Pica. Is it real or in my head?

I have a weird little confession for you. It's seriously one of the strangest things that has happened to me so no judging! I'm only sharing because I'm curious to hear about other people's experiences and because it has been weighing heavily on my mind the last few weeks. 

I'll start by sharing that I have never ever smoked. I've never had even an inkling of a desire to smoke. The smell of cigarettes grosses me out and I usually hold my breath when I'm near a smoker. I've never even been asked if I wanted to smoke. It has always just been a no-brainer for me. Consequently, one of the plus sides of living in a place that's 70% Mormon (or more) is that there are very few smokers. It is a pretty rare thing to even see a cigarette on the ground. 

Which is why what I'm about to tell you is so weird for me! If pica is real and not just some kind of psychological thing, I'm pretty sure this pregnancy is causing me to have a bizarre craving for cigarette smoke. 

Basically in the last month, I have thought about cigarettes/smoking (not doing it myself of course though) every single day. Every time I have read the word cigar (which was quite frequently in the book The Pit, which I had to read for class) I found myself trying to imagine or remember what cigarette smoke smells like. It was the same thing with seeing someone smoke on TV. I'd have the desire to smell or taste a cigarette. Every. Single. Time. Whenever I see someone smoking, the thought crosses my mind that I'd like to walk near them and inhale. When I see a cigarette butt on the ground, I have the sickest urge to pick it up and smell it or taste it. I drove behind someone today who was smoking out the window of their truck and I was tempted to put my window down to try and smell it. I mean, it's just so strange for me. But it's a very real urge. 

I just can't explain cause for it other than that this pregnancy has given me some degree of pica. I've read of some pretty crazy cravings people have had while experiencing pica but I haven't heard much about a 100% nonsmoker craving cigarette smoke. I also read that pica is often evidence of an iron deficiency but last time my blood was tested I was at an okay level. Anyway, it's just really weird and I hope it goes away soon or at least by the time little guy is born because it's kind of annoying thinking about smoking every day when it never even used to cross my mind. 

Have you or someone you know ever had some kind of pica during pregnancy or any other bizarre craving? I had an aunt who craved rocks during her pregnancy (I believe it was rocks) but that's about as close a connection as I can think of. 

6 Personal Beauty Goals (and a request for advice!)

I don't wear very much makeup. And truthfully, I don't care all that much about how I look. I care much more about how I feel. Personally, I definitely feel prettier, cleaner, and happier with a little mascara and eyeliner at least. I do like to look my best for Dalin, but he loves to tell me that I don't even need makeup (which every girl probably loves to hear from their boyfriend or spouse, but rarely believes;). As much as I appreciate him saying that, I just feel better with some eye makeup. That said, I am usually okay with ditching the blush and eyeshadow unless we're doing something special or going somewhere where pictures will likely be taken.

If you know me, you probably know or have noticed that I like to have my makeup look natural. I just want it to enhance my appearance, not make me look like a completely different person. Ideally, it would look like I'm not wearing any makeup (it would just look like I have long dark eyelashes and my skin has a permanent healthy glow;). There is of course, the occasional exception to this--once in a blue moon I like to do something fun or crazy with my eye shadow, but in general I definitely stick with neutral skin-toned makeup.

Despite my anti-makeup-sounding attitude, I like makeup and think it's fun to put on (unless I'm having a bad day or I'm in a hurry--then I just feel crappy). I also have personal beauty goals that I'd ultimately like to "achieve" for myself. And now I'm going to share them with you because you just might find that we have similar beauty goals or that you would like to make some of your own.

Mary Kay Satin Lips lip balm, Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara in brown/black, Covergirl espresso eye pencil, Clinique Mocha Pink blush, and neutral-gold tones eye shadow from Forever 21

1. Get my teeth completely sorted out. This means getting my wisdom teeth out asap (only because I foresee future problems from keeping them even though I technically have room for them). I then need to get my bottom front incisor to go back in place (my other teeth have crowded it a bit, making my bottom retainer miserable to wear). Eventually have my root canal tooth whitened (from the inside). Get the rest of my teeth whitened and maintain them (I eat tons of foods that are infamous for staining teeth, including blueberries, pomegranates, tomato sauce, etc.).

