Tuesday, January 7

My Thoughts on Feminism and Why I Don't Support What It Has Become

The essay “Feminist Influences on Mothers in the Home” states that the feminist movement over the last several decades has encouraged women to obtain education and find a career to be successful.  This has caused many women to focus on their work and leave the raising of their children to daycare and others, which has had a detrimental effect upon the traditional family. Feminism is not intentionally out to weaken the family unit. There has been a lot of good accomplished because of the feministic movement. The writer explains how there has been three different periods of helping women to become more respected. The first era was when a group of ladies stood up to have basic equal rights in marriage and not be considered their husband’s property. The second movement happened when women like Susan B. Anthony took a stand that females should have the right to vote being given political equality. These first two feministic movements have been very helpful for women to be more respected in America. However, the modern day feminism has become a bit extreme. Yes, it is good for women to gain an education and develop their talents. But have women gone too far?

I would have to say YES. When I say I don't like feminists, I'm not talking about those who belong in the first two categories. I agree with those women. If that is your personal definition of feminism then by golly, I'm a feminist. But when I refer to feminism and how I can't stand it, I'm talking about the man-haters and the women who intentionally are going over the top in their efforts to become just like men. We aren't men. We are women. If, like me, you believe in Adam and Eve, you believe we came from men. One man--Adam. With his rib, God formed woman. And if, like me, you believe this, then you also believe that women were created as a helpmeet for man. Ugh, don't even bother giving me backlash over use of this term. Look it up. It means "a helpful companion or partner" or "one's husband or wife." Men are created to be husbands. Women were created to be wives. Why so many women seem to take this to mean "servant" or "slave" I have no idea. If you do, I believe that is ignorance on your part. A
nd if you take offense to that, that is your own problem. 

With the views today of feminism more and more women are thinking it is more important to have a career and less important to have children at all. For those who do have children, more mothers are leaving their children in daycare while they are out "fulfilling" themselves through their careers. In many cases, this is tremendous selfishness on the part of women who have a spouse that is able to financially support their family. And it is taking a toll on their children who learn values best when taught by their mothers. If your children aren't learning morals and values from you, then who are they learning them from? Do not misunderstand me--working and providing for a family is good. Earning a living for one's family is better. But staying with one's children, if realistically possible for your family situation, will always be the best choice. It is necessary that some women sacrifice to work in the world. I am so grateful to some of my female teachers growing up. They played an important role in my life. But like every decision, there is always a good, better, and best choice. Maybe the good, better, or best choice for them was to wait until their children were in school to pursue a career during the day. Another thing I need to add also is that everyone has a different "good, better, or best." We are not all at the same places in our lives and it is important that we recognize that one person's good might be another's best. While I can confidently assert that feminism has helped women over the years, I now feel that it is going too far by causing women forget their divine role as a Mother.  

My question is: when will it end? Will it end with shared restrooms? Will it end when women can stand at a urinal and pee like men because it's only "fair"? Will it end when women can waltz around any public place in as little clothing as they want for the sake of "freedom" (wait, they already do that...)? Will it end when children are left to be raised by men alone? Or will there even be any children? Will women think it beneath them to raise families? Or will they just wait until having a child is "convenient" for them after they've had a successful career and are in their late thirties or forties? Which, by the way, will increase the risks of downs syndrome, diabetes, genetic defects, high blood pressure, premature babies, miscarriage, increased stillbirth, labor complications, etc. (See here if you think I'm exaggerating). Will it end when women are competing in sporting competitions alongside men and for the most part losing because, like it or not, women are given different strengths and abilities than men? Or will men be given disadvantages or obstacles to increase the "fairness" of a competition? 

Will it ever end? No. It won't. Because we live in a wicked world that Satan--who is very real by the way--runs. He wants women to ignore their divine roles. He wants women to forfeit their right to motherhood (yes it is a right). He wants our children to be raised without a constant parent in the home. He wants us to dress immodestly and objectify ourselves, further decreasing the respect men have for us in the workplace and in general. He wants the family unit to fall apart. He wants us to be miserable like he is. He wants us to feel as though we are worthless, unappreciated, and smaller than men. He wants us to fail.

But ignore all this and keep doing what you're doing, feminists. Because it really seems to be making the world a better place. 


