to share your beliefs--but only once you fully understand where I come from. 

If you desire, here is a link from a Christian woman whom I am not acquainted with, but I appreciated her thoughts on children and the family, shared here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank

"The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home."

~Confucius 

"The family is the first essential cell of human society."

~Pope John XXIII

"Science has established two facts meaningful for human welfare: first, the foundation of the structure of human personality is laid down in early childhood; and second, the chief engineer in charge of this construction is the family."

~Meyer Francis Nimkoff

"The family is the cornerstone of our society. More than any other force it shapes the attitude, the hopes, the ambitions, and the values of the child. And when the family collapses, it is the children that are usually damaged. When it happens on a massive scale, the community itself is crippled. So, unless we work to strengthen the family, to create conditions under which most parents will stay together, all the rest--schools, playgrounds, public assistance, and private concern--will never be enough."

~Lyndon B. Johnson 

"The important thing is the family. If you can keep the family together--and that's the backbone of our whole business, catering to families--that's what we hope to do."

~Walt Disney

"If a country is to be corruption-free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who make a difference. They are the father, the mother, and the Teacher."

~Abdul Kalam

Growing Gunnells

If you haven't heard the news yet, we're having a baby! The little Gunnell family is finally getting a little bigger! Speaking of which, we've been doing a lot of growing lately in the Gunnell home. 

For starters, there is nothing more up close and personal than a prenatal exam...seriously, I don't think I could ever be embarrassed again. Okay, that might be an exaggeration but I really don't think (maybe with the exception of getting a pap smear) I have felt so personally "invaded" in my life thus far. It was super uncomfortable but super worth it. My doctor, Dr. Randall Pace, is wonderful. I think he is fantastic already. He is younger, friendly, and very sensitive to my concerns and feelings. He was considerate of Dalin and included him (even in some ways that I was not expecting, let's just say...) and I felt as though I was important as an individual patient and not just another number.

The most wonderful part of the appointment was when Dr. Pace told me he was going to give me a free mini ultrasound! I was so excited though admittedly nervous. That feeling never goes away no matter how reassuring an appointment is. What if there was no baby in there? Or even worse--no heartbeat. The screen on the ultrasound machine (which was like a thick tablet) was small--like the size of an iPhone. It took a second to find the baby--during which I silently freaked out--but I was so relieved when they did and better yet, we all could see the small flutterings showing us that his (or her) heart was beating!!! I was so thankful that Dalin and Mom (JeNeale) were there and that they could see it pretty clearly (I couldn't from the angle I was at). They looked at the head and little flailing arms and legs. To me, the white splotches that represented our baby looked more like a blob than a little human, but I was just so relieved to see him or her moving around that I didn't really care. 

After the appointment, I just felt so excited that we had been able to get a glimpse at our sweet lime-sized baby. Our little boy or girl was doing well and I was feeling good. I called my mom right away and let her know that everything was more than okay. 

I wish I could have a picture of that moment we first saw the baby and found her little heartbeat. But it was so special and intimate to see that tiny spirit child that in a way I want to keep that memory in my heart. I am so blessed to know that families are forever. It brings me so much comfort to know that should anything happen to our child, it will not be the end. I will have him or her for eternity no matter what. I am thankful to have been sealed to Dalin not just for time, but for all eternity, and that because of this blessing we will have each child in our family forever. 

Now all we can do is wait and pray things stay good. I cannot wait to see my little baby again! Every day I feel closer to him. I try holding really still to see if I can feel him wiggling around because at this point he can move quite a lot. Also, I am so excited to find out the gender! My mom did not find out for any of us but Dalin and I just do not have that kind of self-control. We cannot wait to know if we have a baby girl or a baby boy in there. We are hoping to find out at 18 weeks because both my mother and my mother-in-law will be around for Shaina's wedding! We thought it would be fun to have both of them involved. I am so excited. I just hope we can tell!!!