2. Get back to the point where I only need to wash my hair every 3-4 days. This pregnancy has been great overall, but my hair has gotten very oily the last few weeks. At first I thought my shampoo was to blame, but I've realized it has to be the pregnancy. I never used to shower every day but now I have gotten into the habit of doing so because my hair looks so gross if I don't shower. I would like to gradually help my hair adjust to longer periods in between without looking crazy oily but I might just have to wait until this baby is born!

3. Find an amazing (and affordable) pore/blackhead cleanser. I think overall, my pores are fine with one exception: my nose. I hate how oily/spotty my nose looks up close (thankfully this is pretty much only noticeable when I stand three centimeters from the mirror or use one of those horrible magnifying mirrors that makes everyone's face look terrible). I haven't tried very many products but I feel like I'm constantly trying to clean out those pores and I hate doing it. If someone has suggestions for me, please by all means offer them!

4. Keep my skin even-toned, hydrated, and glowing. How my skin looks is really important to me. In fact, I told the ladies who came to my bridal shower that the best compliment they could give me on my wedding day was that my skin and hair look good (I was mainly concerned about the photos that would be taken and kept forever). Thankfully, I lucked out in both respects. But more recently I have absolutely found that the more water I drink and the better I eat, the better my skin looks. I think my skin has actually been great lately but I have to give this pregnancy the credit. It was not so pretty with Tenley (at least, from what I remember) but now I finally understand what it means to have a glow! I'm very happy about it and even more happy that I have been able to almost completely eliminate my use of foundation (other than the few spots I like to touch up, mainly when I'm going all out with my makeup).

Ultimately I won't have to use foundation at all (other than emergency touch-ups). Oh, and in case you were wondering, I use Covergirl Clean Liquid Foundation in Creamy Natural 120 (I believe). It matches my skin really well without making it look orangey or smudged on, which as far as I'm concerned, are the biggest mistakes you can make with makeup! If you aren't sure if your makeup does this, I would definitely ask someone close to you to tell you honestly--my mom always let me know if my makeup looked off when I was in high school for which I was grateful.

5. Keep my skin looking young as long as possible. This means drinking water, eating well, ditching soda and other sugary drinks (which I rarely drink now anyway), moisturizing (at least while we live in the west--the dryness out here is not my friend), exercising to keep my arms and legs toned, and keeping that muffin-top at bay (once I'm no longer pregnant that is). Apart from that, I am not too worried about how my body looks. The stretch marks will only get worse while I'm still having babies but ultimately they will fade (they did with Tenley) and there is no point in stressing over them especially since they don't bother Dalin at all.

6. Take better care of my nails and nail beds. This has never been my strongpoint. I rarely paint my nails or get them done because they are short and round (not pretty sadly) to begin with. They're also thin (at least according to the Chinese lady at the salon I went to one time...for the second time in my life:P) and my cuticles are a nightmare. Most of the time I don't care too much about my nails, but especially in the winter, the dryness makes my hands miserable so I really would like to be able to stay on top of that. I think it would help both my nails and my hair if I were better at taking my prenatals regularly, ahhh!

What are your favorite, fairly inexpensive beauty products? I love Olay skin products (which are somewhat expensive though not compared to other brands) but I try pretty much anything if it's affordable! I especially am requesting good pore cleansers that produce a noticeable difference.

I also want to know what your personal health or beauty goals are. Don't you just feel better about yourself when your skin and hair look good? I know I do.

I hope you are having a happy week! Only one week until Christmas Eve! (which, in my mind, is pretty much as exciting as Christmas Day:)

Gift Ideas for One Year Olds

One year olds are fairly easy to please. They are interested in anything and everything so finding worthwhile Christmas gifts should be easy, right?

This is partially true, but sometimes it can be hard to choose the best gifts without spending too much money. I like to know that the gifts we're giving her are going to be played with--especially since we're trying to stick to giving 4-6 gifts (basically the four-gift rule* with a little wiggle room).

One way we have tested out which gifts will be played with is by doing trial runs with the toy at various toy stores or at other kids' houses. If the toy distracts your child for several minutes in the store, you know they will most likely play with it at home. In contrast, if they lose interest quickly and move on to something else, you can tell the toy is probably not going to be worthwhile at this time or that it is not age-appropriate for your child.

