Declan and Me

Taken from our Sunday walk today. Tenley is 19 months, Declan is 7 weeks. My two little loves. 

Declan's life up to this point has been so tremendously different than Tenley's was by this age, it's crazy. But it's been the best time of my life having two incredibly cute children to hug and teach me to love more purely.

Tenley is so much fun at 19 months. It's seriously awesome how much fun I get to have with her. She is curious and excited about everything. She has the best personality--it's so happy and infectious. She really makes the greatest little companion and best friend right now. We share so many giggles during the day and she is always happy to snuggle with me or hold my hand. She is more helpful than I ever imagined a one year old could be--she always tells me when Declan spits up and runs to get a burp cloth without any prompting. She is quick to recover his dropped pacifier and replace it in his mouth. She knows the difference between her diapers and Declan's and will (almost) always fetch a diaper and wipe for me when I need them. She is amazingly helpful and now I absolutely understand why Heavenly Father gave me a daughter first--specifically my little Tenley. I am cherishing these tender moments with her so intensely because I know that they will soon become scarce. 

Then there's my angelic little Declan. He is somehow seven weeks old even though I swear I had him a few days ago. Declan is (like Tenley was) as easy as they come. I'm not sure if I'm getting set up for some stinker teenagers but for now, I'm going to stay optimistic because my kids are wonderful. Declan is right now like a little extension of my body. Either I'm wearing him against my chest, balancing him on my shoulder, cradling him in one arm, nursing him, or sleeping next to him--he's either with me or napping on the couch (or rocking with dad, but he's not home as often as we'd all like). I am usually chasing Tenley around so Declan is hearing me praise and scold his sister all day long, but I feel as though he has a patient personality. He's more patient than me anyway. My favorite moments with him consist of snuggling up next to each other during the night and in the morning as he nurses back to sleep, also cuddling him against me in the shower (he loves showers and I infinitely prefer showering with my babies when they're this little to bathing them), and our dozens of moments during the day where he's nursing in my arms and soon falls asleep against me. Then I cuddle him against my chest and rest with him there as long as he (or Tenley...) will permit. I already can see with great clarity how fleeting this time with my little ones is--Ten is growing up in a second and I simultaneously love and hate it. I can't even imagine Declan being Tenley's age. And right now I just want him to be my little fresh-smelling newborn, with the tiniest of cowlicks, forever. I want him to continue grasping my fingers as tight as he can and clinging to my shirt and chest as I nurse him. There is nothing like those tiny fingers stroking your skin and those big blue eyes gazing into yours in wonder as your baby nurses to teach you about how to love. I love that bond. It means more to me than I can put into words. It also makes all the leaks and inconveniences worth it;-) I am very grateful to be able to have that experience. 

Anyhow, enough gushing--I love those babies of mine and am sorry I overload on photos on the lilgunnellfam Instagram. It's hard when your kids are your world (and your full-time job) to have interest in much else. At this point, I don't really want to be distracted by anything else. I'm trying to teach myself to relax a little more. To play with my babies more. To not waste time getting upset with them for little accidents. I want my children to love their childhood and look back and be grateful for the kind of mother I am. And that requires a conscious effort on my part to let loose and just play! 

Well, it's late and I have to feed Declan soon so he can last through the night for me. Maybe I'll sneak in a shower (showering by myself has officially become a luxury) before bed...we'll see how much energy I have...

Goodnight!