The first was this piece of crap. I mean honestly, I don't know if I've read a more bitter and stupid article with zero merit whatsoever. Then I read this ridiculous thing. It was also bitter and also stupid in my opinion. These two articles epitomize the brand of feminism that I despise. It's the type that discourages women from their ultimate potential as wives and mothers that also portrays women with these roles in a negative light. In addition, they are negative toward men. That just drives me crazy.
Mainly, I am writing to clear up a few things that I was dying to say to the ladies who wrote the articles.
First, they must have had sad, miserable childhoods to grow up so bitter, uncaring, and spiteful toward the two things that are God's greatest gifts to mankind. They were clearly raised with a distorted view of what true womanhood is and I feel sorry for them. Truly sorry, because they have no idea on the happiness they are missing out on. I doubt it was in their nature to believe so wrongly, (in fact, I know it wasn't because every woman is born with a divine nature) but the way they were brought up obviously influenced their views.
Second, not all marriages are miserable and end in divorce. Clearly. There are circumstances that occur in some marriages that no one can predict. I am not justifying divorce, but I am admitting that there are times when it is necessary. For Dalin and I, we determined as boyfriend and girlfriend (even before we became engaged!) that the word divorce would not be in our vocabulary. It's simply not an option. That is how you must go into marriage if you want it to last. It reminds me of that ecard I've seen on Pinterest--this one:
The one--ONE--thing I agreed with the second writer on was that far too much money is spent on weddings. To each his own, but we spent very little on our wedding. My aunt made my wedding cake for me. Another aunt arranged my flowers and made the bouquets and boutonnieres. An aunt and uncle photographed everything for me. My mom got a deal on our reception place. Instead of doing a full dinner, we did a variety of fruit, cheese, crackers, punch. My mom talked the price of my wedding dress down to around $400. Instead of getting a DJ, I put together a playlist for the reception on my laptop which my brother ran for me. My mom had found a ton of mason jars at a yard sale which she cleaned out and filled with ocean sand and added a candle for my tables. She also collected antique bottles from sales for decoration. I loved how simple and inexpensive these were. And after it ended, I had zero regrets. My parents didn't lose a nonexistent fortune, and Dalin and I had money to put toward our rent and things for our home. We were frugal. We didn't spend more than a couple thousand on the wedding, if that. And I loved my wedding. Everything about it. It was easily the happiest day of my life and well worth celebrating. Her point about people divorcing as a result of their wedding is irrelevant. If a couple divorces over that, then they should not have been marrying in the first place. Those people who are in it for the free stuff and for the attention are not marrying for the correct reason. They may blindly believe this to be the case because they are so caught up with plans to celebrate themselves. But those people cannot be lumped in with the rest of us--the ones who are truly committed and don't toss around the term "marriage" like it's a trip through a drive-thru. It's not. It is something intended to be eternal. Not just until death, but forever and ever. That is my testimony of marriage.
Just because I have this view of marriage does not make it a cake walk. It's not easy. Dalin and I argue. We stress over money. We disagree on things like how to raise our children and where we want to end up. But the difference is we do not let those things block our ultimate goal of being a family forever. Nothing brings more happiness than being a part of a loving family. Nothing.
Back to the articles--one writer complains that she had to pay an excessive amount to be a part of three different weddings. (Um, may I point out that she could have said no if she was aware they were going to cost that much, which she must have been after the first one.) She then uses this as an excuse as to why celebrating a wedding is pointless and "brags" how she married with only one witness present and then celebrated her marriage a year later with a $15,000 celebration. Glad she has taught the world the "right" way to do things. Except she is clueless. As mentioned before, I hardly spent anything on my reception. I spent as much on the entire day as some women spend on their wedding dress alone. On our wedding day, our family and friends were celebrating, with us, the day that we made an eternal commitment--a sacred promise--to devote ourselves to God and one another for eternity. To me that's worth celebrating.
What's more, the writer suggests that baby showers are a waste of time as they "send the message that getting pregnant is the pinnacle of achievement, as opposed to the beginning of 18 years of hard labor...ignoring the fact that the endeavor she is embarking on will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and stunt her career opportunities for the rest of her life, not to mention the devastating impact on her social life." (How obnoxious is this lady? If I didn't feel sorry for her, I'd want to slap her across the face.) Then the other idiot writes, "We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it's a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren't accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them." First, many people--decent people--get pregnant because they want families. Most couples want children because they bring joy. Not everyone is like, "Shoot, we got pregnant and now our lives are over." Most people are excited because having your own children is awesome. What about the couples that struggled to get pregnant? Literally anyone can "get knocked up" so why can't they? Why celebrate their
I have many more thoughts on these two articles and their cynical-minded writers, but it is 2:30am (way past the time I intended to stay up) and I'm done for the night.
Please share your opinion on these articles with me. Or on my thoughts. Vent to me if you like. I'll respond--I'm a good venter as you may have noticed ;)
The first article was so astoundingly stupid, it’s not even worth my time to respond to it. I will say that I think there are very few women who would agree with Ms. Glass, so please don’t take her horribly ignorant opinions to be representative of all feminists.
ReplyDeleteNow, on to the second article: “Let's Ban Weddings and, While We're at It, Baby Showers Too”.