1. Mini-Me Appliances or Tools
For toddlers like Tenley--who is very independent and likes to copy what mom and dad are doing--mini versions of things make fun gifts. For instance, Tenley loves when I pull the dust pan out and she is fascinated by the vacuum. A child's vacuum or mini dust pan would therefore be a good gift for her so she can pretend to be helping (or really help one day). We got a mini dust pan for Tenley from the Dollar Store (and they have other mini versions of cleaning tools there, too) and though we haven't bought her a vacuum yet, they have some good ones for $15-$20 on Amazon (like this Dirt Devil). Another alternative would be to buy a corn popper ($10 on Amazon), also shown below (though for me, the sound of that would put me over the edge at some point). Other mini-me ideas include a mini toolkit set, a mini kitchen set, play food with a grocery basket or cart, or a mini dishwashing set (I saw a cute one at TJMaxx!).

2. Wooden or Foam Floor Puzzles. 
Another gift I think Tenley would enjoy playing with (with help) is a giant floor puzzle. I know she would not be able to figure it out on her own but she loves any excuse to play with mommy and daddy and honestly, I think she would just like to mess around with the pieces. Both of these puzzles were about $15 on Amazon.

3. Baby Dolls, Strollers & Accessories
For little girls (and even little boys, too), baby dolls and strollers make excellent gifts. Tenley loves her baby dolls and says "baby!" whenever she sees one at the store. She also loves anything she can push around like a baby stroller which she has had experience playing with at her Great Grammy's house and other places. She likes to pretend feed her baby with a bottle that makes noise and change the baby's diaper. I'm sure she would love to carry around a baby carseat or splash her baby in a mini bath as well.

4. Wooden Blocks or a Wooden Train Set 
Tenley loves playing with anything wooden. I wonder if it's partly because of the sound because she loves knocking blocks over and banging them together. She also loves train sets and it's hard to get her to leave when we are in a waiting or play area that has one. The only thing stopping us from getting one for her is the cost--those sets (especially the nice Thomas the Tank Engine ones) are expensive!

5. Ride-on or Push-along Toys
Two of Tenley's favorite toys are her wooden wagon (for pushing toys in and, if you're Tenley, for riding in) from Nana Searle and her Fisher Price 3-in-1 Bounce, Stride & Ride Elephant from Grandma and Grandpa Gunnell. She loves being pushed around on them but she also has no problem playing with them by herself.

6. Books
Books that pop-up, have touch and feel aspects, light up, or make noise are favorites for little kids with short attention spans. Tenley loves books in general but she is also dangerous with paper books. Sometimes I catch her starting to gnaw on the cover or rip pages, so we mostly stick with board books for now.

7. Bath toys 
Some babies love baths and water and will even cry or attempt to hold onto the support bar when mom makes them get out (Tenley is one of those). She loves playing with her little rubber bath toys and even just with the mini shampoo and conditioner bottles we kept from a hotel. She will sit in the tub while I shower and be completely distracted the entire time and probably wouldn't even get out if I didn't make her. Rubber squirting bath toys or small floating boats would be good gifts for your bath lover.

8. Learning Toys with Buttons and Sounds
Leap Pad and other companies make fun learning pads for toddlers. They love pushing the buttons and even though they won't understand what is being said, eventually they will get excited about knowing what button they are being commanded to find (Tenley has the pad below and it says "Find the color green. Find the owl," stuff like that).

9. Non-toxic Art Supplies
Crayola makes a whole line of mess-free products for toddlers and everything they make (as far as I know) is non-toxic (which made me feel better when Tenley ate a crayon). Toddlers love mimicking their parents so especially if you're into writing or art like I am, it's nice to have something for them to keep busy with while you work on your own projects without having to worry about the mess and everything else.

10. Any Melissa & Doug Products
Melissa & Doug make tons of awesome wooden products. They have play food, flat wooden dolls, blocks, bead mazes, and many other things that are perfect for toddlers. Their products can get expensive but they are such high quality that you know you'll only have to buy something once. If you plan on having multiple kids it's probably worth the investment because they'll last forever!