  1. Feminism is about having the choice to work, or the choice to stay home. It's about choice. Not forcing women to live any way but the one that fits them best. It's too bad you feel the need to put your own gender in their "place", I think we should all be free to be who we are. That's feminism. The image you depict was created by fearful men. Not strong confident women.

    1. Thanks for your comment. As you can tell, I'm very passionate about my feelings on this matter. I've read and written too many feminist arguments to count through high school and college and still I am not impressed by the ideals the extremists support. I agree with you that having personal agency is important but I do not think that that excuses the selfishness that so many women exhibit in their efforts to achieve "fairness." I do not feel unequal to men. I am proud in my role as a wife and mother. I honestly can't think of any job more important in this world.
      I also think women are different than men for an important reason and it goes against nature for women to be exactly the same as men. I guess if what I wrote agrees with the sentiments of fearful men then I am on their side. It is very sad to have to say this, but I am quite embarrassed by the image that the "modern" woman portrays in the world, and in the media particularly. I don't want my daughter to believe she is inadequate or unequal to men because that isn't the case. But I do want her to feel that her own unique role is of equal sacred importance.
      I appreciate your thoughts!

  2. First of all, I appreciate the honesty in this post. However, I would like to present a different stance on the topic, and perhaps something that you would like to look into. I’m often frustrated by the over-sexualization (if that is even a word) of women in the media. I’m sure you know what I mean—the overly photo-shopped, perfect images of women, clad in lingerie and short outfits. Popular music also portrays women to be mere sex objects, which is wrong. In turn, women emulate what they see—and hear—in order to appear sexy and appealing to men. Here is where my stance is different from yours. Instead of blaming women for wanting to fit the standard, which they are bombarded with on a daily basis—we need to empower women and show them different role models. However, please remember that the media is controlling these images. MEN are often the ones who perpetuate these images to women. MEN know that sex sells (to other men) and want these images to prevail. I think that the education needs to begin with men (the younger generation in particular). Something I cannot agree with you on is your statement that women who wait to have children or to have a career are selfish. Not all women are created the same. You clearly (and I mean this with the most respect possible, because I do respect it) love being a mother and want to be a mother. Many women want to be a mother and want to pursue careers equally. The two are not mutually exclusive. Yes, we must empower women to realize their self-worth is beyond being a sexual object. However, we cannot do that by placing women into a cookie-cutter category. CHOICE—and respecting each other’s CHOICE, not degrading it—is the only way to keep women moving forward. “Forward” can be any interpretation of the word—from staying home with your baby, to having a career and a baby, to having no babies at all. But please, I beg you, look at the media and the images young girls are corrupted with before you make judgments on them personally. Thank you for sharing.

    1. I so appreciated you sharing your opinion with me! And I completely agree about the over-sexualization of women in the media--it's awful and upsetting. You also echoed something I've said before about teaching our sons young to respect women and to consider them equals. I can't emphasize enough how much I agree that it starts with teaching sons--and daughters--in the home.
      I have to clarify something I didn't say in my post--it's about that part you disagree with me on. I don't think that every woman who has a career is selfish. Like you said, the two choices aren't mutually exclusive and I also would like to have a career in addition to my family someday (though preferably one that allows me to still be a big part of my family's life). But maybe the reason I sounded so...anti-career/selfish female decisions was because, in my mind, I was somewhat responding to this post, which absolutely repulsed me: http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/
      I disagree with every thing this girl said and it angered me that she was promoting selfishness and singularity over marriage and family because she "hasn't found herself." I felt her view was incredibly immature and that I need to promote marriage and family to counter her degradation of them. Sure, marriage and families aren't for everyone on earth, but for those who want it, it should take priority. I just don't see people regretting choosing a family over spending more time at work. But as you stated, people have been given agency for a good reason and I do need to respect the choices of others. Thank you for commenting!

  3. Hi Olivia,

    First of all, I just want to say that I really enjoy your blog. I think it’s awesome that you’re not afraid to write about controversial topics. I wanted to share my opinion on this topic as well.

    As studies show, there are plenty of family situations which have been found to negatively impact childhood development: poverty, sexual abuse, domestic violence, parents going through a divorce, being raised by a single parent, lack of parental attention, etc. However, I have never seen a study which shows that having a stay-at-home father is detrimental to children. In fact, there’s actually research showing that there might be some advantages to the mother working and the father staying at home with his children.