I have a feeling you and I had different interpretations of this one. I don’t think the author literally believes that we should ban weddings, or that having an extravagant wedding will lead to divorce. The title seemed to be largely tongue-in-cheek. The message I took from the article is that for many women, their wedding overshadows their marriage. Some girls spend endless hours planning their dream wedding, and yet they put almost no thought into preparing for their marriage. Even worse, they might rush into marrying the wrong guy because they were too absorbed with their fairytale wedding to see the problems in their relationship....or they might believe those problems will magically disappear once they’re married, when in reality they’ll probably just get worse. The media bombards us with shows about finding the perfect husband, the perfect dress, the perfect cake, etc. when what society would really benefit from are shows on how to have a successful, lasting marriage.
When the author raises the issue of baby showers, it’s specifically in the context of teen pregnancy. I know it bothers you when she says that having a baby “...will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and stunt her career opportunities for the rest of her life, not to mention the devastating impact on her social life”, but keep in mind that she’s not talking about adults. She’s talking about teenagers: girls who probably haven’t finished high school, and in many cases will end up as single moms. Again, I don’t think she literally believes that teen moms should not be allowed to have baby showers. I think what she’s getting at is that teen pregnancy shouldn’t be glamorized with extravagant parties and MTV shows. Pregnancy is not something teens should be aspiring to.
I’m actually surprised you disagree with most of this article! I think she makes some excellent points, and she’s very pro-marriage.
Thanks so much for commenting, Sarah! Reading your opinion has helped my better understand that other writer's perspective, so thank you! I read it very differently. I so agree with you that not all feminists are like that (those are just the type that I disagree with) and also that too many women make it more about the wedding day and less about their marriage which will hopefully last much longer. When I read her article, I interpreted it as her saying that marriage is something that should not be celebrated as much as other life accomplishments. To me, there are no two events more worth celebrating than marriage and having children. That is, of course, if a couple is in it for the right reasons with the intention of their marriage lasting forever. I also agree with you that it would be so much more useful if the media portrayed how to have happy and successful marriages, and that teenagers should not be making getting pregnant to land on TV their goal. Because the writer first addressed weddings in general, I assumed she referred to baby showers in general. Still, I found her tone much more bitter about the subject than you did.
ReplyDeleteObviously there are always going to be that type of woman who is stupid enough to marry for her own selfish reasons (Kim Kardashian jumps to mind) but there will also always (hopefully) be the rest of us who are more sensible and have the ultimate outcome in mind. Perhaps to better understand why her article bothered me, you should know that (like my own wedding) none of my friends or family have had the lavish weddings that she described. When I have watched those wedding shows in the past, I frequently thought it was ridiculous that those women spend so much on one day. Because that is unfamiliar to me, I do not see a problem with celebrating one's marriage reasonably. She makes it sound as though it is a waste of time and money (which it can be) to celebrate marriage, which I thought was troublesome. And as you have already read, I think baby showers are a fun way of getting the things you need to prepare for a baby. My baby shower was very simple and very inexpensive.
Someone told me that the reason my writing seems to offend some people is because I tend to write with a "my way or the highway" attitude and I guess that applies here. I do not think weddings and baby showers should be ridiculous, but I do think that they are both important milestones and that they are worth celebrating. The author just seemed to make light of the two events whereas for me they were two very happy days in my life.
I hope that was clear enough...I'm balancing my wiggly baby on my lap as I try to type this.
I wanted to chime in because I just found this article on HuffPo and while I rarely agree with anything published on that site I did like what this lady was saying. I'm graduating from college in May and have spent the last 4 years at a desk writing papers and studying for exams. I go to a small Christian school. The overall feeling I'm getting from friends, family, and others is that this achievement pales in comparison to when I get married or have a kid. While I value marriage and kids, I feel like my achievement is just as awesome as those two things. Lord knows it probably took just as long.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to marrying someday and hopefully adopting kids. However, getting my degree will probably be the hardest thing I'll ever do and the thing I'm going to celebrate the most. Quite frankly, I don't want a big wedding at all. I rather elope or just have my parents and sister there. For my graduation though, I want to celebrate this accomplishment and the mind God gave me. Society, or at least the one I'm apart of, really doesn't value this too much. I'm a strong Christian, but because I didn't get my "ring by spring" I feel like a bit of an outcast and that I'm letting people down. I don't want to feel like that because I know that my graduation will be just as important as the day I get married.
xoxo,
Liz
That's so true, Liz! Thank you for sharing that with me! I think for me I valued my education a little bit more before I got married because it was my primary goal and the one thing I was really working toward accomplishing at that time. Then when I met my husband and we decided to get married I think my goals and priorities changed a lot. It wasn't consciously done but it happened naturally. Maybe you'll even feel the same way when you meet your spouse! I think getting a degree is a HUGE accomplishment though...I have about five classes left before I get my Bachelor's but because I currently love (and prefer) my role as a wife and mother I've had a hard time staying interested and motivated about my schooling. I just want to be done at this point. I wish my outlook was a little more positive but I know I'll be appreciative once I've received it.
DeleteI really do admire those who work so hard toward earning their degree and doing it WELL! Thanks again for sharing your views and for helping motivate me with my own schooling!