11. Classics: Balls, Baby Legos, & Stuffed Animals
These things make great small gifts or stocking stuffers. Tenley loves balls that light up, and though she doesn't really get stacking Legos yet, she loves taking them apart. She also loves a select few of her stuffed animals. Her favorites are the softest ones and the little ones like this little Ty Beanie toy (the owl's name is Swoops:) These are good toys to bring to places like Church or the car because they easily fit in purses.

Well, Tenley has been tearing up the house while I've worked on this post all morning so I had better go do some damage control. I hope this list helps you and that you find some great deals on gifts for your special little person in your life. Also, like always, I love suggestions, so if you have anything to add, please comment!

Happy toy shopping!

*The four-gift rule covers want, need, something to wear, and something to read. We love the simplicity of this idea but sometimes you need or want more than one thing which is why we will probably be lenient. 

Nesting and Crafting

Well, there has been some major nesting going on in our apartment the last week. As a result, I'm pretty tired, but then, I can't remember the last time I didn't feel at least a little tired.

In case you hadn't heard (from Facebook), I was instructed to go to the hospital last Monday after having the same symptoms I had a month ago (cramping and contractions, etc. --no blood or anything though) to get checked up on. Thank goodness this time I didn't have to get a shot of morphine in the butt...that is a painful shot I am sorry to tell those of you who ever have to have one. It burns and makes your muscles sort of seize up. Anyway, that didn't happen and I didn't even have to be put on an IV--I tested negative for dehydration and the fetal fibronectin test (which determines likelihood of going into labor in the next few weeks), so they decided I must have a stomach flu and sent me home with Zofran to help with the nausea. Family members took Tenley and Dalin left for work, so I got several hours of sleep home alone and I felt surprisingly good when I woke up. We decided it must have been some 24 hour flu.

Doctor's office selfie

32 weeks

Then on Tuesday, Tenley and I were home all day and I guess the nesting really kicked in or something because I did a LOT of work in Tenley's room. Way more than I usually have the energy to do. I completely sorted her clothing and refolded the things she still fits into (which is quite a lot...she even has some 9 month clothing she fits in easily). Anything too small, I added to the baby girl clothes' containers with her 0-6 and 6-9 month clothing that we are keeping in case we have another girl (only favorites get kept, which is admittedly a lot). I also moved those clothes from bins to vacuum-seal bags since it's unlikely we'll be using them for a while--and especially not before we move.

Then I put away some of Tenley's old baby blankets (keeping her favorites out) and other baby girl items. I pulled the baby boy blankets forward on the shelves, and even pulled out the bassinet attachment for the pack 'n play and set it up most of the way. I also tossed the boyish set of sheets in the laundry bin to be freshly washed. Then, while I was at it, I went through Tenley's socks and headbands, sorting them (the best I could) into sizes to be put away. I finished the room by putting Tenley's toys and stuffed animals into bins (which I realize will only last a few days, but it looked nice for the present moment).

It was a big effort but I feel much better about everything and her room looks great!

Before...

After.

Our son will be at a serious disadvantage moving into his sister's room

Since we do not know exactly when or where we are moving, I have been gradually packing away our things, little by little so when the day arrives, there (hopefully) won't be quite so much to do! I am a little obsessed with the idea of getting out of Utah (even though I really do love my ward and friends around here--I just love the idea of not living at Wymount (and one day having a dishwasher and washer and dryer in our home) a lot, too...). Plus there's a 74% chance we'll be moving closer to the ocean (which I'm also a little obsessed with) and I cannot even wait for that. I am such a beach bum. I didn't even realize how much until I moved away for college.

Anyway, so apart from all the intense organization that is happening around here, I've also been doing a lot of Christmas preparations. I can't go into too much detail right now unfortunately because my moms read my blog and it's mainly their gifts I've been working on, but next week I'll show you if you are interested. If you are my friend on Facebook, you might have seen the painting I did for my dad. I blocked my mom from being able to see it so she'd be surprised, too.

The gift for my mother-in-law was my focus for today. It is looking really cute, I think! I wish I could talk about it more, but it's 100% homemade (I mean, besides materials obviously) and I have had so much fun working on it!