    When I was young, my mother stayed at home with me and while father worked. After my sister was born (we’re 8 years apart), my mother returned to work. My sister spent some time in daycares while my father worked part-time, and then eventually he left his job and stayed at home with her.

    My sister and I both did well in school. We both developed normal social skills and made friends. We both learned musical instruments and played sports. Today, we are both healthy, happy, and satisfied with our upbringings. She didn’t turn out more “masculine” than me because she had a stay-at-home dad, and I didn’t have any noticeable advantage over her because I had a stay-at-home mom.

    Do you have any research to back up your claim that working mothers are “taking a toll on their children”? I definitely agree that putting young children in daycare for long hours each week isn’t healthy. But plenty of mothers have husbands or relatives who are willing to help. Furthermore, a working mother can still spend plenty of quality time with her children, like my mother did.

    Not all women want to be stay-at-home moms. Some women enjoy working full time, and not because they’re trying to be more like men or because they’re selfish. If a woman genuinely does not want to be a housewife, nothing good will come of forcing her into this role. Chances are she’ll just become resentful and unhappy, leading to conflict with her husband and possibly even depression or substance abuse. I therefore believe that for some women, pursing a career actually allows them to be a better wife and mother.

    Anyways, to conclude all of this (sorry, this was way longer than I intended!), I think there’s nothing wrong with a mother working full time... as long as her children are still being raised in a healthy and loving home. It doesn’t matter if a child has a stay-at-home mom if they are subjected to abuse or their parents get divorced. If you’re concerned about the upbringing of children in our society, I think there are way more important issues than parental gender roles.

    1. Thank you for your comments, Sarah! I sincerely enjoyed reading your thoughts. And I have to agree with you that having a stay-at-home dad is fine in many cases. There are many fathers who are naturally tender and more nurturing. But in general, women are (or used to be) the ones who were naturally nurturing and already had most of the necessary skills needed to raise children. I also agree that women shouldn't be forced into a role they do not want. When I wrote this, I was mainly thinking about how motherhood is looked upon in modern society and how it is not supported the way it ought to be. In fact, as you must see, it is generally discouraged as women are encouraged instead to pursue their own interests and to BE selfish (intentionally) even at the cost of having a family. What I meant by saying that more women choosing careers than raising their families has a detrimental effect of the family is that fewer children are being taught the morals and values that parents have always traditionally taught their children. I know lots of single moms who have no choice but to work and they leave their children with family members who still are instilling values in the children that are crucial to a society built on morals. I know using family is not always an option, but solely using daycare is not something I agree with because, thanks to the "modernizing" of society, it is now considered "wrong" to encourage morals and religious values in public places. Talking about God or prayer can get teachers in trouble and I find that very disturbing. I do not want my children discouraged from religion and the values that are taught in church. I think it is BAD that women (and men) are so open-minded nowadays. I think that Satan uses that word as a tool to justify so many wrongs. I do not have to respect every belief under the sun. I am so saddened by the way the world/media pushes women away from the truest happiness on this earth. To me, I cannot imagine anything making me happier than my relationship with God, my husband, and my daughter. These are most important even though they require sacrifice. These will bring lasting happiness that will transcend our lives on earth. Pursuing one's pleasures for the temporary happiness they bring will not.
      I am not sure how everything I wrote fits together but I hope you better understand what I meant. Thank you for your comment! It was great!

    2. Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my comment. It’s really nice that you’re open to having friendly discussions... there’s way too many bloggers out there who just get mad when someone disagrees with their opinion.

      In your reply, you mention that you find it disturbing that teachers would get in trouble for talking about religion. So you believe that public schools and daycares should be allowed, or even encouraged, to teach children about prayer and religion? Let me ask you this: If your daughter’s teacher was a Muslim who made students study the Qur'an and recite Islamic prayers, would you be ok with that? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m guessing your answer would be no. The reality is that not all teachers are Christian. They could be Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Scientologist, atheist, etc. And not all children come from Christian families. Just like you wouldn’t want someone teaching your daughter to worship the prophet Muhammad, Jewish parents may not want their children to recite prayers to Jesus everyday in class. I’m a firm believer in religious freedom, and I think it’s important that religious beliefs are not taught in public schools or daycares. This doesn’t mean religion should be discouraged. If a child wants to pray before they eat lunch, that’s fine. I just don’t think it would be right for the teacher make the entire class pray. And if this is a problem for parents, there are plenty of Christian daycares and schools out there.
      I’d be curious to know your thoughts on this. Do you support religious freedom, or do you think it would be best for all schools and daycares to teach children about Christianity?

