Being Comfortable With Husbands

WE MADE IT TO ALL THREE HOURS OF CHURCH TODAY AND LAST WEEK.
Sorry but that deserved all caps because 8:30am church is cruel and we have a very hard time making it (at least on time) half the time. We were still late for the first hour, but hey, we made it.

I never regret going to church. But I do feel regret any time I miss it. Church just starts the week off right for me and every time I go, someone gives a message that seems like it was meant specifically for me. This week, that happened in Relief Society (third hour, when all the women gather for a class). I missed the first part of the lesson because I had taken Tenley in the mother's lounge to feed her. It would have been easy to stay in there, rocking in one of the many nice comfortable chairs, but I wanted to hear the message.

When I came into the Relief Society room, the lesson discussion seemed to be about husbands and dealing with marital trials. The woman speaking told of how she decided to try treating her husband as a guest in order to improve their relationship. I was so surprised to hear her say that because that was something I also had tried during the last few months to improve our relationship. And because it helped both of us, I decided to share my experience.

Photos from our dating days

I know I'm not alone after talking with several other wives about the subject, so I will try not to feel bad when I say that in the last few months I was not sure what was happening to my marriage. Things were not bad--nothing had really changed in our relationship, but things weren't GREAT. My attitude had changed. I grew repeatedly frustrated when I realized how different we were from the time we had gotten married more than two years before. Where was that lovey-dovey feeling from when we were dating? Where was the romance? Where was the passion when we kissed? Marriage changed that. Suddenly, we could do anything we wanted and because we could do it, there was less of a yearning for it. We could kiss whenever we wanted. We could do more than kiss. We didn't have to say goodbye ever. We stopped doing things for each other the way we had while dating and engaged. It was not like we never did things for each other, but they were less often and far between. And that angered me.

What is happening to us? I would ask in my head over and over. Why can't things be the same as when we were dating? I even asked Dalin this a few times and he finally told me that it hurt his feelings when I asked him that. I realized that in saying that, I sounded as though I did not love him as much as I did then. But that wasn't true. I loved him more. So what changed?

The answer: our attitudes. Specifically mine, because mine is the only one I can actually fix anyway. Time changed our attitudes. I do not love Dalin any less than when we were engaged, but over time, I have grown used to feeling that love so constantly that I do not notice it as much. It doesn't seem as magical or exciting because it has become the norm. Other things have changed, too--we have a daughter obviously for one, and we are in different places in our lives than we were then. We don't buy each other candy or flowers or write notes as often anymore because sometimes it feels like we've done it all, and we've said it all. We have grown too comfortable with one another.

That was something that I also allowed to bother me--us being too comfortable. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't like that we were so comfortable with one another that farting/tooting (whatever you say) was no big deal. Just because we're married doesn't mean we should give up being polite in front of one another. Dalin did not like that I had no problem burping in front of him (though obviously burping is way less gross than tooting...;) so we made a pact. No burping or tooting around each other intentionally and if we fail, the other person gets a freebie. (We're weird. And gross).

But anyway the point is, that just because we've grown comfortable doesn't mean we can't do new things for each other. We can serve each other. I can treat Dalin like I would a guest. By that I mean I can offer him something to drink and ask him questions like I did when we were dating. I can get him a snack once in a while. I can treat him like a friend because that's what he is to me. Why is it that we would be more willing to serve a guest than our spouse sometimes? (Well, this applies to me anyway.) I think we need to work on that. I'm going to work on that. I'm not going to complain when my husband asks me for a favor (at least, I'm going to try and stop myself when I start to). I'm going to be more polite around him. I'm going to be loving especially when he gets home from work. I'm going to thank him more often. I'm going to compliment him more often.

Another thing we discussed that will help us strengthen our marriages is going to the temple as often as possible. You may feel like you are incredibly busy or even like you do not want to be around your spouse. If you get to that point, know you can change your relationship. You can fix it. It will take work, but if that desire is in your heart, you can turn your relationship around. This is where the temple comes in. When we put the Lord before ourselves, we often find that everything else in our busy lives somehow falls into place. (It's the same as the principle of tithing). Dedicate yourself more fully to your spouse. If you are not yet married, you can still serve your future spouse. That may sound weird, but I'm serious. You can pray for him or her. The thought of doing that did not occur to me until I was sitting in a lesson in Young Women's during high school. Pray for your future spouse. Pray that he will make good choices. Pray that he will be safe. Pray that he will be happy. Prayer works.

I guess the goal of this post is to encourage men and women especially to re-commit to their spouses. You may have been feeling out of tune with your spouse lately and if that's the case then fix it. Fix it now before it gets worse or it's too late.

I need feedback. 
How do you stay in love with your husband (or wife)? 
How do you encourage your spouse? 
What are some ideas you have for serving your spouse?