I really need to send out my Christmas gifts to New Hampshire (especially since the post office is crazy around this time--at least based on my experience in previous years) like tomorrow so they will make it in time. That means that tonight (or tomorrow morning) I've got to get a gift for my Nana worked out. I have been planning it mentally for a while and it shouldn't take too long to paint but it's a matter of finding the time between playing with/picking up after Miss Tenley.

Other random things:

Target was a madhouse today. It was literally more busy than it was on Thanksgiving night when Dalin and I got Tenley's new car seat. There were some sales, but nothing out of the ordinary. I guess everyone just realized over the weekend that Christmas is fast approaching!

I went to Costco with Tenley and we seriously just ate tons of samples and took our sweet time (though that part was not optional for me--I'm incredibly slow. I blame being 122 lbs and feeling like a penguin as I waddle around pushing the monstrous Costco carts). Then when we got home, two wonderful guys in my ward helped me carry the groceries in the apartment. I was so grateful for them. I seriously have strained myself way too much lately and I know it's not good. Lifting Tenley is seriously workout enough for a small person like me (well, height-wise I'm small anyway). I am a little concerned by my tendency to overdo things. It's hard though when you're used to being capable of certain things to relinquish those jobs and let other people help you! I like to do things myself but I know I need to be careful because lifting too much can lead to placental abruption (detachment) which is seriously scary and I've already had enough cramping and little scares this pregnancy.

Tenley opened her Christmas gifts which I had wrapped and in a bag ready to go for when we leave for Idaho next week. I had them somewhat out of her reach (on the upper part of the couch) but she still got them while I was working on a Christmas gift in another room. I was kind of mad (and bummed because she saw them even though she's one and probably has already forgotten) but she had a big fat smile on her face so I didn't stay mad long. I did move the presents to a better hiding place though. (I plan on just re-wrapping them in Idaho in case it happens again).

As far as the toddler bed goes (since a few people have asked), it's great! Tenley is very used to her bed thankfully and she stays in it most of the night. Some nights she still gets up around 3 or 5 in the morning and comes to the gate we put up to separate her from our room saying, "Mama" but I just tell her I love her and to go back to bed and lay down and she does, whining all the way (I can always hear her flop back down on her bed). She's pretty good though. When she gets up around 6am, I let her come in our bed for the next 2-3 hours and she gets a bottle of milk (if I don't give her milk, she just says, "Mom! Mo'? Mo'?" ("more") a million times).

Little chubby girl on her bed (she only looks chubby when she's sitting down though;)

On the other hand, I am sleeping like crap the last week and a half. My body is just so dang heavy and my back kills me at night as I suffocate under the weight of my belly. So sleeping sucks, even with my zillions of pillows surrounding me, but I suspect that Dalin may or may not have gotten me a full body pillow for Christmas which is literally the only thing I can think of that I want (besides to go to San Diego or somewhere warm;). I didn't ask for anything for Christmas because I don't really want anything (or need it) other than to do things as a family. And plus I would rather save money (yeah, I'm boring, but we're having a baby and those guys cost a lot!).

My little snuggler.

My Florida cousins Brandon and Nathan (and their parents!) are here in Utah! We visited them at their place in Park City yesterday and had a wonderful time catching up with them. We ate haystacks (SO good) for dinner, played Boggle, and did lots of talking. I was just so happy to be around family! I've missed them so much! We're hoping to see more of them (in between all their skiing!) this week before I sneak back with them to they return to Florida.

Blurry, but I had to show how cute Tenley was reading with Mary. She loves her new pop-up book!

Well this is a ridiculously long post, but hopefully it makes up for my lack of writing recently. Also, someone suggested that I write a post about gift ideas for one-year olds so hopefully I can do that in the next few days and someone else suggested I write more posts on pregnancy so that'll probably happen, too.

Lots of love to all of you!

P.S. I'm 32 1/2 weeks! 7 weeks left! What?!?

I'm So Pregnant.

Have you seen that funny Youtube video: "I'm So Pregnant"? It's pretty silly and some people think the mom tries too hard to be funny, but I definitely think it is more funny when you're actually pregnant and those things are happening to you (like nearly peeing yourself...even just a little bit--having a baby has basically rendered my muscle control in certain places completely useless). 

