I need some motivation.
I'm on the final stretch of one (sadly, just one) of my three Independent Study classes: Evil English 291. Who told me that English was fun again??? Oh, I did. Gah.
Right now, I'm seriously reconsidering my major. I hear that happens a lot to people my age. I guess I still love English. But I just want to read and write about the things that interest me. I apologize to those who like the stuff, but British literature and poetry from the Middle Ages? Blahhhh. So boring to me.
Side note: I like English because I like reading, writing, and editing. That means I like creative writing. I like fun books. I want to be an editor so I can stay home with my kids and read books like Harry Potter and The Hunger Games all day. There are very few poets (particularly before the 19th century) that have truly impressed me or piqued my interest. I prefer stories. Fairytales. Historic and realistic fiction. With complex plots. That get your emotions involved. Not that abhorrent Beowulf stuff...
I already have an Associate's of Science in English degree (whatever that means exactly) from BYU-Idaho. Do I really need a Bachelor's degree from BYU? I'm more than halfway done, so it would basically have been a waste of all that tuition if I didn't finish now. But it's hard. I already have a blog that I love writing on. I have a tiny source of income writing short articles for a website. I write a lot.
So I have to remind myself why I'm doing this. I have to tell myself it's going to be worth it. I have to imagine how proud I will feel when I am finished; when I can say, "Uh, yes, I have a Bachelor's in English (no big deal...)." One thing that is driving me to finish is my desire to be the first in my family to graduate (not that it's a competition, but come on, it's first). On my side, I will likely be the very first grandchild and the only one in my immediate family. Maybe it's hard now that Grandpa French has passed away this year. He was my number one reason for wanting to graduate. But it's stupid to think that just because he isn't present in person that he isn't here in spirit rooting me on.
I've got to finish. I've reached a point where getting A's is no longer as big a priority as it always has been for me. If I can get away with doing mediocre work and still get B's, that's cool with me. I'm not saying I won't try (though it sure is starting to sound that way I realize...), but I am saying that getting grades less than an A is not the end of the world. I'm pretty sure like .00001% of people in existence actually care about me getting A's. When I am 63, I'm not going to be thinking, "Dash it all, I got a stupid B+ in that one English class." If I am thinking that for some reason, then my life will have to have gotten pretty lame.
So--anyway--I am telling myself right now that I can do it. I can finish.
Oh, and I technically have until January 4th to finish my three I.S. classes (which is not going to happen no matter what) but I think it's a reasonable goal to finish one of them. I have five assignments, an essay, and the final left for English 291. If Tenley was really, really happy and easy tomorrow, I probably could finish.
But as long as I get half of those things done before our Christmas trip (we leave Monday!) and the rest done after we get back on the 2nd of January, I might just get lucky. But we'll see.
Well, wish me luck! If you're feeling generous, please send a quick prayer my way! I just need to finish!!!!!!!
Have you felt discouraged about your major before? How did you cope?
Anyone else studying English (and not completely loving it)?
Do you think I realistically can finish this class before the 4th??