I am feeling much better than I did weeks 7-10...When the baby is hungry, she let's me know, but that's about the only time that I feel sick. I am completely exhausted but I feel like I sleep enough. Maybe more naps are in order (though it is kind of difficult to take naps when I work until 5:30, then pick up Dalin at 6:30...). I certainly feel thicker around the waist than I do normally. I'm usually pretty thin so having a belly at all--as tiny as it is--is weird for me. I am fairly certain that I've never weighed as much as I do now. My pants are definitely too tight to button. The other day at an ice skating activity I was hosting for King Henry, a girl even told me kindly, "Did you know your pants aren't buttoned?" I laughed and told her, "Yes, it's because I'm pregnant and they don't fit when they're buttoned." Then I said, "Great, probably everyone feels bad for me thinking I don't know my pants aren't buttoned up." I think since then, I've been better at hiding my unbuttoned pants though. Hopefully ;)

What techniques have you used to keep your pants up while pregnant? 
I've used a hair elastic on my buttonhole mostly, but I did try on some maternity pants which were surprisingly comfortable. I did not want to pay for a pair just yet though. I am thinking I would like to try a belly band but have not gotten around to buying one yet. 
Pregnant or not, what are your thoughts?

Day 10: Temple Marriage & Eternity

The Lord's House, where inside, I have a better sense of my individual worth

 

I am so thankful for the gift of eternal marriage. When I think that my great grandmother, Nana Kane was away from her husband for 20+ years, I cannot imagine how she did it. And then I think of my grandmother, Grammy Hill, and how she has been apart from her beloved husband for 30+ years and I cannot fathom how she managed either.  Though I cannot even stand to think of being away from Dalin for so long, I am comforted by our belief in eternal families.

The reason I chose to be married to Dalin in a holy temple of the Lord was because I knew that only through the temple would there be the right authority to seal my husband to me--and me to him--for time and all eternity. No other authority can truly marry you beyond this life for all eternity.

I know that as a daughter of God, I am royalty. Dalin is a son of God, and therefore is also royalty. Sometimes, I do not feel like royalty. Sometimes I realize that I have not been trying my hardest and that I have the potential to do and be more. When this happens, I turn to the temple. In the temple, there is safety and peace. To me, it is like a castle and when I am inside, I feel like royalty.

There is NO place, I would rather be on this earth. I am grateful for temples and for the powerful spirit which is so strong within them. I hope someday that my children will be married here and have the opportunity to know of the most sincere and truest form of happiness that can be felt on this earth.

My eternal sweetheart ;) So handsome

Families are forever! If you do not believe this, find out for yourself!

Here is a good place to start...

Day Five: My Great Grandmother

My lovely great grandmother turned 97 today. 

I love her so incredibly much. 

She is a wonderful woman who still has a sense of humor even in the frailty of old age.

Although she is physically weak, she is mentally and spiritually strong. 

She is not yet a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, but I am certain that one day she will accept the gospel and become a Latter-day Saint. 

My Nana, Claudine Kane, has been apart from her husband for twenty-one years. 

If you ask me, that is far, far too long to be separated from one's beloved spouse. I cannot even fathom being away from Dalin for that long a time. For this reason, and as I see her suffering from bodily pain and weakness, I hope that she will soon pass from this life so she can be reunited with her loving husband--my great grandfather--and with her Savior.

I cannot wait to see her in the prime of her life--I know that I will see her again and I know she will be full of joy and life. 

I know that families are forever.

I am so comforted by this knowledge and wish that all could know the potential we have to spend an eternity of happiness with our loved ones.

The next time I see my great grandmother, I know she will have a smile on her face and be firmly holding the hand of her husband. I so look forward to seeing her at peace and in the prime of her life.

I am grateful to know that I can be with my family again and for all eternity.

I just love her so much

Who are you grateful for?

Do you believe that families are forever?

Who in your family do you look forward to seeing again someday?