    3. Hi again, Sarah!
      To answer your questions, yes I do believe in religious freedom and I know that not all people are Christians. Like you said, I just feel that religion should not be discouraged for fear of "offending someone." Like, it bothers me that people are trying to take "one nation under God" out of the pledge and that children are getting in trouble for practicing their religion even in noninvasive ways such as praying or reading scriptures. One example that comes to mind is when a student got in trouble with his professor for not stomping on a picture of Jesus for a lesson in class. Not everyone may believe in Christ (as this professor obviously didn't), but this country was founded on religious freedom by men who believed in God and it is so sad that it is being shoved away for the sake of "tolerance" and "equality." While I am not Muslim or Jewish, for example, I can at least appreciate and admire the dedication and conviction that members of those religions have for God. I hope that explains a little better how I feel. It's 3:20am here and I don't know if I'm coherent or not. Feel free to respond if I need to clarify something!

    4. What if you don't have family around and you have no choice to put your child in daycare? Sometimes I feel like you are too close minded. You do not have to agree with the world but you can't always put people in two different boxes. Some mothers have to work and have no choice about it. Some of those mothers then have to put their kid in daycare. Does that make them less of a mother then you? I do not think it fair for you to say that "using solely a daycare...thanks to the "modernizing" of society, it is now considered "wrong" to encourage morals and religious values in public places." I do not consider myself someone who is easily offended but this post really upset me. I like that you take stand on what you believe but I do not like that you judge your fellow brothers and sisters so much. There are right ways to do things, yes, but chastising people who are in situations you can only dream never happen to you is not right either.

    5. Hello, I am not sure if you misunderstood me, but to clarify I was saying that because society believes they are becoming "modern" by cutting God out from any place where someone might take offense (heaven forbid people get offended over that), they are decreasing the values and morals taught in public schools, daycares, colleges, etc. and I do not agree with that at all. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule and not every school is practicing this. If you choose a daycare that specifically teaches religious values that is something altogether different. And obviously there are going to be people who do not even care if their children are being taught or exposed to values which is their choice as well. I have a good friend who is a single parent by no choice of her own and she agrees with me. She wishes she didn't have to put her kids in daycare because she would rather be home with them, but that isn't a reality for her. I never implied in any way that someone who chooses to use daycare is less of a mother than me. I am simply sharing my opinion of what I think is best for a child. Sadly that can't be a reality for everyone. I think you are reading this in a way that you are choosing to be offended by my opinion. I'm not "condemning" all daycares, but I am saying that children need to be taught values to become valuable members of society and if they're not getting that from their parents who are working or from their daycare then where are they getting it? That's partly why society is so screwed up because so few people understand why it's important to raise your own children.

    6. But I don't want my children to ever learn/embody your values of serving God and blah blah blah. I want them to learn empathy, and kindness, and tolerance, and patience, and respect, but not in a Christian way. Public schools, daycares, and colleges aren't as bad as you think.

    7. If you truly understood what it means to serve God, you would know that that means first and foremost loving Him and our fellow man. It would seem that you harbor some misconceptions about Christianity, and perhaps know little to nothing of Mormonism. The principles of empathy, kindness, patience, and respect for others are first and foremost in our Latter-day Saint home. You may be anti-Christian, but you cannot assume (as you believe that I have assumed about "others") that all Christians are the same. Practice what you preach, is what I say.

  4. Dear Olivia,
    I just wanted to say I agree with you wholeheartedly. There are way too many signs of women taking what they do in the name of "feminism" too far, but what really stuck with me was what you said about the children. I am a former daycare professional, and it is physically impossible to teach them home values when there are so many to take care of. You try to instill a sense of honesty and charity among them, but there are so many written standards and parental conflicts to truly be able to give them true values. Yes, reading, writing, math, etc. are all important but so are self-worth, religion, and respect which I cannot teach because I am not that child's parent. It is a serious lack that spans several generations. What needs to happen, because boy do I understand not being able to stay home with my (future) child due to financial strain, is for parents to find a balance between their professional and personal lives.
    I loved my job, and I loved those kids, but there are some things that (especially to stay state accredited) cannot be done by daycares and must be done by parents.


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