Anyway, I saw it one time when I was pregnant with Tenley and that song is stuck in my head lately mostly because every time I look in the mirror I think: "Dang. I'm so pregnant." And yet I still have (potentially) about 8-9 weeks to go! It's difficult to remember if I was this big at this point with Tenley. I'll have to compare my end weight once I get there. With Tenley, I was 136 lbs at my heaviest. I'm about 15 lbs behind right now, but there's definitely time for that to change! 

I can't believe we meet this little guy in less than two months! Ahh! I don't know how to be a mom to a boy! (I'm sure I'll figure it out quick though and thankfully having two brothers and mostly male cousins and friends growing up should have provided me with a little insight--at least, you'd think).

Mostly though, I can't wait to see his features and learn his personality and how he differs from Tenley. I also can't wait until Dalin and Tenley can finally get to know him. I feel like he's going to be a little more tender than his sister (he kicks quite often but he isn't (at least, not yet) the thrashing kicker that his sister was). But then, Tenley was the most mellow newborn ever and now she's an independent and strong-willed little stinker (whom we love more than I could possibly say) so who knows?

Speaking of Tenley, I always find it hilarious when church leaders or family members tell us what an angel she is. One Sunday, we were informed that she was the easiest one in nursery and the only child who stayed seated when she was supposed to (you can't imagine my surprise when I heard this--she's usually super active--I thought they might have been thinking of the wrong kid but someone else paid us the same compliment). Whenever we have a family member babysit her, they tell us how perfect she was and that she didn't cry even once (this is always a relief to hear but I can honestly tell you that is not the case when it's just her and I at home!). I mean, she totally is a wonderful and incredibly fun little girl--but she definitely has a strong personality and she's not afraid to show it around mom and dad. 

Of course tonight, at the ward Christmas party, she was having a very difficult time (mainly, I think, because we skipped nap time today...which I always regret doing, yet it still happens) and so she was super wiggly and cranky--even more so than usual. I think it was also hard because she saw other kids running around the Wilk ballroom where the party was held, and I wouldn't let her do the same because I was trying to get her to eat (which she has not been good about lately...she's a grazer). Still, while we were there, I had about four or five people make the comment that Tenley is such an angel in nursery and that she is so cute and sweet. I love to hear that, but since I personally was having a difficult time with her at the present moment, all I could do was kind of laugh and say, "Yes, she's very well-behaved for everyone else..." Then I would add that she still is pretty easy for me as far as kids go, she just has her moments (don't we all...). Thankfully, they all knew what I meant. I really am lucky to have such an overall happy and loving little girl (she absolutely loves hugging and kissing babies and children--she does it so frequently that other little children will push her away because they grow tired of her trying to kiss them, haha). 

Anyway, I just can't help but wonder how her brother will be in comparison. I really just hope that he is healthy and that he becomes best friends with Tenley. And that she doesn't torture him, because I could see him getting whacked on the head pretty frequently. If we survive the first three months, I'm sure they'll be the best of friends. I just hope that my recovery is as quick and smooth as it was with Tenley! And that breastfeeding isn't challenging (because I've been told that it can vary from kid to kid). Regardless though, I know it will work out somehow and be great, even if I have to become a hermit for the first half of spring. 

How different (or similar) were your first two kids? Did you make any major changes with child #2? (For example, I'm pretty sure we'll still half co-sleep with this little guy for the sake of convenience when nursing him but now that Tenley is completely out of our bed, I'm a little more than slightly tempted to keep all the babies out of our room (I really miss having space to spread out at night...). But we'll have to see how he is, I think). 

(By the way, I'm 31 weeks pregnant and feeling good...I just get tired quite easily--having an active toddler is no joke when you're like 8 months pregnant--and my back hates letting me sleep comfortably, and my bladder loves making me pee way too frequently, but other than that, I am great. I can't wait for Christmas and I'm simply very happy with where I'm at. 

Hoping you're all feeling a little lighter on your feet than I am at the moment! 

(Oh--and here is that video I mentioned at the top for you to check out if you feel so inclined. Remember it's dumb, but if you're pregnant you might appreciate it a little bit:P )